Chapter Text
They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go
Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how
-"Demons" by Imagine Dragons
Ezra got up and went through his morning routine, and made his way to the kitchen same as always. Short hair combed, water splashed on his face to wash it, and then snuck a waffle down from Zeb's box and sat down at the table to eat it quietly.
It was a familiar sequence. Average and ordinary. Hardly any different from any other morning.
But something nagged him at the back of his head, something he couldn't put a bead on. The Force echoed with something vague and odd and niggling, like there was something important that he'd forgotten.
Halfway through one bite he felt suddenly weary of eating waffles and put his down on the plate. He sat in silence in the empty kitchen, wondering why everything felt tired and old.
There was a stir of presence from the doorway. Ezra glanced up—somehow he knew it would be Sabine—and greeted her with a bright smile and a chipper, "Hey."
And then inwardly staggered back because the weird feeling in the Force was coming from her.
She looked and felt exhausted, baggy-eyed like she hadn't slept in a week. A heavy sense of grief and weariness clouded her, and she walked with a slump in her posture.
She lifted her head and met his gaze only briefly—eyes blank and looking through him, not at him—before crossing to the cabinets. Ezra watched in alarm as she took out a glass and a clanking bottle, poured herself some of the amber-looking liquid, set the bottle aside and downed the glass in one large gulp.
Then she turned and left the kitchen without another word.
Ezra stared after her, bewildered. Slowly he got up from the seat and stepped over, baffled at the bottle on the counter, which looked to be a bottom-shelf label Correlian ale. He'd been in that cabinet dozens of times and he'd never seen it. How had she known that was in there?
Was it Kanan's? Since when was Sabine privy to Kanan's secret booze stash?
Questions swirling around his head, Ezra picked up the empty glass and took a whiff. The aftersmell of whatever alcohol had been in the glass was strong.
He gagged and set it back down, worry rising even higher.
Sabine had seemed perfectly fine just yesterday. What could have possibly happened between when they'd gone to bed and when she'd woken up? Some kind of nightmare? What kind of nightmare made Sabine down alcohol first thing in the morning?
This wasn't normal.
Leaving his plate unfinished, he left the kitchen and stepped into the hallway after her. He rapped lightly on her door with the back of his fist.
"Sabine?" he called.
He listened for a moment. Didn't sound like she was in the room. The cloud he'd felt in the Force wasn't behind the door either. Frowning, Ezra checked up in the cockpit.
She wasn't in the cockpit itself, but he could glimpse her out the transparisteel domed window, walking away from the Ghost towards the Massassi Temple.
Ezra bit his lip for a moment. So she was in one of those moods where she wanted to shut everyone out and be left alone.
He turned toward the ladder.
He wasn't going to let her. She was drowning in some kind of sorrow and he was going to help her no matter what.
She was gone from sight by the time he descended the cargo ramp.
-SWR-
Sabine proved... maddeningly elusive to pin down the whole morning. Every time he got close to finding her in one place, she would suddenly be at another when he got there. It was like she could tell when he was coming, and from which direction, and would move to a different part of the base in order to avoid him. He must have driven the base mechanics crazy with his constant asking after her.
He didn't know how she was getting around so fast, nor how she always just managed to give him the slip. He wondered if she was taking a page from him and climbing the through vents, there was a loose grate on the ground floor hanger that led up to the communications hub on the second, but when he checked it the screws had been tightened shut—maintenance had finally gotten around to securing it. Or... had Sabine sealed it behind her, to prevent him from following her that way?
Frustrated, Ezra stared at the tightly-sealed grate. This was getting him nowhere.
He gave it one last try, closing his eyes and surrendering his senses to the Force.
Everything became attuned to him in the ebb and flow of the energies of the universe. The snarl that was Sabine was clearly visible. She was out on the landing field again.
Ezra opened his eyes and rushed off before she could leave.
Finally, success. She was sitting on a pile of supplies, looking out into the dense Yavin jungle. Her fingers played with the hems of her glove as she held her knees, looking absolutely miserable.
"Sabine!" he called.
She startled off the crate and stood up, wheeling around angrily.
"How did you find me this time?" she demanded.
This time? Ezra stopped in front of her, determined to have this conversation. "Through the Force," he told her, tone flat like that was obvious. Dropping his irritation, his eyes turned plaintive. "Sabine, what's wrong? What's going on?" His voice grew smaller, more timid. "Why are you avoiding me?"
Sabine tensed up, holding her elbows tightly, eyes on the ground. For a long moment Ezra watched her wrestle with herself, the cloud around her in the Force darkening.
"Ezra..." she finally spoke up, meeting his gaze, and he was startled to see a deep and profound grief in her amber eyes. "Don't go on the mission today," she begged. "Please."
"Why?" he asked, wary and confused.
Sabine took in a shuddering breath, steadying herself. She began to explain, in halting, faltering sentences.
"I've... been reliving the past twelve hours for a solid week now," she told him. "Maybe longer."
Ezra's eyes widened but he didn't interrupt, letting her continue.
"We go to the dig site, we get discovered, there's a firefight, we manage to retrieve the relic but the commander triggers a demolition charge, there's an explosion and..."
Her breath hitched a second before she pinned eyes on him.
"You die, Ezra," she said quietly. "Over and over again. And no matter what I do I can't—" She choked up for a moment, voice tight. "—I can't save you."
Everything made sense now. How she looked like she hadn't slept in days. The cloud of grief hanging over her. Even, now that she had described the failed mission, the strange dream he could only vaguely recall from last night, full of fire and heat.
Sabine's eyes were shimmering and she had no more to say, apparently, staring at the treeline again. Ezra took a slight staggering step back, stunned by the account but feeling the truth of it.
He was going to die. And Sabine hadn't figured out how to prevent it.
The heavy news loomed over them, a feeling of foreboding he could feel pulsing in the Force.
Ezra took in a slow breath.
There was always a risk of dying in their fight against the Empire. Any mission, even the most seemingly harmless and routine, had a tendency to go off the rails for them. That was why he had sought power from the holocron, trying to control what could not be controlled, trying to prevent himself from suffering more loss, from losing anyone else.
Now Sabine was stuck in some kind of cosmic loop trying to do the same.
He found himself nodding in acceptance. "Okay..." he said. He reached over to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. She looked up with tired, sorrowful eyes and his course of action was determined. If he died, he died, but he would try his best to spare Sabine that sorrow. "We need to tell Kanan."
She closed her eyes with a suppressed sob. "It doesn't help."
"Maybe it will this time," he argued, wondering now if Kanan was part of the loop or Sabine had told him in a previous loop... or two.
She pressed her mouth together like she wanted to argue, but then sighed and nodded mutely.
Ezra's hand dropped off her shoulder to clasp hers and lead her back to the Ghost.
-SWR-
Kanan listened soberly as Sabine detailed the disastrous mission, and some of the miscellaneous iterations she'd already been through. Ezra got a vague sense from Kanan that he'd heard this story and explanation before, and he himself was getting a strong sense of deja vu.
The older Jedi puffed out a breath at the end of it, shifting a little in his crossed-leg position on his stool.
"Short of leaving Ezra off the mission all together, I don't see how else we can avoid being discovered," he concluded.
"We already tried that," Sabine said, agitated, rising to her feet and beginning to pace the room. "Draven overrules us and puts him back on at the last minute. We're already above the planet by the time we find out."
"Can I just stay in the Phantom II?" Ezra asked.
She shook her head. "That loop you try answering a check in from Draven and the Empire picks up the transmission at their listening station."
"Seriously?" Ezra groaned. He was a little embarrassed and consternated that it was apparently him who triggered the Empire noticing them in nearly every loop. "And I can't just not answer him?"
"Draven gets antsy and sends a general transmission to all our comms, and that's what gets us caught in that loop."
Kanan made an aggravated sound and mumbled something under his breath about "micromanaging assholes". Straightening, he leaned over the pre-mission flimsi blueprints. "Help me see this in my head. You said we approach from the north due to the terrain. What kind of terrain?"
"A steep rocky ridgeline. And no, we can't go that way," Sabine cut him off, her hands fisting as she paced. "A watchman on the turret spots us."
"There has to be something we haven't tried yet," Ezra said, straining his eyes at the blueprints and the scribbles Sabine had marked it up with, as if he could see a way through if he looked hard enough.
"It's no use," Sabine moaned. "I already told you. Nothing works. We get there, we get discovered onsite, the explosion goes off. Ezra dies." Her sides shuddered as she came to a stop. "And then I wake up back in my room and it starts all over again."
The pain in her voice was raw, unsteady. Ezra wanted to reach out for her in sympathy, but looked helplessly to Kanan instead, unsure what to say.
His master had a thoughtful expression. "Maybe you're going about it the wrong way," Kanan suggested. "You're looking for something you're physically doing wrong. Maybe the reason for the loop has nothing to do with that." He looked seriously at her. "Maybe it's mental. Maybe the relic is reacting to your fear of losing Ezra."
Sabine's eyes flashed with anger. "So, what? I should just let him die?!" she cried.
Kanan held up a hand. "No. That's not what I'm saying." With a significant glance at Ezra he continued, "We should all be doing our best to try to prevent that from happening. The masters always said the future was in constant motion; nothing is certain, and nothing is set in stone yet. What I mean is... if we've tried our best, expended all effort, and it still happens anyway..."
He hesitated for a moment.
Ezra picked up what his master was trying to say.
"...then you have to let me go," he finished.
Sabine jerked to look at him, expression stung with betrayal. "And you're okay with this?!" she demanded. She pushed into his space, making him step back, and he could feel the anger trembling through her. See the tears threatening to escape her eyes. "You're okay walking into this mission knowing you're going to die?!"
"Admittedly I hoped it would be cooler than getting blown up by an Imperial egomaniac," he confessed with chagrin. He grabbed her hands again, holding them gently. His gaze softened. "But if that's the only way I can free you from this, I'll do it. You can't stay stuck like this."
She was shaking her head, fighting against the tears.
He cupped her face, gently, tenderly, pressing his forehead against hers.
"I'm going to get you out of this loop, Sabine," he told her earnestly. "I promise." He wiped under her eyes with his thumbs, staring straight into them, memorizing her face, cherishing it. "Can you trust me?"
Inhaling slowly, Sabine got hold of herself, her anger simmering back down, her grief throbbing in the Force a moment before subsiding. Her shoulders sagged and he knew that she would make a effort to believe him. To believe in him.
Smiling a bit, Ezra prompted, "Now, are you sure there's nothing we haven't tried yet?"
Stepping back, Sabine inhaled again, taking another look at the blueprints. He could see her studying it with pinched brows, her clarity having pushed past the despair for a moment to focus.
"Well," she mused. "We had the most luck last time with this route."
She pointed to a spot on the blueprints and Ezra and Kanan both leaned in closer to hear her new strategy.
-SWR-
Ezra's heart beat with anxiety and he was hyper-attuned to the Force, listening to it for the slightest hint of warning or danger.
Sabine was even faster than his danger sense, running alongside him, close at his side, immediately turning her blaster and shooting a sentry hidden behind the next corner.
Ezra didn't ask how she knew he was there.
The new route got them all the way into the commander's tent. A gas grenade was thrown down, filling the area with sleeping smoke, felling Stormtroopers like deadweight. Ezra gave the one at the exit flap an extra stun shot, per Sabine's instructions.
He glanced at the chrono numbers on her gauntlet display. Sabine had programmed it to count down to 02:35:07, "trigger time", when the detonation charge would go off and the loop would reset.
How many times had they already tried this plan? It was impossible to know, even his deja vu from before was confused. He just kept on alert, his head swiveling, watching for any sign of their inevitable fated discovery by the dig crew or the garrison assigned to guard it.
They gained the secure chamber where the relic was stored. Kanan handled it this time—apparently it didn't like aliens, to Zeb's disgruntled acceptance—and they very carefully picked their way back through the ruins.
Ezra checked Sabine's chrono when they made it past the first courtyard. The stunt with the sleeping gas had bought them five extra minutes.
The commander was waking up now, though, and the alert was going out, all corners of the dig site keening to attention and descending upon them.
Just as Sabine had warned, they were soon pinned down. But this time Chopper was already on the way in the Phantom II and they were able to get further away from the pit where the charges were, closer to the edge of the dig site.
Ezra could hear her hyperventilating in his ear as he shot back at the Stormtroopers, himself a calm center in the eye of the storm internally. Acceptance beat through him, but he still listened carefully, waiting to see if there was something the Force could tell him.
The commander shrieked out a threat, "You won't get out of here alive!" which was the cue for Kanan to reach up and yank through the Force.
The trigger was dropped; the commander scrambled for it at his feet.
"Go go go!" Kanan ordered, and they sprang from cover to run.
Sabine was white-faced and terrified, and Ezra could feel her fear spike in the Force as a stray shot forced Kanan to flatten, dropping the relic.
Their progress forward was halted again and Ezra bit his lip, realizing they wouldn't make it onto the Phantom II before the counter wound down. Sabine seemed to realize it too, scrambling for the relic in a panic.
The odd red box-like device surged with a tingling sense of power in the Force, something sinister and dark.
Ezra knew in a flash what needed to be done.
He bounced a shot back over his shoulder with his lightsaber as he ran to her. "Sabine!" he called. "Give it to me!"
She clutched around the relic tighter, holding it fast to her chestplate. "No!" she cried. "If I'm not holding it when the detonation goes off the loop doesn't reset right away and you stay dead!"
Ezra wondered in a brief flash how and when she had learned that, which loop it had been, how she had managed to keep it going. Did she have to die herself?
Pushing that horrifying thought out of his head, he extinguished his saber and hooked it and then grabbed her upper arms.
"Don't let your fear control you," he pleaded with her. He watched the counter ticking down in the corner of his eye. "Trust me. Trust the Force."
02:34:38. Less than a minute left.
"Let go."
Sabine held frozen in indecision for a couple precious, wasted seconds.
Then... her grip loosened on the relic and she handed it over to him.
Ezra shivered in relief.
Behind them, the commander retrieved his detonator.
"Die, Rebel scum!" he screeched.
The charges went off.
Ezra turned and flung the relic straight back towards the dig site, then whipped around and wrapped arms around Sabine, holding her tightly and bringing them to their knees as he shielded her.
The world exploded.
The sound was deafening, and he heard Kanan and Zeb flung back by the blast. He wrapped the Force around himself as a shield for his back, feeling the heat of the blaze searing over his head.
Sabine pressed her face into his chest, eyes squeezed shut, clinging to his clothes.
For several moments all was noise and chaos and something in the back of his mind unwinding and untangling, the fire lapping at his back but unable to break through.
Then... the pressure trying to bowl them over subsided.
The wind died down.
His ears rang, and his teeth were still rattling. His eyes peeked open.
Debris littered the courtyard. Smoke was still pluming behind them, though the commander had toppled over off his perch out of sight, knocked down by the blast. The detonation had taken out a good chunk of the Stormtroopers as well. They groaned and grumbled as they recovered, several of them yelling in outrage at their superior.
Sabine stiffened next to him, giving a little gasp as her eyes shot open.
She pulled back, bewildered, casting eyes all around them. Taking in the damaged courtyard, the discontent troopers, and him, alive, breathing and unhurt before her.
She looked at him in contained awe and shock.
His hands remained settled on her back, steady, and a grin began to steal across his mouth.
"So... I guess this hasn't happened yet?"
She sobbed with relief, clinging to him again, burying her face in his collar.
He wanted to hold her longer, stroke his hands down her back to comfort her, but Kanan was yelling at them to move and Zeb was shooting at Stormtroopers with his bo rifle.
"Come on," he whispered to her urgently, nudging them to their feet.
She wouldn't let go of his hand as they ran for the descending Phantom II.
She finally untensed once they jumped to hyperspace, the relief reverberating out from her, staring forward in a daze.
"We're out," she breathed. "We're finally out."
Kanan smiled from the co-pilot's seat, and Zeb looked back and forth between them in confusion.
"Did I miss somethin'?" he asked, clueless.
Sabine shook her head. "It's nothing, just..." Her eyes shimmered at Ezra. She shone in the Force, the cloud of grief inside her fading. "...happy we're all still here."
Ezra just leaned his shoulder and head against Sabine's, keeping her hand comfortably in his lap the whole way back.