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“Hey, leave that, you’ll scrub through the marble at this rate,” Lisa said softly as she walked back into the kitchen.
Carla had scrubbed every surface twice over since Becky had left after dinner. They’d managed through the meal with small talk and a few awkward moments as Becky had dropped one story after another from Betsy’s childhood or her and Lisa’s domestic life, all moments Carla wasn’t part of and couldn’t join in on. Moments that were between the three Swains sat at the table, moments used by Becky to freeze Carla out in her own home and isolate her from the woman who proposed to her mere weeks ago.
Betsy had seen her other mum out and disappeared upstairs, Lisa had gone for a shower and to change out of her work clothes. But Carla had remained in the kitchen, clearing up after them all and then cleaning the whole kitchen in a bid to disinfect any trace of her fiance’s wife from their home.
“Yeah I’m just finished. Red sauce, it makes a mess.”
Lisa smiled, reaching out to Carla and wrapping both arms around her. But instead of melting into her embrace, Carla stiffened and broke away.
“I’m going to go run a bath.”
“Oh, I’ve just had a shower, I’d have waited if I’d known. We could have had a bath together.” Lisa’s tone was sweet and suggestive, but it didn’t make Carla smile for once.
“Yeah sorry. I’m just going to go and relax for a bit.”
“Well I could come and wash your hair, scrub your back?” Lisa could sense the less than warm vibe coming from her partner and she desperately didn’t want to give Carla a gap to shut her out. It wasn’t easy for any of them lately, but they were all just doing their best.
“Lisa I just want to go and be on my own for a bit, ok.” Carla all but snapped.
“Stop it,” Lisa’s tone firm but pleading.
“Stop what? I just sat here listening to your wife tell story after story of things you’ve done together whilst you all reminisced as a family and I just hung on the end like a spare part. And it's fine, I know this is all for Betsy but tonight you seemed quite happy to go for a walk down memory lane.”
“I wasn’t, that’s not what this was. This is hard for me, it’s hard for Betsy,” Lisa shouted.
“And me? It’s a walk in the park for me is it?”
“I -” Lisa started.
“No, you haven’t asked me how I feel about any of this. You haven’t asked if I’m ok and I know this isn’t about me, I know this is about you and Betsy and Becky and your family. And that’s what tonight was, your family. It’s fine, I just need some time on my own.” Carla sighed, turning to leave and head up to the en suite.
“Carla please, come here.” Lisa reached for Carla’s arm, hoping to pull her into an embrace, hoping to talk this out properly, hoping they could remain on the same team.
“No, Lisa please don’t.”
“You haven’t let me touch you in days Carla, this isn’t like us.”
“No, because I can’t Lisa. I want to so much, but I can’t. Because I’m scared that if we do it's not me you’ll be thinking about, it’s not me you’ll see, and I don’t know what I’d do if that happened.” Carla was almost crying now, the ache in her chest violently working its way through her bones.
“Darling, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I haven’t heard you. But I promise you, I meant what I said when I told you you have nothing to worry about. I don’t want Becky, I don’t think about Becky. I want you. I love you, Carla.” Lisa softened, stepping toward where Carla was stood near the bottom of the stairs.
“I want to believe you, I do, but every time I turn around she’s there, Lisa. And you loved her so deeply, she’s your wife. No one knows how to do this, this isn’t a normal situation. I do get that. I’m just scared I’m going to lose you.” A tear escaped Carla and Lisa’s arms finally found hers.
Pulling her fiance closer, Lisa exhaled as she felt Carla bury her face into her neck. Guilt washed over her as she realised Carla was right, she hadn’t seriously asked Carla how she felt in all this whilst the brunette had remained an anchor point for both Lisa and Betsy, putting their emotions and needs first yet again.
“I’m so sorry darling. I promise I’ll do better. I’m all yours, my heart is all yours. And whatever comes next, however this plays out, we do it together. You and me. I love you.”