Chapter Text
“Please don't do this, you don't need to do this, this is crazy-” I plead, stumbling over my words.
It's impossible to describe the type of bone deep, heart wrenching terror that comes with knowing you're going to die a horrible death in space and there's nothing you can do about it. It buries itself into every ounce of your being and settles in your chest. I feel like I'm dying already.
“Dr. Grace, don't make this harder than it needs to be,” Stratt says.
Next to her stands a man in a lab coat who is presumably here to induce my coma. Behind them is what feels like an endless number of soldiers, in the uniforms of multiple different militaries.
“You can't be serious, you're killing me! Sending me to my death!”
“Dr. Grace…”
I'm backed into a corner, both metaphorically and literally. I look around, but there's no way I'm escaping this.
That doesn't mean I won't try, though.
I lunge forward, shoving past Stratt and the doctor, but am immediately grabbed by multiple soldiers and am lowered to the floor.
Hands are all over me, pressing me hard into the floor. I try to move my arms, my legs, but I'm pinned.
One of the hands turns my arm to expose my inner elbow, but its grip never loosens enough for me to even try to wiggle out despite them holding my arm slightly off the ground.
“Please, no, please-” I beg, unable to do anything else no matter how hard I struggle.
The doctor approaches anyway, and I can feel the pinch of a tourniquet above my arm. I've never liked doctors, or needles.
I've never felt my heart pounding this hard or fast in my life, it feels like it's going to beat right out of my chest.
“HELP-” I scream as loud as I can, but I know it won't do anything.
“GRACE WAKE UP.”
My body tries to bolt upright, but I'm stopped by a weight on my chest.
“What-”
“Safe. We are safe. On our way to Erid, almost there. You were sleeping.”
A nightmare. Of course. And of course it was that one.
“Grace sounded scared. Begging for help.”
I open my mouth to speak again, but instead what comes out is a sob.
I grab the sheets under me tightly with one hand and my other grips one of Rocky's arms that's still draped over my chest. As promised, he hadn't moved.
Rocky leans harder into my side, emitting a comforting, low hum.
I hate my stupid, stupid brain. As scary as it must be to fully shut down like that, sometimes I find myself jealous of how Eridians sleep. Usually after a nightmare, admittedly.
I do my best to take a deep breath, but am cut off by another sob. I can't breathe on my back with this weight on my chest, not while crying like this. But at this point I'd rather suffocate than lose the grounding warm pressure, the reassurance that I'm not dying alone up here.
Rocky notices, though, of course he does.
“Grace need to sit up, or roll over, need to breathe.”
He could pull his arms away, I know he could, he's infinitely stronger than me. But he doesn't, he just lifts them slightly, removing most of the pressure on my chest.
It helps with my ability to breathe, but-
I roll to my side, letting go of his arm and the sheets in favor of wrapping my arms around him.
He stops holding his arms up after that, the comforting weight settling on my side this time.
Better.
I press my face against the warm xenonite, wishing certainly not for the first and unfortunately almost definitely not for the last time that our atmospheres were more compatible.
“Grace safe, Rocky watched sleep. No danger.”
His fingers tap my back again, keeping a steady rhythm. It really does help.
“Rocky here, Grace safe.”
“Sorry-”
“No sorry,” Rocky cuts me off, “Grace breathe. Is okay. Calm.”
Sadly, something about the nightmare makes me feel like I'm about to shake out of my own skin. Makes it quite a bit harder to stay calm. I manage to take a full breath in, though, with only a few hiccups.
“What Grace dream, question?”
I squeezed my eyes closed tighter and took a ragged breath.
“I don't- I didn't tell you exactly what happened last night, just that I didn't want to go. When I- I say they forced me I mean forced. I was so scared.”
“Grace dream about being forced on mission, question?”
I nod.
“I was so scared, there wasn't anywhere to run but I still tried, ended up pinned to the ground. Couldn't move an inch, all I could do was watch the doctor crouch next to me with an IV kit. Knew I was gonna die, nothing I could do about it,” I whisper.
“Not fair,” Rocky says. “Wrong of them. Even if it had to be you, other humans could've done better. Should have.”
One of his hands gently brushes over my hair. It's a clumsy gesture, but I appreciate it nonetheless.
“I wish I hadn't remembered it. I spent so long wanting to remember everything but- ugh. It's not fair why do I keep having to relive it?”
“Grace has… had this nightmare before?”
Fuck.
I nod slightly, tightening my arms around him.
“This is nightmare Grace won't tell Rocky.”
No ‘question.’ He knows it. And he's right.
“Yes,” I whisper, confirming it anyway.
“Because Grace afraid things will be different?”
“Yeah.”
He curls his legs and pulls me tighter against him.
“Rocky love Grace. Promise. Love Grace always. Love, protect, care,” Rocky says. “Should let me help more. Tell me more things. Rocky fight bad dreams.”
I couldn't help but chuckle at that.
“Am serious, Grace. Will help. Wake you up, tell you dreams are done.”
“I know you are, I know,” I say. “Love you too.”
“Grace should get more sleep. Only slept a few hours.”
He's right, but I really would not like to go back to sleep considering the luck I've been having lately in terms of nightmares versus sleeping through the night.
I must hesitate too long, because Rocky is speaking again.
“Grace not want to sleep, but Grace need to sleep,” he says softly.
“Yeah. I know.”
“Rocky watch.”
“I know you will, it's just…” you can't protect me from the thoughts in my head.
I don't finish that sentence. It feels cruel, to point out things Rocky can't fix when he's done so much for me and is about to do so, so much more when we arrive at Erid.
“I know,” Rocky says, an octave lower than usual. “Wish I could fix.”
Sometimes I really do wonder if he can read my mind, but it's much more likely that I'm just really bad at hiding what I'm feeling.
“You help by being here, you really do.”
It was the truth. It really weirded me out at first, but at this point I think it might not even be possible for me to sleep without anyone watching. Especially now, I found myself thankful that Rocky insisted on staying near me while I slept.
I never woke up from a nightmare alone, and I think if I did I might actually lose it. Especially this nightmare.
That’s one of the only things I can think of that would probably be even more terrifying than the first time I woke up on this ship.
“What will make Grace less scared now, question? Safe enough to sleep. Both know you have nightmare, but how to make you feel safe enough to trust I can help when you wake up, question?”
“I already trust you, of course I do Rocky-”
“I know. But you say many times, human brains stupid. Need reassurance, how can Rocky help, question?”
I'm so tired. I really do want to sleep.
My best bet is probably how I fell asleep last night?
“Let me roll back over, lay like we were earlier.”
He lifts his arms slightly again, for just long enough that I can flop back onto my back.
“Like this, question?”
He's got two heavy arms draped over my chest again, just like last night. I nod.
“I wish you could just lay on top of me.”
“Also wish this, but Rocky too heavy. Not safe for human, especially in sleep.”
“Is there- can you maybe get closer? I- I need it heavier, I need to feel like I'm here,” I admit, voice cracking.
I feel a little insane for wanting to feel grounded in a reality where I'm probably gonna die and almost certainly never seeing another human again, but the alternative is worse.
Here, I have Rocky. In that moment, the one I dream of, even though I'm surrounded by people, I am the loneliest I've ever been. And the scaredest.
Rocky is quiet for a moment, I assume he's thinking.
“Idea. I move now.”
And move he does, shifting so that his carapace is centered over my chest, and then…
Oh that's perfect.
Much of the tension melts out of my muscles as the warmth settles against my chest.
This is not Rocky's entire body weight, that I'm sure of. I turn my head and can see that four of his five legs are touching the ground, two on either side of me.
Is he… crouching? Putting only part of his weight on me? That must be it. But it's much more than just his two arms, and it's exactly what I needed.
“This is good, question?”
I wrap my arms around him, squeezing tight.
“Yes. Very good. You're not- crouching like this doesn't tire you? Hurt you?” I have to check.
“No, Rocky's legs stay where I put them. Unlike Grace, legs not give out unless injured.”
Right, not muscles like mine. Different. I'll take the win, it means he shouldn't slip and crush me in my sleep.
“Good, good.”
I can feel Rocky start his low comforting hum before I can hear it.
I can feel the sound reverberating in my chest, and I guess that was the final piece of the puzzle. I almost immediately feel the last bit of tension fade from my body as he layers another note over it, one I can hear this time.
“Grace sleep now,” he layers over the steady hum.
The tiredness I've been doing my best to push away crashes all into me at once. It still scares me, but I take a deep breath, feeling the pressure briefly increase as my lungs expand.
He's here. I'm safe.
“Love you Rocky,” I whisper.
“Love Grace too.