Work Text:
[Yelena Belova has added Ava Starr, John Walker, Bob Reynolds, Alexei Shostakov, and James Barnes]
[Yelena:] oh my god ew ew ewww
[Yelena:] i dont think ive ever seen buckys first name used before
[Yelena:] thats sooo weird
[John:] Yeeeaah
[John:] That’s really offputting
[Ava:] almost as weird as seeing your first name walker
[Yelena:] truuu
[Yelena has changed John Walker’s name to Walker]
[Yelena:] there we go
[Walker:] Haha
[Walker:] Hilarious
[Yelena:] ikr such a good joke
[Ava:] almost as funny as his face
[Walker:] That is
[Walker:] By far
[Walker:] Your worst one yet
[Ava:] yeah it was low hanging fruit i admit it
[Bob:] ooohh hello
[Bob:] what’s this???
[Alexei:] YELENA
[Yelena:] oh no
[Alexei:] MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER OOHH IS THIS FAMILY GROUPCHAT
[Alexei:] YES
[Alexei:] WE WILL HAVE MANY FOND MEMORIES HERE
[Alexei:] RECORDED FOREVER IN TEXT
[Yelena:] suddenly im regretting this
[Alexei:] NO NO REGRETS
[Alexei:] OUR BONDS WILL GROW TENFOLD
[James has changed their name to Bucky]
[Bucky:]
[Ava:] bucky i can feel your dead eyed stare from here
[Bob:] i didnt even realize you could do that with a blank message
[Bob:] but now im impressed
[Bucky:] I don’t think there are any words that can express how I’m feeling in this exact moment.
[Yelena:] isnt that what your therapy was for
[Bucky:] I’m not sure any amount of therapy can prepare someone for…
[Bucky:] Whatever this is.
[Alexei:] FAMILY BONDING
[Bucky:]
[Bucky:] Right.
[Walker:] Yeeaaahhh
[Walker:] I want out
[Yelena:] no
[Walker:] Why cant I leave
[Walker:] What
[Yelena:] :3
[Ava has changed their name to Hole in the wall]
[Hole in the wall:] maybe the family bonding was the bullying we found along the way
[Walker:] I want off this ride
[Yelena has changed their name to Pockets]
[Yelena has changed Bob’s name to B.O.B]
[B.O.B:] what?
[Pockets:] baby on board
[Hole in the wall:] fitting
[Alexei:] WHAT
[Alexei:] HOW DO YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME ON THE SCREEN
[Alexei:] YELANAA
[Alexei:] SHOW YOUR DADDY HOW TO CHANGE THE NAME
[Alexei:] I WOULD LIKE TO BE RED GUARDIAN
[Pockets:] daaaadd
[Pockets:] you know you dont have to talk in all caps
[Pockets:] please lowercase
[Alexei:] BUT THEN HOW WOULD I SHOW ENTHUSIASM
[Alexei:] CAPSLOCK IS NECESSARY FOR THAT
[Hole in the wall:] im kinda just imagining Alexei flexing after every single message
[Hole in the wall:] anyone else??
[B.O.B:] i can see it too
[Alexei:] OHOHOO
[Alexei:] SO YOU WANT TO SEE RED GUARDIAN SHOW
[Hole in the wall:] oh my god what
[Alexei:] I CAN DELIVER
[Walker:] Yelena this will be the only time
[Walker:] I am begging you to let me leave
[Pockets:] i am not here
[Pockets:] i do not see
[Walker:] YELENA
[Alexei:] HERE I RECORD A VIDEO
[Alexei:] SO THAT ALL CAN SEE THE GLORY AND THE MIGHT THAT IS THE RED GUARDIAN
[Hole in the wall:] WHY CANT ANY OF US FUCKING LEAVE?? HELLO??
[B.O.B:] yelena please
[Alexei:] COME THUNDERBOLTS
[Alexei:] SEE THE WONDERS OF SUPERSOLDIER RED GUARDIAN
[Alexei has changed their name to THE RED GUARDIAN]
[Hole in the wall:] i did it
[Hole in the wall:] now can you please stop sending us videos and pictures of you flexing
[THE RED GUARDIAN:] BUT WOULD MY INCREDIBLE PHYSICALITY NOT INSPIRE YOU TO WORK HARD
[THE RED GUARDIAN:] PLAY HARD
[THE RED GUARDIAN:] AS THE AMERICANS SAY
[Hole in the wall:] oh. god.
[Hole in the wall:] i dont know whether to laugh or cry atp
[Walker:] I think I need to rinse out my eyes
[B.O.B:] i think ive found another shame room
[Walker:] Isn’t it too soon to joke about that
[Pockets:] walker if there was a wait time until we could start joking about our traumatic pasts
[Pockets:] half of us would be in our old age
[Hole in the wall:] one of us is already there
[THE RED GUARDIAN:] OHOH YOU MEAN MR SOLDIER
[Bucky:] Does time spent in a meat locker really count though.
[Pockets:] uh yeah
[Pockets:] obviously
[Pockets:] wait how old are you
[Hole in the wall:] you think we can carbon date you??
[Bucky:] Gee thanks
[Bucky:]
[Bucky:] I’m pretty sure I’m in my 40s?
[B.O.B:] do you
[B.O.B:] do you not??? Know????
[Hole in the wall:] oh my god????
[Bucky:] Listen it’s not like they hung up a calendar in front of my cryofreeze unit
[Walker:] Jesus christ maybe carbon dating would work on you