Chapter Text
Kagome slowly drifted towards awareness, details beginning to register one at a time. The air around her was still and quiet, the hush of being indoors somewhere. But... ‘Aren't we on the road?’ Then there was the odd, and oddly comforting warmth along one arm only, and lastly, there was pain. A lot of it, in a lot of places. The whimper that passed her lips resulted in the sudden loss of the odd warmth, and the sudden presence of very agitated youki flaring around her.
“Kagome?” The whisper was so...uncertain that she doubted the voice that spoke it.
“Sess-?” Her question cut off with a wince as even the dim light of the room was too much for her newly wakened eyes. She felt him move and then there was a rustle of cloth and the already dim room became even darker. She blinked her eyes, thick with the crust of sleep, and started to tilt her head to look for him. But he was already by her side again, leaning over her so that his face filled her vision.
“You're awake.” His voice was low, and gentle, filled with a softness that confused her. Even at his most considerate he never spoke this way.
“Se-” Her own voice was raspy and scratched at her throat. She coughed whimpered again as pain shot through her head.
“Be still, if you can. It will be easier for you.” Still that confusing softness in his voice, and then he was holding a cup to her lips. A cup with...a straw? He must have noticed the question in her eyes as he told her, “The Slayer said that this would be easier for you when you woke. Drink slowly, there is plenty.”
He held the cup steady as she drank her fill, refilling it when she drained the first. With a sigh she relaxed back into the pillows that has been piled around her while she slept.
“Thank you,” she whispered. Her voice was still raspy, but it didn't hurt to speak now. “What... happened?”
“What can you remember?”
“I remember...we were sparring, and you had...” Her cheeks flushed with a rosy hue he wished he didn't feel too guilty to enjoy. “You had cornered me, and then... Kagura? Was Kagura there?”
“Yes, do you remember anything more?”
“I...remember... I remember you putting yourself between us, to shield me... and.... and then I woke up here."
Sesshoumaru’s expression had been one of almost pained anticipation while she spoke, as though he was bracing for her to deliver some terrible news. He had hoped she would remember, in part as evidence that her mind was undamaged, but also, selfishly he admitted, in the hope that he would not be forced to confess to his failing himself.
And now she was staring up at him, so fragile, but so damnably trusting, as she waited for him to explain, to fill in the gaps her wounded memory had suffered. A miko shouldn't look at a youkai like that. She shouldn't look at him like that.
“You were struck, by Kagura. She... anticipated that I would take the force of her direct attack to shield you, and used it as cover for a strike... from the flank I left exposed...”
“Sesshoumaru,” even through the rasp of her dry throat the gentle concern was evident. “You sound like you're about to blame yourself for Kagura hurting me.” Her gentleness burned like cold water on a frozen hand.
“What else can I do. You were in my care, and I did not prevent this harm. You have slept for days, and we had no way of knowing if you would awaken. Your other injuries will take weeks more to heal, and your companions have been wracked with worry and dread. Because I failed.”
“Could you have blocked two attacks at once, on two different fronts?”
“I could, if I had turned to you, kept my focus on you, as it should have been. Had I done as I ought, then I could have held you in my arms and shielded you completely. It was my failure, my pride, that has led to your pain.”
“What... what do you mean, if you had done as you ought?” Her eyes were wide, but wary. Delicate hope warring with fear of the same. “What should you have done?”
“Told you the truth. The truth that I allowed my pride to suppress.” He reached for her, cradling her cheek delicately. “The truth, that you have become far more important to me than I ever thought anyone could be.”
“Sessh...”
“I told myself first that now was not the time. That to admit to my feelings would be tactically foolish. It would give the enemy leverage against me. That it was better to wait until Naraku was ended to admit to what I felt. I made excuse after excuse. Told myself it was to keep you safe until I could teach you to better protect yourself. And still, I almost lost you, before I ever had the honor of calling you mine. Because I was too proud, and cowardly to tell you.” He paused for a breath, then bowed low over her bed, “I am sorry, Kagome.”
That wary light was still in her eyes as she watched him bow. Sesshoumaru was dramatic and pompous, but proud, and never false. Seeing such a man humble himself before her was...she couldn't think well enough to find the words for it just then, but it left her almost breathless.
“Will you tell me now?”
His head jerked up, taking his own moment to be warily hopeful as he searched her face. She held his gaze softly, open and waiting. Still with that same bright sweetness that first began to erode the prejudices he had built his life on. She was so much more than he deserved, but he was swiftly discovering that he was a greedy soul. If she was willing to give, he would take.
His took her hands carefully, gentle in a way he had never been. His thumbs stroked soft arcs across her skin as he considered his words. Choosing, in the end, to simply state the truth.
“I... yearn to call you mine.”
Her quiet gasp made his heart lift, as did the way her scent began to sweeten.
“Does that mean...”
“Courtship, Kagome. I would ask for the chance to prove that I can love you as you deserve to be loved.”
Any doubts he still had as to her answer were swiftly quelled when she smiled. It bloomed across her face, like a flower meeting sunlight after too long in the bud.
“Kagome,” he said, “you are the brightest light I have ever seen. Brave, loyal, loving, and kind. You have the soul of a mother and a warrior combined, and the most open heart I have ever known. You make me wish to open myself as well. Please, precious miko, allow me the honor and joy of courting you, so that I may hope to one day claim you as mine forever.”
Kagome listened to his words, her heart beating faster as he spoke her praises. She knew he saw her as a valuable ally, his willingness to train her attested to that. But she hadn't expected more, would never have considered that there could be more. Not from Sesshoumaru of all beings. He hated humans and hanyou, and.....oh...
She felt the shift in his aura match her own, uncertainty reacting to resignation. She sighed and lifted her eyes back to his. “I'm human, Sesshoumaru.” He tilted his head, confused. If the discussion hadn't taken such a serious turn she would have found it adorable. “And I want to have children of my own,” she finished in a small voice.
“Do you believe I would refuse you that joy?” Still confused and, if she didn't know better, hurt. But what else was she to think?
“I know how you feel about hanyou, Sesshoumaru. And that's exactly what our children would be.”
“Ours, Kagome. They would be ours, that is all I desire.”
“And, Inuyasha?” Her voice was gentle, but unyielding. She knew the evidence he had shown. He tolerated Inuyasha as an ally while Naraku was still a problem. But what about afterwards?
He paused, her words were soft, but they carried the weight of centuries. Centuries of belief, of prejudice, of the certainty of his own superiority. And all that weight had been swung like a clout, again and again, against his brother, and thus against her. And now, she wanted to know when that had changed.
She was like iron wrapped in down. Soft, tender, always gentle. But utterly unyielding in the face of what mattered. Everything he loved about her held the potential to keep them apart, if he could not give her the answer she sought. And she would know if he were simply telling her what she wished to hear.
He sat back, one hand still clasped around hers. Until she removed herself, he wasn't going to relinquish his connection to her. He held his silence, considering. She held it too, waiting. She didn't apply pressure, she didn't rush, she didn't insist. And she didn't make it easy. His perceptive little human expected the truth, and she would not be denied. If he hoped to win her, to keep her heart locked with his, he would have to open himself, too more than just her. For how was she to enter through a closed door?
“You have always been a singular being,” he began at last, “able to strike at me in ways no other has ever been capable of.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means, that once more you have shown me I have much to consider.” He lifted her hand, pressing a soft kiss to it before laying it to rest and tucking the blanket closer around her. “I will let your companions know you have awakened. And I will return when I am able to answer your question more fully.”
“Sesshoumaru.” Her voice stopped him at the door. “You can come back, even if you don't have an answer yet.”
“Hnn. Generous, as always.” He turned and left, encountering Sango as she came to check on Kagome's state. She rushed past him, hushed, happy cries coming from the room as the two women reunited. He continued on, finding the three males of the pack together in the sitting room attached to their quarters. He briefly delivered the news of Kagome's awakening and then continued on towards the gardens, in the opposite direction of the infirmary. The others watched him go with varying levels of confusion and suspicion.
“Where is he going? I thought for sure we'd have to share Kagome with him after the way he's been acting!” Shippou asked, once the brooding youkai was out of earshot.
“A reasonable assumption, Shippou.” Miroku replied. “Inuyasha, what say you?”
“I don't know. But something definitely ain't right. The way he's been sniffing around her for so long...his instincts should be screamin’ at ‘im to keep the rest of us away while she's vulnerable.”
“Do ya think something happened to her?”
“I dunno runt, but I'm gonna find out. You two go see Kagome. Tell her I'll be there soon."
“What do you intend to do?”
“For once, just talk... I hope.”
He found Sesshoumaru near the pond in the middle of the gardens, leaning against a tree trunk as usual. His gaze was vacant, like he was lost in thought, but he turned when Inuyasha came close.
“Should you not be checking on the miko?”
He snorted. “Just call her Kagome. You're not fooling anyone here.”
“Hnn, so it seems.” He stared off into the distance again, seemingly considering something before turning back to his brother. “Inuyasha... may I, ask you a question about your miko?”
Inuyasha didn't pretend to misunderstand. “Why d'ya wanna know about Kikyo?”
“....because I have no experience of my own.”
“Not that I'm inclined to do you any favors, but if Kagome finds out you're trying to get advice on her based off of Kikyo, she's gonna be pissed.”
“That was not my intent, but rather... If Kikyo had asked something of you, and you knew the answer she wished to hear, but were not certain it was true. How would you have answered her?”
“Keh, that's one thing they definitely do have in common. They'd both know and be pissed if you tried to lie to them. I'd have told her the truth, and, when she was...alive, she would have understood that I wasn't good with words... or emotions."
“It would appear that we have something in common after all.”
“What'd you just say? Alright Sesshoumaru, what is this really about?”
“I told Kagome that I wish to court her.”
“....and?”
“That is your only response?”
“It ain't exactly a surprise to anyone except ‘Gome. Now stop pussyfootin’ and talk.”
“She expressed worry over bearing children.”
“...meaning hanyous.”
“Yes. I tried to assure her that the only thing that mattered was that they would be ours, and then she asked about you.”
“Me?”
“Her implication was whether or not I am willing to accept you. I know the answer she desires. But, I also know she would know in an instant if I were being less than truthful.”
“So, what? Are you out here trying to figure out how to hate me and love her too? Is that it?” Inuyasha's voice was rising, his hand unconsciously shifting towards Tessaiga’s hilt as he spoke.
“No.”
“What?”
“The truth is I have barely thought of you at all of late unless in connection to Kagome. My thoughts have all been of wooing and winning her affections. So, when she asked me of you, I did not know how to answer. I am unsure of what the truth is. I cannot imagine a child she bore as being anything less than perfect. Youkai, human, hanyou...they would be hers, and I would love them. What then would it say of me, and of my own children, if I could not accept my brother as well?" He lifted his head, holding his brother's gaze as he waited for a response.
Inuyasha sat for a moment, considering what was said. He could easily understand wanting to make Kagome happy. Once that had been his job, even if he had been terrible at it. But Kagome wasn't someone who accepted half-measures, and maybe he shouldn't be either. “So, what? Are you wanting me to play nice and say I forgive you so she'll say yes? Is that what this is all about?!”
“If you recall, Inuyasha, you sought me out. I had not intended upon speaking with you until I had taken time to sort my own thoughts out. But, in answer to your question: no. That is not what this is about, nor would I attempt such disrespect, of either of you.” He shifted, folding himself into seiza, facing his brother. “As you have said, Kagome is far too wise to be taken in by such transparent measures, were they not beneath my dignity to begin with. Therefore, the only way I have the possibility of winning her is to truly attempt to make peace with you.” With that he bowed low, lowering his eyes and leaving himself vulnerable should Inuyasha attempt to attack.
“Wh-what the hell are you doing?!”
“Attempting to show that I am sincere. I do not ask for you to accept or even acknowledge me at this point. And I will listen to whatever you have to say. But, as I said, what would become of my children if I cannot accept their uncle? Kagome may be the impetus behind my actions, but they are sincere all the same. I cannot love her honestly, and continue to reject you.”
“....I....I'm going to go check on Kagome. I can't deal with this shit right now.”
“Very well.” If he was disappointed by the hanyou's answer, he kept it to himself as his brother began to walk away.
“Just one more thing. I need to hear this for myself.”
“Yes?”
“Do you really love her? This isn't some long game to get close enough to finally finish what you started with the damn unmother?”
“I would sooner let you take my arm all over again, than use her like that. Kagome has become, everything. Yes, I love her. She has left me little choice in the matter.”
“Keh, yeah. She's like that. Can't really blame you there.” He turned to leave again.
“Inuyasha.”
“Yeah?”
“I am sincere in my intentions to make peace with you. But, if you take her from me, I will not hesitate to kill you.”
“Yeah, she has that affect too. Don't worry. She let me go a long time ago, and there's no changing her mind once she's set on something. It's all in your hands now.”
“Did Inuyasha say where he was going?” Kagome was asking.
“Only that he was going to speak to Lord Sesshoumaru.” Miroku answered.
“What? You left them alone together?!”
“Calm down ‘Gome, we didn't break anything. But that might change if he hears I let you hurt yourself getting all agitated.” Inuyasha entered the room all bluster and swagger, which of course meant he was trying not to show vulnerability.
“Yasha? Did something else happen?” Kagome was looking up at him with that damned perceptive understanding she seemed to have about everyone except herself. He knew she'd find out that they talked, eventually, but he was hoping to at least put it off for a bit. He had wanted time to process it all too.
With a sigh he walked over to her bed, plucking Shippou out of her arms and handing him to Sango. “Hey runt, I need a few minutes with Kagome. Why don't you and Sango head to the kitchen and find something for her to eat?”
“An excellent idea.” Miroku added, reading the need for privacy in his friend's body language. “Come on Shippou, you can tell the cooks how to make soup just the way Kagome likes it.”
The kit grumbled but went without too much fuss, leaving the two friends alone in a silence that was now rather tense. Inuyasha sat down beside the cot, laying a hand on the blankets, near but not touching.
“How are you?”
“I feel awful. The healer stepped in after Sesshoumaru left and gave me something for pain. Hopefully it kicks in soon.”
“Do you remember what happened to you?”
“Yes, now what happened with you and Sesshoumaru?”
He snorted. “Fine, may as well get it over with. We talked, that's all.”
“Did he tell you...”
“That he asked to court you? Yeah, and about what you said to him.”
“Oh...”
“You want to say yes, don't you.” His voice wasn't harsh, nor accusing, but she shrank from his words all the same.
“Not.. not if he isn't willing to change how he treats you.”
“He already has been, y'know.”
“What?”
“Kags, how many times has he let us stay here, and not started shit with me?”
“..oh...”
“I'm not saying to go ahead and tell him he can bite ya or anything. Just... think about what he's already done.”
“What did he say to you before you came here?”
He huffed, “I don't think it's my place to tell ya.”
“But-”
“Kags, listen. He's a pompous ass and no matter what happens, I'm probably never gonna change my mind about that. But he ain't a liar, never has been. If he says he cares about you, if he says he wants to court you, and have little hanyou babies then he means it, okay?” He sat back with a huff, the discomfort of saying anything positive about his brother twanging along every nerve. He doubted he would ever learn to like the arrogant dog, but, if he was what Kagome wanted, and could make her happy.... well, he owed her that after all the pain he had caused with his own fumbling.
“Okay.”
“Huh?”
“If you say so, I'll give him a chance.”
“Hey, that wasn't a command or anything. If you don't think he's changed or whatever, then just say no. He wouldn't throw us out while you're still injured or anything like that.”
“I.... Inuyasha, I think it might already be too late to say no.” Her tone was tremulous, like she was afraid of the confession she was making. “But, I don't want to trade you for him. I care about you so much too.”
“Hey, look at it this way. If you mate him it just gives me more opportunities to be a thorn in his side. Win/win.” He twitched his ears eagerly, like he was already imagining ways to torment his big brother.
She tried to laugh, but it become a pained groan instead, her hand lifting to brace against her forehead.
“Hey, I think that's enough fun for now. You should rest til they bring you some food and then try to sleep again.”
“Will you at least stay with me?”
“Sure, Kags. Just relax.”
She only meant to close her eyes for a moment. Just to ease the pain in her head. When she opened them again the light had changed enough to tell her it had been several hours at least. Inuyasha was gone, and in his place was Sesshoumaru. He had been reading a scroll of some sort, but he set it aside as soon as he noticed the change in her breathing. He slipped quietly into the seat beside her, offering water before anything else.
“Thank you.” She rasped, her voice still thick with sleep.
“You are welcome. How is your pain?”
“It's not great.”
“Your friend left some medicine for you. Do you think you can swallow it?” He held up two small pain pills. “She said this was a type you taught her would reduce swelling.”
“Mm yeah, I can handle that.” She lifted her hand to take them, blushing when he simply held them to her lips to drop them in her mouth. “Mm, thanks. What time is it?”
“Early morning. You woke late last night, and fell asleep again fairly swiftly.”
“How long was I unconscious?”
“Several days. There was...concern about damage to your mind from the way you fell. The Slayer was hopeful as there was not damage to the bone itself, but she feared internal damage. She has been much relieved since you have awoken.”
“I'm sorry I-”
“Do not. Do not apologize for having been injured.”
“But....if I had-”
“Had what, Kagome? Had not been tired from training for hours? Had not been distracted by my own foolish behavior? Had not been left exposed because of-”
“Now you stop.” Her voice cracked through his words, tone sharp as his own acid whip. “If I'm not allowed to blame myself then neither are you. You were training me to protect myself. I was an equal player in that sparring match, and I was enjoying myself. And Kagura may have hurt me, but if you hadn't been there she would have killed me.” Her tone gentled then. “So how about we both stop trying to take blame, okay?”
His mouth twisted, like he was attempting to hold something back. But he gave her a brief nod of assent. “Do you feel well enough to eat? I have kept broth warm for you.”
“That sounds great actually.”
Youki slipped around her, cradling her head and upper body to ease her into a reclined position. She sighed softly and wriggled slightly like she was nestling into it. The sight made Sesshoumaru’s chest twinge with want. What would it be like, to feel her seeking comfort in his own arms like that? He forced the thought aside, now was not the time for such thoughts, not when she needed care.
“Here, sip slowly, it is quite warm.” He held the bowl close, another of her odd “straws” placed in it for her comfort. She drained the bowl before she stopped, leaning her head back with a gusty sigh.
“I didn't realize I was so hungry. Thank you.”
“I am glad it pleased you. Do you think you can drink more? It has been too long since you last ate.” He was quiet, gentle, almost hesitant in his address as he offered a second bowl.
Seeing the powerful, proud youkai in such a state was, unsettling to be honest. Since when was Sesshoumaru unsure of anything? ’Keh, since you, obviously.’ Kagome brushed the thoughts away. Inuyasha's voice in her head was not what she needed right now. She watched him as she drank, considering all that had happened, and what had been said.
Inuyasha had spoken to him, and the result was to encourage her to accept him if that's what she wanted. The question was, did she want him?
“These bandages need to be changed.” He was examining her arms as he spoke. “As do the rest, no doubt.”
“Are you going to change them?” She had asked in surprise at the thought that he would be willing to do something so mundane. But his pupils flared at her words, and he turned his head swiftly, to hide what she swore was a blush. It left her wondering just what she had actually asked for.
“I would not be unwilling to assist you, but Kagura's attack struck more of your body than would be...appropriate, for me to attend to.” He was definitely blushing now, and so was Kagome once she realized what he was saying.
“Oh! Uh...I didn't realize that... um, I'm sorry.”
“It is no trouble. You have yet to be able to fully take stock of what has happened. It is understandable. When you are ready, however, I can assist you to the bath house so that the slayer can assist you in cleaning yourself and applying fresh dressings. I will send a female healer as well, in case you should have need.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
“Hnn.”
They fell into silence for a time, Sesshoumaru quietly offering more water and broth, seemingly content to simply sit beside her and act the part of her servant. She simply watched him, trying to wrap her head around everything that happened. Including the fact that he had proposed courtship to her.
She mulled that over more than anything. He had blurted out in a moment of emotional upheaval, and then left and had a talk of seemingly mixed results with Inuyasha. Did that actually add up to a serious proposal? Or was he simply caught up in the turmoil of it all? After all, he felt guilty for not stopping the attack, maybe it was just his sense of honor at play here?
Thinking of the attack brought another question to mind. “Sesshoumaru? What happened...to Kagura, I mean.”
“She is dead.” His voice was hard and flat. His eyes gone cold at the memory.
“Dead? But doesn't Naraku have her heart?”
“Perhaps, but a heart is not much use when it has no body to beat for.”
“You....”
“She tried to kill you. She nearly succeeded. I would not allow her another chance to finish what she started. I know your compassion, and your desire to save any who can be saved. But given the choice, I cannot put your desires above your life. Kagura may not have served Naraku willingly, but she still served, and he wanted you dead.”
Kagome closed her eyes, trying to fight the tears that were forcing their way out. A moment later she felt the soft brush of his thumb as he wiped her tears away.
“I have made you sad.” That softness again. For a man she had long thought emotionless, he was able to shift moods with shocking ease.
“No, I just...hate what he does to people. You killed someone who only wanted her freedom, but you did it to protect me. I can't be ungrateful for that, but I can’t be happy that she died, either.”
“I... did not relish the act. She had come to me before, seeking my assistance in killing Naraku to secure her freedom. I turned her away, claiming I had no need of allies to secure my own revenge against him. Perhaps, if I had been more like you,” his knuckles brushed her cheek in a soft caress, “she would have had an ally and been secure enough not to attack you.”
“You're determined to make this your fault, aren't you?”
“I am determined not to repeat my mistakes. Especially not in regards to you, Kagome.”
She lifted her undamaged hand reached up to rest it over the hand against her cheek. He uncurled his fingers, spreading them so hers could slip between. She was so soft, so sweet. Even in her pain she sought to soothe him. It was overwhelming and he cast about for any means of changing a subject he was swiftly losing control over.
“Do you want more to eat, or would you like to bathe now?”
“Mmm? Oh, a bath would be really nice. I should probably do that before I fall asleep again.”
“Very well, come.” The youki pillowing her shoulders spread, slipping under her legs and lifting her off the bed and into Sesshoumaru’s arms with barely a jostle. Her surprise and appreciation of the smooth transition was swiftly overshadowed by the realization that she was wrapped in Sesshoumaru’s embrace. His arms firm against her back and beneath her legs. His chest warm beneath her cheek as he used his broad frame to support her fragile body.
She froze, uncertain how to interpret this. He merely began making his way towards the bath house after speaking a few words to a servant waiting in the hallway. His gait was smooth, his heartbeat under her hand was steady, and she soon relaxed against him, almost slipping back into a doze.
All too soon they reached their destination and he whispered her name to wake her.
“Kagome, I must leave you here. Izumi and the slayer will carry you in, and assist you now.”
She blinked slowly, trying to remember where they had been heading. “Oh... the baths,” she said sleepily. “Will you be here when I’m done?”
She could feel him hesitate, then, “If you wish it.”
“I... I do. I'm... still considering what you said. I don't think I can give you an answer yet, but... I would like it if you were here.”
“Then,” he pressed his forehead ever so gently against hers, “I will be here.”
She smiled up at him as he transferred her to the healer waiting to assist her. Not looking away until the doors closed between them.
Sesshoumaru supposed he shouldn't be surprised that the monk chose that exact moment to appear.
“Ah, there you are Lord Sesshoumaru. Just the youkai I wanted to see. Come, we have a bottle of sake and a fire to warm ourselves just down the hall.”
“I do not know that I would be... fit company for you and my brother.”
“Nonsense, we're all worried about Lady Kagome, you can commiserate with us. Besides, it would please her to know you are making strides to get along with Inuyasha.”
Sesshoumaru wondered if the man were at all capable of not looking smug, but, he had a point. With a sigh, he followed Miroku.
Izumi proved to be both gentle and kindly. She carried Kagome to a reclined seat that had been padded for her sake and placed beside the steaming hot spring housed within the bath house. Together she and Sango carefully stripped away the filthy tatters of Kagome's former clothing. Izumi made it simple by simply slicing through the remains of the fabric and lifting them away.
“Your wounds are still too raw to take a proper soak in the hot springs. For today we'll settle for a sponge bath and rinsing your hair with a bucket.” Izumi spoke as she began removing the old bandages,she and Sango taking turns murmuring comfort and encouragement as they worked. Kagome was left with little else to do except let them work and try not to cry as her injuries were cleansed.
In an effort to distract herself she let her mind drift back to the issue of Sesshoumaru and his offer. He hadn't brought it up again but he had seemed pleased when she told him she was considering it still, so maybe...
“You're overthinking again,” Sango's voice cut into her thoughts. “You're going to make your head ache, and then Sesshoumaru will get mad at us for upsetting you.” She was smirking up at Kagome as she carefully wiped crusted blood from her skin, completely nonchalant. Kagome had a moment of envy for how calm her friend always was.
“What is it that troubles you, Lady Kagome?” Izumi asked as she followed behind Sango, inspecting stitches and wounds for signs of infection.
“Lord Sesshoumaru asked for the honor of courting her, but she's trying to convince herself he didn't mean it.”
“Sango!” Kagome hissed.
“Am I wrong?”
“Th-that's not the point! You don't just go blabbing stuff like that!”
“If it is any consolation, Lady Kagome,” Izumi chimed in, “his lordship has never been one to speak falsely. If he has made an offer then I do not see why it should not be genuine. Surely he has been showing signs of favor already?”
“W-well...”
“Insisting we make camp early so you can study, letting you ride Ah-Un, so you can study, making sure Inuyasha doesn't give you grief, having scrolls copied especially for your grandfather, and you, training you with the sword so you can protect yourself, making an honest attempt to repair his relationship with his brash, bullheaded, annoying little brother...” Sango ticked items off on her fingers as she spoke, and Izumi listened with eyes growing wide in amazement.
“My lady....how can you doubt his lordship's sincerity?”
“I...I'm human.”
“So is his daughter. What does that signify?”
“That's...different.”
“I do not see how. He loves Rin, why can he not love you?”
“Adopting Rin isn't the same. She won’t be named the heir, and it won't affect his rule like marrying-”
“Mating.” Izumi corrected.
“What?”
“Mating, Lady Kagome. Youkai mate, not marry. It is far more binding than a human marriage.”
“Well...see? Isn't that even worse then? What would happen if the other youkai lords found out?”
Izumi laughed outright at that. “Do you truly believe there are any who could stand against Lord Sesshoumaru and hope to defeat him? Not to mention the many allies who would stand with him in your defense if the tales I have heard are true.”
Kagome fell silent, she couldn't argue that, but she still felt hesitant.
“Kagome?” Sango asked gently. “Why are you so certain that Lord Sesshoumaru can't be serious in his offer to you?”
“You know why, Sango. He's a daiyoukai lord! What could I possibly have to offer him?”
“That's Inuyasha talking.”
“What? No it isn't, I just-”
“Izumi, has Lord Sesshoumaru ever pursued anyone else romantically?”
“He has not. The closest he came was an arranged betrothal to a member of the panther tribe. But she was not his choice and the mating never occurred. He has never sought anyone until you, Lady Kagome.”
“Soooo, you would be the first in his heart then. With no previous relationships to compare you to.” Sango pinned her friend with a triumphant smirk. “So far Kagome, all of your reservations seem to be tied to the idea that he couldn't possibly want you. But everyone can see how untrue that is. So the real question is, why are you trying to pretend that you don't want him?”
“I... what if he changes his mind? What if... what if he gets to know me and realizes I'm not...”
“Not what?”
“I'm not good enough.”
A decidedly inelegant snort erupted from Izumi. “Perhaps you should stop focusing on yourself, Lady Kagome.”
“Excuse me?”
“Excessive self-abasement is its own form of arrogance, and cowardice. If I gather correctly, you have been hurt before. Fear of a new commitment is understandable, but it is not only yourself that is involved. It sounds to me that you are only looking at your own stake in this matter, but what of Lord Sesshoumaru? I have been in service here since we were both pups. He never does anything without reason or consideration, and he does not lie. If he has made you an offer of courtship then he has already taken time to ‘get to know you’ as you say. Why should he decide otherwise simply because you say he might?”
“I...”
“To love someone is to accept risk,” she continued, gentler now. “If you are not ready to accept that then there is no shame in it. But if that is so, then you must tell his Lordship. It is cruel to leave him waiting in false hope.”
Sango cut a concerned glance to Kagome at those words, unsure of how the unintended comparison to Inuyasha's own behavior would strike her right now. Kagome had gone quiet, her gaze turned inward for a moment. After a long moment she whispered, “I'll keep that in mind.”
“You should rest now Lady Kagome. We'll soon be finished with the new bandages and then we'll see about getting you something to eat."
Kagome stayed silent the entire rest of the time it took to get her bandaged and wrapped in a loose yukata. It was overlarge on her petite frame, and she blushed furiously when she realized the plum blossom emblem was stitched along the collar and cuffs. Had he asked that she be given his clothing? Izumi smirked knowingly but refused to say anything.
Once she was dressed, Izumi lifted her onto a cushioned invalid chair to wheel her through the Shiro. She was careful and steady, but Kagome couldn't help comparing it to the way Sesshoumaru had carried her earlier. Cheeks flushing at the thought of being in his arms again.
The journey was short as it seemed the males of their pack hadn't strayed from the room Miroku had ushered them to earlier. When Sango slid the door open they were greeted by the sight of the two inus locked in a staredown, both quietly growling and snarling, over grappled hands. Sango gasped, and the miko's lips opening to shout them both down, and possibly to sit Inuyasha if she couldn't quell them, when she realized that a tipsy Miroku and a hyper Shippou were both looking on and cheering each brother in turn over their...arm wrestling match.
Her shout died into a giggle, which immediately caught their attention. Sesshoumaru’s head whipped towards her, his eyes going wide, and his throat dry when he realized she was garbed in his symbol. He wasn't sure if he should promote Izumi or boot her down to the scullery for this deliberate tease.
Inuyasha took advantage of Sesshoumaru’s distraction to slam his arm to the table. He got in Sesshoumaru’s face crowing “Ha! Lost to a hanyou!” Before whispering “Now let Kagome see what a gracious loser you are.”
Sesshoumaru snapped his head back, taking in his brother's expression, but there was no mockery there. His own eyes widened again, this time in surprise at the opportunity he was being given to endear himself to his miko. He stood and gave a slight bow. “Well played. But if you will excuse me, I believe I am needed elsewhere now.”
“Yeah yeah, go play nursemaid,” the hanyou said with a wink. “Hey Miroku, your turn.”
Abandoning his drinking companions, he stepped over to where Kagome and Sango were both staring open-mouthed at the scene they had just witnessed. His miko in particular seemed to be looking at him with a hint of wonder in her gaze. He gave her a soft smile, asking, “Are you well, Kagome?”
“I... yes. Thank you. Izumi and Sango have me feeling much better, in spirit if not necessarily in body just yet.”
“Do you wish to join us, or are you in need of rest?”
“Rest, I think. Would... you mind carrying me back? It was more comfortable than this chair.” She blushed so sweetly as she asked that it was all he could do not to chase the rosy flush with his lips.
“I would be pleased to do so,” he said, and had to restrain himself all over again when she lifted her arms to him. So completely trusting and open that he might have fallen in love with her right then, if he hadn't already tripped off that particular cliff months ago.
He lifted her, pillowed in his youki, and she nestled against him, one slender hand reaching up to wrap gently over his shoulder. It was an innocent touch, meant to steady herself as he walked, but her soft fingers slid up over his chest, brushing the skin of his throat as they passed before squeezing gently when they settled. And then her cheek was nuzzling him as she adjusted to his grip, and he swore she was trying to kill him, whether she knew it or not.
“Have you eaten?” he asked, immediately cursing the way his voice betrayed how affected he was. He refused to look away from her, knowing that his brother and the lech of a monk would both have caught on. Their jeering faces were the last thing he wanted in this moment.
She smiled and shook her head, nuzzling yet again. Kamis above, she was going to be the death of him. Blessedly Izumi chose to have mercy on him then. “I'll have something brought to her rooms. Would you prefer more broth Lady Kagome or do you think you can handle a bit more?”
“I'd love some rice and maybe fish?”
“I shall see to it.” She bowed herself out the door and disappeared down the hall.
“Do you want me to come with you, Kagome?” Sango asked.
“Oi, Sango! Get over here and help me prove to Miroku that he's the weakest link in this pack!” shouted a seemingly inebriated hanyou.
She sighed. “On second thought, I don't think these three should be left unsupervised right now. I'll come check on you later, okay?”
“Mm hmm, thanks Sango.” Kagome's voice was already getting drowsy, and she relaxed further against Sesshoumaru’s chest.
“Come, miko, let us get you to your bed.” He turned and swept from the room grateful he knew every turn and doorway in the shiro well enough he could have walked them blindfolded. Because the sight of Kagome peacefully dozing in his arms was one he wanted to enjoy for as long as possible.
She woke when he laid her down, staring around the room in bleary confusion. The room was opulent in a quiet way. Everything was of the highest quality, but not ostentatious. Beautiful painted scrolls adorned the walls, depicting what appeared to be youkai history. Several carved tansus lined one wall, while another opened onto a breathtaking view of a lush garden. The bed was covered in plush furs that were softer than anything Kagome had ever felt. She found herself relaxing into them even as she wondered at the change in locations.
“Where are we? This isn't my room.”
“It is now. The room you woke up in was the infirmary. Now that you are stable you can be given more comfortable lodgings.”
“No, I mean...this isn't the room I usually share with Sango.” When he didn't answer right away she cracked one tired eye open and swore he was blushing. “Sesshoumaru?”
“If you wish it, your friend is welcome to share this room with you as well. But, I have brought you to the rooms nearest my own. I do not seek to pressure you in any way,” he added when her eyebrows rose in surprise. “But, I find I cannot rest if you are not near enough for me to be certain you are well.”
Her expression softened from surprise to tenderness. It was a look he had seen before. She was going to try to comfort him and offer that sweet understanding patience that was such a hallmark of her spirit. He didn't want that, not right now. Right now what he wanted was for her to be the one being cared for, she deserved it, and she needed it. And unless she rejected him, he was going to ensure she received it.
“Do not worry over me, Kagome. For now all you need do is to rest and recover. All else can wait.”
“But-”
A tap at the door interrupted them before she could speak further. A servant entered carrying a tray that wafted fragrant steam through the room. Sesshoumaru took it, dismissing the servant, and turning back to Kagome, offering the tray as he sat at the edge of the bed.
“Come, you should eat before you tire further.”
“But-” This time she was interrupted by her own stomach, as it rumbled loudly. Blushing, she ducked her head and reached for the bowl of rice and fish. The smell was incredible and she suddenly realized just how hungry she was. The first bite had her moaning in delight as the flavorful meat hit her tongue. She finished the bowl before she even realized how quickly she was eating. Glancing up she found him watching her with an amused gleam in his eye.
“Sorry,” she said sheepishly.
“There is no need to apologize. Strong appetite is a good sign of your health. Do you wish for more?”
“Ummm....no. As delicious as it was, I don't think could handle anymore right now.”
“Do not hesitate to ask when you are ready for more. You will need as much nourishment as possible to heal.” Reaching back to the tray he offered her a cup of tea. “This will help with the pain. And then you should rest again.”
She took the cup, grimacing when the bitter tea hit her tongue. With a deep breath she downed the cup swiftly, grateful that it wasn't hot enough to burn. “Blech, I hope this stuff is worth the taste. I think kissing Jaken would be more appetizing than this.”
“He is likely in the study at this hour, I can send for him if you like.”
She was very glad she'd already swallowed the tea, because as patient as Sesshoumaru was, she didn't think spitting tea all over him would be an endearing act. Her face alone must have been hilarious because she swore he cracked a smile for a moment there. A rather large yawn interrupted any further conversation, and Sesshoumaru made to stand.
“You should sleep, your body will need as much rest as possible to recover properly.”
“Wait, please.” A slim hand caught at his sleeve, arresting his movement instantly. “I, wanted to ask you a few questions...if that's alright?”
“Of course. You may ask me whatever you like.” He sat down again, turning to face her more fully. “What do you wish to know?”
“What, exactly, does courtship entail?”
He paused a moment, tentative hope suddenly shining in his eyes as he took a moment to process what her question might mean. “It is you granting me the chance to earn your affections and prove that I can care for you as a mate ought to.”
“So...if I agree to courting, I'm not implicitly agreeing to a-a mating?”
“Of course not. It is my pleasurable duty to attempt to woo you. But if you do not come to care for me you are free to dissolve the courtship.”
“And, what would you...do, during courtship?”
“Spend time with you, growing acquainted, learning more of you and what you desire. There are traditional gifts to be given as well, though growing in understanding of each other is the main intent. Either party is free to refuse the other if they do not believe the courtship is going well. Though, I cannot imagine ever finding reason to turn from you, Kagome.”
Her delightful blush returned at that, and he chuckled. Her questions told him she was giving his proposal serious consideration and he felt a bit bolder than before. Reaching out he brushed her hair back, letting his fingers graze her skin with the motion. Lifting her chin, he smiled as he caught her gaze. “Why do you ask?” There was a teasing note in his voice, the barest hint of a challenge. His miko was infinitely sweet, but she was no shrinking flower who needed to be coaxed.
“Did you let Inuyasha win?” she asked, instead of answering his question.
“No,” he gave an amused huff, “he took advantage of my distraction when you were brought in.”
“I distracted you enough to make you lose?”
“Of course, you do not believe I would court a lady I do not find utterly alluring do you?” He tilted his head, leaning in just a bit more. Just enough to make her blush deepen.
She cleared her throat, trying to keep control over the flutterings he caused. “You certainly took the loss well. I was a bit surprised.”
“Hnn. It would appear that you matter far more to me than petty defeats.” Another breath closer, a hand now clasping hers, his thumb softly brushing her knuckles, his eyes refusing to let her look away, smile curving higher. “I certainly find this more enjoyable than the drunken blustering of my brother and the monk.”
“Ar-aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself here? I haven't accepted yet.”
“Did you think I would wait to woo you? Refrain from speaking of emotions until formal documents are signed and agreed upon?” He tilted his head the other way, and the gesture was so innocently curious that she couldn't help but smile. A smile he took as further permission. The hand under her chin drawing her just a little closer. Until one deep breath was all it would take to cross that final distance. “If you didn't want to encourage me, you would have sought your answers from Izumi. So tell me Kagome, have I satisfied your curiosity?”
She met his eyes, the gold searing even in the dim light. Close as he was, with his hands on her skin, she could feel the soft tremble of his restraint as he waited for her to say,
“Yes.” The word whispered across her lips, and he caught it before it could fall.