Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“Next, let’s pretend that I’m a princess, you and you’re my handsome prince coming to rescue me from my tower!” Flora jumped up from the rug that she was sitting on with Calamity and did a twirl, both girls giggling as her fairy tutu swished around her in a cloud of pink net and glitter. 

“And then I’ll kiss you, right on the lips, and we’ll live happily ever after. Forever, and ever, and ever!” Calamity added, pretending to faint dramatically to the floor which only earned her more giggles as Flora danced around her. 

“Life is so much simpler when you’re a kid, isn’t it?” Gillian hummed, nudging Caroline who was sitting next to her on the wall outside the farmhouse. It was an absolutely glorious day - unseasonably warm for spring, especially in Yorkshire - and Gillian had taken pity on the blonde when she had phoned her earlier and heard her daughter screeching in the background. An impromptu playdate was hastily arranged, and Caroline had snuck a bottle of wine along with her too so that the adults might at least enjoy a little time together after the two scamps were in bed. 

“You’re telling me,” Caroline replied wryly, taking a deep pull of her tea as she watched her daughter running round and round the rug squealing at the top of her lungs whilst Calamity chased her. She still, at times, felt like she was too old to be a mother of a child this young, and frequently found that the little girl wore her out, but she wouldn’t change it for the world. If anything good had come from her marriage to Kate it had been Flora, and she reminded her more and more of her every day. “What I wouldn’t give just to forget all the things I have to keep in my head, just for a day or so… It would be so freeing.”

“Well, you know how we can accomplish that, don’t you?” Gillian teased, miming drinking a bottle of wine. “You did bring that bottle earlier, you can always get smashed and stay if it's that bad – I’ll watch the kids.”

“I thought I was staying anyway?” Caroline retorted, raising her eyebrows at her, and Gillian responded with a cheeky smile. That had been part of the deal - she would bring Flora over for a playdate, and Gillian would provide the tea and sympathy whilst she cooked dinner, and then the two of them could spend a slightly tipsy evening in front of the fire after the kids had gone to bed. It sounded perfect - so many of Caroline’s evenings were incredibly lonely now that it was just her and Flora cluttering up the place, and having Gillian’s company was infinitely preferable to any else’s. “Besides, I can’t. Sunday, remember - some people have got to go to work in the morning.”

“Oi, ‘some people’ also includes me, you know!” Gillian shot back, poking her in the side in a way that didn’t fail to make her giggle. “I’d like to see you getting up at the crack of dawn like I do… 5.30am I was out in the fields this morning. Bet you were still getting your beauty sleep, princess.”

“Hey, I was up early too! Probably around that time, as well!” Caroline huffed, furrowing her brow at her. “You don’t have the monopoly on getting up early.”

“Yeah, but I bet it was just to let Ruth out for a wee, wasn’t it?” Gillian returned shrewdly, and Caroline’s answering flush was all it took for her to start chuckling. When she eventually stopped she nudged her affectionately again, turning her attention to the wonderful view that stretched out before them. “Anyway, you’re always welcome to stay. Whenever you like - we’ve always got room for you, you know that.”

“I do,” Caroline murmured, sneaking a little glance at her and smiling. Gillian looked so much more relaxed and at home when she was out here than when she was anywhere else, and it was lovely to see the sparkle in her eyes and the tension slowly ebbing away from her shoulders as the gentle breeze ruffled her hair. 

“Now, let’s pretend that the prince is a great big numpty, and the princess doesn’t need his help at all!” Calamity exclaimed, jumping up and down on the spot and clapping her hands with glee. “Down with princes!”

“Down with princes!” echoed Flora, copying her exactly. She was so in awe of the older girl and it warmed Caroline’s heart to see her playing with her so happily - they were inseparable, and there were frequently tears when one or the other of them had to go home. Hell, there were times when Caroline almost cried to be leaving Gillian, the farmer now such a vital part of her life that she missed her immensely when she wasn’t there. As she continued to watch, Flora stuck her hands on her waist and stood tall, holding her nose in the air in a manner so reminiscent of her mother that Gillian snorted into her tea, and proclaimed, “She’s a strong, intelligent career woman of independent means!” 

“Where the f-f-f-bloody hell did she get that from?!” Gillian spluttered, bursting into laughter as a deep flush rose on Caroline’s cheeks. “Is it you? Have you been saying that?”

“Might have,” Caroline mumbled, burying her face into her tea. She had, actually, been talking to Flora about such things in relation to her favourite Disney princesses, and had made the comment about Elsa from Frozen. Flora had jumped all over it, and she had been just waiting for her to repeat it. Trust her that it was in front of Gillian…

“That was amazing,” Gillian gasped, tears of mirth running down her face. “God, you’re something else, you know that?” Caroline shot her a glare, and the farmer just wrapped her arm around her back, squeezing her shoulder affectionately for a moment before releasing her. 

“At least they’re having fun,” she reasoned, smiling again when the two girls started singing with associated mad dance moves that she hoped would tire them both out suitably so that they would sleep well later. 

“They are,” Gillian agreed, and sighed contentedly as she took another sip of her tea. “So, what did you pretend to be when you were little, then? Other than a ‘strong, intelligent career woman of independent means’?”

“Oh, I didn’t dare to pretend to be that,” Caroline laughed, flipping her hair back over her shoulder. “Can you imagine what my mother would have said if I said that I wanted to have a career? She was horrified enough when I had the boys and didn’t immediately give up work!”

“That’s true,” Gillian giggled, turning to face her and crossing her legs, shooting her a smirk. “Come on then, tell me… If you do then I’ll tell you what I used to pretend.”

“Deal,” Caroline agreed, nodding as she took a fortifying sip of her drink. “Right, well… I used to pretend that I was this scientist, and it was me alone who could solve all of the world's problems… Cure diseases, global hunger, that kind of thing. I loved it, I had a little white coat and everything.” She grinned at the memory, remembering that day that her father had brought it home for her - her mother had rolled her eyes and slammed her way into the kitchen, cross that she wasn’t just playing with prams and dolls like the other little girls, but she had adored it. 

“Awww, I bet you were so cute!” Gillian exclaimed, grinning at her. “Is that where the chemistry thing came from, then?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Caroline replied thoughtfully, tilting her head as she thought back. “Yeah… I mean, part of me imagined that I might become a doctor, and help cure illness and everything… but I’m a bit too squeamish about blood to do that. So… chemistry it was.”

“Well, you’re still a doctor, just a different kind,” Gillian gave back, nodding at her seriously. “And you should be really proud of that. I sometimes forget just what a big shot you are in terms of your education… you’re amazing, Caz. Not many people get to where you have.”

“Oh, well…” Caroline flushed, brushing off the compliment. The look in Gillian’s eyes was so admiring that she could hardly bear to look at her, never one to be able to take praise well. She had learned at her mother’s hand that pride came before a fall, and given that most of her achievements had been met with a very lacklustre response she hadn’t bothered to shout too loudly about them. It was something that had carried through her life, and whilst she knew that she played a certain role when she was at work and around people that she didn’t know well, that exterior bore very little resemblance to what lay underneath. Very few people had ever seen beyond it, and one of them that had managed to get through to her more than most was sitting right in front of her. She offered her a shy little smile and Gillian rubbed her arm affectionately, something in her gaze telling her that she knew exactly what was going through her mind.

“Just accept the compliment graciously and move on,” Gillian said, a challenge in her tone, and Caroline just made a face at her in response. “And don’t look at me like that… if the wind changes you’ll be stuck like that, so my mum used to say.”

“I bet she had a lot of sayings, your mum,” Caroline hummed, and Gillian rolled her eyes at her. “Anyway… how about you? What did you used to pretend to be?”

“Oh, I had quite the imagination,” Gillian started, shooting her another smile. “I wanted to try everything… go everywhere. Do things, you know?” A wistful look appeared on her face as she shifted a little, propping her chin on her hand. “I used to pretend to be a rock star… a detective… a ghost hunter - that was a fun one, freaked my mum out loads with that one… Danny Zucko from Grease, that was a laugh. Loved the leather trousers.” Both of them giggled, and Caroline tried to beat down the thought of the farmer wearing that outfit - it was rather alluring. “What else… an adventurer… one of those people that did holiday shows and toured all round places like Spain and France and Italy… I loved that one. Always wanted to travel.” 

The faraway look in her eyes was replaced by a sad smile, and Caroline reached over to gently squeeze her knee. “There’s still time. We could go away again if you want, with the girls, or maybe even without them…” She wiggled her eyebrows at her, and Gillian’s face split into a smile. 

“That’d be nice. Not sure when I’ll manage it though, given the state of things financially. But I’ll try and put a few pennies to the side. Would be nice to go away with you.” The look of hope in her expression was almost enough to make Caroline volunteer to pay for this whole thing, but she knew that that wouldn’t go down well. Gillian was fiercely independent and liked to pay her way, and she respected that. 

“Well, let's keep it in mind. God knows, I could do with a break.” She sighed, casting her eyes over the landscape once again. “Like you said, it’s so much easier being their age. Everything seems so much easier… you grow up, you get a job, fall in love… and live happily ever after. Sometimes, I…” She trailed off, dropping her head as she exhaled slowly.

“Sometimes, you what?” Gillian asked quietly, clearly sensing that the mood had changed and shuffling a little closer. “Come on, I told you about dressing up as Danny Zucko. Spill.”

Caroline daren’t meet her eyes, terrified that if she did she would see the naked attraction that she felt for her written all over her face. “Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be lucky to find that again. Love, I mean.” She shrugged a little helplessly, an ache settling in her heart. “If anyone will ever want to go there with me again, or if they would love me back.” There was a little too much truth in that statement, and she quickly shifted, looking over to the girls again with forced brightness. “Anyway…”

“Caroline…” Gillian interjected, tapping her knee until she looked at her. “Just… just pretend. That there was someone that wanted to go there with you… and they did… love you back. What would you do?” The farmer had tensed anxiously, nervousness suddenly making her body rigid with tension, and when Caroline met her eyes she couldn’t help her mouth dropping open. 

“I… Well, firstly, I’d want to know who that person was,” she eventually managed to say, swallowing nervously. She had to tread carefully… was this just a rhetorical question? Or was the farmer trying to say something else? “And… well, it would depend if that person was the person that I already… have an interest in.” Unbidden, her gaze fell to her lips, and then she quickly looked away as she flushed. Could she really have been any more obvious?

“Okay, s-s-so, how about…” Gillian started, reaching for her hand and squeezing it gently. “How about… let’s pretend that that person was me. What would you do?” The farmer’s hand was shaking, and Caroline felt her heart start to hammer in her chest. She felt like she was walking a tightrope, peril at either side, and had no idea where to tread next. Plus, her balance had always been notoriously shit.

“If… if that person was you…” Caroline said slowly, trying to keep the wobble out of her voice. “Let’s pretend it was… Then I think I’d be lucky. And… very happy. Very happy indeed.”

Suddenly there was a shout from the girls, and she looked over to see Flora haring after the older girl as she squealed happily. They were clearly playing chase, paying absolutely no attention to the two women navigating an increasingly awkward situation, still perched on the stone wall. Even as she was distracted she felt Gillian’s thumb gently swiping over her knuckles, the other woman wriggling a little closer to her.

“Well, that p-p-person is me, Caz,” Gillian whispered, hanging her head. “Do with that what you will. Anything, or nothing. That’s f-f-fine. Absolutely fine. Or… let’s pretend that it never happened, eh?”

Caroline’s eyes flew to hers in surprise, and she eyed her for a moment, utterly incredulous about the turn that the afternoon had taken. “I don’t want to pretend,” she breathed, gently reaching to cup Gillian’s face in her hand and bring her head up until she met her gaze once again. “Because it's not imaginary that the person that I have an interest in is you.. More than an interest, actually, I…” She flushed, smiling shyly at the other woman. Gillian looked just as shocked as she felt.

“Well… Well, I…” she mumbled, and leant forwards so that her forehead was resting against Caroline’s. It was an achingly tender moment, both of them taking a second to appreciate what had just passed between them, and Gillian reached up to gently stroke her cheek. “Does this mean that I don’t have to pretend that I don’t fancy the pants off you anymore?” she carried on, and Caroline giggled, pulling back a little and beaming at her.

“Only if it means that I don’t have to pretend that I’ve spent many an hour wondering what lies beneath all that flannel and denim,” she quipped, running an appraising eye down her body. “Apart from more flannel and denim, I mean.”

“Oi, you snotty bitch!” Gillian retorted, dropping her mouth open in an exaggerated expression of shock. “I’m going to have my hands full with you, aren’t I?”

“If you feel that way inclined,” Caroline hummed, and by some kind of silent agreement they both leant forwards, their lips brushing together chastley for the first time. 

“Mummy! Calamity fell in sheep poo!” Flora yelled across the courtyard, and both of them sprang apart, blushing like teenagers.

“Coming!” Gillian shouted back, and then turned to look sheepishly at Caroline. “To be continued?” she asked, raising her eyebrows hopefully.

“To be continued,” Caroline confirmed, giving her knee one last squeeze before letting her get up. “Now… go deal with your granddaughter.” She swatted her rear, earning herself a little giggle, and then watched as she ran down to scoop the wailing Calamity off the grass. She found that she was completely speechless, and fully expected to wake up from what had been a rather marvellous dream at any minute. Still, there was no need to pretend anything any more… Reality had just become infinitely more interesting… and she couldn’t wait to see what happened next.

<3

Chapter Text

“I hate these things,” Gillian moaned dramatically as she slumped against the wall, folding her arms over her chest as she scowled. “The music is shit, I'm not allowed to dance, there's no bloody booze to take the edge off, and the dry ice is giving me a headache.” She blew a stream of air upwards to try and get her fringe out of her eyes, but it fell right back where it had been, and she huffed in frustration.

“Spoken like a true fifty something,” Caroline hummed, matching her position as she surveyed the hordes of young children dancing enthusiastically to the strains of whatever twee pop band was currently topping the charts. Gillian swore blind that the tractor made better noise than whoever this was, even when it was on the blink, and Caroline shot her a wry smile. “You wouldn't be especially cross because we've given up our usual Friday, would you?”

“Maybe,” Gillian grumbled, a little flush rising on her cheeks. She didn't want to let on just how disappointed she was - the time that she had Caroline got to spend together was so limited anyway that it seemed incredibly unfair to have to skip a whole evening, especially when she would usually have the blonde flat on her back in bed by now. When Caroline confessed that she'd drawn the short straw and been roped in to supervising the disco she had gamely volunteered to join her, reasoning that any time with her was better than no time, but this? Well, this really sucked. “I was looking forward to… seeing you… was all.”

“Oh, was that all that you were looking forward to? Just seeing me?” Caroline retorted, raising her eyebrows at her. “Not, of course, me doing that thing with my tongue that makes your eyes cross?”

“They do not!” Gillian huffed, shooting her a glare, although she could feel a cheeky smile tugging at her lips. “That's mean, that is, mentioning it at a time like this…” Her gaze dropped to the blonde's lips momentarily before she dragged her eyes away, not wanting to give away to all and sundry that she was currently fantasising about bending her over the nearest table and having her way with her. There were also far too many interested little eyes who might report back to certain nosy grandparents, giving away the clandestine relationship that had been going on for a good few months now. 

Gillian had never quite appreciated just how difficult it would be to keep a secret affair under wraps before, especially when it was with someone as ridiculously attractive as Caroline. The fact that they were required to spend time together in the presence of their family didn’t help, and there had been so many times when she had had to stop herself from gazing at her lovingly across the table whilst Celia warbled on about whatever melodrama was currently occupying her tiny mind. Not to mention the difficulty of keeping her hands off her - she had been thrilled to learn that underneath her fairly staid exterior Caroline had just as much of a sex drive as she did, and trying to forget about that in polite company was incredibly hard. Not to mention the casual little displays of intimacy that she longed to be able to engage in - a kiss hello, a squeeze of her hand, resting her head against her shoulder… Whilst she had always been more tactile than the blonde that need had only grown, and she often craved the reassurance of a simple touch. Still, that was not something that they could really indulge in at a school disco, of all places. 

One of the things that she was working hard not to read too much into was the fact that they hadn’t put a label on what they were… They hadn’t talked about being exclusive, or being girlfriends, and whilst they had skirted around discussions of feelings they had never really had a frank conversation about it. And whilst Gillian had never been one to like being tied down, or dependent on anyone, she was beginning to long for some kind of answer to those questions. What was she to Caroline? She could guess from her actions and how tender she was with her when she was in private, but she’d never actually said anything… 

“Are you coming back to mine afterwards, anyway?” she questioned, shooting her a sly look. “Raff did agree that if we did this then he would take both of them for a sleepover once they were back from the cinema. We’d be mad not to take them up on it…”

“Try and stop me,” Caroline replied, arching her eyebrow at her once again before turning her attention back to the party. “I seem to remember some very salacious text messages that I fully intend on calling on you to fulfil.” Gillian felt another flush rising across her cheeks, and she started to fiddle with her sleeve when she recalled the rather graphic messages that she had sent the headmistress when she knew that she was in the middle of a very busy workday, and wouldn’t be able to do anything about them. It had been followed up by a rather breathy late night phone call where they had… discussed… them more, but now she was being called upon to put her money where her mouth was. Quite literally.

“Sure that can be arranged,” she attempted to say with forced casualness, but couldn’t help the little tremor that was evidence in her voice. “We just have to get through this first, though.”

“Shouldn’t be too much longer, surely,” Caroline sighed, looking down at her watch. It had been about an hour already, and the children were getting to the stage where the initial hyper energy that came as a result of music and flashing lights and dayglo squash in crinkly plastic cups was wearing off. There had been more than one bout of tears, an almost-fight between some of the boys, and a borderline cat fight between some of the girls when they fought over who was going to lead the others in a dance routine. “They’re starting to look exhausted, much longer and we’ll have them starting to fall asleep in the corners.”

“I think some of them already have,” Gillian laughed, nudging her and gesturing towards the corner where two children were slumped on a bench, both of them sucking their thumbs and fast asleep. “Surprised you aren’t yawning more, given your late night.”

“Yes, well…” Caroline murmured, shooting her another stern glance. “What you’re seeing is the product of a good few espressos, courtesy of my secretary - god love that woman - and a red bull on the way over here.”

“God, no wonder you’re bright eyed and bushy tailed,” Gillian giggled, not quite able to imagine the other woman downing an energy drink straight from the can - it wasn’t really her style. “You’ll be giving me a run for my money tonight, then.”

“I’ll be doing my best,” Caroline replied primly, sweeping her fridge away from her eyes with a little smile. “Guess you’ll just have to try and keep up.” 

Gillian made a face at her, earning herself a little chuckle before she gestured over to the refreshments table. “Did you want anything else in the meantime? Cup of tea?” Gillian would much rather it had been a glass of wine - it had been a long, trying week and she was in need of one, but it was no surprise that it wasn’t on offer given the situation. 

“Oh, you do spoil me,” Caroline hummed, shooting her a little smile. “Go on then. Don’t be long, you can’t leave me at the mercy of this lot without backup.” Even as she spoke a wail rose from the dance floor, and a little boy with a horribly snotty nose started stumbling towards them, tears streaming down his face.

“Looks like you’re needed,” Gillian said quickly, grinning at her cheekily before darting off. A grumble of discontent from behind her told her that she’d probably pay for that later, but she didn’t mind. 

The refreshments table was full of the usual kind of things for school discos - cups of squash, bags of cheap crisps, sugar free lollipops - who was the spoilsport who had put those on there? - and even some fruit, which Gillian thought was rather optimistic. It didn’t look like it had been touched at all, and she wasn’t surprised. As well as all the things for the children there was a metal urn full of tea, and even a few little packs of biscuits which had been reserved for the supervising adults. It didn’t look like it was her preferred tea, but it would do.

She busied herself setting out two paper cups, starting to add milk and a couple of sachets of sugar to her own. It wasn’t until someone reached past her to retrieve a packet of sweetener that she even realised that she wasn’t alone.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to get in your way,” came a breathy voice, and Gillian looked to her right to see one of the other supervisors smiling at her. She was tall, blonde and at least ten years younger than her, and rather pretty in an obvious sort of way. 

“You didn’t, don’t worry,” Gillian reassured her, turning back to what she was doing. “Won’t be much longer, just trying to grab something to get us through the next god knows however long.”

“You’re telling me,” the woman laughed, casting her eyes behind them towards the disco. “You’d think that they’d at least play some decent music, not this crap.” Even as the words left her mouth the nauseating strains of Baby Shark came on over the speakers, and they both groaned in tandem.

“Awful, isn’t it,” Gillian agreed, moving to the slide slightly so that she could reach the milk. “These kids, they need a bit of Bowie… or Roxette, or Fleetwood Mac. Something a bit more quality than… sharks…” She screwed up her face and the woman chuckled again, raising her eyebrows at her.

“Stevie Nicks, everybody needs a bit of her, eh?” the woman hummed, and Gillian looked at her in surprise. As she did so, the woman held out her hand in a slightly belated greeting. “I’m Serena, Ethan’s Mum. You’re something to do with Emily, aren’t you?”

Gillian blinked at her for a moment, the fact that her granddaughter bore any other name apart from Calamity momentarily evading her. “Oh, yeah… I’m her Gran, actually. Gillian. Son had her a bit young, you know,” she said awkwardly, flapping her hand behind her towards the little girl who was twirling round and round with Flora. “And Flora - she’s my stepsister’s little girl, she’s the one dancing with her.”

“Oh yes, I know Flora,” Serena nodded, flicking her hair back over her shoulder with a little smile. “So that’s your step sister you’ve been standing with… that’s reassuring.”

“Is it?” Gillian didn’t quite get her point, pausing stirring the tea as she looked at her in confusion. “Why is it reassuring?”

“Well, I can’t say that I haven’t noticed you around the place,” Serena murmured, reaching out to touch her arm as she smiled at her, her eyes sparkling. “You’re a very attractive woman, Gilian, you must know that.”

“Am I?” she said stupidly, a little unnerved when Serena took yet another step into her personal space. “I… I mean…”

“Yes, very attractive indeed.” She raised her eyebrows at Gillian, and she had to fight the urge to turn and run. She had always been able to give as good as she got before now when it came to flirting, but something about this woman… She seemed almost predatory in the way that she was looking at her, like she was a piece of meat that she couldn’t wait to get her teeth into. “So… how about getting a drink some time? Or we could get the kids together, let them have a play whilst we… chat about other things.” She wiggled her eyebrows at her, and Gillian couldn’t help swallowing nervously.

“W-w-well, that’s very n-n-nice of you, I have to say,” she stuttered, looking down at the mess of discarded teabags on the table just for an excuse not to look into her eyes, which were almost pinning her down with their intensity. “But… I can’t. I’m… with someone.” She wished that she could say that she had got a girlfriend, but it didn’t seem right to put a label on it that she hadn’t agreed with Caroline first. “So I can’t.”

“Oh, shame…” Serena trailed her fingers up and down her arm, pouting at her in what she was sure she thought was a seductive way. Gillian just thought that she looked like a constipated ewe. “Sure I can’t tempt you away? I’d definitely make it worth your while.”

“No thank you,” Gillian said firmly, picking up the cups of tea as she smiled at her weakly, although it didn’t meet her eyes. As young and as pretty as this woman was - and Gillian definitely had a history of going for nubile young things - she had absolutely no desire to take her up on her offer. Whatever it was she had with Caroline, it wasn’t worth risking for the sake of a quick roll in the hay - especially when all of her needs in that department were met so completely. Plus she’d never do that to her - she knew that Caroline had a pathological hatred of cheating given her own experiences with her father and then John, and she knew that it would break her. “Anyway, enjoy the rest of your evening.”

She made to turn away, but she wasn’t fast enough. Serena grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in to plant a lipsticked kiss on each of her cheeks in such an exaggerated way that Gillian had to fight the urge to drag her sleeves over them to get rid of the feeling. “You know where I am if you change my mind,” she whispered in her ear, stroking her arm once again before she turned and sashayed back to her side of the hall, her hips swaying in a way that Gillian was utterly sure wasn’t natural.

“Fucking mad,” Gillian muttered, watching her go with a sense of relief. She had a strange feeling that she was like a fly that had just escaped the tangled web of a spider, and hoped that she would leave her alone from now on. Shaking her head in disbelief, she turned back towards Caroline, eager to return to her side. As she did,the blonde’s eyes met hers, and she looked utterly heartbroken.

“Caz?” she said in concern, starting to move towards her. As she started to move a massive swarm of shrieking children cut her off, and she raised the two steaming cups above her head and out of their reach as they pushed past her to the table. “Oi, watch it!” she scolded as several of them stepped on her feet, narrowly avoiding being showered with boiling tea. “You’re gonna get scalded at this rate!”

A chorus of apologies followed her words, and when she looked up again it was to see the space that she had been standing empty, and a flash of blonde hair at the door of the hall that told her that Caroline had just made a swift exit. “Jesus bloody Christ,” she swore, depositing the cups on the nearest table and hurrying after her. Surely she hadn’t watched the exchange between her and Serena and thought that there was anything more to it than there was? It was practically a non event in her mind, so why Caroline had reacted like this…

It took a while for her to search the corridors leading away from the hall before she finally found her, leaning against one of the tiny sinks in what was clearly a bathroom for some of the youngest children at the school. “Caroline…? Are you… alright?” she tried as she took a step through the door, pushing it closed behind her. She hoped that they wouldn’t be missed - there were plenty of supervisors, after all, and she was sure that they could spare them for a few minutes.

“Yes, yes, fine,” Caroline gave back, nodding unconvincingly as she dragged a tissue underneath her eyes. “Just got something in my eye, that’s all.” She tried to smile at her but it was so unconvincing that Gillian shook her head, moving over to gently squeeze her arm. As she did the other woman flinched, and Gillian started, immediately more concerned.

“No, you’re upset,” Gillian challenged her, raising her eyebrows as Caroline averted her eyes from her. “Is this because of that woman? Serena, when I was making tea?”

“No, of course it isn’t,” Caroline snapped, turning around and making a show of looking in the mirror and smoothing down her hair. “Besides, it’s none of my business who you talk to, is it? If you want to talk to her, flirt with her, that’s fine.”

Gillian swallowed nervously, feeling like she was toeing the edge of what could be a bigger argument if she didn’t tread carefully. “I d-d-didn’t want to talk to her, she came up to me,” she tried to explain, folding her arms across her body as anxiety gripped her chest. “I didn’t start the conversation.”

“Course, it doesn’t matter,” Caroline carried on, still making an effort to check her appearance although her eyes still looked rather red. “You do what you like.”

“Are you jealous?” Gillian asked, and then winced as she realised immediately that it was the wrong thing to have said. Caroline’s shoulders tensed and a flush rose on her cheeks.

“No, of course not.” There was so much forced brightness in her tone that it was almost painful, and Gillian wanted so badly to cross the gap between them and hug her to try and make things better, but she had no idea how that would be received… she didn’t want to make things even worse. “Besides, why would I be jealous? I mean… we’re just having a bit of fun, aren’t we? Just… messing around a bit. If you want to find someone new to have a relationship with, then that’s up to you.”

Gillian couldn’t help inhaling sharply, the noise loud in the tiny bathroom as a stab of pain went right through her heart. Did she really mean that? “I don’t want a new r-r-relationship,” she replied, her voice wobbling. “Is… is that all it is, then, Caz? A… bit of fun?” She pulled her arms around her even tighter in an attempt to hold herself together, berating herself for ever having gotten her hopes up that this could have been something more. She might have known that Caroline would never deign to have anything serious with the likes of her, so she shouldn’t really be surprised.

“Well, isn’t it?” Caroline stood up and turned to look at her for the first time, her eyes hard and her face shuttered. Gillian knew this look - it was one that the blonde employed when she didn’t want anyone to know what was really going through her mind, and it meant that she was utterly unreadable. “I mean, you’ve said loads of times that you don’t like being tied down, and I know you like… sex… so…” A nerve in her jaw was twitching, the only thing giving away the emotion underneath the statement, but Gillian was too busy falling down at abyss of her own self loathing to think too much into what it meant.

“Oh…” The word was a whisper, and Gillian felt her face fall. “If… if that’s what you want, Caroline, then… okay.” She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, willing herself not to cry. “But we weren’t flirting. Or, she was flirting with me, and I was trying to get away as fast as possible. I didn’t want anything to do with her.”

“Why?” Caroline asked, taking a deep breath as she looked down at the tissue that she had been shredding in her hands. “What’s not to like? She’s young, blonde, probably a lot fitter than… most people…pretty…” A little wobble in her voice gave Gillian pause, and she swallowed again, trying to build up her courage. It was what was so difficult for both of them when it came to discussing things like this - both of them had been through so much shit in the course of their lives - romantically and otherwise - that both of them were terrified of having their hearts broken. It was a fact that Gillian knew all too well about herself, but something in the way Caroline was acting made her wonder if she was just the same. 

“I don’t want her, or anyone like her,” Gillian mumbled, still trying to hold herself together. “I… I hoped…”

“What did you hope?” Caroline interrupted, sounding so unlike herself that it was a little jarring. Her voice was small and hurt, and it made Gillian ache to make it better. 

“I hoped I wouldn’t need to find anyone else,” Gillian whispered, her cheeks flaming bright red as she looked down at the sink. “I hoped that… I’d already found someone.”

A short silence fell between them, and Gillian found herself starting to shake. Had she gone too far? Had she pushed things beyond where she should? She couldn’t be about to lose the one really, really good thing that she had ever had in her life, the thing that made her feel like life was worth living and gave meaning to her days. Surely…

“I hoped I’d found someone too,” Caroline eventually said, and she sounded close to tears. “But… Gillian, did you not see the way that she was looking at you? And you talked to her for ages, you didn’t just brush her off… And she clearly liked you, and-”

“But I didn't like her!” Gillian shot back, looking up at her quickly. “Honestly, Caroline, you can’t accuse me of d-d-doing anything because I didn’t, I wanted to get away from her as fast as possible. I spent half that conversation telling her that I… that I h-h-had someone, and wasn’t available. I thought she was a total nutter!”

“You told her about me?” Caroline asked, looking stricken and Gillian couldn’t help sighing as she hung her head again.

“I told her I had someone, I didn’t say it was you,” Gillian replied tiredly, raking her hand through her hair. “I didn’t think that you’d want me to tell her. I mean… bit of a come down for you, isn’t it, someone like me, after someone like Kate.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Caroline looked utterly dumbfounded, and Gillian couldn’t help swearing as she shook her head. 

“Come off it, Caz! I’ve thanked my lucky stars every day of the last few months that I’ve got to have this time with you, that someone as bloody amazing, wonderful, clever as you is mucking around with someone like me!” Her exasperation was clear in her tone, and Caroline’s mouth fell open in surprise. “We never talked about it, never put a label on what we were so I just tried to forget about it, and enjoy whatever time we had, and-” Gillian couldn’t help it any longer and burst into tears, the surge of frustration that she had been feeling ebbing away as she covered her face with her hands. 

“Gillian…” Caroline took a couple of steps forwards and wrapped her arms around her, pulling her into her chest and pressing a quick kiss into her hair. “I didn’t know you felt like that… and you know it’s bollocks, right?”

“Is it?” Gillian wept, pressing her face a little further into her neck. “How was I meant to know, Caz? It’s not like… it’s not like I’ve got a particularly good track record with it all, is it? And you said it yourself, I like sex, so…”

“I shouldn’t have said that, and I’m sorry,” Caroline said apologetically, tightening her arms around her. “I was just… I was just hurt. And yes, I was jealous… You know how much I can’t abide cheating and everything like that, not that you were - don’t think I’m saying that. I just…” She let out a long sigh, her shoulders slumping. “I just thought about how awful it would be if I lost you, and I had to see you with someone new.”

“I don’t want anyone new,” Gillian said again, her voice muffled against Caroline’s top. “I only want you, Caroline. And I’m sorry if-”

“Don’t be sorry, never be sorry,” Caroline said quickly, pushing her away a little and beaming at her. “Because… well, because all I want is you, too. In every sense of the word… I want to be able to call you my girlfriend, to be seen with you, for people to know that you’re mine and not hit on you at stupid school discos when they’re meant to be paying attention to a bunch of line dancing children!”

“Line dancing children?” Gillian gave back, scrunching her face up. “When did they start line dancing?”

“Gillian!” Caroline was frustrated now and gave her a little shake. “All of the things that I just said and you only focus on the last bit?”

“Sorry,” Gillian giggled, and then reached up shyly to cup her face and stroke her thumb down her cheek. “I… I’d like to be able to call you my girlfriend, too. And… for people to know you’re mine. Are you sure you want that, though?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more in my life,” Caroline hummed, and pulled her closer to press a soft, adoring kiss against her lips. The familiar yet wonderful sensation had Gillian gasping into her mouth, and she responded eagerly as the blonde tugged her lower lip carefully between her teeth. When they parted a few moments later she couldn’t help beaming at her, and Caroline grinned back, looking happier than she’d seen her in a very long time. “As much as I’d like to cement this a little more…” She raised her eyebrows, and Gillian flushed, especially as the evidence of that was very obvious - at some point during their kiss she had untucked her shirt, although quite when she didn’t know. “I think we have a disco full of children to take care of, don’t we?”

“Shame,” Gillian murmured, her tears already drying on her cheeks as she kissed her again, needing just a little more physical contact to tide her over until the night was over and they could reconnect again. “Although even I draw the line at shagging in a primary school toilet. If we were in the pub it would be a different story, but…”

“Oh, I know all about you and pubs,” Caroline replied solemnly, raising her eyebrows at her. “Especially if two weeks ago is anything to go by. I never did find that pair of underwear, you know… I bet the cleaner had a right laugh.”

“Oh, I found them instead, they were in my back pocket,” Gillian confessed, a cheeky smile sliding onto her face. “Didn’t feel like giving them back… it was quite something knowing that you were sitting there without any on.” 

“Gillian, you-” Caroline started to protest, but Gillian swallowed her words with another heat filled kiss. “You idiot,” she eventually said, shaking her head at her, and Gillian chuckled.

“I’m your idiot, though,” she ventured, and Caroline nodded, pulling her in for a quick hug.

“Yes, yes you are,” she hummed, and pressed a quick kiss into her hair. “Now, come on, otherwise the teachers will come looking for us.”

“Ooh, the teachers,” Gillian giggled, but allowed herself to be pushed out of the bathroom and back towards the main hall. There was a new spring in her step as she walked - she hadn’t come to this ridiculous event expecting to leave with the answers to all of her questions, but somehow she had… There were still things to talk about, of course, but it would surely be easier now they at least knew how they felt about each other.

As they walked into the hall again the thumping base of another horrific children’s pop song echoed through the speakers, and both of them winced as they made their way back to their place against the wall.

“Christ, this is worse that I remembered,” she yelled over the music, and Caroline nodded, her face crumpled in distaste. After shooting her a little smile, she turned her attention back to the children, only to spot Serena twinkling at her from the other side of the dancefloor. As she met her eyes she gave her a seductive little wave and a wiggle of her hips, and Gillian couldn’t help frowning at her. All of a sudden she felt Caroline’s hand slip into hers, and the blonde raised her hand to her lips and kissed it. Gillian looked at her, her eyes widening with surprise as she realised that Caroline was staring at Serena too, an almost possessive gleam in her eyes.

“Mine,” she mouthed, and the other woman’s face dropped as she took a step backwards, folding her arms over her chest. Gillian met her eyes again in a kind of wonder, not quite believing that she had gone as far as to claim her in front of everyone. “That alright?” Caroline asked, offering her a little smile. “Mine?”

“Yours,” Gillian agreed, and kissed the back of her hand for good measure. “All yours.”

<3

Chapter Text

“Tea?” Gillian murmured as she peppered little kisses down Caroline’s cheek and onto her neck. “You must be thirsty after all that exercise…” She tightened her arm around the blonde’s waist for a few moments, pulling her naked body into her own as she hummed in satisfaction. Caroline let a small smile creep across her face, loving these little moments of intimacy that she was finally getting to share with the brunette. 

“Tea sounds good,” she gave back, turning over so that they were face to face and gently brushing her fingers down her cheek. “Hurry back, though. I’m in the mood for some more exercise before I have to go pick up Flora later.” She was gratified to see the naughty smirk that crept across Gillian’s features as she pressed another kiss to her lips, and allowed her eyes to slide shut as she hopped out of bed. 

What she hadn’t said to the other woman was that she wanted her to hurry back because she would miss her… It was ridiculous, really - she was only going to be gone for a matter of minutes but even that felt like too long when they had to scrape around for every spare minute of spare time to spend with each other. They had only recently progressed their relationship to something more, and neither of them felt like confessing that they had been shagging like bunny rabbits ever since to the family at large. Not yet, anyway… Not until they knew what it was. 

Caroline knew how she felt, of course - she had known for a long time that her feelings for Gillian had tipped into love. And not the love that one usually held for one’s step sister… No. This was something else entirely. She had found that she thought about her in almost every waking moment, always thinking about things that she wanted to tell her or talk to her about, and had started to find so many of the little things that she did utterly adorable. The way she scrunched her nose when she laughed, the love that radiated out of her as she played with her grandchildren, the capability that she demonstrated with just about any task that was presented to her… And those were just a few things. Gillian was incredibly easy to love - at least from where she was sitting.

Not that she had told her.

Oh, she wanted to, of course. The thing was, there hadn’t really been the right moment… Rather than starting a relationship with a sensible conversation - as she would have probably preferred, especially at her stage of life - they had gotten a little bit too drunk after another night at Hebden Women’s Disco, and fallen into bed with each other shortly afterwards. Talking about exactly what was between them had fallen by the wayside, and they hadn’t even put a label on it. Gillian seemed perfectly happy - indeed, she was seeing a new side to her that she’d never seen before. She hadn’t quite been able to believe that she could be so gentle, caring and loving in her every action towards Caroline, whilst still managing to be passionate and drive her absolutely mental with desire at the same time. The longer she left it to confess the harder it seemed to get, as she had quickly realised what she stood to lose if it all went tits up. It would keep… for now.

As she shifted again in the bed, her muscles already aching deliciously from the rather exuberant shag that they had engaged in when she had “popped in” after work, she opened her eyes again and stared dreamily at the ceiling. It wasn’t quite as comfortable in Gillian’s bedroom as her own, but she would still choose it first if it meant that she could be with her. She propped herself up on her elbows and gazed expectantly at the door, hearing the telltale rumble of the kettle as well as Gillian singing something that she vaguely recognised. She really did love her… After a few moments her attention wandered, and she started looking around the room. Whilst the decor was a little faded, even a little drab, it held a charm of its own and Caroline found herself feeling incredibly at home. Even as that thought crossed her mind, she realised that something was missing…

“GILLIAN!” she yelled, her brow furrowing as she sat up in bed properly and glared in her general direction. “Are you wearing my jumper again?!” There was a pregnant pause from the kitchen, and Caroline narrowed her eyes, just being able to picture the other woman’s expression. 

“NOOOO…” eventually came the reply, and Caroline growled in response, grabbing Gillian’s dressing gown - that she really should have been wearing herself - and pulling it on as she stormed along the corridor to look down the stairs.

“Gillian?!” Caroline stood at the top of the steps and dropped her hands on her hips, holding herself like the headteacher she was as the sheepish farmer eventually appeared at the bottom of the stairs, clutching two brimming mugs of tea. “I knew it…” It was just as she had thought. Gillian had pilfered the jumper that she had worn over to the farm, the cream cashmere hanging loosely off her frame and barely covering her arse. She looked utterly adorable, and part of the blonde wanted to just revel in the fact that she had chosen to wear something of hers, but the fact was the drinks were incredibly full and very near the expensive fabric…

“Sorry, Caz,” Gillian grimaced, looking a little guilty. “It was just the first thing I picked up, I wasn’t paying attention.” There was an expression on her face that made Caroline think that she probably wasn’t telling the whole truth, and she sighed in exasperation before walking down the stairs and taking the tea from her.

“I wouldn’t mind, apart from that one is cashmere, and cost a bloody bomb,” she huffed, turning and making her way back to the bedroom with Gillian in tow. The farmer was twisting her hands in the soft fabric, looking guiltier by the second, and Caroline only just managed to refrain from telling her to stop doing that too. She shouldn’t really be that bothered - she would be able to buy a new one if anything did happen, but the fact was that it was one of her favourites. She carefully placed the tea down on one of the bedside cabinets and climbed back onto the bed, raising her eyebrows at the other woman who was still standing anxiously at the end. “Sometimes I think you just like me telling you off… Have you got something about the headteacher in me, or something?” She kept her tone playful, wanting to lighten the mood after her moment of grumpiness.

“Well…” Gillian hopped from foot to foot, tugging at the hem of the jumper as a smirk slid onto her face yet again. “Maybe… I can’t deny that the thought of you at work, all dressed up and authoritative…” She gave a low whistle as her cheeks flamed red, and Caroline couldn’t help letting out a little chuckle.

“If that’s something you’re into, I’m sure that we can capitalise on that…” she hummed, offering her a smirk of her own. “Now…” She gestured towards the jumper. “Off.” Gillian giggled, tearing the soft jumper off her lithe frame and pouncing on her, earning herself a breathless gasp as she pinned her to the mattress. 

“You really are such a snotty bitch…” she whispered, earning herself a little growl from the blonde.

“And you really are trailer trash,” Caroline retorted, resorting to the almost affectionate nicknames that they used after throwing them at each other as insults just a few years ago. She seemed a lifetime since that first meeting - both of them had been through so much, and she had never imagined that she might be in this situation now - desperately, hopelessly, irrevocably in love with her. Even if she did steal her jumpers.

Despite her regular rebukes, over the next few weeks she found that Gillian stole one of her jumpers or cardigans at every opportunity that she got, preferring to lounge around - when she had the chance, of course - in just a pair of underwear and one of the oversized garments. Whilst Caroline found it rather endearing, she quickly launched a campaign of her own.

In the time that she had known Gillian she had never really known her to have many new clothes. There was the odd thing, of course - a dress for a special occasion, or a new pair of wellies when her old ones got so full of holes that she would have been better going out, and even a new boiler suit when she had worn through the knees of the one that she wore every day. But never jumpers… 

Now that they were in… well, whatever this was. Relationship? Situationship? Friends with benefits? She felt that she had every right to buy her the odd thing here and there. Up until now she had resisted the urge to buy a huge stack of jumpers for her from the country clothing catalogue - the one that she kept in her bedside table for reasons that really shouldn’t be discussed in polite company, and was now useless given that she had her very own farmer to play with. She knew that Gillian could see anything like that as her trying to control her, a suggestion that she wasn’t good enough or needed charity in some way. She knew that she had to come up with a plan…

Jumpers dutifully ordered - all in muted colours that she had noticed Gillian wearing before, and all hard wearing but unbelievably soft and warm at the same time - she had taken to sneaking them into the farmhouse, hiding them in places where the other woman might just pick them up and pull them on without thinking about it. The washing basket, her wardrobe, screwed up on the chair in the corner of her room… she even managed to get one onto the back seat of the Landy, although Gillian caught her and she pretended instead that she suddenly had a very vested interest in seeing how comfortable the backseats were. Not very, she had found out shortly afterwards, although the orgasm that she got out of it was pretty spectacular. 

The plan seemed to be working… After a week or so she started noticing that Gillian was wearing the jumpers, not even seeming to notice that they were anything different from the norm. Far from being upset at that point, Caroline had been quietly thrilled at the idea that she was wearing something that kept her warm and cosy that she had bought her. It was a lovely thought, although she resisted the urge to say anything about it.

“Are you hungry?” Gillian whispered into her ear the next time she stayed over, waking the blonde from a state of semi consciousness that she had fallen into after the other woman had pushed her over the edge not once but twice in quick succession, leaving her spent and exhausted as she flopped on the mattress. She was repaying her for her own actions earlier in the afternoon, and Caroline had thought the trade more than fair. 

“A bit…” she mumbled, sighing happily. “Not for much though. Toast?”

“Toast,” Gillian agreed, planting a soft kiss against her forehead before slipping out of bed. It was only when her footsteps started pounding down the stairs that Caroline opened her eyes, looking up curiously as she tried to spot her jumper. One of the new ones that she had snuck into the bedroom lay crumpled on the floor where she had stripped it off the farmer earlier, but her own… that was gone!

“GiLLIAN!” she shouted, and all she got back from downstairs was a laugh. Again she found herself pulling on the dressing gown, storming down the hall and this time down the stairs to where Gillian was leaning against the counter, the bread already browning in the toaster. “You’re wearing my jumper. AGAIN!”

“Uh…” Gillian looked down at herself and opened her mouth, but Caroline held up her hand to stop her.

“Don’t say that it was the first thing that you grabbed, the other one I bought you was right there!” she protested, and then gulped as she realised what she’d said. “I mean…”

“I know you bought me that other one,” Gillian replied quietly, looking a little nervous. “And all the other ones - I’m not stupid, Caroline, I know you’ve been sneaking them in all over the place trying to get me to wear them. Are you playing dress up the farmer, or something?”

“N-no…” Caroline gave back, a little on the back foot now. She knew that Gillian would eventually notice, but she didn’t think that she’d actually known all along and was just keeping quiet. That was a little disconcerting. “I… I just wanted you to have your own jumpers, was all. Something to keep you warm… I worry about you getting cold.” She blushed, feeling a little silly. 

“And I appreciate it, I wouldn’t have bitten your head off,” Gillian murmured, shifting from foot to foot. “They’re lovely… Just what I would have picked myself, actually.”

“I’m glad you like them,” Caroline said awkwardly, still feeling a little wrongfooted. “But… why aren’t you wearing them?”

“Have you got a problem with me wearing your jumpers?” Gillian almost whispered, looking a little sad as she gently tugged at the sleeve. Again, she looked utterly adorable - today’s garment was a soft pink wool, and reached her mid thigh. The sleeves drowned her hands and it hung off one of her shoulders, but oddly, it suited her. 

Caroline looked at her thoughtfully. “I guess it’s just that I don’t understand it,” she eventually said, raking her hand through her hair. “I know I’m a little precious about my clothes sometimes, but I do trust you… Why do you want to wear them?”

“Don’t you know?” Gillian hung her head, completely missing the pop of the toaster behind her. It could wait…

“Don’t I know what?” Caroline felt incredibly confused. What wasn’t she getting?!

Gillian let out a long sigh, crossing her arms over her chest in what the blonde recognised as a gesture of self protection. “I… I like wearing them because I can f-f-feel close to you. And…” She flushed, looking incredibly embarrassed, and Caroline relented. She walked over to her and snaked her arms around her waist, peering down imploringly into her face.

“Tell me… come on,” she encouraged, pressing a quick kiss to her temple. “I won’t bite. Much.” She bared her teeth at the other woman and was glad to hear a little giggle. 

“We haven’t really talked about us,” Gillian suddenly burst out, stiffening a little in her arms. “About… what this is, or what we’re doing. Or if we’re just totally mad.” She ducked her head again, avoiding Caroline’s expression. “But… Christ, Caroline, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me… And… what I’m trying to say…” She broke off, mumbling something, and Caroline pulled back to peer into her face yet again.

“What was that? I didn’t catch it?” she asked, her heart starting to beat faster in her chest. She had an inkling, but she wasn’t sure…

“I wear them because I love you, okay?” Gillian mumbled, her eyes downcast. “I… they smell like you. They remind me of you… they’re comforting. And… I like feeling close to you.”

Caroline’s mouth dropped open in surprise. Out of everything that she had expected Gillian to say, this hadn’t been one of the options that she considered. “You… you love me?” she whispered, and Gillian nodded, hunching in on herself even more. “Really?”

“Y-y-yeah…” Gillian muttered, reaching up to drag the sleeve of the jumper over her face. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Caroline let out a little laugh, moving her hands to cup her beautiful face. “Gillian Greenwood, you ridiculous woman… I love you too.”

At her words Gillian looked up incredulously, meeting Caroline’s eyes. She searched her expression, obviously looking for any hint of insincerity. “Really?” she breathed, and Caroline nodded quickly, gently stroking her fingers down her cheeks. 

“So much, for such a long time,” she confessed, both of them giggling as the ridiculousness of the situation washed over them. As if to confirm her point, she pulled her close and kissed her. She wanted it to affirm the connection that they had with each other, and somehow it did - it felt almost like their first kiss had, but far better. Better, because this time it came with a kind of commitment, a shared knowledge that this wasn’t just something that was a quick flash in the pan.

“I…I can’t believe it,” Gillian mumbled when they eventually parted, tears shining in her eyes. “I never thought… so…”

“So… might you want to be my girlfriend, then?” Caroline asked hopefully, and Gillian’s face lit up with happiness. It was like someone had flicked a switch inside her, and she looked almost radiant as a result, and more beautiful than ever. 

“Yeah. Yes. Please,” she said quickly, nodding for good measure before Caroline pulled her in for another kiss. It went on and on, and after a little while Caroline managed to nudge her onto the kitchen counter as Gillian wrapped her legs around her. 

“One thing, though…” she breathed when they eventually surfaced for oxygen. “One thing that I have to say…”

“What’s that?” Gillian asked breathlessly, stroking her hair off her forehead tenderly. “Come on… spit it out.”

“Being my girlfriend doesn’t mean you can steal all my jumpers,” she said sternly, raising her eyebrows at the woman that she was now able to call her girlfriend. Gillian’s face fell a little and she dropped her chin, looking down at the wonderfully rumpled fabric that pooled around her body. “But…”

“But?” Gillian looked up, a smile brightening her features once again.

“You can keep this one… and the cream one,” Caroline said decisively, gently running her hands down her sides. “And then you can wear them… and think of me.” She quirked her eyebrow at her, and then couldn’t help chuckling when Gillian wrapped her arms around her once again, peppering little kisses down the side of her face. 

“With pleasure,” she mumbled, and Caroline leant over to kiss her once again. She would never tire of this, or her… And, really, as far as she was concerned she could take all of her clothes if it meant that she got to be the keeper of her heart. There was nothing more precious to her in the world.

<3

Chapter Text

“Well, that was f-f-f-bloody awful,” Gillian groaned as she clambered into the passenger seat of the jag, turning to Caroline and shaking her head. “I swear, between them they just get worse and worse. Do you think it’s just old age that’s making them such grumpy shits, or what?”

“God knows,” Caroline gave back, shaking her head incredulously. “I mean… what were they on? They had a go at just about everyone at that table today, between them. And fancy going on at you about your tool shed!”

“I know, I’d like to try and see them keep some order in there,” Gillian grumbled, strapping herself in and then folding her arms over her chest as she frowned darkly. She didn’t even know where it had come from - one moment they were all enjoying a nice meal out to celebrate her father’s birthday, and the next minute he was grumbling at her about not keeping the farm in a better state of repair. It seemed that he had noticed that the felt on the roof of the shed had come loose and had started to flap in the wind, but rather than tell her, he had waited until they were all together to have a go about it. That had led onto why it wasn’t better organised, why some of the fences still needed a lick of paint and why the wallpaper in the hallway of the farmhouse was coming away at the edges… She hadn’t been able to catch a break. “They weren’t exactly easy on you either - how many times did your mother insinuate that you have vermin over at yours?”

“Oh, at least six,” Caroline said crossly, rolling her eyes as she pushed the keys into the ignition. “Honestly, we never had vermin, I had the pest people out and everything, and they couldn’t find even a trace of them!”

“Plus I bet Ruth would go nuts if they were scurrying about in the walls, wouldn’t she?” Gillian offered, and Caroline nodded in agreement. “I dunno, perhaps they need to piss off on holiday or something.”

“Oh, wouldn’t that be nice,” Caroline groaned, allowing her eyes to slide closed for a moment with a blissful smile. “Then she wouldn’t be ringing me up every five minutes telling me about all the drama with the neighbours… She’s got a log book now, you know! I had a look at it the other day. 9.56am, Mr X goes out, it's cold and he isn’t wearing a coat. Suspicious. 10.34am, Mr X comes back, holding a blue plastic bag. Looks shifty. Probably dealing drugs.” She scoffed, shaking her head as Gillian looked at her incredulously.

“And who the flamin’ hell is Mr X?” she asked, widening her eyes at the blonde. “Some poor fella she’s taken against?”

“He’s their neighbour, and he’s 87!” Caroline shot back, their eyes locking. A beat of silence passed between them, and that was enough for the moment to turn into hilarity. Both of them burst out laughing, and didn’t stop until tears were rolling down their faces and they were gasping for breath. 

“God, she’s nuts,” Gillian eventually managed, wiping the tears from her eyes with her sleeve as she fought to bring herself back under control. “Absolutely nuts.”

“So is he, he’s started investigating the local gardening club with Harry, reckons that they’re growing cannabis,” Caroline wheezed, pressing her hand against her chest as she tried to get her breath back. “When I last picked Flora up they were off out on their way to the allotments with a magnifying glass and an ancient polaroid camera to go and gather evidence. They reckon they’re going to go and see that sergeant down at Sowerby Bridge and present her with whatever it is they find.”

“Oh, that Cawood?” Gillian asked, and Caroline nodded. “They’ll be lucky. She’s a tough nut, that one. She’ll eat them alive.” Her eyes widened as something occurred to her. “Eh, Caz, you don’t reckon your mum is going to give her that log book, too, do you? That would be carnage…”

“Oh, shit…” Caroline choked out, and that was it, both of them were gone again, practically falling into each other’s laps as they lost themselves to laughter. These moments… they were everything. As she gradually calmed down, Gillian couldn’t help the rush of love that she felt for the blonde. Although the change in their relationship had been relatively recent, she had been in love with her for so long that being able to enjoy these little moments without worrying that she was going to give herself away. Fundamentally, Caroline was her best friend - the best friend that she had ever had, in fact, and she felt a massive sense of relief that that hadn’t changed after they’d confessed their feelings. Instead, it had just got better. 

“You know what did make it easier today, though?” she asked when she had eventually calmed down enough to speak. “Knowing that I had you there, and we were both thinking that it was ridiculous.”

“Yeah, that definitely helped,” Caroline agreed, reaching over the centre console to take her hand and run her thumb over her knuckles. “Not to mention that cheeky snog you gave me in the bathroom halfway through. That kept me going…”

“That kept me going, too,” Gillian murmured, wiggling her eyebrows at her, and the blonde blushed. “Do you think they suspect anything yet?”

“No, not yet, I don’t think,” Caroline hummed thoughtfully, tilting her head to one side. “I thought that I caught Ellie looking at me a bit funny a couple of times, but I wasn’t sure.”

“It’s Ellie, she’s always doing that,” Gillian laughed, shifting a little in her seat to angle her body more towards the blonde. “And… good. If they’re like that with me about the tool shed then I hate to think what they’ll be like about me corrupting you.”

“You hardly corrupted me,” Caroline snorted, although her brow furrowed in concern. “That’s not what you think, is it? That they’ll find out about us eventually and blame you?”

“Well, they will, won’t they?” Gillian’s mouth turned down at the corners as she dropped her gaze, starting to fiddle with some loose threads on the hem of her jacket. “They won’t think that you chose to be with me deliberately. They’ll think I tricked you into it, or… I dunno…”

“I think they’ll think I infected you with lesbian spores,” Caroline mused, shooting her a little smirk. “And, who knows - maybe I did. You could have been straight as an arrow before I came along, and look at you now…” She shrugged, her eyes sparkling. “Ruined you for men everywhere.”

“Well, they always say girls do it better,” Gillian drawled, winking at her and earning herself a giggle in return. “And you know that’s not true - as much as I’d like to tell you that you turned me, I’d only ever gone consistently with men because I thought it would kill my Dad once and for all if, on top of everything else, I also brought home a girlfriend.”

“Oh, and there was me thinking I was all powerful,” Caroline replied softly, amusement lacing her tone. “And I don’t think it would be your Dad that we’d have to worry about, actually. He likes me… Mum, though…” She sucked her teeth and Gillian winced, hating the thought of the elderly woman finding out. She was sure to give them both hell.

“Do… do you regret it?” she asked quietly, a flush of embarrassment rising on her cheeks as she avoided her gaze once again. “Meeting me, I mean. Ending up… like this.” She flapped her free hand between them, grimacing a little. “I mean… it would have been easier for you if we hadn’t gone here, wouldn’t it?”

“Oh, Gillian, no…” Caroline said immediately turning around fully in her seat and taking her other hand too, squeezing it tightly. “No, never, ever think that. My life would be so infinitely worse if it wasn’t for you, and us, well…” She heaved another sigh, offering her a little smile. “Us… I've never been this happy, Gillian. Ever. I don’t even want to think about how awful my life would be without you. And I don’t give a flying fuck what they say, it’s not going to stop me being with you… alright?”

“Alright…” Gillian agreed, a little smile gracing her features. “As long as you’re sure.”

“Oh, I’m so sure,” Caroline breathed, and leant over the gap between them and kissed her, before Gillian pulled back with a shocked gasp.

“Caz, we’re still in the pub car park,” she hissed, her eyes darting all around them. “What if someone sees? Dad? Or your Mum?”

“We’ll just tell them they’ve been seeing things, going senile,” Caroline said solemnly, and both of them burst into giggles once again. “No, I mean it, though. I never want to hear you even suggesting that again, alright? I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Gillian hummed, and let out a happy sigh as she stroked the other woman’s hands. “I still remember the first time you held my hand. Do you remember?”

Caroline smiled gently, tangling their fingers together once again. “Yeah… of course I remember. It was that night that the two of them got locked in the hall, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah… or, the early hours of the morning,” Gillian nodded, casting her mind back to that time. It was so long ago now, but she could recall it like it was yesterday. “Everything was such a mess back then… I was being a twat with that idiot… Paul…” she winced, and Caroline chuckled, clearly remembering how it had been for her. “Robbie hanging around, and John.”

“John,” Caroline groaned, and both of them rolled their eyes.

“Yeah… and then… you came along, and you were just so different, Caroline. Different to anyone I’d met before, and…” She furrowed her brow, trying to search for the right words. “I dunno… just different.”

“More of a snotty bitch, you mean?” Caroline asked, hiking one of her eyebrows, and Gillian shook her head quickly.

“You know that was only a momentary thing,” Gillian deflected, shaking her head. It had  been a label that had come back from time to time when she thought of the blonde, but she was self aware enough to have realised that every time she had considered her that way had been because she was jealous, or was wishing for something that she couldn’t have. “No… Thing is, I don’t think you realised… you had friends, or people you could… talk to… or whatever. I had no one… there was my Dad, and I had to be careful about what I said with him, and then Raff, but he was so young. Harry and Morris, well, foghorns of West Yorkshire, those two. Half the county would have known about it if I’d ever talked to them about anything.” She sighed, giving herself a little shake to try and dispel some of the sad feeling that had settled over her as she recalled that time, before meeting Caroline’s eyes once again. “And then… well, you came along. And you never… judged me. Ever. Even when I did the stupidest things… Even when I’d upset you, you never… never rejected me.” Tears gathered in her eyes as she shot the blonde a wobbly smile, wanting her to know just how much it had meant to her.

“Gillian…” Caroline murmured, squeezing her hands ever harder as she wriggled as close as she could get. “Of course I didn’t… I’d never. And… you say that I had people to talk to… I really didn’t. No one I could trust, or who wouldn’t try and use it against me and stab me in the back. Even Kate… she got fed up of some of the things that I was going on about, and…” The blonde winced, clearly not wanting to speak ill of the dead, and Gillian lifted her hands up to press her firm, heated kiss to the back of each one. “And then you… well, we’ve always just been able to tell each other things, haven’t we?”

“We have,” Gillian nodded, both of them giving each other emotional smiles. “All just seems to come out. Apart from the fact that we were in love with each other for f-f-f-bloody years and didn’t say anything.”

“Yes, apart from that,” Caroline chuckled, tossing her hair back over her shoulder before carrying on. “You were - and are - the very best friend I’ve ever had,” she admitted, her eyes growing a little shinier. “And I always want to be the one who holds your hand, through everything. Whatever shit life has got to throw at us… I want this.” She gave their hands a little shake, and Gillian let out a strangled sob before finding herself being pulled into her arms. This really was all she wanted too, so much so that she almost didn’t believe that it was happening. It was too wonderful, too special for the likes of her, and she knew that she would thank her lucky stars every day for the rest of her life if she continued to be able to say she was hers. 

“What did you think of me, that first time, then?” Caroline asked when they finally pulled away from each other, swiping a tear from underneath her eye. “Rocking up on the farm looking like hell.”

“You didn’t look like hell, you looked beautiful,” Gillian insisted, giving her another little smile. “And… oh, god, you’re making me go all soppy and romantical.”

“Romantical? Is that even a word?” Caroline questioned, scrunching up her face a little, and Gillian couldn’t help giggling at her. Even like that, she was still the most beautiful woman that she had ever seen.

“Might be, might not. But… well, what I was trying to say was…” She took a deep breath, gathering together her courage. “I thought that you were wonderful. Even though we hadn’t had the best start, and we didn’t really know what to think of each other, I remember sitting there on that wall outside with you when I was so upset and I just knew… I knew you were there, and you wouldn’t go anywhere. You wouldn’t… leave me.”

“Never,” Caroline whispered in confirmation, reaching up to sweep a tear away from her cheek. “You never, ever have to worry about that.” She pulled her into her arms again, embracing her tightly as she pressed kisses into her hair, and Gillian found her equilibrium again. When she finally pulled away the storm of emotions that had just been stirred up with her words had settled, and she offered her a shy smile.

“What did you think of me, then? That first time?” she questioned, not sure if she really wanted to hear the response but pushing ahead anyway. “Bet you thought I was a right nutter. Trailer trash. Whatever.”

“You know I didn’t,” Caroline chastised, shaking her head at her a little before fixing her with a long stare. “I remember thinking that you were strong… You were so strong to have been through everything that you had and still be getting up every morning, and putting a smile on your face. I remember watching the sunrise with you and feeling, despite everything, that I was exactly when I was meant to be at that moment… And everything just became clearer. So… I thought you were pretty wonderful too, actually.”

“Now who’s romantical,” Gillian managed to choke out, unable to stop herself from trembling. Strong… it was a word that she hadn’t ever really attributed to herself, but she could see why Caroline had thought that. A flicker of something stirred in her stomach, and it took her a few moments to realise that it was pride. Pride in the fact that she had managed to keep the farm going for so many years - as difficult as it had been - without losing it. Pride that she had finally stood up for herself and divorced Robbie, putting herself first and voicing her fears for one of the first times in her life. Pride that all of the steps that she had taken, every inch forward and every mile back, that had led her right here to Caroline… and she knew that she wouldn’t change it. Not a thing. 

“Shall we go home?” Caroline asked softly, and she nodded at her, leaning in for one final kiss before the blonde started her engine.

“Home,” she agreed, settling back in the seat. It was a wonderful concept, but for her it wasn’t a place… her home was currently sitting right next to her, and as long as she was able to have her close, she would never be without one. Not ever.

<3

Chapter Text

“Caz, have you got any paracetamol?” Gillian’s voice echoed through to the en-suite where Caroline was just towelling dry her hair after a long, rather extended shower. She hadn’t intended it to be as such, but Gillian had insisted on coming in with her and ‘making use of the facilities’, as she called it. She didn’t know quite when she had been deemed a facility, but that was by the by. It had been remarkably satisfying none the less, even if she did now need to go and buy some more of her fancy shower gel given that in the heat of the moment it had got upended and spilled all over the floor, not that either of them had noticed given what was going on at the time. 

“In the top drawer,” she called back, folding the towel neatly and then placing it in the washing basket. Gillian always laughed at her for doing such things, but she had reasoned that she could fit more in if she at least did so neatly, so she wasn’t going to change the habit of a lifetime. “Why do you want them? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just starting to get a bit of a headache,” Gillian explained, and the sound of the drawer being pulled out carried through to her as well as rummaging. She was sure that she was going to have to reorganise it later, although the tablets really shouldn’t be hard to find - they were right at the top. Caroline tightened the belt of her dressing gown around her middle and made her way back into the bedroom, only to find herself stopped in her tracks when she caught sight of Gillian.

“What… what are you doing?” she asked nervously, her eyes going to the contents of the farmer’s right hand which was currently holding aloft something that she would rather she hadn't found. Her girlfriend was smirking, one hand on her hip as she held it up, and Caroline tried not to be too distracted by her legs. It was hard, though - whereas Caroline had opted for her dressing gown after their shower, Gillian had gone for one of her tight tank tops and a pair of underwear - and nothing else. It wasn’t exactly fair to expect her to concentrate when there were such distractions.

“What’s this?” Gillian said in a sing-song voice, looking highly amused. “I found it in the top drawer of your bedside cabinet… any particular reason that it was there?” She smirked, and Caroline felt herself flush. The country clothing catalogue that had resided there for a fair while now had had multiple uses, very few of them that she would want to discuss in polite company. Of course, most recently she had used it to purchase Gillian some new jumpers, so that was the explanation that she decided to go with.

“It’s just left over from when I ordered some stuff for you,” she tried, attempting to snatch it out of her hand, but Gillian danced backwards and held it away from her. “You know how I like going on my ipad in bed, that’s the only reason…”

“Oh, of course it is,” Gillian teased, darting to the other side when Caroline tried to grab it once again. “Mind you, puts an entirely different spin on what you might get up to on it when I'm finding things like this in your drawers.” She gestured at the picture on the front, a woman who bore a bit of a resemblance to Gillian clad in tightly fitting tweed trousers, a matching waistcoat and a white shirt with the cuffs rolled up to her elbows. She was staring intensely at the camera, her hips jutting forwards to show off the clothing to its best advantage… Caroline vividly recalled how she hadn’t been able to take her eyes off it when it had dropped through the door a few months ago, and had quickly spirited it up to her room before Ruth could get it between her jaws and tear it to shreds. 

“I do nothing of the sort,” she said primly, and decided to ignore the other woman as she walked over to her dressing table and dropped down on the stool. Still, she was sure that the way her cheeks were flaming were telling a completely different story, and her fear was only confirmed when Gillian moved to stand behind her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

“I’m not judging you, Caz…” she offered with a little giggle. “I mean… girls gotta do what a girls gotta do, right?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Caroline sniffed, reaching across the table for her hairbrush. Something in her baulked at admitting precisely how many lascivious thoughts she had harboured about the farmer over the years, and how many times that had led to her trying to get rid of the desperate ache between her thighs that had settled after one encounter or another with her. It hadn’t helped that Gillian was so open with her, and thought nothing of pulling off a t-shirt in front of her or stripping off her overalls. And watching her do any kind of manual labour… Well, it was criminal how hot she looked buried under the bonnet of the Landy, hefting straw about or any of the other things that she got up to on the farm. Not to mention when she had first seen her striding across the lower field in search of foxes welding her shotgun… Caroline had almost had an aneurysm. 

“Oh come on…” Gillian wheedled, pushing herself in front of her and dropping onto her lap as she fixed her with a twinkly eyed stare. “Are you seriously telling me that you’ve never… you know…” She wiggled her eyebrows which only made Caroline blush harder. “Even once? With that catalogue? Or… thinking about other things?”

Caroline looked down, one of her arms snaking around her girlfriend whilst she fiddled with her hairbrush with the other hand. “Well… I’ve not been celibate in that regard, Gillian, if that’s what you mean,” she mumbled awkwardly. She had never discussed this kind of thing with anyone, and it felt mortifying. “And… well, maybe, before me and you… the catalogue might have played a part.”

“I knew it!” Gillian said triumphantly, and flipped it open as she started flicking through the pages. “Come on then… which pictures do you like?”

“Oh, several,” Caroline gave back evasively, shifting a little to get more comfortable with Gillian sitting across her legs as she made an attempt at reaching for her moisturiser. “How about you, do you have an equivalent of a catalogue?” She decided to try and change the subject, curiosity suddenly bubbling up inside her as she considered it for the first time. It was a rather intriguing thought, and she couldn't deny the thought of the other woman pleasuring herself in the middle of the night as soft sighs and moans escaped her lips wasn't an attractive one…

“Oi, we were talking about you,” Gillian chuckled, still rifling through the catalogue. When nothing was forthcoming she looked up, clocking just how awkward Caroline looked. “Awww, Caz, come on… I’m only playing, you know that. But…” She wriggled a little on her lap, raising her eyebrows at her. “I can’t say that it isn’t intriguing, knowing what you get off to when I’m not about, though. And who knows, if you tell me…” She trailed her fingertips down Caroline’s cheek, the headmistress meeting her eyes with a mix of trepidation and lust. “I might just have a few bits stored away that I could put on. Just for research purposes, of course.”

“Research…” Caroline nodded, now going red for an entirely different reason. “Well… I am an academic. Seems only… fair…” She swallowed nervously, and as Gillian continued to give her a naughty stare she felt her fears start to crumble. 

“Go on then, tell me,” Gillian whispered, leaning forwards to softly brush her lips over her ear. “I'll make it worth your while, I promise…” She gently tugged her earlobe between her teeth, drawing a gasp from the blonde that made it more than obvious that they would probably both be needing another shower in the very near future… as long as it wasn't a cold one.

“Well…” Caroline chucked her moisturiser back on the table, not having even progressed as far as to undoing it. She wrapped her other arm around her girlfriend's waist, still unable to meet her eyes. “There is a rather… interesting… section…” Gillian flicked through it slowly, watching her reaction until Caroline gave a sharp nod. “That one.”

Gillian brought it closer to her face, and Caroline squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment. The page in question had yet another woman dressed in a fitted pair of cargo trousers, topped with an open flannel shirt and a tight white vest, set off even more by the axe that she was balancing on her shoulder. 

“She's very young,” Gillian muttered, and Caroline squirmed even more. “And having your hair that long where you're chopping wood is a recipe for disaster.”

“Yes, well, I wasn't really looking at her face,” Caroline mumbled, pressing her face into Gillian's shoulder. 

“What were you looking at, then?” Gillian asked curiously, and nudged her back a little until she could see her face. Caroline felt the heat of her gaze, and nervously fiddled with the hem of Gillian's top behind her back. “Come on, don't hold out on me now…”

“Gillian, are you seriously going to make me say it?” Caroline asked in mortification, groaning again when Gillian nodded, trying hard to paint a sincere look on her face. “Fine. I… that outfit… I wasn't imagining… her…”

“Who, then?” Gillian looked totally baffled, and Caroline couldn't help giggling nervously. 

“I was imagining you, you pillock!” She shook her head, still completely crimson, and then looked back down at the catalogue. “You… in that… swinging an axe. Chopping wood… whatever.”

“You like axes?” Gillian tilted her head, a small smirk creeping across her lips once again. “You know that I chop wood fairly regularly, don't you?”

“I know…” Caroline finally met her gaze and widened her eyes, and Gillian finally got it, and looked utterly delighted. “Why do you think, before we were together, I used to avoid watching you? I thought I'd give myself away!”

“This… this is brand new information that I need to exploit.” Gillian nodded sagely, chuckling when Caroline bit her lip. She trailed her fingers down the lapel of her dressing gown, her eyes darkening naughtily. “So many possibilities… so much flannel… I've got plenty of other tools as well, you know. Have you seen my chainsaw?”

“Christ…” Caroline moaned, a bolt of pure attraction shooting straight between her legs as she considered the thought. “What have I let myself in for!?”

“A rip roaring good time, old girl,” Gillian drawled, and leant forwards to kiss her. Caroline kissed her back greedily, her mind now filled with images of her girlfriend welding a variety of implements whilst her muscles rippled pleasingly underneath tight cotton. “I’m sure that this could be very interesting…”

“It could,” Caroline agreed breathlessly as Gillian chucked the catalogue onto the dressing table. “Although it doesn’t feel very fair that I’ve just given you the power to wind me up no end, and I have precisely nothing to counter with…”

“Oh, don’t you?” Gillian breathed, starting to toy with the belt of her robe. “Is there a question you want to ask me, Ms. Mckenzie-Dawson?” She winked at her, and it was all Caroline could do not to kiss her again as she tried to focus on the question that she wanted an answer to.

“Well, I told you about the catalogue, so…” Caroline gestured towards it, looking up at her with a questioning smirk. “Only fair.”

“You didn’t tell me about the catalogue, I found the catalogue,” Gillian countered, and Caroline bared her teeth at her with a little growl. “But… I will answer your questions, if you tell me what you want to know.” The look that she gave her was so filthy that Caroline had to tighten her grip on her, willing herself to stay calm.

“I think that it’s only fair that you tell me what you think about, when you’re… alone…” she murmured, raising her eyebrows challengingly. In a strange way she felt almost jealous, wishing that they could be together every night so that the other woman didn’t have to take care of herself, and she could do it for her. She would do so more than happily… And she would be incredibly proud if she could claim all of her orgasms for her own. “Seen as I told you.”

“That does seem like a fair trade…” Gillian mused, and before Caroline knew what she was doing she turned in her arms, flipping a leg over her thighs so that they were face to face. “Well, I don’t have a catalogue, that’s for sure. Don’t think they do ones that are just full of snotty bitches.” That comment earned her a playful jab in the side, drawing a giggle from her in return. 

“So, no catalogues… what instead, then?” Caroline asked encouragingly, now incredibly intrigued to hear the answer. “Come on… tell me?”

To her surprise, the look that came across Gillian’s face grew increasingly shy. “I… I just think of you, Caz. Before we’d… done anything… Well, there were plenty of things to keep me busy. I wasn’t short of… inspiration, shall we say.”

“Like what?” Caroline blinked in surprise. She knew that Gillian liked her now, and often descended on her body like she was starving and it was an all you can eat buffet, but she hadn’t even though that she had been a particular object of lust for her before. “I… Is it the scarves? Or-”

“No, it’s not the f-f-f-bloody scarves,” Gillian guffawed, shaking her head at her. “I don’t think you realise how sexy you are without even trying… Like when you wear your suits, and your pencil skirts, and your stockings…” The farmer groaned, her eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks. “And your heels… and when you wear those little vests underneath your blouse and I can see a flash of your tits, and-”

“That’s quite the list,” Caroline chuckled, still a little unable to believe what she was saying. “So… you just think of me wearing my regular clothes?”

“Yeah… although… there are certain things that you do that make it more… distracting,” Gillian murmured, a flush now colouring her own cheeks. “Do you remember when you wore that pinstripe blouse when it was Raff’s birthday last year? And you came round with the cake?”

Caroline nodded, remembering exactly the occasion that she was talking about. It was before they had been in a relationship, although things were simmering a little between them even then. It was around the time the catalogue arrived, in fact. “Yeah… I don’t wear that blouse very often. I realised that it’s a bit… breasty.” She grimaced, and noticed at the same time that Gillian went even redder. “Oh! Is that… why?”

“Fuck, yes….” Gillian moaned, gently tugging at her dressing gown so that a little cleavage was exposed, which she looked down at hungrily. “I remember… I was sitting at the table and you were handing out plates for the cake, and one of the buttons had come undone… and you leant over me and I could see right down your top. And you were wearing that bra, too… that lacy black one.”

“And… how did that make you feel?” Caroline teased, and Gillian dropped her face against her shoulder with a little groan. She would hazard a bet that it was probably almost the same as she felt whenever Gillian was doing manual labour…

“Like I wanted to sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it, and shag you to within an inch of your life,” Gillian admitted, a smirk returning to her lips. “Although don’t know what your mother would have said about that, eh?”

“She’d probably have stroked out right there at the table,” Caroline gave back drily, her mind now wondering what it would be like for Gillian to treat her exactly like that - although she would prefer that they were alone before they tried. “That’s an interesting idea, though…”

“Isn’t it?” A misty, faroff expression appeared in Gillian’s eyes, and Caroline chuckled as she recognised the telltale signs of arousal that she had become so good at spotting. “But… yeah. I think of things like that… and now that we are together, just… all the stuff we get up to, and…” She blushed furiously again, and Caroline knew that there was something else - something that she wasn’t quite saying.

“And what?” she asked gently, tightening her arms around her. “Go on…”

“Remember that time you came over a few weeks ago, and we’d been winding each other up all day?” Gillian started, and Caroline nodded. It had definitely made her governors meeting more interesting, although the head had been a little concerned that she had been having a hot flush and had been tactfully leaving menopause handouts around in the office ever since. “Well, when you came in, and then you shoved me against the wall, and you just… took what you wanted….” A little whimper left Gillian’s mouth as she shifted in her lap. “I think about that a lot.”

“Oh, do you?” Caroline’s voice was now almost a purr, and she recognised that the tables had now turned. Where Gillian had had her at a disadvantage, things were definitely more stacked her way now. “Well, that’s a rather interesting piece of information… that I will have to exploit.” She smirked at her, amused at the way that Gillian was now regarding her with sheer hunger.

“Please feel free,” Gillian choked out, unable to help rocking her hips against her a little as Caroline started to trail her fingers up and down her sides. “When… whenever you like.”

“What a thought,” Caroline gave back, and without stopping to think about it twice she quickly pushed Gillian off her and onto the side of the dressing table, whipping her underwear away as she pinned her wrists to the surface, stepping between her legs as the farmer looked up at her with glazed eyes. “How about… now?”

“Now sounds… good…” Gillian gasped as Caroline almost tore off her shirt, shortly followed by her dressing gown, revealing that she was wearing none other than the black lacy bra that the farmer had lusted after earlier as well as matching knickers. “Oh, Christ, Caz…”

“Just giving you something to think about later,” Caroline whispered, and then greedily captured her lips as she nudged her legs further apart, her hands going to her breasts. “Wouldn’t want you to… run out of material.”

“Never,” Gillian moaned, already arching her back and pushing her chest into Caroline’s touch. “Never….”

<3

Chapter Text

“I reckon that if I had to describe my life as a biscuit, it would probably be… a custard cream,” Gillian announced, holding one of the biscuits in question up in front of her and eying it speculatively. She shifted a little in bed, tugging the duvet up a little further as she turned towards her girlfriend and waved it at her. Caroline dropped her iPad onto her lap and looked at her over the rim of her glasses, raising her eyebrows at her. 

“That’s very philosophical for you for this time on a Sunday morning,” she hummed in response, reaching to brush her fringe out of her eyes. Conversations such as this seemed to happen on a regular basis with the farmer, and whilst she often acted exasperated with her she loved them. They were a sign of the intimacy that had gradually built up between them, and seeing Gillian like this - soft, playful and chatty- was something that she would never get tired of. “Go on then… why is your life like a custard cream?” 

“Well, solid start…” Gillian started, tapping the top of the biscuit and looking at her seriously. “Pretty shit in the middle…” She poked at the soft custard centre, grimacing slightly. “And hopefully a firm finish.” 

Caroline fixed her with a long stare, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “You’re a nutter, you know that?” she said affectionately as Gillian stuffed the whole thing in her mouth, crumbs dropping down onto her tank top as she munched at it with a cheeky grin. “And you can’t say that the middle bit of a custard cream is pretty shit, that’s the best bit!”

Gillian’s eyes went wide, and she gave her a kicked puppy expression that immediately had Caroline rolling her eyes. “No comment about my life being shit in the middle, then?” she pouted, sticking out her bottom lip dramatically. “Thought you were meant to care about me.”

“Oh, give over,” Caroline giggled, shaking her head at her as the brunette wriggled closer, leaning against her shoulder. Caroline took the opportunity to snake her arm around her, pulling her against her chest and pressing a quick kiss to her temple. “I know things have been… pretty shit… over the years for you, but they’re getting better, aren’t they?” she asked hopefully, and Gillian looked up at her with a huge grin.

“That’s why I said that there's a firm finish!” she shot back, nodding her head before sneaking her hand up to quickly squeeze one of Caroline’s breasts, earning herself a gasp in return.

“I’ll give you a firm finish…” Caroline growled, chucking her iPad to the side and pushing her down onto the bed, baring her teeth as she hovered above her. Gillian just carried on giggling, knowing that she was playing and enjoying every moment.

“Ooh, is that a threat or a promise?” she asked in a low voice, wiggling her eyebrows at her. “Cause I’ll take both…” With that she surged up to meet her, capturing her lips in a deep, passionate kiss, her tongue immediately flicking against her in the way that usually had her melting against her in the most delicious way. Gillian was probably the best kisser that she had ever come across, and usually seemed to have the power to sway her to whatever course of action she wanted. It was clear what she wanted right now - her hands were already going to the hem of her sleep shirt in an attempt to drag it up, and she playfully slapped them away as she sat back up.

“Mind out of the gutter, Greenwood,” she said sternly, amused by the crestfallen expression on the other woman’s face. “We’ve talked about this. The kids will be up any minute, do you really think it’s a good idea for them to walk in here and catch us… at it?”

“S’okay, it’s like a biology lesson,” Gillian grumbled, pouting at her again, and Caroline couldn’t help chuckling at her once again. She understood the disappointment - they were hardly able to keep their hands off each other at the best of times, and if they had an empty house she would already have the farmer naked and flat on her back by now, but the fact was that they didn’t, so they couldn’t. Or, at least, shouldn’t.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you later after Greg comes to get Flora and Calamity goes home,” she promised, settling against the headboard once again as Gillian huffed and reached into the biscuit tin once again. It was a rather battered affair - one of those fancy tins that Christmas biscuits used to come in many years ago, but it was such an integral part of her visits to the farm that she could never bring herself to suggest that Gillian replaced it. Sunday mornings were the only mornings that it came to join them in bed, however. They had settled into a lovely routine of Gillian coming to stay with her a few times during the week whilst she made herself at home at the farm over the weekends, and whilst it was getting to be not quite enough, it was enough for her for now. She would sooner live together properly, but had hope that it wouldn’t be long until they were able to talk about it. For now, Sunday tea and biscuits in bed were a precious event that she treasured - not least because Gillian usually let her sleep in and then woke her up with a steaming brew, and even steamier kisses.

Gillian propped herself up against the headboard too, but shuffled closer so that their thighs were touching, clearly still needing a little physical contact. “What would your life be, then, if it was a biscuit?” she asked thoughtfully, still rooting around in the tin for something that took her fancy. After finding a rather crumbly looking bourbon, she looked at her with a smile.

“Is this a serious question?” Caroline asked, plucking her mug of tea from the bedside table and cupping her hands around it as she rolled her eyes. She looked at Gillian, who nodded with a little smirk. “Right, fine…” she sighed, trying to think of what she would choose. Nothing really seemed to fit… “Oh, I don’t know…”

“Come on, you have to choose!” Gillian demanded, slapping her hand firmly against the duvet and shooting her a challenging look. “It’s not that hard.”

“A.. a ginger nut,” Caroline said wildly, throwing one of her hands up in the air. Truly, it was the first thing that came to mind and she could tell by Gillian’s nonplussed expression that she wasn’t impressed.

“A ginger nut?” she said incredulously, slowly shaking her head at her, “You’re f-f-f-bloody kidding me, aren’t you, how is your life like a ginger nut?”

A flush rose on Caroline’s cheeks as she looked down into her mug. “Oh, I’m crap at this kind of thing. I told you I didn’t know…” she huffed, and Gillian sighed at her before her expression turned thoughtful. 

“Well, I don’t know which one I’d use to describe your life, but you…” She turned a little, curling her legs up underneath herself as she eyed the blonde, tapping her finger against her lips thoughtfully. “It would have to be one of those tea cakes.”

“Those aren’t biscuits!” Caroline retorted, her mouth dropping open as she met the farmer’s amused gaze. “And what are you trying to say, that I’m doughy, fruity, and best when buttered?!” she spluttered, and was even less amused when Gillian burst out laughing. 

“And toasted, don’t forget that… And if that cap fits…” she giggled, and squealed when Caroline poked her in the side, her face like thunder. “Nah, I didn’t mean those kinds of teacakes,” she eventually managed when she’d stopped laughing. “And you’re not doughy, you’re perfect.” She leant across to press a quick kiss to her cheek, but Caroline batted her away in protest.

“Says little Miss eats a billion calories a day and doesn’t gain an ounce,” she grumbled, folding her arms. Gillian didn’t give up, though, and peppered her face with kisses until a small smile appeared on her lips. “What type of teacake, then?” she asked reluctantly, sighing as Gillian rested her chin on her shoulder, one of her hands tugging at her arms to try and get her to relax.

“Those ones with a chocolate shell and fluffy marshmallow… and a nice fruity bit of jam in the middle,” Gillian explained happily, and Caroline curled her lip, not quite able to understand what she was getting at. “Don’t look at me like that! I just mean, you’ve got a bit of a brittle shell when people first meet you, but once they get to know you, you’re all lovely and fluffy and delicious on the inside.” She raised her eyebrow cheekily, starting to gently trail her fingertips up around down her sides. “And I get to enjoy the fruity part, too.”

“Gillian!” Caroline gasped as the other woman threw herself on top of her, her gentle, teasing touches turning into tickles. Caroline shoved her tea on the side before she spilled it all over the duvet and tried to fight the smaller woman off, both of them descending into giggles as they rolled around together. “Get off!”

“I’m only trying to get to the fluffy centre!” Gillian chuckled, managing to flip her thigh over her legs as she snuck her hands underneath her shirt and started to dance her fingers over her stomach as Caroline squirmed underneath her. “And… maybe the fruity bit, too.”

Caroline grabbed her wrists, stilling her progress just as she was reaching for her breasts. Gillian definitely had a bit of a thing about her chest, and seemed unable to leave it alone at the best of times. She didn’t mind - her attentions in that department never failed to drive her to distraction, but right now they couldn’t afford to get carried away.“You’ll have to stay away from the fruity bit for now, especially whilst the girls are asleep in the next room,” she said breathlessly, but Gillian snatched her wrists out of her grasp and carried on tickling her, earning herself a muffled shriek.

It took a while for her to get her to stop, and when she did Gillian flopped onto her side of the bed, breathless with laughter. As she did she managed to smack her elbow against the bedside cabinet, a painful sounding thunk followed by a muffled crash that made both of them jump. 

“Shit…” Gillian moaned, looking down at what remained of her bedside table. The top had somehow dislodged, and the top drawer front had fallen off completely, an array of socks spilling out and dropping to the floor. “Had that years.” It was clear that it was beyond repair - rather than a clean break, splinters of wood littered the floor, and whilst the farmer was a master of repairing things Caroline didn’t think that this would be something that she would easily be able to bodge back together. 

“Don’t worry. We can get a new one… or a matching pair,” she suggested, gesturing at the one at her side of the bed which didn’t look like it was going to hold together much longer either. “Will be an improvement…”

“Oi! This is quality furniture, I’ll have you know!” Gillian retorted, her brow knitting together into a frown as she glared at her.

“Where did you get it?” Caroline challenged, tugging her shirt back into place as she tucked the duvet around her again. It was a little chilly in the bedroom - that and she didn’t want to give the brunette any more ideas about how they might pass the time until the children were away by showing off more of her thighs. 

“Back of the precinct, guy was selling both for a fiver,” Gillian said proudly, gently tapping the broken piece of furniture with her hand. There was another thud, and another of the drawer fronts dropped to the floor. Gillian met her eyes, flushing as she gave in. “Yeah, alright,” she muttered, and Caroline clapped her hands together with a grin.

“We can go to IKEA,” she said happily, already looking forward to perusing the giant homewares store. Perhaps she might be able to encourage Gillian to get a few more bits and pieces whilst they were there - or at least sneak them into the basket and feign surprise once they eventually got to the till. She was getting a little fed up of cooking with the same two scratched, dented pans, and had been lugging hers from home every time she planned to cook anything substantial. 

“Might have known you’d suggest that,” Gillian groaned, huffing as she folded her arms over her chest and settled back against the headboard. “I revise my analysis - you’re a stroopwafel.”

“A what?” Caroline asked, confused. 

“One of those Swedish waffles that you have with coffee. All gooey in the middle once you’ve warmed it up. You’ve got so much IKEA shit that it fits,” Gillian explained, her eyes sparkling as a smirk crept across her lips.  “Although… are they Swedish? I don’t know…” She frowned again, clearly trying to remember.

“You’re just rambling now,” Caroline laughed, shaking her head at her. “Did you put whisky in your tea again?”

“No!” Gillian retorted, pouting at her adorably, before she grinned again and snuggled up to her side. “Just having a lovely chat with my lovely girlfriend, that’s all,” she murmured, and Caroline fixed her with a smirk in response. “Why, do you want me to shut up so you can go back to sleep?”

“No. You’re cute,” Caroline offered, feeling a sudden rush of love for her as she turned slightly and met her eyes.

“You’re cute…” Gillian hummed, leaning forwards to kiss her again and smiling against her lips as Caroline giggled. She really did love these mornings, adoring the opportunity to be fully themselves before having to face the challenges that usually awaited them in the form of work, the family, or any number of silly problems that seemed to crop up. Again, she couldn’t help thinking just how wonderful it would be to live together and get to do this every day… to fall asleep with Gillian wrapped in her arms and wake up to sleepy kisses. 

When they eventually parted, both of them having wriggled down under the covers again with their legs tangled together, Caroline couldn’t help grinning at her again. “I reckon that if you were a biscuit… you’d be a HobNob,” she ventured, chuckling when Gillian beamed at her.

“A HobNob? Why a HobNob?” she questioned, wriggling happily in her arms. “They’re my favourite.”

“I know they’re your favourite, I never get a look in when there's a packet of those in the house,” Caroline reminded her, smirking when the farmer blushed in response. It was true - the last time she had brought some over they had been gone in the course of an afternoon. She shifted a little in her arms, thinking about how to best phrase her explanation.  “Well… you’re strong, dependable, a bit rough around the edges, but very sweet… and delicious.” She winked at her, and Gillian’s mouth dropped open incredulously.

“Rough around the edges?!” she retorted, looking a little bit hurt, and Caroline gave her a little shake as she shook her head. 

“You know I didn’t mean it like that!” she protested, wincing a little at how similar the statement was to the first words that she had ever spoken to her. The brunette could always be relied on to remind her of that particular incident, and wanting to avoid it for a change she pressed on. “And you know I love you just the way you are, so there. Plus, HobNobs hold up well under pressure. Can’t count the number of times you can dip them in tea and they don’t break.”

Gillian narrowed her eyes, fixing her with a pointed look before she eventually seemed to realise that she was being serious. “That… that’s quite sweet, actually, Caz,” she said shyly, and Caroline nodded with a little smile.

“Mmm, that’s my fluffy insides showing,” she teased, and poked her stomach gently, earning herself a little giggle before she tried to get serious again. “You are, though. You’re far stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you’re lovely.” She offered her a lopsided smile… she meant every word, too. It amazed her how much Gillian had gone through over the years and how resilient she had been through it all, even if she was sure that she hadn’t felt like that at times. And she really was lovely… Caroline would never tell her - and she was pretty sure that she didn’t know - but she had her wrapped around her little finger. She adored her, in a way that she had never really experienced before. 

“Awww, Caz…” Gillian blushed prettily, ducking her head, and Caroline couldn’t help peppering little kisses over her crown. “Next time I get some in I’ll make sure to leave you some, don’t worry,” she promised, and Caroline drew her even closer. She knew that she would, too - if Caroline had asked her to give her the whole packet she would have done. It was part of what made her so wonderful.

“Get some shortbread at the same time… that’s my favourite,” Caroline suggested. “Then you can have the HobNobs all to yourself.”

“Deal,” Gillian agreed, and tipped her head back so that she could kiss her once again. Their kiss, this time, was slow and languid… The kind of kiss that communicated a thousand words of love and affection that didn’t need to be said. It was the sort that made Caroline feel like the other woman was breathing life into her, and made her tingle all the way down to her toes. When they finally parted they lay in silence for a while, Caroline gently stroking her girlfriend’s hair whilst she traced little circles over her arm. 

“Caz?” Gillian said eventually, propping her chin on Caroline’s chest and meeting her eyes with an affectionate little smile.

“Gillian?” Caroline gave back gently, still twirling a lock of her hair around her fingers. 

“You’re my HobNob,” she whispered, looking so soppy that Caroline almost melted into the bed, unable to prevent the way that her heart soared.

“Yeah?” she replied, and the farmer nodded shyly. “Well, you’re my shortbread.” She leant forwards to kiss her again, humming happily against her lips. Gillian really was her most favourite thing… and so were mornings like this. She couldn’t wait for more.

<3

Chapter Text

“F-f-f-bloody hell, why is it so big?” Gillian asked incredulously as she hunched over the steering wheel, peering at the ginormous blue warehouse that was IKEA as they drove into the car park. “We’re gonna be in there forever, Caz!”

“Gillian, are you seriously telling me that you’ve never been to an IKEA before?” Caroline asked, her mouth dropping open as she turned to look at her girlfriend. Gillian’s lip was curled in distaste, and she couldn’t help giggling softly at the look of utter horror painted across her expression. “IKEA is like a right of passage, everyone has been to IKEA.”

“Not me,” Gillian grumbled, and then executed a quick swerve into a parking space that was really rather narrow for the likes of the Landy, cutting off an elderly woman who waved her fist and mouthed some choice swear words before eventually roaring off. “Never had any need to, because-”

“You always get your furniture from that weird bloke down the back of the precinct, I know,” Caroline finished, and Gillian scowled at her in response. “Still, it’s nice to go somewhere new, isn’t it? Have a day out?”

“I don’t always get my furniture from him,” Gillian muttered darkly, pulling the keys out of the ignition and pouting at her as she folded her arms. “And I don’t call going furniture shopping a day out… A day out is… I dunno, the beach, or a walk, or-”

“But at least you get to spend some time with me, eh?” Caroline soothed, gently taking hold of the lapel of the farmer’s jacket before pulling her in for a soft kiss. Gillan’s lips were initially hard and unyielding, but a few tender strokes of her own and a flick of her tongue against her lower lip had her softening, her hand creeping forwards and landing on Caroline’s knee. “And, I promise I’ll make it worth your while,” she purred, raising her eyebrows at her, and a slight flush coloured the other woman’s cheeks.

“W-w-worth my while, how?” she asked, a flicker of attraction flaring in her eyes. “You’re not going to be trying to have it off with me in the bed section, are you?”

“Chance would be a fine thing, I’m sure it will be a bit too busy for that,” Caroline chuckled, gently smoothing down the front of her jacket before plucking her handbag from the floor. “But firstly, I’m going to buy you lunch.”

“There’s food?” Gillian’s face lit up, and Caroline couldn’t help giggling again. “I didn’t know there was food!”

“I should have told you, shouldn’t I?” Caroline hummed, pushing open the door of the Landy and sliding out onto the pavement. “Might have made it a bit easier to get you out of bed this morning. I thought I was going to have to call Raff to come and winch you out at one point.”

“I’d already been up and fed the sheep, I was just comfortable,” Gillian protested, following suit and slamming the door behind her. “Besides… we don’t get that many mornings together. Just wanted to enjoy it.” She shot her a lopsided smile, and Caroline felt herself melt. It was true - whilst some of the family knew about them, they still hadn’t told their parents… It seemed like one step too far at the moment, mostly because neither of them wanted to deal with the scathing comments and disappointed glares that they were sure to receive if they confessed. Their respective children knew - well, Raff and Ellie could hardly fail to realise given what they had walked into one night when they turned up unexpectedly and found them sans clothes in front of the fire - but they hadn’t explicitly told Flora or Calamity, or anyone else. Whilst Caroline was sure that it wasn’t long before they would cotton on - Flora was already looking at them a little suspiciously - for the moment they were content in their happy little bubble. It did however mean that their busy schedules didn’t always allow for many sleepovers, and Caroline treasured every single one that they managed.

“I know… it won’t always be like that, though,” she promised, and as Gillian rounded the bonnet she held out her hand towards her with a little smile. The farmer looked thrilled, sliding her hand into hers and tangling their fingers together without a second of hesitation. Again, it was rare for them to be able to act like a couple in public, especially around the area that they lived. Celia and Alan knew too many people for it to be safe for them to be affectionate with each other openly, even if she found herself longing to do so. She was proud to be able to call Gillian hers, and wished that she could show the world that she was her girlfriend. “You’ll see - one of these days they’ll rumble us and then we can have as many sleepovers as we want - even if it means that we will have to put up with my mother’s screeching.”

Gillian winced, and they started walking towards the entrance, following a stream of other people who had clearly just arrived too. “I thought they’d caught us the other day, actually,” she admitted, shooting Caroline a nervous glance. “Dad was in the lounge and I heard him choking on his tea - remember that pair of underwear you couldn’t find? They were hanging off that pot plant in the corner…”

“Oh, shit…” Caroline breathed, her eyes widening as she remembered the particular occasion that had led to her misplacing her knickers. It had been an incredibly long week, and they hadn’t managed to see each other half as much as they would have liked - eye fucking during school pick ups didn’t really count - and both of them had been wound up enough not to make it upstairs when she had finally made it over. “What on earth did you say to him?” She felt herself growing hot, her cheeks flaming red as she thought about her stepfather finding them… how embarrassing.

“I told him that I’d branched out,” Gillian chuckled, blushing a little herself. “He’s had years of seeing my unmentionables hanging up drying all over the place, so it was a bit of a shock to see something with that much lace. And clearly expensive…” She raised her eyebrows at Caroline, and she smirked right back at her. They had been, actually - a special order from La Perla that she had placed after Gillian had salivated over one of her other pairs. 

“Did he believe you?” Caroline asked, almost fearing the answer, but was glad when Gillian nodded. 

“He did, I told him I’d got them from the country clothing catalogue, and they were all the range for sheep farmers now,” she chortled, and Caroline couldn’t help laughing again. “He just nodded a lot and then buried his face behind the paper whilst I got rid of them.”

“You didn’t really get rid of them, did you?” Caroline questioned anxiously. “Those were new - and bloody expensive!”

“Course I didn’t, you twat,” Gillian retorted, and now it was her turn to roll her eyes. By now they were on the escalator leading up to the store, and she edged a little closer to her and rested her chin on her shoulder. “I’ve washed them, and put them under your pillow.”

“My pillow…” Caroline couldn’t help a secretive little smile. Gillian had been incredibly forthcoming with sharing her space with her, and absolutely loved it. She had cleared out a drawer for her so that she could leave some things at her place if she wanted, and had already announced that one of the new bedside cabinets would be hers to use. It was lovely, and despite her age she couldn’t help a thrill going through her at the thought. It was a sign of both intimacy and domesticity, things that she had craved when she had been single, not to mention that the farmer’s consideration of her always reminded her of how thoughtful and sweet she was, and how she always tried to keep her in mind. 

After they had made it up to the cafe, both of them baulking a little at the length of the queue, Caroline had introduced her girlfriend to the joys of IKEA food. The brunette had been amazed at just how cheap it had been, and whilst Caroline didn’t usually hold with fast food she had a particular liking for the smoked salmon. 

“Are you sure you don’t want some of these meatballs?” Gillian said through a mouthful, grinning at her as she popped a couple of chips into her mouth. “They’re bloody lush… where have these been all my life?!”

“At IKEA, clearly,” Caroline laughed, shaking her head at her as she speared another bit of salad on her fork. “And, no thanks - you keep them. Although the rate you’re getting through them you might need some more.” It was true - even though she’d insisted on getting her the bigger portion, Gillian was getting through them at a rate of knots, and had nearly finished her chips too. Caroline was doing her best not to look longingly at those, and thought she had managed it before Gillian paused.

“Are you sure that salmon and salad is all you want?” she asked, furrowing her brow as she looked down at her plate. “You didn’t have much breakfast, and looks like we’re in for a bit of a trek around here… you need something to keep you going.” 

“Oh, I’m fine,” Caroline said evasively, flapping her hand as she chased a tomato around, trying to spear it with her fork. “Don’t worry. You go and get some more if you want, though.”

“Caroline…” Gillian narrowed her eyes at her and reached over the table to cover her hand, Caroline doing anything to avoid meeting her eyes. “Has your flamin’ mother been on at you again?”

Caroline flushed, her shoulders slumping a little. Gillian was annoyingly perceptive about things like this… It was true that she had put on a little weight over the years, but she hadn’t really seen it as much of a problem… That was until her mother started making acerbic comments towards her about needing to ‘slim down’ and not being able to fit in her old clothes any more. As much as she tried not to let it bother her, the truth was that it did. “Maybe…” she admitted quietly, not meeting her eyes, and Gillian tugged her hand into hers and squeezed it gently.

“Don’t listen to a bloody word that old bag says,” Gillian said furiously, scooting her chair a little closer to her as she looked at her earnestly. “You’re perfect just the way you are, you know that. You’re gorgeous, don’t let her tell you any different. And if she does, she’ll have me to deal with.”

Caroline looked up to meet her gaze, and found herself almost winded by the look of adoration in her eyes. It was true that Gillian all but worshipped her body, and she had never felt so powerful, beautiful and loved as when she was kissing every inch of her, murmuring quiet words of love and praise as she did so. “You sound like you’re going to lynch her, or something,” she replied, a little smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “But… thank you. You’re very sweet.” 

“Yeah, well, I mean it,” Gillian said firmly, squeezing her hand once again. “And I’d be quite happy to tell her just how much, if push came to shove. Especially those…” She looked down at Caroline’s breasts, wiggling her eyebrows, and Caroline quickly drew her cardigan around her as she blushed.

“Gillian, we’re in public,” she hissed, darting her eyes around the crowded cafe, and Gillian giggled naughtily. When she met her eyes again, though, she couldn’t help shooting her an affectionate smile. “I do love you, you know,” she whispered, and Gillian leant forwards to press a quick kiss against her waiting lips.

“Love you, too,” she replied, and then pecked her quickly on the nose. “Which is why I’m going back and getting some more food - and something for you that doesn’t look like rabbit food and… whatever the hell that is.” She gestured towards Caroline’s half eaten smoked salmon, and the blonde couldn’t help laughing at her. 

“Go for it,” she agreed, and then watched as Gillian sprang up from the table and made her way back to the line. It was shorter now, thankfully, and when she reached the end she turned and gave her a little wave. Caroline beamed back at her, butterflies fluttering away in her stomach… She still couldn’t believe that she had gotten this lucky, at her stage of life, to have found love with the best friend that she had ever had. 

A while later, completely stuffed with food after Gillian had returned with another plate of meatballs, some more chips and two pieces of daim cake that she had insisted upon trying, found them wandering around the seemingly endless maze that made up the store. Gillian hadn’t quite understood the fact that they couldn’t just go back for something once they had passed it, and had declared the whole system “ridiculous”, much to Caroline’s amusement. She had seemed much more amenable than she had earlier, and the two of them had even managed to have a little fun. Gillian had been in stitches over some of the Swedish names for things, especially a set of metal legs for a desk named ‘tillslag’, and had asked Caroline if that was her name in Swedish, too. 

It hadn’t taken them long to find the bedside tables that were the reason for their trip - they had quickly agreed on a nice pair that were functional and would look nice in Gillian’s bedroom, whilst not breaking the bank. Caroline suspected that Gillian particularly appreciated that, as she was determined to foot the bill herself despite Caroline having offered. 

That wasn’t all that they had found, though… They were now laden down with a trolley which Caroline had been wheeling through the rooms, and she had managed to pick up a fair few things that she hadn’t known that she had needed but suddenly, when she had seen them, she had to have them. Gillian had looked a little overwhelmed at just how many different things there were to choose from, but she had kept her onside as best she could - there had been a few sneaky kisses here and there, and the pair of them had nearly got caught having a rather intense snog in one of the bedrooms in the showroom. 

“Is there much more?” Gillian asked, clearly trying to keep the whine from her voice but not quite managing it. “We’ve been at this for hours…”

Caroline looked up at her from the array of pans that she had been looking at, still determined to find something that she would be able to sneak into Gillian’s kitchen and leave there so she didn’t have to keep lugging her Le Creuset over from hers. “We’ve been at this for one hour, Gillian, and don’t worry - I think the lighting section is next. You always know you’re near the end when you get to the lighting section.”

“Fine…” Gillian grumbled, and stood at her side for a few more moments whilst she tried to decide between two almost identical pans. “I’m just gonna…” She gestured ahead to where there were a few seats dotted around, and Caroline nodded at her in agreement.

“That’s right, you sit down, you poor old thing,” she said in mock sympathy, and Gillian bared her teeth at her in response.

“Less of the old, you,” she growled playfully, swiping at her rear as she darted past her. “We’re the same age. And I was up well before you, you know that.”

“And you came back to bed, and you were snoring almost before your head hit the pillow!” Caroline reminded her, chuckling as the other woman stuck her tongue out at her. “Go on, off with you. Go sit down, leave me in peace.”

“With pleasure, my lady,” Gillian drawled, pretending to curtsey before she made for the chairs. Caroline just shook her head affectionately as she turned her attention back to what she was doing. If only she could figure out which one would be best for stew…

When she had finally decided - and by that, she meant that she had chosen to get both - she finished looking around the section in question before making her way over to the chairs. It didn’t take her long to spot Gillian - although she had only been a few minutes it had been enough time for the farmer to make herself comfortable in an armchair with a matching footstool, and she was slumped against the backrest with her head propped on her hand, fast asleep. She was drawing amused glances from various other customers, and Caroline pressed her lips together as she drew her phone out of her pocket and took a sneaky photo. Trust Gillian to fall asleep, she’d barely left her for long…

“Wakey wakey, sleepy head,” she hummed giving her shoulder a gentle shake, and Gillian flinched so hard that she almost fell off the seat.

“Shit, sorry,” she mumbled, her eyes unfocused as she gave herself a little shake, blinking herself back to wakefulness. “Sorry… didn’t see you there. I was just resting my eyes.”

“Resting your eyes, my arse,” Caroline snorted, folding her arms as she looked down at her. “You were almost starting to snore!”

“I was not,” Gillian protested, jumping up and making a show of brushing down her jeans before she peered into the trolley. “And after all that you just decided to get them both?!”

“Well, they’re useful,” Caroline gave back primly, then looked down at the chair that Gillian had just vacated. “I’m not surprised that you fell asleep in this, though… it looks lovely…” She moved to sit in it herself, the fabric still warm from the heat of her girlfriends body. She propped her feet up on the little footstool that came with it and sighed pleasurably. “Oh, yes…”

“Not bad, is it?” Gillian commented, tapping the top of it in the way that a salesman might try to show off a second hand car. Caroline nestled down further into the seat, stretching her legs out as far as she could. It was a definite improvement on the sofas at the farm, and if either of them wanted to put their feet up there then their only option was the coffee table. She had already taken to slapping Gillian’s feet away when she did so, even though it wasn’t her house.

“We should get one,” Caroline announced, looking up at her with a smile. “It’d be lovely… you could come home after you’ve done with the sheep and put your feet up properly. And then you might not complain about that crick in your neck because you’ve been trying to get comfy on the sofa for so long.”

“Oh… nah, you’re alright,” Gillain said, suddenly looking a little nervous and shifting from foot to foot. “I don’t need one, it’s fine…” Caroline fixed her with a long look, suspecting that she was probably worrying about the cost. At nearly three hundred pounds, it wasn’t cheap, but much cheaper than it would be if they bought it from anywhere other than IKEA.

“It’s not for you, it’s for me,” she said bossily, standing up and taking a picture of the tag with her phone so that they would know where to pick it up later. “I need somewhere to sit when I come over, don’t I?” To her surprise Gillian’s face only fell further, and she paused what she was doing as she looked at her in concern. “Gillian? What’s the matter?”

“I don’t need you pretending to buy yourself something when it’s really for me,” Gillian muttered, looking down at the floor as she tugged at her sleeve. “And… I… oh, don’t worry.” She turned away, walking over to the trolley, but Caroline quickly grabbed her arm to stop her progress.

“And what?” she said gently, giving her arm a little shake as she attempted to get her to answer. “Come on… tell me.”

“And…” Gillian looked up at her a little desperately, a look of vulnerability written all over her face. “If you sit here… then you won’t be sitting with me, and… I like it.” She flushed desperately, and Caroline felt herself soften before she pulled her into her arms.

“There is no way, however lovely this seat is, that I would choose to sit in it over snuggling up with you,” she murmured, pressing a kiss into her hair. “But it would be nice to have somewhere to sit when I’m doing my marking, or reading, or waiting for you to come home. And wouldn’t it be nice for you to have somewhere to do the crossword when I’m not about? Rather than hunching over the kitchen table and giving yourself a backache?”

“I suppose,” Gillian mumbled, pulling back a little to look up at her. “But… I can’t have you buying it for me, Caroline, that… that doesn’t seem fair.”

“Well, how about we go halves, then?” Caroline offered, giving her a soft smile. “And then both of us will own it. It… it can be the first thing that we buy together,” she said shyly, and was relieved when a slow smile slid onto Gillian’s face. 

“Yeah… yeah, okay, then,” Gillian grinned, and impulsively leant over to press a little kiss against Caroline’s cheek. “That’d be nice.”

“I know it would,” Caroline beamed, reaching up to tap her on the nose. “That’s why I suggested it. Now, come on… let’s go find it in the warehouse. I think you’ll like it in there…” She took Gillian’s hand, bringing it up to gently brush a kiss over her knuckles before leading her back to the trolley as the farmer hummed her agreement.

“Caroline?” she eventually asked as they were on the escalator down to the floor below. “Are you sure that we don’t need one of those tillslags?”

“Nah, I’ve already got one of those,” Caroline replied solemnly, and then barely held in a shriek as Gillian giggled and poked her in the side. “Joking,” she eventually managed to wheeze out, both of them flushed and utterly unaware of the bemused glances that were being shot their way. “Only joking.”

“I know,” said Gillian as they reached the bottom, looking up in wonder at the towering stacks of flatpack furniture. “Besides, I think I’m more of a femmen vag, myself.”

“Gillian!” Caroline gasped as the brunette wiggled her eyebrows at her, and couldn’t help her face dropping into a smirk. As she followed her through the warehouse she found herself grinning, having thoroughly enjoyed the day that they had spent together. And who knew - maybe one day soon they would be coming back to buy more furniture - for the house that they lived in together. She couldn’t wait.

<3

Chapter Text

“Do we have to do this now?” Caroline sighed as she looked down at the rug in front of the fire, putting her hands on her hips as she huffed her fringe out of her eyes. “Aren’t there loads of… better things… we could be doing on a Sunday than this?” She gestured down at the meticulously organised pieces of furniture that Gillian had spent a fair while - whilst the blonde was asleep, it must be said - getting ready to be put together. The farmer looked up at her girlfriend, resting her hands on her knees from her position kneeling in the midst of it all, and smirked at her.

“Yeah, we do,” she insisted, raising her eyebrows at her challengingly. “You were the one who said that we had to go to IKEA, so now we have to deal with the result.” She pointed down at the components, already a little excited about seeing what they looked like at the end. She had never been to the store before, and when they had taken a journey there the day before she hadn’t quite known what to expect. Caroline had so much furniture from the Swedish giant that it was almost funny, and she hadn’t really thought that she would enjoy herself as much as she had. Part of it was definitely because Caroline had taken her hand the moment that they got out of the car, and had hardly released it until they had made it back afterwards. Being able to act as a couple in public was wonderful, and she had found that she had been ridiculously happy most of the day. 

Caroline pressed her lips together as she moved to sit on one of the sofas, folding her legs elegantly and resting her hands on them. “I wouldn’t even know where to start, Gillian… shouldn’t we get someone in to do this? I still don’t understand why you wouldn’t let me pay for the building service at the store.” She looked utterly bewildered, and Gillian couldn’t help laughing at her.

“We don’t need it, cause it’s piss easy,” she chuckled, shaking her head at her. “And if it's my toolbox that’s intimidating you then don’t worry, I got it out before I looked inside the packet. Turns out all we need is a phillips head and one of these…” She snatched one of the alum keys that had come with the boxes and tossed it to her, the blonde catching it as if it was some kind of live grenade.

“A phillip? What’s a phillip?” Caroline frowned, looking down curiously at the little implement in her hand. “What on earth is this when it’s at home? Is it missing something?” She turned it this way and that in her hands, clearly trying to work out what it was.

“Are you seriously telling me, what with all the IKEA furniture in that big old house of yours, that you’ve never put any of it together?” Gillian shot back incredulously, highly amused when Caroline shook her head. “And you don’t know what an alum key is?”

Caroline just blinked at her, a flush rising on her cheeks. “Well… no. I’ve never had need to,” she said, looking embarrassed. “Perhaps, though, if you know… maybe you’d be better sorting them out.” She flapped her hand over the pieces of wood, grimacing slightly. “I might muck it up.” Her face dropped as she looked down at the alum key again, and Gillian sighed before getting off the floor and crossing the room, sitting down gently on her lap as she looped her arms around her neck.

“Caroline, you can’t tell me that with everything that you can do - a PhD in Chemistry, a headteacher of a school, a fantastic mother and the best tits this side of Halifax that you’re not going to give it a go?” she hummed, wriggling a little closer and nuzzling her nose against her cheek. “C’mon, be brave.”

A little smile tugged at the corners of Caroline’s mouth as she met her eyes, and Gillian smiled at her reassuringly. “You’re just so good at this stuff… I’m sure that you could put it together in half the time that I could,” she tried to reason, but Gillian shook her head.

“We bought these things together, and we’ll put them together, too,” she said firmly, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. “Besides, we bought that chair together, didn’t we? We need to put it together, too, then it’s properly both of ours.”

“It can still be properly both of ours if you do it,” Caroline grumbled, and then looked up at her anxiously. “And what if I do it wrong? The whole thing could collapse, or…. Implode, or something.” Gillian smiled at her again and tenderly stroked her cheek, wanting to make her feel better.

“I’ll make sure that it’s safe before we use it,” she promised, brushing her thumb down her cheekbone. “And the sooner we get it done… Well, the sooner we get to go and take them up to the bedroom, eh?” She wiggled her eyebrows at her, sure that she would get her meaning. Caroline immediately flushed, and Gillian giggled at how easy it was to wind her up. “I promise I’ll make it worth your while…” she purred, gently circling her hips in an attempt to tease her. “More than once, if you’re good.”

“Fiiiiine,” Caroline huffed, her lips forming a little pout. “But you’ll have to show me what to do, otherwise I won’t have a clue.”

“That, I can do,” Gillian promised, and jumped up from her lap to leave her space to get onto the floor. “And besides, isn’t this meant to be a right of passage for any couple? If you can build flatpack furniture together and not kill each other, then you’re meant to be?”

“I think the shit that we’ve been through to get to this point proves that we’re already meant to be,” Caroline grumbled, but gamely lowered herself to the floor and crossed her legs. Gillian couldn’t help appreciating just how gorgeous she looked - she was in her usual casual Caroline outfit of well fitting jeans, loose pale blue shirt and white vest, her blonde hair twisted up behind her head in a clip. It didn’t help that Gillian could see right down her top, even able to spot the little love bite that she had accidentally on purpose given her the day before on the top of her breast. She couldn’t help it - Caroline was utterly delectable. For a moment she found herself wavering, tempted to suggest that they just go back to bed again, but it had taken her so long to pry her out of there that morning that she didn’t dare. 

“Right, so…” she started, dropping down next to her girlfriend and trying not to stare at her cleavage. “Here’s the instruction booklet. There’s two copies of this, seen as we have two, so you can have your own. And everything you need is right here.” She gestured at the kit that she had set up for her, complete with little bowls of screws and her very own Phillips screwdriver. “It’s not a hard kit, just a few to put in really. It’s a good starter project.”

“That’s what you think,” Caroline sighed, picking up one of the sides and looking at it in consternation. “That’s before you see me trying to hammer it all together.”

“Well, you won’t be needing to hammer it at all, you only need your screwdriver and your alum key,” Gillian said patiently, trying not to laugh. As Caroline looked down at the instruction booklet she gently kicked her hammer underneath the sofa, not wanting her to get too excited and try to use it anyway. “Just give it a go, I’ll help. I’ll start you off, then I’ll do mine.”

“Fine.” Caroline picked up the instruction manual again, looking a little lost, and Gillian waited for her to find the two pieces that she needed to start off. “And these?” she asked, plucking a couple of screws out of the little pot.

“That’s right, well done!” Gillian said encouragingly, and watched as her girlfriend tentatively lined up the holes so that she could put in the first screw. “There you go… you’ve got it,” she praised, watching as Caroline managed to insert the alum key and start screwing it in. “Good job!”

“I’m not five,” Caroline grumbled, pouting at her. “It’s not like I’ve split the atom, or something. I’ve just managed to screw a nut in - badly.” They both looked at it, Gillian biting her lip and trying not to laugh at just how grumpy Caroline had gotten in her first attempt. She was right - the screw - not nut, of course - was really rather wonky, and she didn’t quite know how she had managed it given that the holes were pre-drilled. 

“It’s fine, we can fix it,” Gillian said brightly, kneeling behind her and resting her chin on her shoulder as she guided her hands. “Just like this…” As she demonstrated what she had to do Caroline turned her head a little and started to kiss along her jaw - light, butterfly kisses that immediately had Gillian’s heart beating faster. “And none of that, thank you, lady,” she chastised, pressing the tool back in her hand as she retreated to the other side of the rug. “I know what you’re playing at.”

“What?” Caroline blinked at her innocently, the two bits of wood lying uselessly in her lap. “Just being affectionate, that’s all.”

“No, you were trying to distract me so that we forgot all about this and got caught up in other things, instead,” she observed, raising her eyebrows as Caroline flushed. “Come on. Get this sorted and I’ll give you the best shag you’ve had this side of Christmas.” She leered at her a little, raking her eyes up and down her body in a way that she knew would make Caroline squirm, and she wasn’t disappointed.

“Ugh, the things I do for love,” Caroline groaned, and dragged the instructions towards her once again. They were upside down, but Gillian wasn’t going to tell her that. “This better be worthwhile.”

“I promise it will,” Gillian fired back salaciously, tipping her a huge wink as she picked up her own tools. “Now, get to it, miss.”

The pack really was incredibly simple - at least to Gillian, anyway. She was more than used to fixing things and building all sorts, so this was a piece of cake. Easier than cake, actually - she wasn’t the best baker, but give her two bits of wood and a hammer and she was happy. In no time at all she had the cabinet standing up standing up, and although she still had to put the top and back on and build the drawers, it was already looking like it should be. One glance at Caroline told her that the headteacher was not having the same luck…

“Fucks sake,” Caroline muttered savagely as the piece of wood that she had been attempting to make stay in place came loose once again. “I don’t know what’s wrong with this, I think they’ve made it wrong. We’ll have to take it back.”

Gillian crawled over to her to take her look, the other woman folding her arms across her chest and huffing out a sigh. “It’s not faulty, it’s fine,” the brunette said as gently as she could manage. “Look…” She pushed the piece of wood back in again and then picked up the screwdriver, twisting the little locking nut so that it was anchored in place. “See? Just do that with all of them.”

“Can’t you do a couple so that I can catch up with you?” Caroline asked, her eyes huge and mournful. “Please?”

“Fine,” Gillian sighed in amusement, shaking her head as she settled down next to her and repeated the process that she had just been through with her own cabinet. “But I'm only going to do a couple, you can do the others.”

“Yeah, yeah, fine,” Caroline agreed, heaving herself up off the floor and brushing off her jeans. “I’ll make some tea, shall I? Biscuits?”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Gillian agreed, shooting her an affectionate smile as she continued to work. As the blonde wandered into the kitchen to put the kettle on she had to stifle a laugh once again, wondering how she had managed to chew up the heads of the screws quite so badly given that she only had an alum key to work with. It was rather amusing that, with all the things that Caroline was oh so capable with, building flatpack furniture definitely wasn’t one of them. 

She had just slotted the last piece of wood in place and was about to put on the side when she caught movement out of the corner of her eye, and looked up to see Caroline holding her slippers in her hand and sneaking towards the stairs. “Caroline Elizabeth McKenzie Dawson, where the hell are you going?” she called suspiciously, and the other woman froze, turning towards her with a guilty expression. “Get back here right now!”

“I was just going to the bathroom,” Caroline tried, but her shoulders slumped as Gillian raised her eyebrows at her in a silent challenge. “I was! I thought… seen as you’re doing such a good job down here with this, the least I could do was… go and clean the bath.”

“Clean the bath?” Gillian scoffed, shaking her head at her. “Since when do you clean my bath? And anyway, I cleaned it this morning! After… you know…” She winked at her, vividly recalling what they had gotten up to on their return from IKEA the day before. It had needed quite a lot of cleaning - there had been water everywhere.

“Just trying to be helpful, but fine,” Caroline retorted, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. “It’s not like you need me, you’re nearly finished.”

“I am not nearly finished, I just caught you up,” Gillian gave back, and gestured for her to come and sit back next to her. “Come on. I’ll make the tea, and if you try and bugger off again, no shag.”

“You’d never manage to stick to that,” Caroline huffed, brushing her fringe out of her eyes as she stalked over to sit at her side. “And besides, it’s not just me who would miss out then, is it?”

“Hush,” Gillian instructed, and pushed the tools into her hands again. “Stay there. I’ll make the tea.” She hopped up and went to do as she’d said, ignoring the muttered swearwords from behind her as Caroline tried to get to grips with the next step. It really wasn’t hard, not if she just followed the instructions, but this didn’t seem to be something that she was a natural at.

She was pleased to see that the other woman had managed to get the top in place and screwed in by the time she came back, a packet of shortbread hanging between her teeth as she carefully carried two mugs of tea over to her side. “Well done,” she praised, depositing one of the steaming cups next to her. “I even brought your favourite to keep you going.”

“You did?” Caroline looked up from the instruction manual and beamed at her as she proffered the shortbread in her direction. “You did! You remembered…”

“Of course I remembered, “ Gillian hummed, tearing open the packet and pulling one of the biscuits free, holding it out to the blonde so that she could take a bite. “Wouldn’t be much of a girlfriend if I didn’t remember your favourite biscuits, now would I?” Caroline bit into it, her eyes shining happily as she met her gaze. “Now, carry on, Cinders,” Gillian instructed, pushing the rest of the biscuit into her own mouth and leaving the packet at Caroline’s side before moving back to her own project. “You can do it.”

After that Caroline seemed to try with renewed gusto, and soon had the back in place too. She had managed it rather neatly in the end, and although she had wanted Gillian to check all the screws to make sure they were tight enough there was nothing to be concerned about. The next task was to build the two drawers, and she attacked those with a look of such adorable determination on her face that Gillian just wanted to kiss her. 

It didn’t take the farmer long at all to finish hers off, the two drawers gliding smoothly in and out in a way that her old ones had never managed. As begrudging as she had been when it came to replacing them, she couldn’t deny that they were a definite upgrade. It would be nice for her to be able to wear all of her socks rather than just the top layer because she was concerned about breaking the drawer apart… 

“I think I’ve finished the drawers, but I don’t know about this next bit,” Caroline said anxiously as she picked up the runners. Gillian could understand her trepidation - they looked a little daunting if you’d never gone about attaching them before. “Can you help?”

“With pleasure,” Gillian smiled, and shuffled her way back to her side. “Put them like this, look…” She demonstrated which way to hold them and picked up the little screws that fastened them in place, and then held them so that Caroline could attach them. “There you go… only three more to go, as well.” 

“Only,” Caroline groaned, but it was more good natured than she had been before. All in all, with both of them working together it took hardly any time at all, and they were soon sliding the drawers into place. 

“It’s perfect, you smashed it!” Gillian said happily, wrapping an arm around her girlfriend’s shoulders and giving her a squeeze. Caroline looked at her with such a look of pride on her face and Gillian couldn’t help giggling, and leaning forwards to capture her lips in a tender kiss. “Proud of you.”

“I’m proud of me, too,” Caroline said happily, reaching to slide one of the drawers in and out. “Honestly, I’ve never put anything like this together before… I can’t believe that it hasn’t just collapsed into a heap.”

“There’s still time,” Gillian teased, and the other woman swatted at her playfully. “No, in all seriousness, you’ve done brilliantly.” She pressed another kiss on her cheek before sitting back again, and slapping her hands on her knees. “Now, next - the chair!”

“Oh… I thought we were done,” Caroline replied, and gestured upstairs hopefully with her eyes. “Have I not earned my… prize?”

“Oh, you’ll get your prize alright,” Gillian purred, smirking at her. “But first - the chair.”

“Fine,” Caroline sighed, and Gillian stood up to move the cabinets out of the way so that they had enough room to construct their first joint purchase. She had been excited about this - the chair had been so comfortable the day before that she had managed to fall asleep in it, even if she still hadn’t admitted that to Caroline, instead pretending that she had just been resting her eyes. 

“Don’t worry, it’s not anywhere near as complicated as the cabinets,” she reassured her, going over to retrieve the first box - the footstool. “See, this, we only need to screw the legs on.”

“That seems simple enough,” Caroline said cautiously, watching as the farmer upended the box and carefully laid the footstool upside down on the rug. “Just these four circle things?”

“Yes, the legs,” Gillian chuckled, handing her one of the ‘circle things’ before starting work on her own. It took no time at all, and they were soon turning the little stool the right way up. “See, that was easy, wasn’t it?”

“Very.” Caroline said suspiciously, and then turned her attention to the large box that held the rest of the chair. “Why do I think that isn’t going to be as simple?”

“Oh, ye of little faith,” Gillian teased, dragging it over and tearing open the top. She had already had a look at it, and knew that it was just a matter of adding a few screws to attach the backrest and then screwing on the legs again, so it wasn’t going to be a challenge. “Come on, it won’t take long.”

“We did it,” Caroline said triumphantly just a few moments later, clapping her hands together as they stood side by side and looked down at the armchair. It had been incredibly easy again, and as they gazed at it Gillian slid her hand into hers, looking up at her with a shy little smile.

“Although I know that we won’t have that many firsts together, I’m glad that you got my first IKEA experience, and I got your first attempt at building flatpack furniture,” she said quietly, and Caroline beamed at her in response.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Caroline hummed, turning and wrapping her arms around her waist. “I think we’ve probably got quite a few ‘firsts’ left ahead of us.” She leant down to kiss her, grinning against her lips, and Gillian couldn’t help curling her body into her. Caroline was such a good kisser that it made her toes curl, and never failed to make her want more. “And, just for the record,” Caroline continued when they broke apart. “I’m glad that I got your first IKEA. It was special.”

“It was,” Gillian nodded, reaching up to gently stroke her fingers through her hair. “I’ve got an idea for another first that we can try right now, actually…” She wiggled her eyebrows, earning herself a smirk from the blonde in return.

“Oh, really?” Caroline said in mock seriousness, hiking an eyebrow at her. “Care to elaborate?” 

“Well, first time you get to sit in this new chair…” Gillian carried on, gently grasping her hips and guiding her backwards until her legs hit the side. With a gentle press of her shoulders she sat down, looking up at her with a playful smile. “And first time you get to put your feet up…” She dragged the footstool over and pulled the other woman’s legs up so that they were resting comfortably. “Nice?”

“Very,” Caroline nodded, wiggling a little to get more comfortable. “Any more firsts you’re thinking of?”

“Well… Gillian knelt down in front of her, running her hands over the top of her legs. “I thought maybe I could take your first shagged in front of the fire in a new chair… what do you think?”

“I think that sounds like an excellent idea,” Caroline breathed, watching as Gillian’s nimble fingers went to the button of her jeans and flicked them open, followed up by dragging down the zip. As Gillian reached to hook her hands in the sides of the trousers, intent on dragging them down, she was surprised when Caroline quickly grabbed the front of her shirt.

“I do love you, you know,” she whispered, a loving smile crossing her lips. “So much.”

“I love you too,” Gillian replied, leaning forwards and capturing her lips with her own, making sure to start dragging down her jeans as she did so. “Now, lie back so you can enjoy your prize.” She pushed her back gently against the backrest as she smirked at her wickedly, and resumed what she was doing.

“With pleasure,” Caroline murmured, her words soon turning to moans as Gillian got to work. She hoped that they would have so many more of these wonderful moments, and hoped that their firsts together would carry on until they became their lasts. She didn’t want anyone else, now or ever…. And soon she hoped that she would be able to tell her.

<3

Chapter Text

“Oh, as if,” Caroline snorted as she continued to read through the CV in her hand, shaking her head in exasperation. The stack of applications in her lap hadn’t yet yielded anyone worthy of note, and she was growing a little desperate. The vacancy in the maths department hadn’t exactly been a surprise - the teacher in question was going off on maternity leave, and whilst she was still only around four months gone, Caroline wanted to get ahead of the game. She would have thought, though, that anyone applying to the post would at least have got their maths right - the application that she was currently holding showed a teacher who purported to have twenty years of experience of teaching, but only graduated from their training three years previously. 

As she continued reading, shifting a little in her chair by the fire in the farmhouse, she got more and more incredulous. The personal statement detailed a person who had won a gold medal in the olympics for ‘the snatch’ - whatever that was - as well as having three degrees in a variety of subjects including ‘the school of life’ and had also apparently won a beer drinking competition in Amsterdam the year previously, leading to the accolade of ‘top chugger’. If this person was actually a teacher then Caroline hated to think of what their practice was like, and she was growing increasingly suspicious that whoever it was had just applied on a dare. She had found a few applications like that in fact, and she supposed that she shouldn’t be surprised - Crow Wood, and by extension her, had earned quite a name for themselves over the years and had been in the papers more than once. It drew out a few lunatics. 

Not bothering to read further, Caroline crumpled the paper in her fist and tossed it into the fire, huffing out a sigh as she did so. The flames crackled merrily, kicking out a nice bit of heat on what was a cold, dreary day even by Yorkshire standards, and she smiled a little at the memory of Gillian insisting that she build it up well for her before she went out to tend to the sheep. She flicked her eyes up to the clock on the mantelpiece, frowning a little when she deduced that it was still a good couple of hours before she could expect her girlfriend back. 

Half term had rolled around - finally - and she had made the decision to spend a week living up at the farm with Gillian, much to the confusion of her mother. Still, she felt that she had a good excuse - Flora was off for the week with Greg, and rattling around in her own house on her own wasn’t particularly appealing when she could be up at the farm with Gillian. Not to mention that there was an almost unspoken agreement that this would be a trial of sorts to see if they could live together… They had almost been doing so anyway, but inevitably there were always a few nights a week that they had to spend apart. There was also the small matter that their parents still didn’t know about their relationship, and acting too cosy around them without an explanation was bound to be something that would send one of the other of them into a screeching fit. Probably her mother, of course, but Alan could do enough grumbling of his own if that way inclined.

So far it was going beautifully… they had quickly fallen into a routine which suited them both. Gillian would get up and go and do the first round of jobs with the sheep, leaving her asleep, and then would return a while later with a cup of tea, toast and kisses - and sometimes a little more than that - before donning her overalls again and heading out. Caroline had been using the time she was gone to do some work, cook or have a sneaky clean, wanting to make things as easy for the brunette as she could. It felt so easy, so natural, and she didn’t miss her own home at all. 

Feeling a sudden urge to check in, Caroline fished her phone out of the pocket of her cardigan, snuggling a little further into the chair as she started to tap out a text. The joint purchase that they had made at IKEA a few weeks previously was already coming in useful, even if it had drawn some curious glances from her mother on her last visit. She hadn’t cared, and had just ignored her sniping about there being plenty of good British furniture companies, and how one didn’t always have to resort to Sweden. 

C: How are you getting on? Applications are ridiculous… miss you. C x

Caroline smiled down at her phone, reflecting on just how true those last two words were. It was one of the reasons that she really hoped that their trial would work out - she had grown to miss the farmer desperately when they were apart, and craved a life that they could be fully together. It wouldn’t be without its difficulties, of course - at their stage of life, merging two lives was never particularly easy, but she was sure that they could overcome anything and everything that they put their minds to. She was just about to drop the phone back into her pocket when it buzzed with a notification.

G: Just fixing the fence on the lower field, not too bad. Miss you too, might need a nice bit of warming up when I’m back ;)

The text was shortly followed with an array of love hearts, a couple of sheep, a tractor, and, bizarrely, a strawberry. Gillian was rather exuberant with her choice of emojis, and it never failed to make her laugh. Warming up… that was definitely something she could be persuaded to do. Sighing happily, she looked down again at the stack of papers in her lap, and instantly frowned at them. They made her feel tired… Plucking off her glasses, she rested them on her leg for a moment as she let her eyes fall closed. Perhaps if she just relaxed for a few moments she would be able to focus on them once again, and maybe find someone who didn’t list ‘Miss Sexy Skegness 2021’ as a professional qualification. 

As these things almost inevitably do, just a few moments turned into a little more than that, and a daydream about Gillian reappearing at the house in one of her overalls, grease and dirt streaked up her arms, quickly occupied her mind. She was just imagining peeling the garment down her arms when there was a clatter at the front door, and she jerked back into wakefulness immediately, the applications sliding off her lap and onto the floor.

“Gillian?” she called in confusion - a look at the clock had told her that only half an hour or so had gone by, and she knew that she still wasn’t due back for ages. “Gillian, is that you?” She leant down to sweep the papers off the floor again, and it was only when her fingers touched the first page that she heard a noise that she didn’t expect…

A cold blast of air swept through the living room, followed by something that sounded like hooves… She sat up quickly, looking towards the door, and gasped…

There, standing by the front door was a sheep. A very large, grubby, woolly sheep, who was looking at her like somehow she was the one who had invaded its space. Caroline hadn’t quite appreciated just how big sheep were - she knew, of course, but when they were standing in one’s living room they seemed a lot more intimidating. 

“What… the….” Caroline gasped, quickly standing up and widening her eyes at the slightly smelly ball of fluff. The sheep seemed to smile at her, regarding her quizzically, and then let out a plaintive baa as it took a few steps forwards. “No! No, get out!” she insisted, flapping her hands towards it. “Shoo!”

There was another bang at the front door, and to Caroline’s shock another two sheep managed to push their way inside, knocking all the shoes off the shoe rack and dragging down a couple of the coats in the porch for good measure. “No! No, you can’t be in here!” she said again, grabbing a cushion off the sofa and throwing it towards them in the hope of scaring them off. If anything the very opposite happened, all of them pushing forwards and bleating at her as if they were demanding to know why she was being so mean. She clapped her hands, took a couple of warning stops towards them and yelled and gestured at the door, but they made no move to go. One of them even started chewing solemnly on the slightly moth eaten crochet blanket lying over the back of the sofa. 

“Oh, bloody hell…” Caroline groaned, at a complete loss of what to do next. Straw and dirt now coated the floor, and the three ewes showed absolutely no sign of leaving. Scrabbling frantically in her pocket once again, she pulled out her phone and quickly stabbed at Gillian’s name in the contact list.

“Hello, gorgeous, to what do I owe this pleasure?” Gillian drawled, sounding delighted to hear from her. 

“Your sheep are in the house!” Caroline replied crossly, putting her hand on her hip as she continued to stare at them in the hope that they wouldn’t come any further in. “Three of them! And they won’t leave!”

“Well, have you tried scaring them?” Gillian sounded amused rather than worried, and Caroline growled down the phone in response.

“I’ve tried all sorts! Whatever I do they just look at me like I’m the one that’s invaded their territory rather than the other way round!” she shot back furiously, taking a nervous step backwards when one of them took a few steps forwards, barging into the side table and knocking down all of the photographs that littered the surface. “They’re trashing the place!”

“Well, they were there before you were,” Gillian laughed, but another grumble from Caroline seemed to quickly sober her up. “Don’t worry, I’ll come back now. I’ll be your knight in shining plaid, Princess.”

“You better hurry,” Caroline grumbled, tearing the phone away from her ear and ending the call before turning a critical eye on the woolly nuisances that had invaded her peace and quiet. “You really can’t be in here, you know,” she challenged, and all of them bleated at her once again. 

Another crash from the direction at the front door had her almost jumping out of her skin, and her eyes widened when three more sheep pushed their way into the house, forcing the ones currently in there already even further forwards. “How the hell are you even getting in?!” she yelled at them, flapping her arms and lunging towards them at another attempt at getting them to leave. A cold, damp breeze was now whistling through the house, the door propped open, and when she looked outside she saw that there were even more of them outside the house! She swore colourfully, pressing her hands to the side of her face in exasperation. She had never seen them this close to the house before, let alone managing to break in, although Gillian had told her about a couple of times that it had happened before. 

She snapped a quick picture and texted it to Gillian along with a load of swearing faces, and her irritation only grew when all she received in return was a string of laughing emojis. Honestly, they were going to have words later if she continued thinking this was funny…

All in all, she only had to wait a few minutes before the familiar sound of the Landy roaring into the courtyard broke the silence, and she swore that the sheep pricked up their ears too at the sound of their mistress returning. 

“Oi! What are you doing?!” Gillian’s amused voice echoed from outside, shortly followed by a couple of yaps from the sheep dog as he ran up towards the house. “Can’t leave you on your own for five bloody minutes!” 

As Caroline turned her attention to the door she heard a strange noise from the kitchen, and took a couple of steps backwards to peer through the arch. To her horror there was yet another sheep in there - one that was currently chewing on the end of the Burberry scarf that she had draped over the back of one of the dining room chairs. “You little shit!” she gasped, darting over and grabbing hold of the other end, starting to try and tug it away. “Let go!”

The sheep just looked at her as though it was bored, completely unbothered by her efforts as she tried in vain to remove it from its jaws. She could hear Gillian shouting from outside and more barking from the dog, but she was so focused on what she was doing that she wasn’t paying attention to what was going on. After another savage - but fruitless - tug, Caroline stumbled as the sheep took a couple of steps backwards, losing her balance and falling to the floor with a crash. 

“What are you doing down there?” Gillian laughed, peering down at her as she walked inside. She gave the sheep a swift slap on the rear, and with one last mournful bleat it dropped the scarf and bolted for the door. “Come on…” She extended her hand down to her girlfriend, and Caroline found herself being pulled up, her cheeks flushed with a mix of embarrassment and anger. 

“Little shit ate my scarf!” she complained, holding it up and giving it a little wave. “How the hell did they even get in?!”

“Oh, they’re quite clever, really,” Gillian explained, biting her lip as she picked up the end of the scarf and surveyed the damage. It was extensive - there was no way that it was going to be salvageable. “Reckon it was probably Baa-la. She’s a bit of a ringleader for things like this. Where she goes, the others follow…”

“They let themselves in, Gillian!” Caroline carried on, tossing the ruined garment to the table and crossing her arms. “And now theres straw and mud and shit and all sorts of other muck traipsed into the house, and-”

“I’m sorry,” Gillian said quickly, catching onto the fact that her girlfriend wasn’t amused, a look of guilt painted itself across her features. “They must have got out of the barn, I thought they were secure in there, but-”

“Well, obviously not,” Caroline huffed, raking a hand through her hair in exasperation before walking back to the living room. It was worse than she had imagined - there was a lot of tidying up to do, and the mud wasn’t just on the floor - it was up the walls and streaked across the doors, too, as well as a rather overwhelming smell of farmyards. “Look at the state of the place! Honestly, it’s ridiculous!”

“Sorry,” Gillian mumbled again, hanging her head and tugging anxiously at the sleeve of her overall. “I’ll sort it out, don’t worry… Just let me go and get them back in the barn and I’ll come back and clean it all up.” Caroline just huffed out another sigh, and Gillian almost ran out of the door, calling her dog once again. 

Unable to leave it as it was, Caroline retrieved the mop bucket and started filling it with hot water, adding a few capfuls of detergent for good measure. As well as the filth that they had brought in, the farmhouse was now freezing, and she shivered as she pulled her cardigan more tightly around herself. They would have to build up the fire again as well… Knowing that they would both probably need a cup of tea, she flicked on the kettle before hefting the bucket out of the sink to go and make a start on the clean up. 

She had just finished sweeping up the straw and was about to make a start on the mopping when Gillian came back, stamping her wellies on the mat before tugging them off and setting them neatly in the rack. Caroline didn’t know why she bothered - the rest of the shoes were lying in heaps in the porch, and some of them had even made their way through to the living room, all of them needing a bit of a cleanup after being trampled on by the sheep.

“You don’t have to do that, Caz,” Gillian said quietly, and Caroline looked up at her from where she had been finishing off with the dustpan and brush. “I said I’d sort it.”

“It’s fine, might as well get it done sooner rather than later,” Caroline replied, exasperation still evident in her tone, but the look on Gillian’s face gave her pause. Her girlfriend’s cheeks were bright red and she looked almost as if she had been crying, and even as she shot her a wobbly smile it didn’t reach her eyes. “Gillian? What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” the farmer replied quickly, and started gathering all the shoes together before piling them onto the rack. “I’ll have a look at the door later - see if there is something I can do to stop them being able to get in.”

“Good idea,” Caroline agreed, setting the dustpan to one side and grabbing a cloth from the bucket to start dabbing at the walls. She looked at Gillian again, her brow furrowing in concern. The other woman looked utterly mortified, her movements hurried and uncoordinated, and as she came within reach she grasped her wrist, shaking it a little to get her attention. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing… I’m just sorry this happened,” Gillian muttered, avoiding her eyes. She looked gutted, and Caroline couldn’t help wondering why. “And I’ll replace the scarf.”

“There is something… come on, this can wait for a moment. And don’t worry about the scarf,” she said firmly, standing up and tugging the smaller woman over to the sofa. Gillian frowned but didn’t resist, allowing herself to be pushed down into a sitting position before Caroline dropped down next to her and took her hands. They were streaked with dirt but so were Caroline’s, so it hardly mattered in the grand scheme of things. “Come on… what’s up?”

“I’m just sorry… about all of this,” Gillian mumbled, flapping her hand behind them to the mess left by the sheep. “You shouldn’t have had to deal with that. I should have been more careful.”

“You didn’t do it on purpose, though, did you?” Caroline countered, giving her hands a little squeeze. All the annoyance that she felt towards their uninvited interlopers ebbed away, a small thing, really, in comparison to the look of misery currently painted across her girlfriend’s features. “These things happen, it’s not like you shepherded them all into the house and then left me to fend for myself. And you came back as soon as I called you, as well.”

“Yeah, well…” Gillian pullied one of her hands away and used it to brush her hair out of her eyes as she fixed her gaze on the rug. There was a pregnant pause, and Caroline waited, seeing the emotions that were warring across her expression. There was clearly something that she wanted to ask. “When are you leaving, then?” she eventually choked out, and Caroline blinked at her in surprise.

“Leave? Why would I leave?” she questioned softly, peering into her face. “Did I say that?”

“No, but makes sense,” Gillian said darkly, starting to pick at a little hole in the leg of her overall. “You aren’t going to want to stay here if shit like this happens, are you?” She finally looked up, trying to smile, but it didn’t meet her eyes. “I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to go home.”

“Gillian…” Caroline smiled at her reassuringly and reached up to cradle her face in her hands, gently brushing her thumbs down her cheekbones. She noticed fondly that there was a little bit of straw sticking out of the side of her hair, and she carefully plucked it free. “I’m not going anywhere. Yes, it was a bit of a shock having them break in like that - and I sincerely hope that it won’t happen again - but its not going to make me turn tail and run off.”

“Isn’t it?” Gillian asked sadly, her eyes growing suspiciously bright once again. “Because I wouldn’t blame you. This life… it’s not particularly… clean, or organised, and…shit happens. Stuff that you can’t predict…”

“I know, I’ve known you long enough now, and spent enough time here, haven’t I?” Caroline questioned, widening her eyes at her in an attempt to show her sincerity. “I’m not going anywhere. Honestly.”

“But you won’t want to live here, will you?” Gillian burst out, a tear suddenly dribbling down her cheek as she squeezed her eyes shut, her small frame trembling as she fought with the wave of emotion that was clearly threatening to engulf her. “You won’t want to move up here and have all this going on all the time, not when you can live in your lovely house with all of your lovely things.” She hunched in on herself, and Caroline found herself almost floored by her reasoning. She knew that the brunette was often embarrassed about the way that she lived, but she would have hoped that the fact that she had never judged her for it would have counted in her favour. And yes, she did like things just so, but she had thought that it was something that they would just compromise on as they went along, if she did move in.

“I don’t care about any of that, I only care about you, and being with you,” she said honestly, taking her hand again and tangling their fingers together. “And yes, living on a farm will be a bit of an adjustment, but it's not something that I’m going to resent you for, and it’s not going to scare me off. This is your livelihood, Gillian.”

“Y-y-yeah, but it’s not… g-g-g-great, is it,” Gilian stammered, tears still slipping down her cheeks. “It’s not an easy life up here, Caz. Not by any stretch of the imagination… And I just don’t think… I think you’ll hate it. And then wind up hating me.”

“Never,” Caroline said firmly, and gave her hands a shake to try and hammer home her point. “Honestly, Gillian - I know myself well enough by now to know what I want, and what I can hope with. And I know it's not an easy life - I’ve seen the impact it has on you, year after year, and what you have to cope with. But I do think that if I’m here, it would be easier, and you wouldn’t have to cope with so much of it on your own.”

Gillian looked up at her, looking utterly confused. “B-b-but why though, Caz? Why would you want to?”

“Well, perhaps the sheep are growing on me,” Caroline joked, and a little smile tugged at the corners of Gillian’s mouth. “I want to because this is where you are, and I want to be with you. And… wherever you are, that’s home to me. My house - it doesn’t really feel like a home, not like yours. I can be myself here… and then there's the added benefit of getting to kiss you whenever I want.” To underline her point further she leant forwards and pressed a gentle kiss against the other woman’s lips, tasting the saltiness of her tears. “But I’m not the only one who has to want this. It’s up to you, as well - this is your house.”

Gillian stared at her for a few moments, radiating vulnerability, and Caroline just smiled at her gently as she held her eyes. “Are you sure?” she eventually whispered, and Caroline nodded, smiling at her lovingly.

“So sure,” she confirmed, and with a muffled sob Gillian threw herself into her arms, burying her face into her neck as she tightened her arms around her.

“Please, Caz,” she mumbled, her voice muffled by Caroline’s cardigan. “Please…”

“That’s settled, then,” Caroline murmured back, brushing her lips over her crown as her own emotions threatened to overwhelm her. This really was all she wanted, and she had never thought that she would be lucky enough to find this kind of happiness again. Change and upheaval was ahead, but she knew that they would both be able to get through it - with each other they already had everything they needed.

<3 

Chapter Text

“Is this really necessary?” Caroline grumbled as Gillian held out the overall to her, giving it a little shake as she did so to encourage her to take it. Gillian smirked at the extremely put out expression on her girlfriend’s face as she took it gingerly between two fingers, looking down at it with barely veiled disgust. It seemed that the headmistress, whilst loving the overalls on - and off - the farmer’s body, was of a somewhat different mind when it came to wearing one herself. 

“It is if you don’t want to bugger up your clothes,” Gillian chuckled, crossing her arms over her chest as she watched the blonde almost fall over when she pushed her first leg into the garment. “And then I’d never hear the end of it, would I?”

“I wouldn’t, I’d be careful,” Caroline retorted, her cheeks flushing as she tried to yank the navy fabric up her thighs. Gillian dropped her hand on her shoulder to steady her, a little worried that she might just go careering off and land in the bales of hay next to them in the barn. As much as she thought Caroline might look utterly adorable sprawled over some bales of hay she was sure that she wouldn’t feel the same. “I’m not that clumsy, you know,” she continued, and Gillian snorted.

“Yeah, looks it,” she gave back, pressing her lips together to try and stop herself from laughing when Caroline shot her a murderous glare. “Besides, if you’re going to be living on a farm then you’re going to have to learn to do a few bits here and there, just in case. We talked about this…”

“I know, and I do want to learn,” Caroline insisted, standing up straight and breathlessly huffing her fringe out of her eyes as she tried to force her arms into the sleeves. “I just don’t see why I have to do it wearing this… I mean… I don’t think it will even do up!”

Gillian looked down at her chest, and had to admit that she might be right. Whilst she was definitely an enthusiastic appreciator of Caroline’s breasts - especially when she was allowed free reign to explore her body - she could see how the fabric was already straining over them as she tried to button it up. “Just leave it undone, it’ll be fine,” she suggested, unable to resist trailing her fingers down between the valley of her breasts and undoing the button that she had managed to wrestle fastened. “As long as the main bits are covered, you’ll be fine.”

“I look ridiculous,” Caroline pouted, and folded her arms over her chest as she shot her another frown. 

“Nah, you look gorgeous as always,” Gillian hummed, stepping in front of her and looping her arms around her neck. “My little farm girl.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed her, grinning against her lips as Caroline wrapped her arms around her waist. 

“I’m neither little, or a girl,” Caroline grumbled when she released her, although there was a little sparkle in her eyes now that hadn’t been there before. “And I prefer glamorous assistant, actually.”

“Alright then, glamorous assistant, time to get busy,” Gillian laughed, releasing her and playfully swiping at her arse. “We’re off to the lower field to put some hay out. You feeling strong?”

“No,” Caroline grunted, but followed her to the tractor anyway. Gillian had already hitched up the hay trailer and loaded it ready to go, and was rather proud of the adaptation that she had made so that Caroline would be able to ride comfortably too. 

“There we go,” she said brightly, gesturing at the plastic chair that she had strapped to the trailer and surrounded with hay bales so that she wouldn’t be at risk of throwing her off when she went round corners. “Your carriage awaits, my lady.” She did a silly little bow, and couldn’t help laughing again when she caught Caroline’s expression.

“You’ve got to be joking,” she groaned, looking at her incredulously. “You can’t seriously be expecting me to ride up the field in that?! I’ll be killed!”

“Oh, Caz, you drama queen.” Gillian rolled her eyes, and climbed onto the tractor herself so that she could show her how it worked. She sat down on the chair and rested her arms on the bales at either side of her, lounging back and shooting her a huge grin. “It’s fine. And it’s either this or learning to drive the tractor, what would you prefer?”

Caroline glowered at her for a couple of moments, and then let out a disgusted huff. “Fine. But if I fall out…” She growled at her, and Gillian stood up to help her into the trailer. 

“You won’t, I promise,” she reassured her, making sure that she was settled down before kissing her once again. “You look very cute, you know. Like a May queen on a float.”

“Well, I’ll be road kill on the farm track if you’re not careful,” Caroline shot back, and Gillian decided to placate her with yet more kisses. She was determined to Caroline to at least enjoy herself a little, even if she was so far out of her comfort zone that it was a little painful. 

“You’ll be fine, I’ll take care of you,” she promised when she finally pulled back, Caroline looking up at her with slightly glazed eyes. “You know I won’t let anything hurt you, least of all me.”

“Yeah, I know…” Caroline offered her a tentative smile, brushing her fringe out of her eyes once again. “I… I just don’t want to let you down, is all.”

“You could never,” Gillian said quickly, gently cradling her face in her hands. “Even offering to come with me was more than I’d hoped for. I know this isn’t exactly your natural habitat.” She grimaced slightly, still feeling a little lingering guilt that the blonde was moving to the farm to be with her and having to leave her lovely, perfect house to come to the mess that was the farm. She said that she didn’t mind, and that it felt like home, but she wasn’t quite sure how true that would be after a few months. As beautiful as the view could be, it could get pretty bleak at times and the winters were hard. The elevation of the farm often meant that they got big build ups of snow, too, which presented a great deal of hazards. Still… she was adamant, and Gillian was done denying that it was something that she desperately wanted. Living with Caroline would be wonderful, and she felt that they had both earned some happiness after everything that they had been through. Well, Caroline did, anyway… and was insistent that Gillian was the same. 

“It’s fine,” Caroline eventually said, her expression softening as she gazed up at her. “Just… take it slowly, okay?”

“Of course,” Gillian agreed, and gave her one last kiss before hopping off the trailer and going to start the tractor. There was no way that she was going to risk her safety - she was precious cargo, and she knew that Caroline would never let her forget it if she tipped her out. Not to mention the fact that she would never come to the fields to work with her again, and she rather liked the idea of having her with her sometimes, even if it was just for company. She had grown used to being on her own all of the time, but it hadn’t meant that she’d always liked it. And Caroline… well, she never put any pressure on her to be anything other than who she was, and she utterly adored her for it.

xOxOxOx

“That’s really unfair, you know,” Caroline called from her position leaning against the trailer, her arms folded as she smirked at her girlfriend. Gillian looked up at her with a quizzical raise of her eyebrows, slightly breathless from hefting around several bales of hay that she had set out for the sheep.

“What’s unfair?” she gasped, hopping nimbly into the trailer and grabbing another one. It could be hard, manual work doing this, and was especially miserable when the weather was awful, but today she had to admit that she was showing off a little. Caroline had never failed to be impressed by her physical abilities when it came to manual labour, and it seemed that now was no exception. The blonde was watching her with a keen interest, a small smile playing on her lips.

“The way that you find that so easy. I don’t think I’d be able to carry one of those even a metre, let alone chuck them about how you do,” Caroline commented appreciatively, her eyes straying to Gillian’s arms and the way that her muscles were ripping underneath the sturdy cotton. “It… it’s impressive.”

“Not really, I’ve done it every day for as long as I’ve had the farm,” Gillian hummed in return, moving to stand in front of her before dragging her sleeve over her forehead. In contrast to the usual grey and dreary weather, the sky was a bright, brilliant blue, the spring sun beaming down on them both and making the work warmer than usual. Caroline still looked perfect, of course, the sunlight picking out the beautiful golden strands in her hair and making her eyes sparkle. She was enough to take Gillian’s breath away, and she still couldn’t believe that she was lucky enough to be able to say that she was hers. “And I bet you could, you haven’t even tried,” she carried on, gesturing at the bales that were left. “I bet you’d be fine.”

“Oh, no, I don’t think so,” Caroline said quickly, holding her hands up in front of her in a kind of self defence. “It was enough when we had to lift that gate, I thought I was going to expire, it was so heavy!”

“I really should mend that,” Gillian muttered, frowning as she added it to her mental to do list - something that was only getting longer as the day went by. It had been a bit of a surprise to find that the gate in question had dropped off its hinges, although she was infinitely grateful that it hadn’t fallen over. She couldn’t afford yet another day filled with running around after the errant sheep, which they surely would have done if they were given half a chance. “Come on though… just try it. They aren’t as heavy as they look, I promise.”

“I’m not sure whether to believe you or not,” Caroline said suspiciously, narrowing her eyebrows at her. “I’m still scarred from that thing you did with the sheep.”

Gillian burst out laughing. It had been rather entertaining to watch her girlfriend being surrounded by sheep after she had thrown the bucket of pellets to the ground at her feet, and even funnier to witness her horror when one of them had tried to nibble her sleeve. “They just liked you, was all. They don’t get to meet many new people, so mark my words, you’ll be popular.”

“I don’t want to be popular,” Caroline grumbled, but pushed away from the side of the trailer anyway and followed her to the back. Gillian hopped back up and pushed one of the bales to the edge, gesturing down at the twine that bound it all together. “So… I just carry it by these stringy bits, then? And it won’t fall apart?”

“No, it won’t fall apart,” Gillian said patiently, pressing her lips together to stop a smirk painting itself across her face as the other woman experimentally tried to lift it. “Honestly, you’ll be fine. You drag that handbag around with you all the time, I’m sure that’s just as heavy.”

“Oi!” Caroline retorted, glaring up at her as she edged the bale closer to the edge. “I don’t see you complaining when you get drinks and snacks out of it, or you want me to shove something of yours in there! Which reminds me, I still have your scarf.”

“Wondered where that had got to,” Gillian gave back, vaulting back to the ground and going to stand at Caroline’s side, loving the adorable look of concentration that the blonde had on her face as she concentrated on not dropping the straw straight on the ground. “And I’m not complaining. You wouldn’t be yourself without that thing, I don’t know if I’d recognise you.”

“Oh, very funny,” Caroline grunted, and then staggered backwards as she finally tugged the bale of hay off the back of the trailer. “Oh…fuck… me…” she grunted, her face starting to go red as she took the strain of it’s full weight.

“Maybe later,” Gillian hummed cheekily, meaning DEFINITELY later. She had some rather concrete plans to show the other woman how much she appreciated her after a day spent helping her out, after all. “That’s right, you’ve got it… Now you just have to go and take it over to the trough. See, over there?”

“I see,” Caroline groaned, her fringe falling into her face as she made slow, tentative steps towards the metal receptacle. “Christ, how do you do this every day? You make it look so easy!”

“Years of practice,” Gillian chuckled, shadowing her carefully in case she struggled. “Plus, you know… eat my spinach, just like Popeye.”

“You hate spinach,” Caroline retorted, her arms shaking a little as she lifted it higher to get it over the fence. “You won’t even eat kale…”

“That’s because kale is a meaningless vegetable, I might as well go and chew that fir tree behind the barn,” Gillian replied, screwing up her face in disgust. “Give me a nice cauliflower cheese, any day.”

“I’ll give you a nice cauliflower cheese,” Caroline muttered, and finally succeeded in throwing the straw into the trough. She turned to grin triumphantly at her girlfriend, looking incredibly pleased with herself. “There! I did it,” she smiled, and Gillian nodded happily, quickly pulling her in for a kiss of reward.

“You did, I’m very proud of you,” Gillian said solemnly, giving her a little tap on the nose. “Now, come on. We can’t stay here all day.”

“What, is that not it?” Caroline asked, looking a little horrified. 

“Nope. We’ve got a few more of these to fill, the stalls in the barn to muck out, and then…” She paused, seeing the way that Caroline was trying to conceal her disappointed expression. “Well, I’m sure that I can leave the sheep dip until tomorrow. What’s up?”

“It’s just, I’ve got to go pick Flora up at four, and I’d hoped that we might…” Caroline flushed, reaching up to run her fingers down the lapel of her overall. “I won’t see you for a couple of days, now, and…”

“Don’t remind me,” Gillian said sadly, her mouth tugging down at the corners. She had been trying to avoid thinking about it, hating the fact that Caroline would be returning to work tomorrow and wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with her as she had the last week. “Still… it won’t be for much longer, will it? Unless… unless…” She swallowed nervously, hoping against hope that Caroline wouldn’t have changed her mind about moving in. She was almost sure that she hadn’t - even this morning she had been enthusiastically talking about paint samples as Gillian listened with a dreamy smile, content just to listen to the sound of her voice even if she didn’t have a clue what she was on about. But still… a lifetime of disappointment and being let down meant that she was used to things going wrong, or plans changing, or something not going right… or her fucking it up. That had happened more times than she could count.

“I haven’t changed my mind, don’t worry,” Caroline said softly, taking a step forwards and wrapping her arms around her waist. “There’s no way that is happening. I promised, remember?”

“Yeah, but…” Gillian chewed nervously at her lip. “Things change… you might have changed your mind, or-”

“Since this morning?” Caroline chuckled, and reached to gently smooth a few wisps of her out of her face that had fallen from her ponytail. “I’m not going to change my mind. We just need to… figure out… how we are going to tell my mum, and your dad… and then we’ll be able to move forwards.”

“Yeah…” Gillian allowed herself to be pulled into her chest, tucking her head under her chin as she let out a long exhale of breath. “Honestly, what is your Mum going to say about you coming to live on a farm?”

“I honestly don’t give a shit,” Caroline said firmly, pressing a kiss into her hair. “If she thinks that she’s going to stop me then she can do one, and she’ll have to find her own way to that bloody am dram meeting she keeps going on about in Shipley. Why she keeps on trekking all the way up there, I’ll never know.”

“Oh, Dad said something about that when I rang him last night,” Gillian chuckled, pulling back a little and grinning at her conspiratorially. “Apparently the one she was at, they said that she’d have to leave unless she stopped trying to interfere with the direction. He reckoned that they gave her a whole scene to rehearse and she changed all the lines and wouldn’t move where they told her to, so she stormed out when they told her off!”

“Why haven’t I heard about this?” Caroline said incredulously, widening her eyes at her girlfriend. “I would have thought that the first thing she would have done would have been to be on the phone to me crowing about how incompetent they all are, or how much they’re missing out on without her!”

“Happen she’s embarrassed for a change,” Gillian suggested, smirking as she imagined her stepmother being taken down a peg or two by the flamboyant state director that they had met at her last play. He had been more than a match for the old woman, and Gillian had loved watching the almost slavish devotion that she paid to him. Clearly that had worn off. “Anyway…”

“It will be fine, nothing is going to change how I feel,” Caroline gave back patiently, before pushing her away a little with a twinkle in her eye. “Now, let’s finish these jobs… I’m counting on you making all this hard, physical labour worth my while.” She wiggled her eyebrows at her, earning herself a naughty wink in return.

“My pleasure,” Gillian hummed, and pressed a quick kiss to the back of her hand before turning back to the trailer. She hadn’t gone more than a couple of metres before she heard a shriek, and whipped around to see Caroline sliding on some mud - or what she hoped was mud - her arms windmilling comically as a look of horror appeared on her face. “Oh, shit, Caz-”

Finally losing her balance, Caroline fell backwards almost in slow motion, and landed right on her arse as her hands caught herself from falling back further… And although she wasn’t flat on her back, that was the least of her problems.

“Gill-i-an!!” she wailed, pulling up her hands and looking at her muck that was smeared all over them. “This… this isn’t mud, it’s-”

“Sheep shit…” Gillian replied, a little snort leaving her as she pressed her hand over her mouth. She didn’t want to laugh at her, she knew that it would get her nowhere good, but it was so incredibly hard when her usually immaculate girlfriend was in this position. “Oh, Caz… how did you manage that?”

“Slipped, obviously,” Caroline grumbled, gingerly trying to pick herself up off the floor, and Gillian darted to her side to help her out. “Suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later…”

“Yeah, definitely,” Gillian agreed, pulling a rag out of her pocket and offering it to her to clean off her hands. There was nothing to be done for now about the back of her overall - it was caked in a whole manner of grime, and would need a proper wash later. “Reminds me of-”

“Don’t even say it,” Caroline interjected, holding up a now slightly cleaner hand to stop her. “We don’t talk about the incident with the puncture, or the reason that we were there in the first place, do we?”

“No…” Gillian smirked, and wrapped her arm around her shoulders before gently guiding her back towards the pavement. “Although seeing you change a tyre was quite something.”

“Yes, a something that I don’t want to repeat in a hurry,” Caroline huffed, dragging her palms down the front of her outfit to try and clean them off a little more. 

“Oh, I dunno, I reckon you might be able to do one of the tyres of the tractor next, that’ll need doing soon,” Gillian said thoughtfully, earning herself a playful growl from the other woman. She giggled in response, loving how easily she was able to wind her up. It was such a natural part of their relationship that she had grown to love it, and knew that Caroline enjoyed it just as much. 

“So, we off back to the house, then?” Caroline asked hopefully, gesturing down at her overall. “So I can get cleaned up?”

“Ohhh no,” Gillian smirked, nudging her towards the trailer and giving her arse a playful slap as she climbed aboard. “We’ve got work to do, my girl. We don’t go home til it’s done.”

“Oh, for…” Caroline groaned, swearing colourfully, and Gillian couldn’t help but laugh. Yes… she’d definitely make it worth her while later…

xOxOxOx

 “See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Gillian said gently, grimacing a little as she ran her eyes down the blonde’s body. She was hosing off the floor of the barn, the last job of the day before they got to go inside for which she was incredibly glad. She didn’t think Caroline’s patience would hold too much longer… She had managed to fall down a handful more times, getting increasingly streaked with dirt and grime which was now splattered across her face and hair as well as her clothing. She looked about as far removed from the composed headmistress than she had ever seen her before, and she could tell by the way one of the nerves was twitching in her jaw that she had had enough. “You did brilliantly… I’m proud of you.”

“I was terrible at it, you can be honest,” Caroline grunted, sighing as she looked down at herself once again. “Sorry, I don’t know how much help I was. I think I just slowed you down.”

“Nonsense,” Gillian shot back, shooting her a reassuring smile. “You were great! Brilliant! And anyway… it was nice just to spend some time with you.”

“Yes, well…” Caroline continued, brushing at a particular stubborn patch of mud. “I don’t know how we’re ever going to get this clean…”

“I’ve got an idea,” Gillian said playfully, and quickly flicked the hose towards her, an arc of water spraying up the other woman’s legs and soaking into the fabric as Caroline shrieked, covering her face with her hands.

“You bitch!” she cried, and Gillian couldn’t help giggling at her. That changed quickly, however, when Caroline darted across and ripped the hose out of her hand, spraying it all down her front and into her wellies.

“F-f-f-bloody hell!” Gillian yelped, and Caroline giggled at her as she tried to pull the hose out of her hand once again. “Give it back!” 

“Make me!” Caroline teased, and whipped another jet of water at her before throwing the house to the floor and dashing out of the barn. 

“With pleasure!” Gillian shouted after her, quickly turning off the water before running after her girlfriend. A flash of blonde hair disappeared through the front door, and she bolted in after her, almost crashing into where she was struggling to remove her wellies in the hall. “I can’t believe you did that!” she said, breathless with laughter as Caroline almost fell over in her haste.

“You did it first,” Caroline retorted, finally tugging her feet free and then meeting her eyes with a wicked smile. “Just making things fair.” As Gillian kicked hers off too, she turned to look up at her, and that was all it took for the simmering sexual tension that had been between them all day to break. They fell on each other like they were starving, each suddenly so in need of the other that they couldn’t help themselves. Buttons were almost ripped away from fabric, zips torn down and clothes tugged off as they stumbled their way towards the stairs.

“Not… bed…” Caroline panted as they reached the top. “Filthy…”

“I know you are,” Gillian almost purred, and then shoved her into the bathroom. Once inside she flicked on the shower, and the two of them made quick work of each other’s clothes, touching and stroking and groping as they went as little moans and gasps filled the tiny room. Finally, when the water was steaming hot, they stepped underneath the stream wrapped in each other’s arms. 

“I don’t know if farm work is for me,” Caroline started between kisses, looking down at her with a broad grin as streaks of mud trickled down her face, her hair hanging in sopping tendrils. “But this definitely is…” She pressed Gillian back against the wall of the shower, dipping her fingers between her legs as she feasted on her neck.

“Yes… this… definitely is,” Gillian panted as she wrapped her arms around her neck, letting her head fall back against the tiles. “Fuck, Caz…”

“That’s the idea,” Caroline whispered, and then proceeded to do just that. As Gillian lost herself in utter bliss, she couldn’t help an idle thought crossing her mind. Soon Caroline would be here, with her, all the time. This would be her home… and this would be their life. There was nothing that she had ever wanted more.

<3

Chapter Text

“Chicken or beef, Mum?” Caroline asked, raising her eyebrows at the elderly woman who glared back at her suspiciously. The headmistress was holding a carving knife aloft, and for a moment Gillian glanced nervously between her and her mother, wondering what was going to happen next. The tension between the two women had been hideous ever since they had sat down at the table, Celia having been on one the second that she had arrived. 

“You don’t normally do two kinds of meat, why have you done that?” Celia asked, curling her lip as she looked between the two plates. “Anyway, thought you lesbians are meant to all be vegetarian, or… or whatever that other one is. Where you don’t even eat cheese. I mean, I said to Alan, who doesn’t eat cheese?! Cheese!”

“Criminal,” Alan grunted, shooting an appeasing look at his wife before meeting Gillian’s eyes and grimacing. It was clear that he was just as nervous of Celia’s mood as everyone else at the table, the mood a little sober after her sniping had started the second that she came in the door. Still, at least the children weren’t being subjected to it - the two women had decided that today was the day that they were going to tell their parents about their relationship and the fact that they were going to be moving in together. Flora and Calamity - and the baby - were with Ellie, the excuse given that they were at a party but more so that they didn’t have to witness whatever Celia’s reaction would be. They still had Raff and William there to assist, however, both of them being fully aware of their mother’s new relationship and completely in support of it. 

“Vegan, Mum, and no, not all lesbians are vegetarians, or vegan, or whatever,” Caroline almost growled, her fingers tightening on the knife, and Gillian gently pressed her fingers over hers to lower it back to the table, giving her a warning look. Even though the farmer was utterly terrified of what was going to happen, they had talked and talked beforehand about how they were going to approach it, and going into it angry or upset was not part of the plan. 

“Yeah, most of them are vagetarians, though,” Gillian interjected solemnly, earning herself a snort from her son whilst William’s ears went red, and Caroline kicked her under the table. 

“Might have known you’d have something to say,” Celia sniped, looking down her nose at her. “I don’t suppose you cooked any of this, did you? Let our Caroline come over and do it for you?” Gillian’s mouth dropped open, completely unable to believe just how horrible and bitter she was being. Even for Celia this was a new low.

“We both cooked it together, Mum, and don’t you dare talk to Gillian like that,” Caroline snapped, her eyes flashing dangerously as she gripped the side of the table. “How dare you come into her home and say things like that? It’s out of order!”

“You don’t have to be so sensitive, Caroline, I was only enquiring about what we’re going to be eating,” Celia huffed, folding her arms and sitting back in her chair. “Well, go on. Dish up. I’ll have the chicken… unless it’s dry.”

“It’s alright, Celia, I’ll cut you a nice bit of the breast,” Gillian said sweetly, pasting a sickly smile on her face as she pulled the perfectly roasted chicken towards her. She looked up at Raff, pleading silently with him to say something, start some kind of conversation that would move things on. Luckily he got the hint, and quickly engaged Alan in talking about the football team that he was hoping to start up at the school he was currently working at. Still, it did nothing to stop Celia glaring at her as Caroline went back to the kitchen to retrieve the side dishes. 

“Is that knife blunt, Gillian? Because you’re making a right mess of that,” the older woman commented, and Gillian did her best not to throw it at her. 

“Shouldn’t be, just sharpened it this morning,” she said with forced brightness, and shoved the plate across the table. “There you go, a nice bit of breast. I like a bit of breast myself, actually, and that looks pretty good to me.”

“Yeah, you would say that,” Celia snapped, and then huffed out a sigh as she turned to her husband. “Alan! Aren’t you meant to be helping me dish up the sides? I can’t reach the roast potatoes when they’re all the way over there next to you, you know!”

“Sorry, dear…” Alan said quickly, nudging the potatoes along towards his wife. When she glared at him, he grimaced a little, and even though the dish was now in her reach, started spooning them onto her plate for her anyway. “There you go, that enough?”

“You always choose the worst ones,” Celia grumbled, batting his hand away as he tried to take some of them back and replace them with others. “No, leave it now! You’ve done enough!”

Gillian met Caroline’s eyes, communicating silently about just how difficult this was turning out to be. They had at least hoped to get Celia in a good enough mood so that their news would at least have a chance of being well received… Well, not well received. More that she wouldn’t have some kind of fit of the vapours that would land her in A&E, although that might be preferable to how she was being at the moment. As the blonde settled back at her side she snuck her hand onto her knee, quickly feeling Caroline tangling their fingers together. Calm immediately washed over her, and she shot her a little smile before turning her attention back to the table. 

“So, Celia, how is your latest play going?” William asked politely, offering his mother a supportive smile as he helped himself to carrots. “What was it again? Mamma Mia?”

“Mamma Mia!” Celia squawked, banging her hands down onto the table and glaring at her grandson. “Are you joking?! Singing, and dancing around like some sort of lunatic?! What do you take me for?” Gillian pressed her lips together and stared intently at the pile of peas on her plate. Despite her anxiety she had to fight back a hysterical laugh at the idea of Celia bawling out Abba songs and trying to dance - it was a shame that she wasn’t doing it, as that was one show that she would definitely make sure that she went to see. 

“Alright, Mum, William was just asking,” Caroline murmured, squeezing Gillian’s hand a little more tightly as if she knew exactly what she was thinking. “I’m interested in what it was, though?”

“Much Ado About Nothing,” Celia said grandly, and glared at them each in turn. “Although I’m not expecting philistines like you to know anything about a quality play like that, given that it’s Shakespeare.” 

“That’s about those soldiers coming to town and having big old arguments with those women they want to marry, isn’t it?” Gillian asked before she could think better of it, and Celia turned her lizard stare on her, narrowing her eyes.

“I suppose that’s a simple explanation,” she sniffed, and picked up her knife and fork before she started sawing into her lunch. “For those who don’t understand all the subtleties and the true meaning behind such a masterpiece.”

“Honestly, Mum, what is your problem?!” Caroline exclaimed, banging her fist so hard on the table that all of the cutlery rattled. “You’ve been like a bear with a sore arse ever since you arrived, do you have to be so disagreeable?”

“Me, disagreeable!” Celia snorted, throwing her fork back onto her plate and scowling at her daughter. “I’d try looking at yourself, madam! Three times I’ve rung you this week and you’ve not answered, haven’t responded to a single one of my voicemails… I even got Harry to send you a text from my phone, and nothing!” She ended on a screech at such a volume that all of the occupants of the farmhouse winced, and Ruth, Caroline’s soppy golden lab, made a bolt for the stairs. Gillian wished that she could do the same, but she knew that Caroline would never forgive her.

“What messages? What calls?” Caroline demanded, and Gillian noticed how her posture straightened, her expression hard - it seemed that the ever present headmistress that lurked within the blonde had come out to play, and she knew that she would take no prisoners. “I’ve had nothing from you all week! I was starting to wonder if you’d lost your phone!”

“Well, I may have raised a lesbian, but I didn’t know I raised a liar!” shrieked Celia, and Alan abruptly cleared his throat, placing a placating hand on her arm.

“Now, now, no need to get upset,” he started, looking nervously between mother and daughter. “Perhaps she’s been busy, love, at the school, or-”

“More likely she’s been busy with that one!” Celia accused, gesturing wildly at Gillian. “Honestly, those two are so obsessed with each other that I’m not surprised the rest of us don’t get a look in! Poor Flora, she’s basically neglected!” Another shocked gasp ran around the table, and Gillian caught out of the corner of her eye how Caroline visibly crumpled at the accusation. There were many things that Caroline was able to defend, but when she was attacked about the care of her daughter - a sensitive subject for her, anyway - it hit home. Seeing the woman that she loved hunch in on herself was enough for Gillian to react, but she had just opened her mouth when William got there first.

“Gran, Flora is not neglected, and I don’t think it’s very fair of you to say so, actually,” he said firmly, raising his eyebrow at his grandmother as he folded his arms. A nerve in his jaw was flickering, the twin of Caroline’s when she was agitated. “Gillian has been very good for Mum, and she’s supported her a lot over the last few years, so I think you should apologise. To both of them.”

“To her!” Celia gasped incredulously, her mouth dropping open, jabbing her finger towards Gillian. “As if I’m going to apologise to her! She’s a bad influence, I’m telling you now! Living here, in this… this dump, and-”

“That is enough!” Alan thundered, his usually gentle expression marred by a furious glare towards his wife. “You need to stop this, Celia! Can’t you see that you’re upsetting everyone? Flora is the most well looked after little lass this side of Halifax, alongside our Calamity, of course…” He nodded towards Raff, who shot him a tight smile. “And I will not have you insulting Gillian! Now, I know you two have had your difficulties, but this just isn’t fair!”

“Alan!” Celia stared at him with her mouth open, clearly amazed that her usually placid husband had dared to say such a thing to her. “I… you’re on their side?”

“There are no sides, you ridiculous woman!” he carried on, shaking his head as he shot her a dark look. Gillian looked at Caroline, their eyes meeting in bewilderment, and the farmer slid her hand onto her knee again. This meal had already been so much worse than she was expecting, and they hadn’t even been able to tell them their news… Perhaps it was best not to bother?

“And you can’t call the farm a dump, it’s got its own charm…” Raff added helpfully, shooting his mother a little smile. “It’s unique.”

“Unique?!” Celia gripped the side of the table, seemingly unsure who to glare at the most. “The only thing unique about the bloody place is how uniquely awful it is! Full of bloody moth-eaten, woolly fleabags that are just as deranged as their owner!” At her words Caroline’s hand covered Gillian’s, squeezing hard. She knew that her girlfriend was trying to communicate to her that she didn’t feel like that, that this was just another of Celia’s rants where she was trying to get a reaction to further her own interests, but it still stung. Carrying on with the farm over the years hadn’t been easy, and financially had been incredibly difficult. She had thought that she might lose the place more than once, and she hadn’t always been able to keep it in as good a condition as she might have if there was more money flowing through. She had never, ever compromised on the health and wellbeing of her flock, however - they came first. 

A deathly silence filled the house, all of them aware that Celia had, this time, gone too far. Gillian’s legs were shaking, and she was fighting the urge to bolt right out of the door. Although she knew that her stepmother could be a bitter old hag, it didn’t mean that the words didn’t stir up the insecurities that she had been doing her best to tamp down since Caroline had decided that she wanted to make her home with her up at the farm. Surely, now Celia had said it, Caroline would see that what she was saying was true, and that she didn’t really want to put herself through it? And not to mention the fact that she, surely, shouldn't be putting her through it either? She loved Caroline, she didn’t want her to be unhappy, which she surely would be if she had to live in a dump…

“Out,” Caroline growled, her grip tightening on Gillian’s hand and pressing on her knee, trying to stop it bouncing. “You’ve gone too far this time, Mum. Enough. How dare you come into our home and insult it? Insult Gillian, and all she’s worked so bloody hard for? Have you any idea what she’s been through, how hard she tries every single day to make this work? Can your teeny, tiny brain comprehend that, or are you even stupider than I thought?” Her voice was ice cold and her eyes flashed dangerously, and Gillian could do nothing but stare at her plate. It was wonderful to hear her defending her, but she didn’t know, really, what she had done to deserve it.

“Caroline, I-” Celia started, her eyes widening as she adopted a kicked puppy expression, but then she paused, looking between them. “Caroline… ‘our’ home? You’re… you’re not suggesting…?”

“That this is my home, too? Well, it certainly sounds that way, doesn’t it?” Caroline shot back angrily, holding up her hand when Celia started to say something else. “For your information, mother, this will be my home, and Flora’s, in the not so distant future. And I can’t wait to live here, and-”

“But your house is perfect!” Celia wailed, looking utterly bewildered by the idea that her daughter would give up her recently renovated home to live on a sheep farm, of all places. “You can’t give that up! And why do you want to live… with her…” She gestured rudely at Gillian who ducked her head further, hunching so far in on herself that she was almost in a foetal position. 

“Because I love her, mother,” Caroline snapped, and silence reigned supreme once again. 

Gillian swallowed nervously, not wanting to leave Caroline metaphorically out in the cold, but also fighting her racing heartbeat that was telling her to flee. “You… you see, Celia, when… when you’re as good friends as Caroline and I were… are… And… and you spend a lot of time together, and-”

“Told you that you were spending too much time with her!” Celia screeched, Alan sitting beside her with wide eyes, his mouth gaping open.

“You… you and Caroline?” he asked his daughter, and Gillian nodded, her cheeks flaming red as she avoided his eyes. “Why didn’t you say anything, love?”

“Why do you think?” Gillian hissed, gesturing at her apoplectic stepmother who now almost had steam coming out of her ears. “How could I? How could we?” She looked at Caroline who shot her a reassuring smile, although she looked just as on edge as she felt. “And… and we didn’t want to… shock you, or… or… worry you, or… or…”

“Well, I think it’s lovely,” Raff announced, clapping Caroline on the back with a huge grin. “Welcome to the family, Caz - again. Good luck with this one, she’s a handful.” She shot his mother a wink, and Gillian felt herself relax just a little - she was so lucky with him, and he was more accepting than she deserved. 

“I think it’s lovely, too,” William chimed in, and stood up to peck first Caroline, and then Gillian on the cheek as he patted them limply on the shoulder. “It’s about time you found someone who makes you happy, Mum, and Gillian - you know we think you’re ace. You know our Lawrence will be wanting you to teach him to drive the tractor, though?”

“Ha, he’ll be lucky, it’s got a puncture,” Gillian joked weakly, feeling the heat of Celia’s stare on her. It was like being advanced on by a shark, and she felt herself starting to shake once again. 

“Alan! You… you’re not in agreement with this, are you?!” the elderly woman demanded, and looked between them with utter disgust. “They… they’re stepsisters! It’s against the law, or something!”

“The only r-r-reason we’re stepsisters is because you two d-d-decided to go all modern and learn to use facebook, then decided to get hitched,” Gillian reminded them quietly, making eye contact with her father. “And I’m g-g-glad you did, I’m so glad - you make each other happy, and that’s the main thing… And… and you have to realise, Caroline makes me happy, too. And… I’d like to think that I do the same.”

“Very happy,” Caroline said straight away, and raised her hand above the table to press an adoring kiss to the back of her hand. “Very, very happy, actually.”

“But… but…” Celia looked between them again, her mouth opening and closing soundlessly like a goldfish. “Is no one going to say anything? Do anything?”

“Mum,” Caroline started again, sitting up a little straighter in her chair. She had obviously recovered herself enough to try again, which was a good job - Gillian had such a nervous lump in her her throat that she didn’t trust herself to speak. “This is happening, whether you like it or not. I will not let you stand in the way of our happiness, and I will not let you stand in the way of me moving in here. I’ve made my decision, and I’ve made my choice. We both have.” She shot a little look at Gillian, offering her a smile that let her know how much she meant her words. “If you can’t get on board with that, then that’s up to you, so I suggest that you get thinking on it. And if you’re going to be like you usually are, then-”

“Like I usually am?” Celia retorted, curling her lip. “What are you trying to say? Why, there’s no one more broad minded than me, I-”

“Except that isn’t true, is it Gran?” William interjected firmly, and Gillian wondered just when he had gotten so brave. “You were horrid to Kate, too, and you made Mum so unhappy about it all. You can’t do that again, it’s not fair.”

“And you’ve never been particularly broad minded about the farm, have you?” Raff added, looking at the older woman with a challenge in his eyes. “You’ve never been able to accept it as it is, always picking faults.”

“Alan!” Celia gasped again, looking at her husband with a kind of plea in her eyes. “Can you hear what they’re saying?! I-”

“Well, you do read the Daily Mail,” Alan said almost apologetically, and at his words Gillian couldn’t help snorting. The incredulous look on Celia’s face was comical, and it seemed that everyone else thought so too. They all - bar Celia - burst into laughter, although Gillian knew that hers was borne of nerves rather than really feeling particularly amused. She was too on edge for that. 

“You’re all mad!” Celia insisted as they continued to chuckle, and huffed as she folded her arms over her chest. “Absolutely bloody bonkers!”

When the laughter died away, Caroline cleared her throat and carried on. “I mean it though, Mum. You don't have to like it, but I expect you to at least be civil, and not make any nasty, narrow minded comments. Otherwise you and I, we're going to fall out.”

“Caroline! I do love you, I know, I only want what's best for you!” The older woman tried a different tactic, switching to wounded and vulnerable as she widened her eyes. “And I just don't think what's best for you is her.” She gestured at Gillian with a barely disguised curl of her lip, and heat rushed up her body once again and exploded on her cheeks as she turned crimson.

“Celia, it may have escaped your n-n-notice, but I am more than aware of my shortcomings,” she said tightly, pulling her hand out of Caroline's and grasping the table. “And believe me, I've told Caroline time and time again that she can do better, and… and… she doesn't have to live here, or do anything she doesn't want to do. I'm not so d-d-deluded as to think that this is a life anyone would choose. But if it's what Caroline wants-”

“Oh, what do you know about what she wants, you didn't even finish school!” Celia spat, looking at her like she was something she stepped in. “I bet you don't even know her middle name!”

It was the final straw. Gillian shot up out of her seat, knocking the table so hard that her glass of wine tipped over and splashed ruby liquid all over the previously pristine white tablecloth that Caroline had brought over especially. Another thing ruined… “I… I've got to…” She felt tears welling in her eyes, all the evidence that she had to the contrary flying out of the window when the familiar voice - that sounded horribly like Eddie - started sniping in her head that she wasn't good enough, that Caroline must be suffering from some kind of temporary insanity, that whatever she did she would never be free of the demons that had plagued her for most of her life and could not - and should not - be inflicted on anyone else.

As she dashed towards the door, quickly tugging on her battered converse, cries from the other occupants of the table begged her to stop. She couldn't be there anymore, it was too painful. As she was about to step out of the door she turned, her head lowered as she bit out one last comment. “And it's Elizabeth. F-f-f-fit for a queen.”

“Gillian-” Caroline started, already up and starting to follow her, but Gillian had already grabbed her jacket and had thrown herself outside, sprinting across the courtyard and towards the fields. Her sanctuary…

Without even thinking about it her feet found the familiar pathways, subconsciously taking a route that she had gone so many times before… One that she had used to escape Eddie, and then Robbie, and even her father on occasion when he was being particularly objectionable. Tears streamed down her face, blinding her as she stuffed her hands in her pockets and stumbled along. She should have known that it was all too good to be true, and that it would all come crashing down around her ears sooner or later. They had been living in a bubble, one that would not translate to reality or real life… After all, who would want to condemn themselves to life with a murderer? 

She was almost halfway up the slope of the upper field when she found her arm being grabbed, almost falling over in surprise when she whipped around to see a panting Caroline standing behind her. She wasn't wearing a coat despite the chill of the day, and was still wearing the slippers that she had bought especially for the farm - slippers that were now coated with a liberal dousing of mud. 

“Christ, didn't you hear me calling for you?” Caroline gasped breathlessly, her grip tightening on her elbow as Gillian tried to back away, unable to meet her eyes. “You were moving so fast I didn't know if I was going to catch you!”

“Go back to the farmhouse before you get cold,” Gillian muttered, her heart squeezing painfully in her chest. “Sorry, Caz… we should have known this couldn't last.” She gently pulled away and turned to continue walking, only managing a couple of steps before Caroline grabbed her once again and turned her to face her.

“Don't be ridiculous! You know what my mother is like, this is only what we expected! She was absolutely vile, and believe me she's just had the sharp edge of my tongue,” Caroline insisted, but Gillian shook her head, still trying to pull away.

“She was right though, wasn't she?” she countered, her voice small and broken. “What she said… It's not ridiculous. The farm is a dump, I didn't finish school, and I'm probably not good for you either.” Another tear slid down her cheek, her whole body vibrating with tension as she tried to hold back a sob.

“It is ridiculous!” Caroline retorted sharply, giving her a little shake. “For one, all those things are bollocks, and two, even if they were true then I wouldn't give a flying fuck anyway, and three…” She paused, waiting until Gillian looked up at her tentatively. “Three, I have never, ever been as happy as when I'm with you. Ever. I meant what I said back there - I've made my choice, and my choice is you, Gillian. And if you don't choose me too, and a life together, then that's fine, but you'll have to tell me.” A little note of insecurity crept into her tone, but she quickly shook herself before she carried on. “And if you push me away for some self sacrificial reason like wanting to protect me, or thinking someone like my mother knows better, or because that horrible bit of your head is telling you that you aren't good enough, then I'm not going to accept that. I can't.”

Gillian blinked at her uncomprehendingly, at a loss for what to say. It was a little scary how well the blonde knew her, and had recognised her thought patterns and the impact that they were having. With anyone else it might have felt suffocating, but with her… Well, it felt like she was safe, like the attempt that she was currently making to throw herself into a pit of self loathing and despair was held back by her warm, firm grip on her arms, the imploring look in her eyes and the way she had pulled all of her worries out of her head and laid them bare between them. 

“Caz…” she whispered brokenly, her face crumpling, and that was all it took for the blonde to sweep her into her arms as she cried, gently rocking her back and forwards as she whispered gentle words of love into her ear. For her part Gillian clung onto her like she was a life raft in a stormy sea, because in a way she was - no one had ever really been there to fish her out before, but Caroline was quickly becoming a master.

“It's okay, nothing has changed, I love you,” Caroline repeated again and again to her, pressing kisses into her hair. “I'm not going anywhere.”

“I w-w-wouldn't blame you if you did,” Gillian hiccoughed, still finding sanctuary in her warm embrace. “S’like Robbie always said… I need my head examining. Nuts.”

“Robbie was a tosser, and that's bollocks, too,” Caroline shot back, pulling away a little and cradling her tearstained face in her hands. “I mean it, you're stuck with me now, if you'll still have me?” A look of vulnerability crept across her face, and Gillian rushed to reassure her. 

“Course I still want you, you knob,” she chuckled through her tears, unable to stop the word that had almost become a term of endearment now. “I… I just don't want you to be unhappy. Or… or grow to resent me.”

“How could I be unhappy when I have you?” Caroline questioned softly, brushing her thumb over her lips as she smiled at her. “Not to mention all this… I mean, who could be unhappy living here?” She wrapped her arms around Gillian's waist and turned to look back at the valley below, the sun coming out in a moment of divine intervention to show it off to its full magnificence. The bleating of sheep echoed towards them, and Gillian found herself tucked under Caroline's chin as she snaked her own arms around her hips.

“As long as you're sure,” she hummed, and she felt Caroline nod.

“I'm very sure,” she murmured, and leant down and captured her lips in a sweet, tender kiss that told of the truth of her words. “Now, how about we go for a bit of a walk? Show me a bit more of my new home, and leave them to stew a bit on what we've told them?”

“That sounds like a plan,” Gillian agreed, a smile finally tugging at the corners of her lips as Caroline took her hand. “Do you think it will make a difference, though?”

“I've left the boys in charge, they'll sort it,” Caroline gave back, squeezing her hand as they turned to walk further up the hill. Her slippers squelched noisily as they went, and Gillian made a mental note to replace them at her earliest opportunity. “They're lovely, we're very lucky that they're so supportive. When I came after you William was already berating her, so I'm sure it will be fine.”

“I wish I had your faith,” Gillian said quietly, and Caroline gave her hand a little shake.

“It will come. And for now, I'll have enough faith for the both of us,” she promised, leaning across to peck her on the cheek. “Now, come on, show me my new kingdom.”

“Of course, mi’lady,” Gillian giggled, relief finally flooding her body. It would be okay… It would take a long time to sink in that whatever happened from now on they were in it together, but she was willing to try. Even she knew that she couldn't go the rest of her life sabotaging anything good in the name of self sacrifice - that was ridiculous. As another ray of sunlight kissed her face she smiled, allowing her eyes to slide closed for a moment as she enjoyed the warmth. Together… she could do that. 

<3

Chapter Text

“Where do you want this, love?” Gillian turned around to see a large, florid cheeked man who was sweating profusely standing in her living room, a huge box cradled in his arms. The farmer took a deep breath, willing herself to stay calm. There were so many boxes now littered throughout the house that she didn't know where everything was going to go, and she was starting to despair about ever finding room for all her girlfriend's belongings. 

When they had agreed to Caroline moving in, it had been with the idea that they would merge most of their belongings so that they would both be represented in their new home, and the rest would be stored in the barn unless it was unlikely that they would need it again. It meant that quite a few of Gillian's old bits of furniture were getting a much needed upgrade, replaced with Caroline's newer and more good quality belongings. There were even a few things that they had agreed to buy new, mostly important of which was a brand new bed that would be arriving in the next few days. It felt right - having something that was theirs rather than something that had been shared, once upon a time, with other partners. Still, there was far too much to accommodate in the small space that was available, and she was starting to get a little worried…

“Just… with the others,” she said faintly, flapping her hand at the towering mountain of boxes in the middle of the rug. “Wherever you can.” 

He grimaced at her sympathetically and went to do as she asked, finally managing to fit a spot where it fit, but blocking a good proportion of the front window as he did so. “You're gonna have a fun time unpackin’ all this stuff, my girl,” he hummed, rocking back and forwards on his heels as he sucked his teeth. “You're gonna be livin’ in a box, at this rate…”

“I know,” Gillian sighed, looking at the mountain in question. At least the big bits of furniture were now in place, the rest having been stored in the barn, so that was one less thing to worry about. Her old table and chairs, wardrobe and dresser had already been condemned and had been either sold or chopped up for firewood or donated to charity, and she couldn't deny how good it had felt to see yet more mementos of her life with Eddie leave her forever. Soon there would be hardly anything that he had touched left, and with that came a huge sense of relief. 

“Be careful! Christ, can't you see that says breakable on the side?” Caroline's sharp tone echoed in from outside, her annoyance clear, and both Gillian and the mover winced. 

“Flamin’ hell, who is she?” he whispered conspiratorially, grimacing at the farmer, who mirrored his expression perfectly. Caroline had been a little terrifying all day, and whilst Gillian was happy and excited that they would now be living together she had been fighting the urge to flee to the fields. Another crash sounded from outside followed by a frustrated growl, and the man peered out of the door. “She's like a mini Stalin, or somethin’... bloody terrifying!”

“Unfortunately, that is the love of my life,” Gillian hummed, coming to stand by her side. She barely concealed a grin at her girlfriend's appearance, especially because this rather authoritarian approach was definitely one that she was on board with when it came to certain activities between them… Although potentially not when the movers were scurrying around looking terrified whilst she reigned supreme. “Gorgeous though, isn't she?”

“She is that, love,” he said in surprise, before shooting her a sly glance. “May I ask, how does the likes of you, livin’ on a farm, persuade posh totty like that to come and bunk up with ya?”

“I ask myself that every day,” Gillian replied with a little smile, trying to stop herself from giggling as Caroline pointed exaggeratedly towards the barn at two men who were struggling under the weight of a huge fridge - one that was far too big for the farmer's kitchen but the blonde hadn't wanted to part with. “I did say to her that she wouldn't like living up here, but she was adamant… and here she is.”

In truth, Gillian still couldn't believe it. Even though they had decided and made plans, even though they had told the family, and even though Caroline had sold her house, Gillian hadn't quite managed to believe that it was really happening until she spotted the moving truck winding its way up the farm track earlier that morning. She had imagined that something might go wrong, or Caroline would change her mind, or some disaster would befall her on the way and she wouldn't make it. It had been the way of things for so long that Gillian almost mistrusted how smoothly it had all gone, although she supposed that it could still happen. 

“WILL YOU BE CAREFUL!” Caroline shouted again, and the man looked at her with barely disguised panic - after all, he was going to have to be the one to go and deal with her next. 

“Now, now, lass, calm down,” he called as he strode out of the door, holding up his hands in a soothing gesture that Gillian knew would be like a red rag to a bull for her enraged girlfriend. “Nout to worry about, we'll look after your stuff. Now, why don't you go inside with your missus and have a nice cuppa? Make us one too whilst you're at it?”

Gillian almost hid. Metaphorical steam was coming out of her girlfriend's ears, and she was going so red that she resembled a tomato. A very gorgeous tomato, it had to be said, but a tomato nonetheless. 

“I'll make some tea!” Gillian yelled across the courtyard, hoping to defuse some of the tension. “Caz, can you help me with something in here for a sec?”

With one last poisonous glance at the man, who visibly shrank, the blonde marched her way towards the front door. Gillian tried to offer her a reassuring smile, but her attempt at calming the situation died a death when the man called after her. 

“And don't forget the biscuits, love!” 

“Now, you see here-” Caroline whipped around and started to make a beeline for him again, and Gillian darted outside to grab her by the arm and tug her inside. 

“It's fine, it's all good, I'll find some biscuits!” Gillian waved merrily, a rictus smile pasted on her face as she pushed the irate blonde into the house. “Keep working, now, we'll be back in a few!”

“Bunch of fucking incompetents,” Caroline growled once she had pushed the door to, shaking her head as she pulled her glasses off her face. “Honestly, that lot couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery!”

“Language, Doctor,” Gillian admonished, and gently grasped her shoulders before pushing her back against the door, standing on her tiptoes to kiss her tenderly. If she had learned anything during her time as Caroline’s girlfriend it was that sometimes that blonde needed calming - but telling her to do so was counterproductive, and just meant that the exact opposite would happen. The most surefire way to success that she had found was distraction… And as she continued to kiss her, she felt her relaxing slowly, her arms slowly snaking around her waist as she the farmer plundered her mouth. 

When she finally pulled away, smirking, Caroline was looking a little glazed and grinned at her lazily. “What was that for?” she asked, amusement colouring her tone, and Gillian just beamed at her.

“Wanted to welcome you home,” she said lightly, unable to help the little leap of happiness in her chest as she spoke. Because this was Caroline’s home now, too. They were going to live here together… It was amazing to her just how right, how natural it felt in comparison to sharing the house with anyone else. With Robbie she had felt suffocated, out of control, but with Caroline… nothing could be further from the truth. “And also stop you from murdering those poor fellas out there… even if they did tell you to go and make tea.”

“Twats,” Caroline grumbled, and Gillian giggled softly and reached up to gently cradle her face in her hands, marvelling at how beautiful she looked even when she was annoyed. A strange look passed across her face that she quickly tried to hide, and Gillian narrowed her eyes, sensing that frustration wasn’t the only thing that she was feeling.

“What’s up, Caz?” she asked quietly, trying to stop the flare of anxiety in her chest at the sudden uncertain look that the blonde was trying and failing to conceal. “Is… is something wrong?”

“No, no, I’m fine,” Caroline gave back immediately, pasting a smile on her face that didn’t meet her eyes. “Come on, let's go and make that tea…” She made to move past her but Gillian grabbed her once again, terrified of what was wrong. 

“Caroline, please…” she begged, searching her expression as best she could. “Please tell me, there’s obviously something… do you not want to be here? Have you changed your mind?”

“No! No, of course I haven’t!” Caroline said quickly, and allowed Gillian to tow her into the kitchen where the blonde’s dining chairs were spread haphazardly around the small room. The farmer pressed her down onto one of the chairs, sitting in one opposite and reaching for her hands. 

“Tell me,” Gillian said in a wobbly voice. “If this isn’t something you want… well, we might be able to get them to put it all back in the lorry. If you’ve changed your mind, I’d understand, I-”

“Me change my mind?” Caroline shook her head, letting out a mirthless laugh. “I’m more worried about you!”

“Me?” Gillian blinked at her, not understanding where she was coming from. “Why would I change my mind?”

“Well, look at this place!” Caroline retorted, sweeping her hand around the room. Gillian followed her gesture, still not getting her meaning. It was a mess, yes, and very full of belongings… but it would be fine once they had sorted it all out, wouldn’t it?

“I don’t get your point?” Gillian gave back, furrowing her brow.

“Look, I… I just remember what you said when you were with Robbie…” Caroline’s shoulder slumped and she let out a long sigh, and Gillian still didn’t quite understand what she was getting at. “You always talked about being trapped, suffocated… And I don’t see how this will be any different. I mean, Robbie only had a couple of car loads of stuff - look at all this! How are you going to put up with not just my stuff, but Flora’s, too?!”

“You’re a knob, you know that?” Gillian couldn’t help the little smile that tugged at the corners of her lips as the real reason for Caroline’s anxiety became clear. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be there, or had changed her mind - she worried that Gillian would be the one to do that instead, or that she would change her mind about her once she got used to her. It was odd for the blonde to be the one who was insecure, and Gillian found it almost reassuring that she was the one who would be able to offer reassurance this time. “You think that I’m not going to be able to put up with you because of all your stuff, and because I’ll change my mind once you’re here all the time?” She widened her eyes at her, wanting to clarify the other woman’s thinking, and she nodded at her. 

“You might, I mean… look at this mess…” Caroline flapped her hand weakly at the boxes again, some of them piled so high that they looked in danger of toppling over. “Surely you don’t want all this? Where is it going to go?”

“Well, that’s part of the fun, isn’t it?” Gillian hummed, offering her a little smile. “Caz, you have no idea how much I want you here, and Flora, too. I’m not going to get fed up of you because you have loads of stuff - that’s fine. You don’t get to our age without a load of baggage, and at least yours comes neatly packaged up in brown boxes,” she quipped, and Caroline chuckled weakly. “Please, please don’t worry.”

“But what about if you started feeling trapped?” Caroline asked in a small voice, pressing her lips together nervously. “What if you start resenting me, like you did with Robbie?”

“The fundamental difference is that I didn’t love Robbie,” Gillian tried to explain. She had always known that - she had been fond of him, but she had never found him particularly loveable, and he had managed to deliver every compliment that he ever gave her with some kind of barb. It was hard to love someone who saw being with you in the same way as one might view doing an act of charity - because it was the right thing to do. She had known at the time that she was making a mistake, but was so determined to people please her way into her father’s good books - not to mention Gary’s - that she had gone along with it. That wasn’t how it was with Caroline, and she needed to know that. “I love you, Caz… and I wouldn’t have asked you to move in if I didn’t want you here. Hell, you could fill the whole house with boxes, throw out everything I own, if it meant that you’d be here. I-”

Her words were cut off by Caroline surging across the gap between them, capturing her lips with her own as she grinned into their kiss. Gillian grinned right back, knowing that it would all be okay. 

“Are you sure?” Caroline asked again once she pulled back, and Gillian nodded with a happy little smile.

“So sure,” she hummed, getting off her own chair and perching on Caroline’s lap as she looped her arms around her neck. “Although… if you are going to throw away my stuff… can you leave the DVDs? And records? And… and my books, and-”

“I’m not throwing anything away,” Caroline chuckled, and nuzzled her nose against hers as she smiled. “Nothing. If there isn’t enough room, then we’ll just have to go to-”

“Not IKEA again…” Gillian groaned, burying her head into her shoulder. She had enjoyed their last trip, sure, but it was something that was best enjoyed infrequently. Although she wouldn’t mind some more of those meatballs… 

“No that’s not what I was saying at all,” Caroline giggled, tapping her index finger against the pout that Gillian was currently offering her. “I… I was thinking that we could always speak to that architect you told me about, think about that extension? Only if we’re struggling for space, I mean?”

It was true that Gillian had ventured the idea of building onto the farmhouse shortly after they had made the decision that Caroline would live with her. Caroline had bought half the share of the farm, determined that if she was going to live there that she was going to pay her way, and although it had been a strange kind of wrench to share something that had been heres alone for so many years Gillian couldn’t think of anyone else she would rather share it with. It meant that, what with the sale of Caroline’s house, they were both comfortably off right now. Reinvesting it into the farm - and their future - seemed sensible. 

“We can do that,” Gillian smiled, having to remind herself for a moment that she could afford it, that - right now - she wasn’t a penniless, down on her luck farmer who could barely make ends meet. She had a future, and security, with the woman that she loved. 

“Eh, where's that tea?!” came a yell from the front door, along with a crash that signalled the return of the man that Gillian had been speaking to earlier. “I’m right parched!” Caroline’s face immediately dropped into a frown, and she opened her mouth as if to start saying something, but Gillian pressed her fingers over her lips with a cheeky smile.

“Coming up, don’t you worry,” she called, standing up and pressing another quick kiss to the blonde’s cheek before going to put the kettle on. “Patience!”

“Yeah, well, lads are spittin’ feathers out there,” he grumped, appearing in the archway and looking at them both with thinly veiled curiosity. “So, how did you two get together, then?”

“Her Mum is married to my Dad,” Gillian said brightly, pulling an assortment of mugs out of the cupboard and chucking tea bags into them, not offering any further explanation. She chanced a glance over her shoulder and tried not to laugh at his incredulous, slightly pained expression. “We’re stepsisters, not actual sisters,” she eventually laughed, and he visibly relaxed.

“If you go and get some more things we’ll have your tea done by the time you’re back in,” Caroline said pointedly, gesturing to the door with her eyes. “Won’t be long.”

“Right you are,” he huffed, and then ambled out of the door as if he didn’t have a care in the world, let alone a job to do. Both of them giggled conspiratorially, and made short work of finishing off the drinks. Gillian had just sent Caroline outside with the first couple of mugs when the man staggered back in, this time clutching a ginormous Barbie house that could only be Flora’s. 

“Tea’s up,” she called good naturedly, and after a few muttered swear words and some huffing as he set the house down alongside everything else, he made his way through and took it from her gratefully.

“Hope I didn’t offend you, a minute ago?” he offered, and Gillian shook her head with an amused smile.

“No, not at all,” she hummed, wandering out of the front door and leaning against the front of the house as she watched the job carrying on. “We usually freak people out with that one.”

“Eh, and it’s nice, in’t it? All girls together?” he suggested, and Gillian tried not to roll her eyes. 

“Yep, wonderful,” she agreed, trying not to roll her eyes. As she took another sip of her tea she smirked into the cup when Caroline started to lose her rag again, gesturing angrily at a mirror that had been left propped against the tractor of all places, and was now smeared with mud.

“Love of your life, eh?” he carried on, shooting her a nervous glance, and Gillian smiled once more.

“Love of my life,” she breathed, watching adoringly as the sunlight glinted off her golden hair, her blue eyes flashing as she shot instructions here, there and everywhere. She meant it, too. She had never loved anyone the way that she loved Caroline, and she knew that there would never be anyone else for her, not ever. She was everything.

<3

Chapter Text

“I’m back!” Gillian’s voice echoed through from the porch, the sound of her wellies thunking to the floor followed by the soft rasp of her zip immediately causing a little smile to find its way onto Caroline’s lips. She turned from what she was doing at the kitchen counter, holding her arms out to the smaller woman as she crossed the kitchen and allowed herself to be enfolded in her arms. Caroline held her tight, pressing a firm kiss into her crown.

“Missed you,” she hummed, pulling back a little to smile at her girlfriend, who looked up at her with a soft smile. “How did you get on?”

“Yeah, all fine,” Gillian replied, reaching up to brush her fringe out of her eyes with a tender look. “Not quite the same, though, when you’re not there. Although I don't think you’d have thought much of the state that Frieda got into today…”

“Frieda?” Caroline asked, grinning at yet another one of Gillian’s names for her sheep. The farmer had been incredibly creative with naming them, and even though the names didn’t always make sense to her it was still amusing. “Dare I ask?”

“Frieda Baa-lo!” Gillian reminded her playfully, raising her eyebrows. “You know, ‘cause she’s got the look of an artiste.”

“Oh yes, that one,” Caroline nodded, secretly being none the wiser. “Sure. What did she get up to, then?”

“Got herself stuck in a ditch… her fleece was an abstract painting by the time I got her out, I’m telling you now,” Gillian explained, rolling her eyes as she recalled what had happened. “And so was I - left the overall outside it’s so filthy. Don’t know if it’s going to be salvageable, ripped the side of a bit of barbed wire, as well.”

“I’ll have a go,” Caroline offered, a strange little leap happening in her chest. Since she had moved in, the two of them had settled into cosy domesticity, their lives dovetailing more easily than she had ever hoped would be possible. It made her so happy to be able to take care of Gillian, and allow herself to be cared for in return. Making sure that the brunette’s clothes were fresh and clean for her was one of the ways that she attempted the task, and it contented her to know that she would be safe and warm as she conducted her work around the farm. “Just leave it out there, I’ll get to it later.”

“You don’t have to…” Gillian hummed, standing on her tiptoes and looping her arms around her neck before capturing her lips with her own, reconnecting after a few hours apart. Caroline smiled against her lips, humming contentedly as she kissed her back. She loved these moments, especially because they were becoming par for the course in their life together. “I’m very grateful, though,” she continued when they parted, and Caroline released her with one last little kiss and a playful tap on the arse.

“No bother,” she smiled, turning back to the counter and flicking on the kettle. “Tea? I’m sure you could use one after being out in the cold.”

“Perfect. I think there’s a storm coming too, I can feel it in the air,” Gillian replied, taking a moment to stretch as she watched her girlfriend get to work. “What have you been up to, anyway? Other than cleaning… the place looks immaculate.”

Caroline flushed happily as she threw teabags into the mugs and then pulled a tin towards her to retrieve the cake that she had baked the day before. She had gradually worked to try and instil some kind of order in the farmhouse - something that was needed after she had arrived and there had been an influx of new things to find a home for. Gillian had been incredibly accommodating, and she had been overwhelmingly grateful. As much as this was now her home, too, she had been worried about taking over her space and making her feel trapped.

“Cleaning, and I managed to get rid of the last of the boxes,” she explained, gesturing towards the living room where the last couple had sat waiting to be unpacked for the last couple of weeks. “Flora took them with her when Raff came to pick her up, said that she and Calamity are going to make dens.”

“Aww, I used to love making dens,” Gillian beamed, and Caroline grinned at the thought. She could just imagine a little Gillian scampering about making mischief, and building dens was definitely in her remit. “I remember this one time, Dad bought a new tumble dryer and gave me the box afterwards. I loved it… it was my pirate ship, and I was sailing the seven seas looking for adventure.” She held her hands up to her face, miming binoculars as Caroline giggled at her.

“I think you’d made a rather sexy pirate,” she said thoughtfully, tipping the brunette a wink before sliding a thick slab of victoria sponge onto a plate for her. “Mum wouldn’t let me play with boxes, she said it was common. I had a Wendy House, though… she used to want me to play mums and dads, but I used to take all my toys in there and line them up for school. Had a register, and everything.”

“That’s adorable,” Gillian laughed, moving behind her and sliding her arms around her waist as she continued to make the tea. “I can just imagine it now, little Caz with a clipboard wagging her finger at her teddies.”

“Oh, yes,” Caroline nodded, uncapping the milk and sloshing some inside each of the mugs. “Used to put them in detention, too.”

“I bet you did,” Gillian chuckled, pressing a kiss into the crook of her neck as she rested against her back. There was a beat of silence as Caroline stirred the tea, and the farmer let out a long sigh. “I do love this, you know.”

“Me, too,” Caroline agreed, knowing exactly what she was talking about. “So much.”

After enjoying their tea and cake and catching up on what the day had held for them both, Caroline planted one last kiss on her girlfriend’s lips before standing up, determined to finish the rest of her chores before she got tempted to spend the afternoon doing something else entirely. “I’m just going to go and sort Flora’s room. There's a box of rubbish by the door, do you mind taking it out?”

“Anything for you,” Gillian said playfully, pretending to faint against the sofa. “Especially if, once you’re done…” She wiggled her eyebrows at her, and Caroline smirked at her in return. This was the first time that they had had an empty house in nearly a week, and she had every intention of making the most of it.

“Once I’m done, I promise I’ll make it worth your while,” she purred, leaning over so that Gillian would get a tantalising view down her top as she trailed her fingers down her cheek. “Now, get busy.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Gillian shot back, grinning as she leapt off the sofa and went to do as she asked. “Anything you say.”

Caroline was still chuckling as she climbed the stairs, adoring the dynamic between them. This really had gone so much better than she could ever have hoped. She was just rounding the corner, turning into the corridor, when she heard Gillian calling from below.

“Caz…? Caz, what’s all this?” Caroline turned to see the farmer at the bottom of the stairs, the box of items that she had cleaned out cradled in her arms as she frowned down at them. “Is this the stuff you’re throwing away?”

“Well… yes, I-” Caroline started, confused by her reaction, “Is something the matter?”

“Right…” Gillian swallowed, her face going red. “Right, okay.” She turned abruptly and hurried away, Caroline pausing for a moment in confusion. She didn’t understand what the issue was… the box was full of things that she had cleared out of the kitchen cupboards. Given that they had two sets of everything now, she had decided to get rid of anything that was cracked or chipped, or so past its best that it really just needed to go. 

“Gillian?” she called, and started to hurry down the stairs again. “Gillian! What’s the matter?” Her only response was the bang of the front door as it slammed behind her girlfriend, and Caroline felt her heart gripped in a kind of panic. She had clearly done something wrong… They had talked about her doing it, it wasn’t like she had just chosen to throw away a load of her possessions. Granted, most of the things in the box were Gillian’s, but she had thought that she was doing the right thing. She quickly stuffed her feet into her shoes, an unattractive pair of crocs that Gillian had insisted on buying for her, before rushing out after her. “GILLIAN?!”

“It’s fine, Caz,” the farmer shouted over her shoulder, the set of her frame giving away the very opposite to her words. “Go back inside!” It was pouring with rain, the water instantly slicking her hair to her cheeks and soaking her clothes - she hadn’t grabbed a coat.

“No, not until you tell me what’s wrong!” Caroline panted, almost running to catch up with her as she strode towards the barn, her footsteps splashing on the cobbles. “Gillian, please!”

“Nothing is wrong,” Gillian shot back, huffing in annoyance when Caroline finally drew level with her and grabbed her arm, rolling her eyes as she looked out over the field that was momentarily lit up by a fork of lightning. “It’s fine.” A rumble of thunder followed her words, so loud that it almost shook the ground.

“It’s obviously not,” Caroline gave back reproachfully, looking down at the box of things that she had put together earlier, wondering if she had accidentally put something more precious inside. Everything looked the same… there were a few faded, chipped mugs that she had found right at the back of the cabinet, a couple of cracked glasses, a shot glass with a faded Majorca emblem on it - probably left over from the honeymoon with Robbie, and she had almost broken it deliberately as she threw it in the box - and a few plates and bowls that didn’t match and had some kind of flaw. They were covered in rain now, the drops hitting the surface of the crockery with tuneful plinks. “Come on, I’m not going to know unless you tell me…”

There was a long silence in which Gillian chewed her lip angrily as her eyes flashed, shifting from side to side in discomfort. Tension radiated from her small frame, and Caroline kept a firm grip on her arm. She wasn’t going to let her go, and she wasn’t going to force her to speak before she was ready. It was something that she had learned quickly with her girlfriend - she needed to be able to do and say things in her own time, and she had had to work on her own reactions to that too, and now allow herself to get frustrated. 

“All this stuff in here is mine,” Gillian suddenly burst out, gesturing down at the pile of things stacked neatly in the box. “Everything! Is my stuff not g-g-g-good enough anymore? Any more you want to chuck away?!” Another bolt of lightning illuminated her face as Caroline gaped at her.

“Gillian, I-” Caroline started, her eyes widening as guilt washed over her. “I thought we talked about this, I thought we agreed that-”

“You agreed! You said that you would sort everything out and I agreed to that, I didn’t realise that you were going to get rid of everything I owned!” Gillian bit back angrily, and tugged out of her grasp to continue storming towards the barn. “But that’s fine, just chuck everything of mine out, why not? It’s all just a pile of shit, anyway!”

“Gillian!” Caroline was shocked at her words, and hastened to follow her. She had very rarely argued with the brunette over the course of their relationship, most of their disagreements staying within the realms of gentle sparring that always ended in a resolution. This… well, this seemed to be something more than that. This seemed to be  a return to the angry, hurt woman that Caroline had seen more of in the first few years that she had known her, and it was incredibly concerning to see the regression. “Gillian, I’m sorry! That wasn’t what I was trying to do, and I’m sorry if I-”

“Oh, you’re always sorry,” Gillian spat, wheeling around and gesturing at her. Her eyes were wild and unfocused, water dripping down her face and plastering her hair to her neck, and it was obvious that this was something more than just Caroline trying to throw away some crockery. “I’ll have you know, Caroline, that I’ve tried my best over the years, I’ve kept things going as best I can, and no - I haven’t always been able to replace things when they’re worn out, like you can, and I don’t see the need in it anyway! Who cares if there's a crack or a chip or-”

“Gillian, stop!” Caroline insisted, heat rising in her body in a combination of guilt, shame and dear as the smaller woman ranted. “Please, I know that you’ve done your best, you’re amazing, you-”

“Bollocks,” Gillian retorted, shaking her head as she looked down once again, rivulets of water dripping off her cheeks. “I thought you were different, I thought that you got it, that you understood, but you’re just the same as the rest of them!” 

Caroline’s mouth dropped open, terror seeping down her spine at the accusation. She could take things like this from her mother, had suffered through them her whole life, but to take it from Gillian? That hurt. “I do get it, I’ve tried, I…” She passed her hand over her face, wiping away the rain that was getting into her eyes and trying to push down the storm of emotions that were raging in her chest. If she gave into them, if she shouted or lost it, it would only be counter productive. “I’m sorry if I’ve misinterpreted what we agreed, that’s on me, but I’m not trying to control you or say anything about your lifestyle, Gillian. I love you-”

“In spite of all that, I get it.” Gillian laughed harshly, and Caroline flinched at the cruel words. “Robbie always used to say that, you know. ‘I love you, even though you need your head examining’... ‘I love you, even if you’re insane’... ‘I love you, even if you need locking up’!” Her voice was high and mocking, and Caroline swallowed nervously before she carried on.

“Robbie was a twat, we both know that, and I don’t love you in spite of how you live, or the things you own, or whatever,” Caroline said in a rush, searching her expression for some hint that she was getting through to her as another rumble of thunder sounded in the background. “I love you because of everything, Gillian, I love everything about you, you’re my girlfriend, I-”

“You say that now, but that will change,” Gillian snapped, taking a step away from her. “First it's this, and then you’ll be trying to get me to-”

“I’m not going to force you to do anything!” Caroline insisted, taking a couple of steps forwards, determined not to let her get away before this was resolved. “I love you, Gillian. I’m sorry I made a mistake with the cups, if you give me the box then I’ll go and put it all back in the cupboard, and when I sort anything else I will wait until we can do it together, okay?” Her words were a little desperate now, keen for this to be over. Whilst she could more than hold her own in an argument, and even felt that sometimes they were the best way of getting everything out into the open, this wasn’t one of these times. How Gillian was responding to her right now was born of the trauma of her past, and she didn’t want to make it worse. 

Gillian fixed her with a long look, a nerve flickering above her eyebrow that told of the distress that she was currently experiencing. Caroline offered her a nervous smile, taking the last couple of steps that separated them and gently tugging the box from her arms. She held on initially, but soon let go, and Caroline nodded at her reassuringly. “Alright?”

That final word had an instant effect on the brunette, her face crumpling as she hung her head and stuffed her hands in her pockets. “S-s-s-sorry, Caz,” she said in a small voice, her shoulders slumping, and she flinched painfully as a crack of thunder sounded right overhead. The storm was really gearing up now, and they needed to get inside. “I… I…”

“It’s fine, I made a mistake,” Caroline hurried to reassure her, but it seemed that Gillian was now retreating into her shell, her body hunching over as what looked to be a mixture of shame and guilt washed over her. “Gillian, come on-”

“No, no…” Gillian replied brokenly, taking a few steps back and looking like she was suddenly going to make a bolt for it. “I… I’m sorry, I-” There was a sudden bright flash right over head, and the farmer staggered backwards as her face registered pure fear.

“Gillian…” Caroline gasped, quickly dropping the box at her side and running forwards to wrap her arms around her. Gillian crumpled into her chest as she held her tight, knowing that they needed to get inside but desperate to comfort her at the same time. Gillian seemed frozen in place, her hand fisted in the soaked cardigan that was hanging wetly from her body. “Gillian, it’s okay… it’s fine, I’ve got you…”

“I’m sorry…” Gillian sobbed, her shoulders shaking. “I’m so sorry…”

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Caroline murmured into her ear, and then pulled back to gently cradle her face in her hands. “I love you, for everything that you are,” she insisted and then leant forwards to press a gentle kiss to her lips that she hoped communicated the truth of her words.

“Caz…” Gillian choked out once they parted, looking up at her in a kind of awe. “I… I…” Right then another crack of thunder sounded from above, both of them jumping as the moment was broken.

“Come on!” Caroline insisted, grabbing the now soggy box in her arms and gesturing toward the farmhouse with her head. “Let’s get in, before we get struck by lightning!” The brunette nodded in agreement and they both rushed inside, slamming the door of the farmhouse behind them just as the storm seemed to ramp up yet another gear. 

“Caz, I-” Gillian started, but Caroline just shook her head at her, noticing the way that she was starting to shiver.

“We’ll talk about it in a little while, but for now you need to get warm,” she suggested, shrugging off her dripping cardigan and throwing it in a heap on the floor ready to be washed later. “Okay?” 

Gillian nodded, still looking utterly miserable, but Caroline took her by the hand and allowed herself to be towed upstairs toward the bathroom. There, the blonde ran a bath before gently stripping her girlfriend of her clothes, and nudging her to get in. As soon as she was in situ she followed suit, tugging off her soaked clothes before slipping in behind her. She could have given her space, but she sensed that it would probably be the worst thing that she could do at that moment. She wanted her to be reassured by her closeness if she could possibly manage it, wanting her to feel better.

A few minutes later, Gillian lying in her arms as they sat in contemplative silence, the farmer let out a long, pained sigh.

“It was the plate,” she whispered, tensing a little in Caroline’s arms. “The plate with the little roses, and the big chip in the side.”

Caroline furrowed her brow, knowing exactly which one she meant as she tightened her arms around her. “What about the plate?” she asked gently, pressing a kiss into her damp hair.

“It… it was my Mum’s,” Gillian explained haltingly, tracing circles on the top of Caroline’s hand. “Eddie… he knew. He knew that they were special to me, and… and he smashed every single one right in front of me. Just… a daily cruelty, you know?” She ducked her head, and Caroline felt her heart gripped with pain. She hated that Gillian had been subject to such abuse, and wished that she could have been there for her when she had been going through it. She would never have let it continue. “That plate…” Gillian carried on, shifting a little in her arms. “That was the only one I managed to save. I hid it around the back of the cabinet where he wouldn’t see it, and he never found it.”

“Oh, Gillian…” Caroline breathed, holding her even more tightly against her. “I’m so, so sorry… And I tried to throw it away? I can see why you reacted like that…”

“It was an overreaction,” Gillian laughed humorlessly, pressing her hand over Caroline’s own and squeezing gently. “I’m sorry… it… it just all came flooding back. Him… Robbie… and… and…”

“And you reacted,” Caroline finished, the smaller woman nodding against her chest. “It’s okay, Gillian… I get it, I do. And I’m sorry that I put it in the box… Did you mean it when you said that I’d agreed, rather than us both agreeing, though?” It was a question that had been whirling around her mind since they came back in, and she felt a sense of guilt that she could have gotten it that wrong. She really had thought that they were in agreement, having been determined not to steamroller the other woman into doing things her way after moving in. 

“No… no, you’ve been great,” Gillian said quickly, sitting up and twisting to face her. She looked so guilty that Caroline instantly softened, reaching up to trail her fingers down her face. “You were right, we did agree to doing what you did, and it makes sense - I hadn’t used any of that stuff for years. I… I just…”

“Got triggered by the plate?” Caroline reminded her softly, and Gillian nodded, looking shamefaced. “I understand, please, don’t feel bad. Thank you for telling me about it,” she continued, hoping to reassure her. 

“Forgot it was there,” Gillian admitted, raking her hand through the sodden hair. “It… it came out of the blue.”

“Yes, I think it did,” Caroline agreed. “Look… how about we sort the rest of it together? And… if there are things that have only painful memories attached to them, then we can get rid of them, and if there are things that you want to keep then we can keep them. How does that sound?”

“That sounds g-g-good, Caz,” Gillian whispered, and leant to kiss her for a brief few seconds. “I’m sorry, though. I shouldn’t have s-s-said all those things, it was unfair.”

“Let’s just chalk it up to a miscommunication, and move on,” Caroline suggested, grinning against her lips as she kissed her again. “We knew things like this would happen, that we’d argue eventually. And…”

“And?” Gillian asked nervously, seemingly confused by the way that Caroline was smirking. 

“And it’s the making up that counts, isn’t it?” she hummed, and pulled her in for a deeper, more passionate kiss that showcased her intent. “What do you say, Greenwood? Ready to forgive and forget?”

“Am I,” Gillian giggled, relaxing immediately as they kissed again, their arms snaking around each other as the storm continued to rage outside. The housework could wait, the sorting could wait, everything other than this could wait… This was what mattered.

<3

Chapter Text

“There’s some more here, I’m afraid,” Caroline’s secretary, Joyce, said apologetically as she carted in another armful of files to dump on the headmistress’s desk. “Although that’s all of them now…”

“Thanks, Joyce,” Caroline sighed, her heart sinking as she took in the towering pile of paperwork that she was going to have to check over before she was able to go home. They had received the two day warning from Ofsted the day before, and she and the rest of the staff had been working frantically to get everything shipshape so that all of the work that they had done to turn Crow Wood around from a failing school to one that met the criteria for outstanding wouldn’t be for nothing. It was probably the biggest challenge that Caroline had had in her professional life, and she liked to think that she had done a good job. Staff were happier, and so were the children, literacy and numeracy rates were up across the board, as were the exam results. Exclusions were down, achievement was up… Caroline was very proud of what they had managed to achieve.

It had not just been a case of what she had managed to do for the school, either - the school had had a profound effect on her, too. She knew that she had changed, and for the better, too - she had never been as happy or as settled, and that state of being had only improved further when things in her personal life had looked up too. In other words, it was like the final piece of the puzzle had slotted into place when she had gotten together with Gillian.

Gillian. Her wonderful, cheeky girlfriend, who at this moment was probably feeling rather put out that they weren’t able to spend their first Valentine’s day together as a couple. Yes, she knew that it was all about cheesy gimmicks and a holiday invented by card companies, but that hadn’t meant that she and the farmer hadn’t been looking forwards to it. They had been so busy since Caroline had moved in at the farm that they had barely had five minutes alone, and they were well overdue to have a night with no responsibilities. Before the call the day before, she had been planning to leave work early so that they could have a romantic evening together, and so that she could show the brunette just how much she appreciated her. There was little hope of that now - it was already nearly 7pm, and she knew that she had a good couple of hours of work in front of her so that everything would be sorted. Gillian knew, of course, and had encouraged her to do whatever she had needed to do, although she hadn’t failed to notice the flash of disappointment in her eyes. 

As she crossed her mind once again, Caroline couldn’t help the huff of disappointment that left her as she checked her phone once more, still not having received a reply to the message that she had sent earlier letting her know that she was going to be so late. She hoped that Gillian wasn’t angry with her, although she wouldn’t blame her if she was.

Settling down once again to start checking over the paperwork, making sure to dot all the proverbial ‘i’s’ and cross at the ‘t’s’, she was soon completely absorbed, and was only disturbed when there was a quiet tapping at her window. She looked over at it in surprise… in her whole time working at the school it had never happened before, and at this time at night it could be anyone. She picked up her phone, squeezing it in her hand as she looked fearfully across the room. It couldn’t be an intruder, could it?

As soon as the thought crossed her mind she jumped as her phone buzzed, looking down quickly at the notification which flashed across the screen.

G: Open up, you knob - it’s me!

Caroline snorted, shaking her head as she got to her feet. What on earth was Gillian doing here, and knocking at her window of all places? The school had a perfectly functional front door…

After pulling up the blind she still jumped when she saw Gillian pressing her face up against the glass, a huge grin on her face as she wiggled a plastic bag at her. She looked at her in confusion before pushing the window open and sticking her head outside. “What on earth are you doing, you twit?” she hissed, looking back towards the door of her office. It was still firmly closed, so it was likely that Joyce hadn’t heard anything and come to investigate. “Why didn’t you come round the front like a normal person?”

“Didn’t know if they’d let me in at this time, and didn’t want to be caught wandering the halls and have the coppers called on me,” Gillian whispered playfully, wiggling her eyebrows at her. “Tell me to piss off if you’re too busy, I just brought you some supplies so that you wouldn’t go hungry. Bet you haven’t eaten, have you?”

“I have!” Caroline retorted, gesturing to her desk. “Joyce bought me some tea and biscuits a little while ago, although…” She bit her lip when she realised that the plate was still untouched, as was the tea…. No wonder she was feeling a little light headed.

“You haven’t,” Gillian gave back, frowning at her a little before pushing the bag through the window. “Here, take this…” She pushed the bag through the window with a shy smile, and Caroline opened it and peered inside.

“Oh, Gillian,” she said warmly, truly touched by her gesture. There inside was a whole host of her favourite treats, and she was impressed by just how much the farmer knew about her tastes - everything was perfect. “You even bought smoked salmon!”

“Still don’t know what the hell it is, but you seem to like it,” Gillian hummed, leaning forwards to press a quick kiss against her lips. “Anyway… don’t worry about rushing home on my account, do what you need to do. I’m not going anywhere, and we can always have our Valentine’s another night.”

“I do feel so guilty though,” Caroline admitted, her mouth tugging down at the edges. She had been looking forward to their evening too, and seeing her girlfriend had just set off a wave of yearning to be by her side and wrapped in her arms. The last two days had been so stressful, but Gillian had a way of making her see things differently, and even giving her a chance to laugh her way through her troubles rather than dwell on them. “I’m sorry, Gillian.”

“Nonsense,” Gillian murmured, reaching up to tenderly brush her fringe out of her eyes. “This is your job, I know how hard you’ve worked for this. We’ve got forever.” She flushed a little as the word left her lips, ducking her head, and Caroline felt her heart glow with the idea. Forever… now, that would be wonderful. 

“Won’t you come in for a bit?” Caroline suggested, knowing that despite all of the work that she had to do she would feel better if she had a little bit of a break. “Eat some of this with me, so that the night isn’t totally ruined?”

“Isn’t that going to disturb you, though?” Gillian asked worriedly, her eyes falling on the huge pile of paperwork that was stacked up on Caroline’s desk. “You look like you’ve got plenty to be getting on with…”

“I’ve always got time for you,” Caroline hummed, and deposited the bag on the chair by her desk before stepping back and holding her hand out to her. “Come on, then. In you come.” Gillian grinned at her, and with a nimble hop she scrambled in, although she narrowly avoided falling flat on her face when she wobbled on the windowsill. Caroline caught her as she fell, staggering back a couple of paces with a breathless gasp as she took her weight.

“S-s-sorrry,” Gillian stammered, standing up and giving her a goofy grin. “That wasn’t very elegant…”

“It was fine,” Caroline laughed, pulling the window closed before turning to take her in her arms. “Now, don’t I get a proper kiss hello?”

“I think I can do that,” Gillian chuckled, looping her arms around her neck and puling her in for a passionate kiss. It wasn’t long until their tongues were exploring each other’s mouths with slow sensual strokes that were full of heat and the promise of things to come, and Caroline desperately wished that she could just call it a day and take advantage of the coil of desire that was curling in her stomach. 

“Doctor, I’m going now!” Joyce called from the other side of the door, and the women jumped apart, grinning at each other sheepishly before the other woman carried on. “Is there anything else you need? Have you got enough to keep you going?”

Caroline moved towards the door, Gillian tiptoeing behind her and standing where she couldn’t be seen as the blonde pulled it open a little way. “Plenty, thanks Joyce. You’ve been a great help today,” Caroline praised with a smile, pleased to see the little flush that coloured the secretary’s cheeks at the compliment. “Now, make sure that you get a good rest. We’ve got a busy few days ahead. Drive safely, won’t you?”

“Will do, Doctor,” Joyce nodded, still beaming, and Caroline gently shut the door again before grasping Gillian’s shoulders and pressing her against it, resting her hands against the wood as she leant in to kiss her. Gillian responded eagerly, arching her back a little as her fingers skimmed the waistband of her skirt. She knew that they would go no further, though, even if she might have wished that they would. 

“At least we won’t have to worry about her catching you,” she hummed in amusement as they parted, endeared by the adorable flush that coated the farmer’s cheeks. “Anyway… hi…” She gently wound a tendril of her hair around her finger, realising just how much she had missed her company over the last couple of days.

“Hi,” Gillian gave back, dropping her head back against the door and smiling at her stupidly. “Sorry… I didn’t mean to distract you quite so much. Are you sure that you don’t want me to go?”

“More than sure,” Caroline murmured, leaning across to give her one last kiss before returning to sit behind her desk, dragging another chair to her side. “Now, are you going to show me what you brought?”

“Oh, yeah,” Gillian grinned, bouncing across the office as she pulled down the zip of her jacket, shrugging it off and leaving it in an untidy heap on the floor. “So… I got smoked salmon…” She pulled it out and dropped it onto the desk as Caroline nudged the files over, clearing them a little space. “Shortbread…” She winked at her, earning herself a little giggle in return. “Swedish meatballs - not sure they’re anything like IKEA, but thought it could be an interesting experiment - strawberries… spray cream… scones… chocolate…” She waved a huge bar of Dairy Milk at her with a smirk. “A prawn sandwich, a packet of Babybel, and some non-alcoholic prosecco.” She set down the last item with a flourish and sat down, looking incredibly pleased with herself.

“Wow…” Caroline said in surprise, trying not to giggle. Gillian was right - she had remembered a lot of her favourite things, but to have them all together made for a very strange kind of meal. Still, she didn’t care - if she got to spend any time with Gillian at all tonight then she would take whatever she had been given. She had eaten nothing but biscuits since the morning, and her stomach was rumbling painfully. “This is very sweet, thank you.”

“Oh, and….” Gillian said quickly, leaning down to rummage in her coat pocket before withdrawing two items. “Creme eggs!”

“Creme eggs?” Caroline blinked down at the sweet treats, confused by the choice. She hadn’t had one of them since she was a child, and they were significantly smaller than she remembered them being. They looked a little battered from being in Gillian’s pocket, but she didn’t mind. “Aren’t they for Easter?”

“Well, yeah, but they only come out once a year so you’ve got to make the most of them,” Gillian reasoned, setting them down carefully next to the other items. “Now, let me crack open this no-secco… Have you got any cups?”

It wasn’t long until the foaming drink was poured into two mugs, both of them bearing the school’s logo, although Gillian had surreptitiously added two dots to the o’s in ‘wood’ on her last visit with a sharpie to turn them into breasts. Caroline had noticed immediately, of course, and had to hide the mug in her drawer ever since. 

“Christ, that's rough,” she choked out after the first sip, holding her hand over her mouth as she looked into the mug.

“Come on, Caz, I know it’s not as good as the real thing, but…” Gillian took a sip of her own and immediately choked, her eyes staring to water as she banged the mug down on her desk. “F-f-f-bloody hell! Tastes like drain cleaner!”

“Do you know what drain cleaner tastes like?” Caroline quipped back, pushing her own cup away from her. She had no intention of drinking any more. “I’m sorry, Gillian, I think I’m going to have to give that one a miss.”

“Sainsburys will be getting a piece of my mind over this one,” Gillian grumbled, looking a little disappointed until Caroline popped a strawberry into her mouth, smirking at her as she startled. “You should try these, Caz, they’re delicious,” she carried on through a mouthful, and Caroline couldn’t help giggling at her.

“Let me give you some cream with that,” she suggested, shaking the can of spray cream and aiming it towards the smaller woman’s mouth. Gillian paused her chewing, waiting for her to dispense some onto her tongue, but when Caroline pressed down on the button something went a little wrong. Cream ended up splattering across Gillian’s face, a huge blob of it resting comically on her nose.

“Shit, sorry!” Caroline said quickly, trying to stop herself from laughing - Gillian looked ridiculous. She grasped her by the shoulders and gently kissed the end of her nose, following it up with a flick of her tongue before moving onto her cheeks. When she finally got the last little spot above her lip, Gillian turned her head and captured her lips in a searing kiss, clearly more than a little wound up by her actions. 

“If we weren’t in your office, and you weren’t so busy, I’d have made you pay for that,” the farmer growled when she released her, her eyes dark with attraction as she sat back in her chair. “And I’d be spraying that cream in more places than your face, I’m telling you now.”

“Now, there's a plan for when we finally have our do-over,” Caroline hummed, winking at her playfully before settling back in her seat and picking up a strawberry of her own. She gently pushed it into her mouth, biting into the juicy berry and allowing a little juice to dribble down her chin. She knew that she was playing with fire, and should really be attending to all her paperwork, but Gillian always made her feel like misbehaving. 

“Stop,” Gillian groaned, slapping her hand over her eyes. “Honestly, Doctor, for someone running a school you really are filthy.”

“What?” Caroline asked innocently, dragging her finger over her lips and then sucking it into her mouth to remove the last of the juice. “Just eating. That’s all.”

“Just eating, my arse,” Gillian muttered, shaking her head at her as she smirked. “Anyway… two can play at that game.” She snatched one of the creme eggs off the table and swiftly unwrapped it, her teeth flashing as she neatly bit off the top. Caroline watched her with interest, her eyes widening as Gillian started to lick the sweet fondant centre. 

“Fuck, Gillian…” she mumbled, shifting a little to press her thighs together as her girlfriend committed what could only be described as a pornographic act on the chocolate treat. “You should come with a health warning, honestly.”

“As should you,” Gillian retorted, sticking her finger into the egg and coating it with the filling. “Here, try…” She held it out to Caroline who took it into her mouth, moaning a little as the sweetness hit her tongue. She swirled her tongue around the other woman’s fingertip, wanting to wind her up as well as she had just managed. When it was clean she let it go with a soft pop, both of them staring at each other with barely disguised desire. 

“The way I see it, you have two choices,” Gillian almost panted, brushing her hair behind her ear. “We spend a bit of time eating our way through this…” She gestured at the pile of food stacked on the desk. “Or we put the time to a different use… one that might give you a little… stress relief…?”

“Stress relief,” Caroline replied promptly, her gaze going momentarily to the door as if to reassure herself that it was shut. It was, and besides, she was the only one left in the school now. She would have to lock up when she left, so they had privacy. “As long as we’re quick, I still have so much to do…”

“Oh, I can be quick, in and out, in fact,” Gillian promised with a cheeky wink, and stood up, leaning down to kiss her as she carefully rolled her chair back until there was enough room for her to kneel down. Once she had settled, half underneath her desk, she looked up at her with a smirk. “Always been a bit of a fantasy to do this, Caz, I must say,” she confided, gently nudging the headmistress’s legs apart before sneaking her hands up her skirt to grasp her underwear. 

“Me, too,” Caroline confessed, lifting her hips a little so that her girlfriend could tug her knickers down her thighs, making short work of pulling them free of her body and leaving them in a heap next to her handbag. Gillian tugged her forwards sharply and she grasped the edge of her desk as the brunette hooked one of her thighs over her shoulder. “Bloody hell, Gillian…”

“Keep still, Doctor,” Gillian almost purred, and then buried her face between her legs. The second her tongue found her most sensitive spot Caroline moaned, her head dropping back against her chair as she arched her back. Gillian really was excellent with her tongue.

It took only a few minutes before she was gasping and panting, Gillian’s fingers teasing her heat as she trembled beneath her. Heat was building in her stomach and she knew that she wouldn’t last long once Gillian thrust inside her. Even as she felt Gillian preparing to do just that, there was a bang from the office the other side of her door.

“Sorry, Doctor, I realised I’d forgotten my keys for opening up in the morning,” Joyce called, and Caroline’s eyes widened as she realised that they were hanging on the wall of her office as they did every day. The handle of the office began to turn, and she quickly pushed Gillian underneath her desk earning herself a surprised yelp, and scooted her chair forwards into its usual position as she tugged a file in front of her. Her movements were uncoordinated and clumsy, the tension that had spread through her body as Gillian had worked her magic between her thighs still radiating from every pore. 

“No problem, Joyce, come in,” she gave back, quickly brushing her hair down and bemoaning the lack of her glasses, still on the other side of the office. She knew that she was bright red, probably even had damp patches underneath her arms as a result of their activities, so she clamped her arms to her sides as best she could.

Joyce bustled in, hardly looking at her at first as she grabbed the keys from the hook. However, as she turned to leave, she shot her a smile before her eyes went to the food stacked on her desk, shortly followed by a glance at her expression. “You alright, Caroline?” she asked, raising her eyebrows at her with a knowing smile.

“F-fine,” Caroline replied with forced brightness, hoping that she would leave soon - she was sure that Gillian was very squashed underneath the desk and her underwear were definitely visible from where her secretary was standing. “You have a good night now, Joyce, drive safely!”

“You have a good night too,” the other woman hummed, a little smirk appearing on her lips. “Night night, Caroline.” She took a few steps, starting to pull the door closed behind her. “And night night, Gillian!”

“Night night, Joyce,” Gillian shouted from underneath the desk, and Caroline let out a low groan, letting her head fall forwards onto her desk as her secretary quietly shut the door behind her. She allowed the farmer to push her chair back, her head popping up from underneath the desk with an embarrassed expression.

“S-s-sorry, Caz,” she said guiltily, biting her lip. “Are you cross?”

“I could never be cross with you, especially with what you’ve just been up to,” Caroline sighed, tugging her up until she was sitting on her lap. “I reckon I’m going to have to buy her a bloody big present for her birthday, though.”

“She won’t say anything, she loves you to bits,” Gillian reminded her, and leant forwards to kiss her gently. Caroline could taste herself on her lips, and it was almost enough to have her pushing her back to her knees. “I’ll go, leave you to it… otherwise I don’t think you’re ever going to get anything done,” Gillian said quietly, brushing her thumb down her cheek tenderly once she had pulled away.

“As much as I’d like you to stay and finish what you started, I think you’re probably right,” Caroline admitted, but it didn’t stop her capturing her lips once again. “This was so sweet of you, though. No one has ever done anything like this for me before.”

“Well, get used to it,” Gillian said softly, and pecked her one last time before sliding off her lap. She bent down quickly to snatch her underwear off the floor, but rather than throwing it at her she stuffed it in her pocket with a cheeky grin. “Not letting you get away scot free, Doc. I suggest you hurry home.”

Caroline’s mouth had dropped open at her actions, and she found herself watching incredulously as her girlfriend sauntered towards the window. “Wait!” she said suddenly, just as Gillian was making to open the window once again. She stood up, tugging down her skirt and wincing a little at the ache that was still insistently throbbing between her legs, before rushing her side. 

“Changed your mind?” Gillian chuckled, her hand still on the window as Caroline gently cradled her face in her hands.

“I love you. Happy Valentines,” Caroline offered, and then pressed a sweet, loving kiss to her lips.

“Happy Valentines, Caz…” Gillian replied, grinning happily at her as she pushed open the window. “Now, don’t forget - hurry home.”

“Don’t forget to wait up,” Caroline reminded her, earning herself another laugh in return. As she helped the brunette out of the window - a little more gracefully this time, she kissed her one last time before she turned, striding into the night and whistling as she stuffed her hands into her pockets. Caroline watched until she couldn’t see her any more, and pulled the window closed with a sigh. Happy Valentines, indeed…

She’d never finished paperwork so fast in her life.

<3

Chapter Text

“What are you doing?” Gillian's voice echoed through the phone as Caroline answered, and she couldn't help sighing as she threw her pen down on the pile of contracts that she was meant to be proofing for the school's lunch service and dropped her head into her hand. It was as dull as it sounded, and Caroline could already feel a dull pounding at the back of her head that let her know she was probably in for a migraine later. Still, it had to be done, and she was the only one who held the dubious privilege.

“Aren't you meant to be resting?” she asked sternly, her face settling into the familiar headteacher stare even though Gillian couldn't see her. “You're meant to be asleep, not ringing me at work.”

“Sorry,” Gillian mumbled, and a deep sniff down the line was followed by the sound of her blowing her nose. “Couldn't sleep. I'll go, shall I?”

“No, no, you've rung me now,” Caroline countered more gently, and leant back in her office chair, deciding that her girlfriend was more than worth taking a short break for. “How are you feeling?”

“Oh, you know,” Gillian replied, pausing as a deep, racking cough tore its way out of her chest. “Not so bad, not really.”

Caroline rolled her eyes. “Gillian, when I left you still had a fever, and last night you were hallucinating that there were sheep in the bedroom. ‘Not so bad’ isn't going to cut it. Be honest.” She tried to keep her voice steady, and not let the worry that had coursed through her mind the night before show in her tone. Truth be told she hadn't wanted to leave her today, and it was only Raff's assurances that he would check on her every couple of hours as well as the fact that she had stupidly left the contracts on her desk - and they were due back by five - that had driven her in at all. For the farmer to be poorly enough to take to her bed meant that it was really bad. She had seen over the years just how much she pushed herself through illness, injury and upset, and she was determined that it wouldn't continue under her watch. A well placed call to Harry and a plea to Raff and Ellie had ensured that the farm would be well taken care of in Gillian's absence so that she could focus on getting better.

“Like utter shit,” Gillian eventually replied dejectedly, and Caroline's heart squeezed painfully. Perhaps if she hurried she might be able to get out a couple of hours early - she was sure her secretary would cover for her if need be. After another cough Gillian continued, sounding even more sorry for herself than she had before. “I'm running out of tissues, and there's only two of those special tablets left in the pack…”

“Don't worry, I'll pick you some up on the way home,” Caroline soothed, resolving to get a few other bits as well to try and tempt her to eat. The brunette's appetite had been noticeable by its absence, and she had been trying her best to find something that took her fancy for the last week. “How about that soup I left, did you eat that?”

“Some of it, Raff heated it up for me when he was last over,” Gillian croaked, and Caroline bit her lip. That probably meant that she had tried a few mouthfuls and then given up. “I know what you're gonna say, Caz. I did try… it didn't help that I had a little rest half way through and woke up to Ruth licking the bowl clean…”

“Oh, so you let her on the bed after all, then?” Caroline chuckled, shaking her head a little at the revelation. Gillian had been firm that Ruth stayed in her basket at the end of the bed, and wasn't allowed in the bedroom at all if there were certain antics going on. Caroline had agreed, of course - there was nothing worse than being lost in the throws of passion and suddenly having a dog panting in your face. Or staring… and Ruth always looked so innocent that it was quite disconcerting, and made her feel like a sex fiend.

“Just for a bit,” Gillian replied, and the sound of Ruth flopping on the bed echoed down the phone. “You're good company, aren't you, old girl? At least whilst your Mum is away. Even if you do eat my soup…”

“Cheeky madam,” Caroline hummed, feeling another surge of homesickness washing over her. “Don't worry… I'll only be a few more hours.”

“Miss you, don't we?” Gillian said quietly, clearly speaking to the dog again, but the sincerity was evident in her tone. “Your mum always makes us feel better, doesn't she? Always looks after us.”

“I try,” Caroline said softly, able to picture the scene back in her bedroom. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better now? And don't you go suggesting anything mucky, my secretary is right outside the door. And she nearly caught us last time round.”

“You need to start locking your office door… and soundproof the doors,” Gillian suggested, her laugh quickly turning into another horrible cough. “Shit, sorry… nah, I don't think so. It's nice talking to you. Your voice… It's like that… that… asthma, or whatever it's called.”

“Did you seriously just compare my voice to a lung condition?” Caroline shot back incredulously, and was met by another snort of laughter.

“No… no, that's not what I mean. You know… I'm talking about that thing…” she trailed off, pausing for a moment to blow her nose once again. “Saw it on TV. When something makes you relaxed… the sound of something…”

“Oh, you mean ASMR?” Caroline suggested, realisation dawning. That, in relation to the sound of her voice, she could live with. “My voice really relaxes you?”

“Yeah, it’s lovely,” Gillian replied, shyness evident in her tone. “Always makes me feel better. Can… can you keep talking to me for a bit?”

Caroline tried to restrain a sigh, looking down at the pile of paperwork again. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, it was more that she wanted to get it over and done with so that she could go and take care of her poorly girlfriend in person rather than over the phone. “Yeah, sure. Anything you want to talk to me about?”

“Dunno…” Gillian yawned, and a rustling noise told the headteacher that she was snuggling back under the covers once again. “You could read to me? Anything, I don’t care…”

“Read to you…” Caroline frowned, looking around her office for inspiration. “I don’t really have a lot of reading material apart from contracts, personnel files, timetables… nothing exciting.” She leant down and rummaged through her bag, hoping that one of Flora’s books might have made its way inside. No luck - most of her daughter’s book collection was currently with her at Celia and Alan’s where the little girl was staying in an attempt to keep her from getting whatever it was that was affiliating Gillian. “Or an instruction leaflet from the paracetamol packet in my bag. That’s not very interesting…”

“Whatever, Caz, as long as it’s you.” The words were followed with another hacking cough, and Caroline frowned in concern. She really was sounding rough… As she worried, her eyes fell on the Easter card that Flora had made her the year before, still tacked up on the noticeboard next to her desk. It was adorable - the little girl had stuck almost a whole bag of cotton wool onto the outline of a rabbit, and followed it up with a splodgy pink nose and two raisins for eyes. When she’d chosen raisins she didn’t know, but she had been so proud of what she had made for her mother that she hadn’t the heart to question it. Seeing it gave her some inspiration.

“Right, well… I’ll tell you a story, then,” she said, hoping that her creativity was up to it at this stage in the day. She had never been a natural storyteller, that was for sure, but if it would bring Gillian some comfort then she would try. “That sound okay?”

“As long as it’s not that one about all those animals going in that woman’s house that you keep telling Flora, it’s unrealistic,” Gillian mumbled, and Caroline chuckled in response. She was thinking of retiring that one herself, as every time she told it Flora suggested that they try and bring some of the farm animals in from the cold - not the best idea. 

“No, I promise it isn’t,” Caroline reassured her, and pushed her chair back even further so that she could settle down to tell the story. “Right… let’s see. Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was a very small white bunny. The bunny lived deep in a dark forest, so deep that she had never even seen sunlight, although she had heard rumours of it from the birds that twittered in the trees.”

“Sounds depressing,” Gillian grunted, and Caroline shushed her before carrying on.

“The little white bunny was very sad. She had everything that she could want in her little burrow - lots of lovely fresh leaves to sleep on, plenty of delicious food and some little flowers that she had gathered to make the place look pretty. The trouble was, she had to share the burrow with-”

“What’s the bunny’s name?” Gillian asked curiously, and Caroline’s eyes darted around her office for inspiration, her eyes finally falling on the list of school first aiders that was pinned to the wall.

“Jenny,” Caroline said quickly, and then cleared her throat to carry on. “Anyway. Jenny lived in her burrow with another bunny… Roger. And Roger, well, he was a total prick. The absolute worst… always messing up Jenny’s leaves and leaving half eaten food all over the… hole… But Jenny put up with it, because her mother had always told her that when you found another rabbit to spend your life with, you had to put up with it, even if it made you miserable. And, oh my, Jenny was unhappy.”

“Poor Jenny,” Gillian sympathised, another sniff echoing through the phone. “Go on then, what happened next?”

“Well, Jenny came home one day after taking a long hop around the forest, looking for things to try and cheer herself up a little, and found Roger with another rabbit! Right in Jenny’s pile of leaves!”

“Bastard!” Gillian exclaimed, and Caroline nodded sagely, even though the other woman couldn’t see her.

“I know. And Jenny thought, you know what? That’s enough. I don’t need to put up with any more of his rubbish, so she ran away.” A little smile played around Caroline’s lips, wondering if Gillian would catch the similarities to certain events in what she was saying.

“Good for Jenny!” Gillian interjected, and Caroline chuckled at the vehemence in her tone. 

“Yes, good for her,” she agreed before carrying on. “Jenny hadn’t seen a lot of the forest, not really, so she decided to go exploring. Surely there was more to life than her little burrow, even if it had the most lovely leaves and pretty flowers? Maybe, in other parts of the forest, there were leaves that were even nicer, other flowers and other bunnies who would understand Jenny much better and treat her nicely, that she could trust.”

“Anything is better than bloody Roger,” Gillian said darkly, and Caroline couldn’t help but agree.

“Jenny wandered the forest for a long, long time, all the while feeling sadder and more lost, terrified that she would never find anyone else that would love her. She was so sad that her little ears drooped down along with her whiskers, and everything seemed to grow darker.” Caroline lowered her voice, her tone turning mournful in an attempt to convey how desperate the poor little bunny had become.

“Oh…” Gillian mumbled sadly, and Caroline heard her turning around in bed. “But things get better, right?”

“Well, one day Jenny was hopping through the forest and she came across somewhere new that she had never seen before… She had reached the top of a hill in the forest, and from the top she could see out for miles, an ocean of trees spread out in front of her. For the first time the sun touched her face, and she thought it was magical…” Caroline shifted a little, her emotions stirring a little in her heart as she remembered the first time that she had sat looking out at the view from the farm with Gillian. It had been truly special, and something that she would never forget. “And Jenny thought, my oh my, if only I had someone to share this wonderful sun with... And then, lo and behold…”

“Lo and behold?” Gillian encouraged, clearly into the story.

“Lo and behold, another little bunny appeared. This bunny was different to Jenny - her fur was a lovely browny black, and her eyes were beautiful. The first time Jenny looked into them she knew that she had found someone special.” Again, there was more than a grain of truth in what she was saying. One of the first things that she had noticed about Gillian was her expressive eyes that seemed to change depending on how the light hit them, what she was wearing or her mood. They had always intrigued her… “This bunny had had a very different life to Jenny. She hadn’t always had the nicest leaves or the prettiest flowers, but she had made a lovely life for herself anyway. Jenny and the new bunny spent all day talking, and when day started to turn to night she invited her down into her burrow. Jenny had told her that she had nowhere to go, and the other bunny didn’t like to think of her out in the cold.”

“What’s the new bunny’s name?” Gillian questioned, and Caroline smiled, amused by her girlfriend’s need to have a name for every character. 

“Er… Bella,” Caroline said wildly, plucking the name out of thin air - it was the name of one of Flora’s dolls, and it would do for the story. “So, Bella took Jenny into her burrow and made  her a lovely comfy bed of her own in some fresh grass, and made sure that she had some nice food and even put a little buttercup next to her so that she felt more at home.”

“Bella sounds like a decent sort,” Gillian commented, her words sounding more sleepy now - perhaps it was working?

“Oh, the very best,” Caroline hummed, thinking of all the things that she loved about her girlfriend as she described her. “She made Jenny feel so welcome, and told her that there would always be room for her - as long as she wanted to stay. And stay, Jenny did. The two of them went on lots of different adventures all over the forest, and had loads of fun even though they got into a bit of trouble sometimes. And, every single night, Bella took Jenny home to her burrow and made sure that she was okay.”

“Bless her,” Gillian mumbled quietly, sounding even dozier than she had before.

“Slowly, as time went on, Jenny started feeling better. It was like Bella was bringing her back to life - she had a way of looking at things that made everything seem better, and talked to Jenny about horrible Roger and her long journey through the forest. She promised Jenny that she would never have to do that terrible, lonely journey ever again, and that if she ever wanted to go anywhere she would go with her.” She softened her voice a little, hoping that she was easing Gillian off to sleep.

“And then what?” Gillian whispered, a little wheeze from the end of the phone reminding Caroline just how desperately she needed to rest.

“And then… Well, Jenny realised that without Bella, the best friend that she had ever had in her life, she wouldn’t have gotten anywhere… And she would still be wandering the forest alone, wondering if she would ever find happiness, or feel the sunlight on her face. Because, you know what? Every single day Jenny was with Bella, she felt the sunlight on her face, and slowly her ears and whiskers stopped drooping. Soon, she was the rabbit that she had always wanted to be, and Bella had done that for her.” Caroline fought to stop her voice from wobbling, the parallels making her reflect on just how lucky she was. 

“I bet Jenny made Bella really happy, as well,” Gillian murmured, and Caroline was quick to confirm. 

“Yes, she did - she looked after her as best she could in return. She made sure that Bella always had fresh leaves and lots to eat, and even shared her special recipe for carrot surprise - Bella’s favourite.” Caroline grinned as she remembered the first time that she had made Gillian her signature beef stew, the farmer going back to the pot time and time again for more. Perhaps she could make her that tonight - maybe that would tempt her appetite? 

“I do like carrot surprise.” Even though she sounded like she was going to drop off any minute, amusement still coloured Gillian’s tone and she couldn’t help the soft smile that graced her lips. She had clearly cottoned on to the meaning behind the story.

“I know you do,” Caroline purred before carrying on. “Anyway, after a long time the two bunnies had become inseparable. They did everything together, they were the very best of friends, and talked about anything and everything that came into their minds. They looked after each other when they were poorly, and they made each other laugh when they were sad. And Jenny realised that she would never need any other bunny - the only one she needed was Bella.”

“No other bunny, eh?” 

“No other bunny,” Caroline confirmed. “But they were silly little bunnies, too - even though they both loved each other so, so much, they were scared of telling each other. Jenny was scared that she might scare Bella away, or that she would be asked to leave the burrow forever, never to return.”

“That would never have happened,” Gillian interjected. “Never.”

“Yes, well, Jenny didn’t know that, did she? So she kept her whiskers to herself and never said anything. And, for her part, Bella never said anything either… so they kept living together, secretly loving each other but not daring to say. Until one day-”

“Oh, here we go,” Gillian said happily, and Caroline grinned once again.

“Until one day the two little bunnies were sitting on their usual log watching the sunset, nestled together as they always were, and sharing a very delicious… carrot. And they got to talking about their life together, and their feelings… and Jenny told Bella that she had saved her life. That she didn’t know what would have happened to her if it hadn’t been for Bella, and do you know what Bella said?”

“What did she say?” Gillian asked curiously.

“Bella said that Jenny had saved her life, too. That before Jenny had come along she had been just as lonely, just as lost, even if she had always lived in the same burrow. And that she never, ever wanted to imagine her life without her… and Jenny was so happy, do you know what she did?” Caroline questioned gently, waiting for her girlfriend’s response. 

“What?” Gillian asked with a long exhale, and Caroline recognised it for what it was - the farmer was right on the verge of sleep. 

“Jenny told Bella that she loved her, and then she nuzzled their noses together, and licked her all over her face to prove it,” Caroline said triumphantly, remembering the wonderful first kiss that they had shared. “And Bella told her that she loved her too. After that, they made their way back to the burrow, the last of the sunlight warming their backs as they hopped inside. And then, when they were there, they curled up together on the lovely leaves that they had collected together earlier. They didn’t need anyone else - just each other - and they lived happily ever after. Forever, and ever, and ever.”

The only reply she got was slow, steady breathing, and Caroline smiled. It had worked, and Gillian sounded like she was now resting peacefully. “And, you’re all I’ll ever need… forever and ever,” she whispered, taking advantage of her slumber to put across what was in her heart. “I love you, Gillian Greenwood.” The only answer she got was a little snore,  and she smiled again, blowing a little kiss towards the phone before quietly hanging up. Now, back to the paperwork…

A few hours later Caroline made it home, laden down with a variety of bags full of food that she hoped would tempt the brunette to eat. She had dutifully found all the ingredients for the stew, and deposited them in the kitchen before making her way up the chairs to check on her. When she reached the bedroom she couldn’t help leaning in the doorway, a soft, affectionate smile gracing her features as she looked down at the sleeping woman. Gillian was sprawled inelegantly across the mattress, curled up around Caroline’s dressing gown, with Ruth snoring noisily next to her. 

“Caz…?” Caroline was startled from her reverie by Gillian lifting her head from the pillow and blinking sleepily at her, before holding out an arm towards her. “You’re home…”

“I’m home,” she agreed, and shooed Ruth from the bed before crawling across the mattress to take Gillian in her arms. “How are you doing?” She pressed a cool hand to her forehead, relieved to feel that her fever seemed to have broken.

“Better, now you’re home,” Gillian mumbled, nestling into her chest. “What’s for dinner?”

“Carrot surprise,” Caroline whispered, smiling into her hair. 

“I do like carrot surprise,” Gillian sighed, her eyes sliding closed again as a little smile graced her lips. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Caroline replied, tightening her arms around her. “So much.”

“Forever and ever,” Gillian breathed, her breaths levelling out again as she fell back to sleep.

“Forever, and ever, and ever.”

<3

Chapter Text

“Is that really what you’re wearing to do this?” Caroline asked, her voice low and a little dangerous as she folded her arms across her chest. She was the picture of casual DIY chic, a paint stained loose white shirt over paint splattered jeans, her hair tied up in a clip, her feet bare… and Gillian thought that she looked utterly gorgeous. 

“Yeah? Why?” Gillian asked in confusion, looking down at her outfit. She was wearing a pair of tight, ragged denim shorts that she had made a few years ago when one of her pairs of jeans had gone in the knees, along with one of her tank tops that she had managed to rip across the front, the taut muscles of her stomach visible through the gaping fabric. “Only thought we were decorating, Caz, not fashion week, is it?”

“It’s not that…” Caroline almost purred, taking a couple of steps towards her and pressing her against the wall that they were about to paint, imprisoning her between her outstretched arms as she nuzzled her nose against her cheek. “I just don’t know how you expect me to keep my mind on painting when you’re looking so… delectable…”

“Quite like the jumble sale look, eh?” Gillian giggled, smirking up at her as her fingers went to the waistband of her jeans, dancing her way across the denim. “Are they as good as my shagging jeans, then?” It had rather amused her when, a few weeks previously, they had gone clothes shopping together and the blonde had insisted that she try on some new jeans. Although it was hardly Gillian’s favourite thing to do, usually preferring to pick up a few pairs at a time from the supermarket, Caroline had been so taken with her arse in one particular pair that she had insisted on buying them for her on the spot, and encouraged her into them as soon as they were home before promptly whipping them off again and showing her how much she appreciated her. After that she had christened them her ‘shagging jeans’, knowing that whenever she wore them she was certain of a good time shortly afterwards - not that she was in any way opposed. 

“Oh, I don’t know…” Caroline hummed, dropping one of her hands down and sliding it round to cup her arse. “I think I might need to double check…” Before Gillian could protest the blonde spun her round, pressing her hands up against the wall before she slid her thigh between her legs, her fingers gently caressing her cheeks. Her breath was hot on Gillian’s cheek, and she couldn’t help a little moan escaping her as she started to press kisses into the crook of her neck.

“I thought you said we had to be quick with this,” Gillian panted, unable to stop herself from grinding down against the other woman’s thigh. “Because Flora is due back later and you didn’t want the paint to be wet…”

“I did, didn’t I?” Caroline whispered into her ear, sliding her hand around her side and dipping between her legs to cup her gently through the tight denim. “Never thought it’d be you being the taskmaster, Greenwood.”

“I’m not,” Gillian mumbled, allowing her head to fall back on her shoulder as Caroline pressed her fingers against the seam of her jeans, creating a delicious friction as she teased her. “You don’t need to stop…”

“No, you’re right,” Caroline whispered, pressing one last kiss to her cheek before releasing and bustling over to fetch her paintbrush. “Now, where do you want to start, cutting in, or the roller?”

Gillian had fallen forwards against the wall when she had let go of her, and she pushed herself back upright as she turned to her girlfriend with a frown. “Are you joking? You… you get me going like that, and now you’re just going to start painting like nothing happened?!”

“Said it yourself, we need to hurry,” Caroline hummed, a smirk crossing her face as she dropped a can of paint at her feet. “And besides… it’s usually you winding me up, not the other way round. Makes a change.”

“Ca-a-a-z,” Gillian wailed, crossing her arms as she pouted at her. “That’s not fair!”

“Well, I didn’t say that I wouldn’t follow through, did I?” Caroline gave back, raising her eyebrow as she gently grasped her grin. “Get painting, pal. Sooner it’s done, the more time I have to double check your jeans.” She leant forwards and gently brushed her lips against hers, and Gillian nearly melted into the floor. 

“Fine,” she huffed, snatching up the roller and the paint tray. “You get to do the cutting in though, I bloody hate that.”

“You’ll be needing the ladder then, to reach the high bits,” Caroline teased, raking her eyes down her body. “Given that you’re so tiny…”

“Oh, piss off,” Gillian said grumpily, resigning herself to undergoing the task in such a worked up state that she knew that she wouldn’t be able to forget about it. Still, at least the task itself was going to be worth it. They had been talking about how to redecorate their bedroom since before the blonde moved in, and they were finally making the effort to do so. It was a huge relief when they had peeled the old, fading wallpaper off the walls the week before, assisted by Flora who took to it like a duck to water. It had been there throughout her marriage to Eddie, and then to Robbie, and it was time for a fresh start. 

Caroline was no stranger to home decor, and had various mood boards and colour palettes set up on something called Pinterest - she still didn’t really know what that was - and had dragged her around several DIY stores before they had eventually picked out something that they both agreed on. They were going for white on three of the four walls, and a sunny yellow behind the bed that would be paired with grey and yellow bed sheets. Even Gillian had to admit that it was a huge step up from what she had been used to, and now that their new bed was here too it seemed a shame to continue using the ratty duvet cover that she had had for years. She did, however, put her foot down about the throw pillows. She saw absolutely no point in piling cushion after cushion on the bed after making it, only for them to go unseen throughout the day before they then had to take them all off again at night. It had led to another compromise, and they now had just one. Or, she thought they did, anyhow. Caroline had a number of large carrier bags in the back of the Jag that she hadn’t gotten out yet, and she had her suspicions as to what they contained. 

For a while they worked in companionable silence, Gillian having turned on the old radio that used to live in the kitchen for company. It had been a long time since she had decorated the house, and she was grateful that they had thought to cover the floor and all the furniture with sheets - the white paint was a little thinner than she expected and there were more than a few drips splattered over the coverings. Caroline seemed to be doing better, presumably her experience with decorating assisting her, and she couldn’t help watching her surreptitiously every now and then as she considered how to get her back for her earlier actions.

As it was, she needn’t have bothered. They had almost finished the third wall of white, Caroline cross legged on the floor as she cut around one of the plug sockets whilst the farmer perched precariously at the top of the ladder, when a huge glob of paint dripped off the end of the roller and hit the blonde’s back. 

“Shit…” Gillian muttered, looking down at her girlfriend who glanced up at her incredulously. “S-sorry, Caz… think I got too much on the roller that time.”

“I should think you did,” Caroline retorted, dropping her paintbrush in the pot and standing up to try and look at the back of her shirt. “I think you’ve just managed to get more paint on me than you have this entire wall.”

Gillian glanced at the wall in question - that wasn’t quite fair, although it was true that she had a way to go to make sure that it was evenly distributed. “Oi, I am trying, you know,” she grumbled as she turned her attention back to her girlfriend, her breath catching in her throat as she watched her carefully strip off the loose white shirt. “Caz…” she choked out, as from her vantage point she could see right down the front of the tight white vest that she had been wearing underneath. And it didn’t look like she was wearing a bra…

“What?” Caroline asked airly, smirking at her as she crossed her arms under her breasts, only enhancing her cleavage further. “Couldn’t risk leaning back against something and getting paint all over it, could I?”

“If you say so…” Gillian muttered, still entranced with the view. It didn’t make it any easier that she could see her stiffened nipples straining against the thin fabric, and she longed to drag it down and take one into her mouth. Caroline often teased her about how enamoured she was with her chest, but she couldn’t help it. “You better follow through on what you started after this…”

“If there’s time,” Caroline hummed, sitting down once again and picking up her brush. “Depends how you get on finishing off the wall, doesn’t it?”

Gillian grunted, but picked up the pace nonetheless, her movements becoming a little sloppier as she hurried to finish. After a few minutes the pair of them swapped positions, Caroline cutting in between the wall and the ceiling while Giillian applied paint to the lower half of the wall. She had just bent down to get to a particularly tricky spot next to the radiator when something cold and wet hit her on the back, and she flinched with a yelp.

“Oh, sorry, overloaded the brush there,” Caroline said innocently when she looked up at her in disbelief. “It seems to be rather a lot, too…”

“I bet it is…” Gillian murmured, dropping the roller in the tray and standing up. “Well, wouldn’t want to get it on anything else…” She grasped her hem and gently pulled her top up and over her head, leaving her just in the sports bra that she had been wearing underneath. Caroline’s eyes darkened as the farmer put her hands on her hips, gazing up at her challengingly. “Happy now?”

“Very…” Caroline purred, looking her up and down. “Now, back to work. Don’t let yourself get distracted.”

“Says you!” Gillian sputtered, gesturing towards her, and Caroline just smirked before turning back to what she was doing. Gillian glared at her for a few moments, although it quickly turned into appreciation. Somehow, even in paint covered jeans and a top which she was sure would be considered old by the blonde’s standards, she was still utterly gorgeous. 

Just a few minutes later she was just about to put the finishing touches to her section when she caught Caroline wobbling on the ladder out of the corner of her eye and quickly darted behind her to steady her. “Careful, don’t want you going over,” she admonished her, and Caroline looked down at her in amusement.

“Just had to steady me, didn’t you?” she grinned, and Gillian turned her attention to her hands. Without realising she had splayed her hands across the other woman’s arse, and she drew them away quickly as if she had been burned.

“I was just trying to help!” she shot back, but then flushed guilty as she saw evidence of her attempt. There were two almost perfect white handprints spread across the denim, and she looked down at her hands to see them smeared with paint. She hadn’t even realised how much it had covered her. “Oh… sorry.”

“I refuse to believe that wasn’t deliberate,” Caroline accused softly, taking a few steps down the ladder and depositing her brush once again. “If you wanted to see my arse that badly you only had to say.” She quirked her eyebrow at her before her hands went to the button of her jeans, flicking open the button and then dragging down the zip, the sound a smooth rasp in the relative quiet of the bedroom. 

“I… uh…” Gillian mumbled, her eyes fixed on her every move. “Um… It wasn’t intentional, I-”

“Course not,” Caroline hummed, winking at her before turning around and easing the jeans down her thighs. Gillian gulped, her fingers flexing at her sides as she tried not to just grab her and do what she had been dying to do all morning. She recognised this for what it was now - an elaborate tease, and was thrilled that she was the only one who got to see Caroline in this kind of mood. Few people would have guessed that such a temptress lay under her usual cool and buttoned up exterior, and it felt like being entrusted with a secret. 

“W-w-what now?” Gillian stammered once she had stepped out of them, balling them up and tossing them to the side. Her eyes bulged at the sight of her, wondering how many other people wore such well cut lace underwear to undertake DIY. 

“Well, we aren't finished, are we?” Caroline replied lightly, brushing a lock of hair out of her eyes and tucking it behind her ear. “Get to it, Greenwood. And put your eyes back in their sockets, too.”

“Yeah? Well, I-” Gillian blustered intent on a witty retort, but none came to mind. She was far too distracted. “Oh, whatever.”

“That's what I thought,” Caroline hummed as she ascended the ladder once again. “Start with the yellow, might calm you down a bit.”

“I'll give you calm,” Gilllian muttered darkly, but went to do as she asked. At least if she was working on a different wall she wouldn't have temptation waved so flagrantly in front of her face. The yellow was a beautiful shade, too, although it had some poncy name that she couldn't remember courtesy of Caroline and her extensive selection of Farrow and Ball paint samples. She had wanted to go for the one named simply “straw”, thinking it only right and correct under the circumstances, but the blonde had waffled on for a while about pigments and hues and she had given in. They all looked the same to her, anyway. 

She wasn't safe for long. Caroline made short work of finishing off the other wall before coming to join her, and after a short time of her brushing past her at every opportunity she decided to climb the ladder and tease her instead. She couldn't help smirking as she continued to apply the paint, feeling the heat of her girlfriend's gaze raking down her body as she did so. The sense of anticipation between them was growing steadily, and Gillian was having increasingly lewd thoughts about how she was going to pay her back for her earlier exploits. 

“There…” she eventually said, dropping the roller back into the tray and surveying her handiwork. She had to admit that it had gone surprisingly well, and the room already looked fresher and lighter than before. She looked down at Caroline who was just dropping her paintbrush back into the pot, beaming down at her. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s perfect,” Caroline said softly, taking a look around the room with a little smile playing across her features. “Just right for us… It feels like a fresh start.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Gillian agreed, making her way back down the ladder and depositing the tray of paint on the floor. “I don’t think it’s ever looked better, not in the whole time that I’ve lived here.” A short silence fell between them, both of them reflecting on the journey it had taken for them to get to this point. They were well and truly building a home together now, and it was utterly wonderful. 

“Are you going to help me up, then?” Caroline eventually asked, looked up at her with a little smirk. “I think it might be time for us to have a bit of a break.” The way that she hitched her eyebrows at the farmer let her know just what kind of a break she had in mind, and Gillian grinned as she held her hands out to her. After taking them, she started to tug her upwards… and several things seemed to happen all at the same time.

Caroline’s bare foot slipped against the floor covering when she was half up, and she kicked the ladder which started to sway precariously. Gillian dropped one of her hands and reached around to steady it, not wanting it to fall and dent one of the freshly painted walls, and as the blonde fell back towards the floor she grabbed the back pocket of her jeans. There was a sickening tearing noise and she fell to the floor with a crash and a curse, Gillian jerking backwards as the pocket gave way.

“Shit…” Caroline groaned, and Gillian looked down to see her girlfriend sprawled on the floor, one hand still clutching the pocket and the other palm down in the tray of yellow paint. 

“If you wanted me to take my jeans off, you only had to ask, you didn’t have to try and rip them off me,” Gillian teased, smirking down at the other woman as she frowned up at her. Quick as a flash Caroline whipped her hand out of the paint and wiped it down the farmer's jeans, her frown quickly turning to a grin.

“There… now you have to finish taking them off,” she hummed, looking up at her with a naughty look in her eye. “Can’t be risking getting that paint all over everything.”

“Oh yeah?” Gillian retorted, dropping to a crouch and dipping her own hand quickly in the paint before pressing her palm to one of Caroline’s breasts, smearing the cotton with yellow. “I reckon you’re going to have to take this off, too,” she suggested as the blonde gasped, looking down at her top in surprise. “And unlike you.. I’m still wearing my underwear.”

“Not for long,” Caroline threatened, flicking a little of the paint on her sports bra. “Mucky. Take it off.”

“I will if you will,” Gillian challenged, helping her up off the floor, and both of them giggled as they quickly stripped off the rest of their clothes, leaving them only in their knickers. Gillian bit her lip as she noticed that the paint had seeped through the thin cotton of her vest, a definite trace of yellow on her breast. “We’re a bit stuck here, we can’t get on the bed,” she observed, gesturing at the covered piece of furniture where they had piled most of the contents of the room. She didn’t look, however - she was too transfixed by the sight of Caroline standing in front of her in nothing but a skimpy pair of lace underwear. 

“What I’m thinking of, we don’t need a bed,” Caroline all but growled, and grasped her shoulders as she backed her into the door, pinning her wrists to her sides. “Unless you’re opposed?” She pressed her body against hers, their hearts beating as one as they stared into each other’s eyes, both blinded by lust. 

“Definitely not opposed,” Gillian gasped as her girlfriend whipped her underwear away, capturing her lips as she nudged her legs apart. “Not opposed at all…”

<3

Chapter Text

“Say bye to Mummy! Bye bye Mummy!” Greg trilled, fluttering his hand out of the car window as his girlfriend, the delightful Bridget, executed a poor attempt at a three point turn, all screeching brakes and crunching gears. Caroline pasted a smile on her face as she waved, making eye contact with her daughter who looked equally unimpressed in the back. 

“Bye, Mummy,” Flora droned, rolling her eyes in a manner so reminiscent of her mother that Caroline felt herself flushing. The little girl had been picking up more and more of her mannerisms lately, and it was somewhat sobering to watch as well as being a little frightening - it was like observing oneself from afar, and that was never comfortable. 

“Bye, chicken, have a lovely time!” she called with false brightness as the car eventually managed to get into the right position to drive out of the farm gate. “Be good!” With that they set off, and Caroline waved and waved until the car was out of sight. As nice as it was to have some child free time she always missed her, and it was at its worst when she watched her leaving. Still, it meant that she would have some much needed time to catch up on work and be with Gillian - time for just the two of them had been at a premium lately and she couldn't wait to reconnect. First, though, she would have a cup of tea. 

As she let herself into the farmhouse, the place that she had called home for the last few months, her shoulders slumped, and the mask that she had been maintaining all day finally slipped. She had so much to do and had been counting on Greg arriving just before lunch time, but the afternoon had worn on and on and it was now nearly four. As she flicked on the kettle, she sighed as she raked her hand through her hair, mentally running through all the things that she needed to check off her to do list before she would have a chance to relax. 

“They've gone, then?” Gillian called as she clattered down the stairs, and Caroline nodded as she pulled down a couple of mugs before reaching for the teabags. The brunette made her way into the kitchen and snaked her arms around her waist, pressing a quick kiss against her shoulder before resting against her. “You alright?”

“Yeah… you know how it is when she first goes,” Caroline replied sadly, spooning some sugar into the cup meant for Gillian. “And he was five hours late, Gillian! I mean, you can't just do that to a child, it's not fair.”

“No, it's not,” Gillian agreed, her voice a little muffled as she brushed her neck with her lips once again. “Guess it's that Bridget that's still leading him astray…” 

“ Bridget,” Caroline echoed in a mocking tone, tutting and shaking her head. “I mean, if it was only me that he was letting down then that would be bad enough, but Flora is old enough to understand now and she knows when he's late. She's been sitting at that window all afternoon looking for him.” Hot tears pricked behind her eyes and she braced her hands on the counter, trying not to get too upset. 

“And that's not fair,” Gillian hummed, gently turning her around and looping her arms around her neck. “Want me to threaten him with the shotgun when he comes back? That might make him buck his ideas up.” She smirked, and it was enough to make Caroline giggle weakly.

“I don't think we'd ever see him again if you did that,” she chuckled weakly, settling her arms around her waist as a small smile crossed her lips. As usual, just having Gillian close was enough for her to start feeling calmer about everything, a brief peck on her lips chasing away her tears. “He's already terrified enough of you after you almost set the dog on him last time when you found him wandering around that field.”

“Well, what does he expect?” Gillian retorted, rolling her eyes. “Bloody pillock. What was he thinking, going looking for us out there? He was late then, too, and we thought he wasn't coming - remember?”

“Yeah, I do,” Caroline said grimly, pursing her lips together. She had been furious with him that time, too, and had quite understood why Gillian thought that he was trespassing on her land. “I'll have a chat with him - I'll give him a ring in the week after he's brought Flora back… because if he can't keep his promises or make her a priority over Bridget, we'll have to review his contact with her. I'm not having her upset.” She narrowed her eyes and frowned at the thought.

“Atta girl, there's my Caz,” Gillian grinned, reaching up to stroke a stray lock of her hair away from her face. “You ought to threaten to put him in detention, that would give him something to think on.”

“Oh, there's lots of people I'd love to put in detention,” Caroline huffed, a mental list as long as her arm unfurling in her mind. “My mother would be top of the list as well. Did you know that she won't let Flora play with that action man you bought her when she's at hers in case it-” 

“Makes her a lesbian?” Gillian finished with a snort, and both of them shook their heads in exasperation. Celia was still coming to terms with the fact that they were not only a couple but were also shacked up together, even if she did keep blathering on about them living in sin. Caroline was rather tempted never to propose to the farmer just to spite her, although that seemed like cutting off her nose to spite her face. As she smiled at her, Gillian smirked, nudging her gently as she did so. “Try and forget about it all for now, anyway. I've got something that might cheer you up…”

A slight flush rose on Caroline's cheeks as the farmer raked her eyes down her body, her mind going upstairs and under the bed to the recently delivered box of toys that they had both been itching to try out, but had needed the absence of little ears to do so. Even as her thoughts threatened to dive into the gutter, another more sensible voice fought for her attention.

“I've got a mountain of school work,” she said mournfully, gesturing towards the stack that had been waiting for her since the morning that was piled on the kitchen table. “Greg turning up late meant that I'm really behind now… I'll be lucky if I get it all done in time for the morning.” As the words left her mouth she frowned as she looked down at her girlfriend's attire. “Gillian, why are you wearing so many cardigans?”

“You’ve got time for this, I promise,” Gillian replied in a low voice, wiggling her eyebrows at her. “And the cardigans are part of the surprise!” 

Caroline just quirked her eyebrow at her… if she was going to have any surprises at all then she would have hoped that they might be ones that involved the farmer wearing significantly less clothing than the several layers that she currently had wrapped around her small frame. She looked rather comical in all honesty, her waist and chest having lost almost all definition under the woollen garments. “Oh, go on then… if you must.”

“I must,” Gillian grinned, and took her hand and led her over to one of the kitchen chairs, dragging it more into the middle of the room before pushing her down on it. As soon as she was sitting comfortably she gently cupped her face in her hands and kissed her, and Caroline couldn’t help humming contentedly against her lips. Maybe she might be able to spare a little time after this… just a little. When she released her Gillian stood up with a grin, holding eye contact with her as she called an instruction over her shoulder. “Alexa! Play Kiss, by Prince!”

Caroline almost snorted again. The Alexa had been a present from Raff for Christmas, and it had taken her girlfriend quite a while to get to grips with it. When she had found that she could play music through it, however - anything she wanted - she had been unstoppable, and had delighted in revisiting all her favourites. The device flashed blue for a moment as the two of them stood in silence, the blonde trying not to laugh.

“Playing Kiss from a Rose, by Seal, from Spotify,” the device intoned, and a frown appeared on Gillian’s face as she wheeled around.

“No! Alexa, play Kiss, by Prince!” she shouted, Caroline pressing her lips together as laughter bubbled up in her chest.

“Playing I Kissed a Girl, by Katie Perry, from Spotify,” Alexa replied again, starting to play a pulsing drum beat.

“Oh, for fucks sake!” Gillian growled, darting over to stab it. “I did kiss a girl, and I did like it, but that’s not what I wanted!”

“Did I taste like cherry chapstick?” Caroline giggled, earning herself a briefly murderous look from the farmer as she turned her attention back to the flashing device.

“I’ll give you bloody cherry chapstick,” she muttered, still poking at it. “Alexa, play Kiss by Prince,” she demanded again, putting her hands on her hips as she glared at it. 

“Kiss by Prince from Spotify,” Alexa said dutifully, and Gillian immediately whipped around, fixing the headteacher with a cheeky grin as her fingers went to the buttons of the first cardigan. 

Caroline threw her head back and laughed, it now more than obvious what she was up to. “Are you stripping?!” she wheezed as Gillian shimmied her hips and started to ease the cardigan down her shoulders as she sang along.

“ You don’t need experience to turn me out, ” she sang, whipping the garment off her shoulders and throwing it at her. Caroline caught it, blinking as one of the buttons nearly caught her in the eye. “ You just leave it all up to me, I’m gonna show you what it’s all about…”

The first cardigan was followed by a second as Gillian danced over to her, turning around to shake her arse in Caroline’s face which earned her a playful swipe before she continued to prance around her. “ You don’t have to be cool, to rule my world…”

“Good job, the last thing I am is cool,” Caroline chuckled, and then shivered as Gillan walked around her, gently trailing her fingers around her shoulder and across the nape of her neck. “Oh, god…”

“ Ain’t no particular sign I’m more compatible with,” the brunette continued, the second cardigan dropped into her lap from behind her as she sashayed around to stand in front of her. “ I just want your extra time and your… kiss.” She finished the verse by leaning forwards to plant a firm, insistent kiss against her waiting lips. Caroline tried to grab hold of her, wanting more, but Gillian just wiggled away as her fingers went to the buttons of yet another cardigan - hopefully the last one. She huffed in frustration… She had to admit that she was more than a little into this, her chest starting to heave with desire as Gillian strutted her stuff. She looked utterly beautiful - her eyes were sparkling, her ponytail was whipping around behind her, the coppery highlights shining in the sunlight that was pouring through the window, and a lovely smile gracing her features. She looked so alive, and Caroline knew that she would remember this moment for a long time to come. 

“ You got to not talk dirty to me baby, if you wanna impress me,” Gillian continued to sing, finally undoing the top button of her latest top as she danced over to her again, offering her the corner of the garment. As she took it she executed a kind of elaborate spin, pulling her arms free and leaving her in just a shirt, and whatever was underneath it. “ You can’t be too flirty, mamma, I know how to undress me, yeah…”

Caroline could only watch her with wide eyes, feeling a little stunned. 

“I want to be your fantasy,” Gillian circled her hips, raising her arms above her head as she danced along with the music, throwing her head back with a happy smile. “ Maybe you could be mine…” She winked at Caroline, who felt her heart skip a beat, willing her to come closer so that she might be able to help her remove some of those clothes…

As the farmer moved on to the chorus she came wriggled closer, flipping her leg over Caroline’s thighs as she straddled her. She took Caroline’s hands and pressed them against the bottom buttons of her blouse, and she started to undo them with shaking hands as Gillian rolled her hips against her. “ Ain’t no particular sign I'm more compatible with,” she sang again as Caroline flicked the last button undone. “ I just want your extra time and your… kiss!” She flicked open the shirt and Caroline was allowed to brush it off her shoulders as she captured her mouth again in a kiss, her tongue flicking teasingly against her lower lip.

After quickly tugging her lip between her teeth, nipping it lightly, Gillian stood up and continued to dance around the kitchen. She was now only wearing a tank top and her jeans, the muscles of her stomach rippling under the tight fabric in a way that almost had Caroline falling off her chair. She knew her mouth was hanging open, and Gillian was clearly very aware of her reaction, smirking even as she continued to sing. As the bridge finished she returned to stand in front of her, her legs bracketing Caroline’s knees as she swayed her hips.

“ Women not girls, they rule my world, I said, “They rule my world”,” she carried on, her fingers going to the button of her jeans which she pinged open before dragging down the zip. “ Act your age, mama (not your shoe size), not your shoe size…” She quickly spun around reaching behind her for Caroline’s hands which she offered without hesitation, finding them placed on the other woman’s hips.

“ Maybe we can do the twirl?” Gillian pressed her hands against Caroline’s, urging her to tug her jeans down as she continued to circle her hips. Caroline found herself utterly mesmerised, wanting to stand up and push her against the counter as she tore the remaining clothes from her body. She had never really been one for strippers in the past - even if they were female - but this… A private show, just for her? Well, she liked this…

She did exactly as Gillian was instructing, tugging the tight denim down her thighs. She almost giggled when the brunette staggered a little as they got to her ankles, but quickly covered it up - she doubted that she could be any more elegant, after all. 

“ Yeah, you don’t have to be rich to be my girl,” Gillian chorused, kicking the jeans away and turning around again, dancing around her the other way as she rolled her hips seductively. She grabbed the end of Caroline’s scarf and gently unfurled it from her neck, walking around her body before whipping it away and throwing it to the floor. “ You don’t have to be cool, to rule my world…”

“Gillian…” Caroline groaned, reaching for her again with what she was sure was a kind of desperate hunger in her eyes. Every thought of what she had been due to do in the next few hours had gone entirely out of her head, and all she could think about was getting the farmer exactly where she wanted her. Gillian smirked as she straddled her legs again, her bottom half clad only in a pair of skin tight black shorts. 

“ I just want your extra time and your…” In the momentary pause in the lyric Gillian gripped the hem on her tanktop between her fingers and ripped it off, revealing that she hadn’t been wearing a bra… “ Kiss!”  She threw the top to the side before quickly grabbing Caroline’s face, kissing her passionately as she pressed her chest against her own. The blonde wrapped her arms around her, cupping her rear as she pulled her closer.

A few seconds later the song drew to a close, and Gillian pulled back, looking incredibly smug. “There you go, did that cheer you up?” she hummed, and Caroline nodded, her eyes glazed as heat rose on her cheeks. “Good, mission accomplished, then.” On her last word Gillian made to get up, and Caroline grabbed her hips, looking at her incredulously.

“Where are you going?!” she demanded, and Gillian shrugged, a teasing expression crossing her features. 

“Well, certain headmistresses said that they’re too busy for any fun, so…” Gillian murmured, and then giggled as Caroline let out a savage growl. With a strength she didn’t know she possessed, Caroline forced her to stand and then backed her against the kitchen table, nudging her until she was perching on the edge.

“That was before you… did that…” Caroline shot back, gesturing towards the little device which was now mercifully silent. “And now, you have to deal with the consequences.” She knelt down in front of her, and in one fluid motion she hooked the other woman’s underwear with her thumbs and dragged it down her thighs, flicking it off her ankle as she nudged her legs apart. 

“Liked that, did you?” Gillian breathed, looking down at her with a smug expression, and Caroline raised her eyebrows at her.

“I’ll say,” she hummed, and started to kiss her way up her inner thigh. “You can do that again.”

“With pleasure,” Gillian agreed, shuffling a little so that Caroline could get better access. “I’ve got a load more songs, how about…” Her words were lost in a moan, her head falling backwards as Caroline buried her face between her legs. 

A while later, both of them having finally managed the stairs - which were now littered with Caroline’s clothes - the blonde pulled her girlfriend a little closer to her and pressed a kiss into her hair.

“Thank you,” she whispered, tightening her arms around her. “You always know how to make me feel better.”

“S’because I love you,” Gillian said sleepily, a contented hum leaving her as she snuggled closer. “Lots and lots.”

“I love you, too, lots and lots,” Caroline said quietly in reply, smiling softly as a little snore echoed from the smaller woman. She meant every word, too. 

<3

Chapter Text

“Why did we come here again?” Gillian whispered in Caroline’s ear, her hair tickling the blonde’s cheek as she did so. Caroline looked at her in amusement, although she couldn’t deny that she was starting to wonder that herself. The pair of them had managed to avoid Judith for months now - when news of her and Gillian’s relationship had reached her, the phone calls, emails and begging love letters that had been arriving with startling regularity had finally stopped. Caroline had been rather amazed - she had been very persistent, but reasoned that it was perhaps because the author had felt guilty enough about ruining one of her relationships - maybe she didn’t want to ruin another?

“She’s donating money towards the new library, remember?” Caroline muttered under her breath, taking another gulp of free champagne as she kept an eye out for their host. “You know how much we need to raise… I didn’t think that the school could afford to piss her off. And-”

“As the headteacher of the school, you can’t piss her off, either,” Gillian intoned, rolling her eyes as she sighed. “I know. I just hate things like this, is all…”

Caroline couldn’t help but agree. Judith’s latest book launch was a swanky affair, set in the large country house that belonged to her editor, and as nice as the house was it couldn’t make up for the bunch of snobs that made up the assembled party. There was no one that they recognised apart from the author herself, who was lurching from one pocket of guests to the next, drunkenly trying to charm them as she did so. It didn’t seem to be going too well - people seemed to be starting to actively avoid her, which Caroline reasoned was probably due to her increasing intoxication. She would have bet a large amount of money that the bottle in her hand did not contain water, after all. 

“I know you do, not much longer though, I promise,” she muttered out of the corner of her mouth, shooting a sickly smile at Judith’s PA who had raised her hand in greeting. She felt incredibly sorry for the poor woman - she looked even more brow beaten than the last time that she had seen her, and it was obvious that working for Judith was taking its toll. “And I’ll thank you properly when we get home… you can be sure of that.” She dropped her eyes once again, something that she hadn't been able to stop over the course of the evening. Gillian had worn a closely fitting wrap dress, the material clinging to her breasts and waist in a way that few of her clothes did, her strong calves on display and shown off to their best advantage given that she was also wearing heels.

“Well, I do hope so,” Gillian hummed, tipping her a cheeky wink as she raked her own eyes appreciatively down her body. Caroline flushed, recalling just how difficult it had been to drag her girlfriend out of the house that evening. Gillian had appeared downstairs and they had both looked at each other, their eyes darkening with lust as they took in each other’s appearances. She had even managed to give her a rather firm snog against the front door, her hand creeping up her dress, but they had been interrupted by the insistent beeping of a horn. Judith had sent a limo for them, and it was only that, really, that had gotten them out of the door. 

“Are you really wearing those heels?” Caroline whispered to her, looking down appreciatively at her feet. “Those are the ones from when we were planning the wedding at the hotel, aren’t they?”

“Yeah, my only pair,” Gillian giggled, sticking her foot out in front of her and turning it from side to side. “Why… do you like them?”

“Like them?” Caroline narrowed her eyes at her, turning so that she was facing towards the wall and no one would be able to read her lips. “You have no idea how much I wanted to shove you against the wall of that hotel that day… you were driving me mad. And you’re driving me mad now,” she whispered, her breath tickling the other woman’s ear. She wasn’t usually so brazen in public but it was true, and she was counting the minutes until they could make a respectful exit. 

Gillian gulped, her cheeks flushing a little as she met her eyes. “You… liked me, even then?” she asked in a whisper, and Caroline nodded with a little smirk. 

“It wasn’t the right time to do anything about it, but I’ve always thought that you are incredibly attractive… and I’d never seen you in a pair of heels before.” She moved her hand to rest on her hip, feeling the heat of her skin through the thin cotton. “The fact that you’re mine to do with what I want now… it only makes it worse. I know what I’m missing now… I know what’s underneath those clothes.” Her voice was almost a purr, making the most of the weakness that she knew Gillian had for her voice. 

“Caz…” Gillian choked out weakly, her grasp tightening on the flute of the champagne. “You’re not being fair…”

“I know,” Caroline agreed, and turned back to the party as she rested against the wall. “I’ll stop.” She took an innocent sip of her champagne as she scanned the room, checking that no one was giving them any shocked glances - happily, it seemed that they were in the clear. Gillian stared at her, her mouth hanging open a little as her eyes glazed over.

“Close your mouth, or you’ll catch flies,” Caroline teased, winking at her with a little smirk before she stood up, brushing her fingers through her hair. “Shall we get some more champagne?”

“Uh… yeah,” Gillian stuttered, giving herself a little shake. “Yeah… champagne…” Caroline couldn’t help giggling, pleased to have been the one to so thoroughly distract her girlfriend rather than it being the other way round. Gillian was so cheeky that she could often have her flushing in the most awkward of situations, so it was rather wonderful to see the crimson blush that had crept up her cheeks.

As they made their way over towards the refreshments table, Caroline leading the way through the swathes of people, they had almost reached their destination when Judith tottered into their path.

“Caroline, darling,” she simpered, and almost tripped over her own feet as she grabbed her shoulders, pressing a lipsticked kiss to both of her cheeks. Caroline fought the urge to scrub her hands down her cheeks, pasting a smile on her face as the author smiled drunkenly at her. “It’s so nice to see you come to my little party… I don’t know anyone, you know. Bunch of twats…” She obviously thought she was whispering, but the affronted glances from people standing around them should have told her that she was being far louder than she believed. 

“Hello, Judith,” Caroline trilled, raising her glass as she glanced around the party. “Thank you for inviting us, very kind of you.” She reached behind her and took Gillian’s hand, tugging her to her side so that it was obvious that they had come together. She didn’t want the other woman to get any kind of ideas about her being single or unaccompanied - she knew that Judith had very few boundaries when it came to throwing herself at people, and she didn’t want to be caught up in that at all. 

“You’re the only people I even know,” Judith said again, turning her glazed eyes to Gillian. “Oh… you’re not wearing flannel today? I always think that's a very le… le... lesbi wotsit thing to do…”

“Lesbian?” Gillian asked with a raise of her eyebrow, tucking her arm into Caroline’s and drawing her close. “I’m bi, actually, Judith. And anyone can wear flannel, not just farmer’s and lesbians.”

“That police officer who came to the school on her day off was wearing flannel the other day,” Caroline supplied helpfully, recalling the rather formidable blonde who had come to bring them some leaflets about local support services for domestic abuse and youth crime. “So Gillian is right.”

“Eh, but she is married to the vicar up in Heptonstall,” Gillian replied, furrowing her brow as she considered the statement again. “So that doesn’t really wash.”

“Why are you talking about flannel?” Judith demanded, rolling her eyes so dramatically that they almost went back in her head. “Honestly, this is meant to be a party! Why is no one having fun? There should be dancing!”

“I don’t know if it’s really a dancing kind of thing, Judith,” Caroline said cautiously, hoping that this wasn’t going to descend into a farce. She felt a little sorry for her - since she had broken up with John she had been on her own, and it was evident that her alcoholism had not gotten any better. She would need to be careful - some suits that Caroline assumed were from her publisher were already glaring at her, and she could see why - it wouldn’t do to have it come out that one of the most celebrated children’s authors of their time was actually off her face 90% of the time. 

“Oh, don't be boring,” Judith slurred, throwing her arm around the blonde's shoulders as she leant conspiratorially towards her, alcohol seeping out of every pore. “I bet you're a wonderful dancer, Caroline… you'll be all… sexy, and sensual, and…” She winked lasciviously, and as Caroline gently tried to extricate her from her grasp she couldn't help glaring at Gillian who was snorting with laughter, her face buried in her champagne.

“As much as I appreciate the compliment, there is no way I'm going to be doing any dancing tonight,” Caroline said sternly, resolute even though Judith's face had fallen comically. 

“Will take a good few more drinks before you get to that point, eh, Caz?” Gillian giggled, nudging her as her eyes sparkled with merriment. “Mind you, a few more glasses and you might just get her doing the YMCA. Or the macarena…” Caroline almost growled at her as she wiggled her eyebrows, flushing as she remembered the last time she had done exactly that after a child free evening dancing around the house with her girlfriend. It had culminated in an incredibly drunken shag halfway up the stairs, and she had had to deal with bruised knees for the whole of the following week.

“I LOVE the macarena!” Judith almost yelled, flinging her arms above her head, grinning madly at Gillian as she wiggled her hips. “Come on, Gillian, you’ll do it with me, won’t you?! Bet you can be all… sexy… too…”

Caroline snorted as Gillian darted behind her, amused by the fact that her girlfriend was quite happy to throw her under the bus when it came to the author’s misguided attention but couldn’t seem to hack it when it was directed at her. “I just wanted to say, Judith, thank you so much for the donation for the library - they are starting the build on it in a few weeks and we would never have made up the money if it hadn’t been for you. You’ve been very generous.”

“Oh, anything for you, darling,” Judith grinned drunkenly, lowering her arms and looping them around Caroline’s neck, much to her annoyance. “I can think of a few little, ickle ways that you might be able to pay me back.” She pouted her lips and leant towards her, Caroline’s eyes widening as she tried to back away.

“Now, this, I’m not going to allow,” Gillian interjected quickly, sticking her arm between them and raising her eyebrows at the other woman. “Caz is my girlfriend, Judith - whilst I might not mind her having a dance with you - not that now is the time - I’m not going to let you snog her. It’s only me who gets to do that.” She turned to shoot a cheeky wink at the blonde, and Caroline grinned right back at her, carefully peeling Judith’s fingers from around her neck.

“But… sharing is caring,” Judith mumbled, looking incredibly disappointed as she was pushed gently away. “And she was mine first, Gillian… you basically stole her from me.”

“You can’t steal something from someone if they never had it in the first place,” Caroline said sternly, finding Gillian’s hand and grasping it firmly in the hope that the other woman might get the message. “And what’s more-”

“Judith, there you are,” hissed a man who suddenly appeared at the author’s side. He was smaller even than Gillian, wore an elaborate purple suit with a pink cravat, and he was bright red with anger. “What have you been doing?! There are people waiting to talk to you, people who you need to impress!”

“Oh, but that’s BORING,” Judith moaned, raking her hands down her face. “And I am impressing people… I… I’ve been impressing Caroline and Gillian, haven’t I?” She gave them both a beseeching look, and Caroline offered her a calm smile in return.

“Yes, your new book is very impressive,” she nodded as Gillian stifled another laugh at her side. “And this is a lovely party, thank you for the invite.” She looked around the room again - it had seemed to fill with even more stiff looking strangers, none of them looking in the least bit interested in Judith. She suspected that these things were more of a chance for the people who had worked on or around the book to have a bit of a knees up, rather than an opportunity to celebrate her achievement, and for a few moments she felt sorry for her. 

“It would be a lovely party if the star of the show wasn’t off her face ,” he snapped, and grabbed her firmly by the wrist before starting to drag her away. “Come on, you’re meant to be signing autographs in the drawing room!”

“Whyyyyy….” Judith moaned as she was dragged away, both women watching her go and trying not to laugh. As soon as she was out of sight they couldn’t help it any more, bursting into giggles and clinging onto each other for dear life.

“Don’t… you can’t, my pelvic floor isn’t what it was,” Caroline wheezed, tears of mirth running down her face. There was just something so comical about nearly every interaction with Judith - she was like a walking caricature of a person, even if she did feel a little sorry for her sometimes. 

“There’s nothing wrong with your pelvic floor,” Gillian chuckled, gradually regaining control of herself as she brushed her own tears from her eyes. “Come on, goldilocks, let’s go get you some refreshment.” She grinned at her and started to tow her through the crowd, the number of people now crammed into the room rather oppressive now. 

After snatching a couple more glasses of champagne the pair of them loitered by the table, sipping them slowly as Gillian whispered what were surely wildly inaccurate observations about the other guests to keep her amused. She had just informed her that one particular woman who was wearing what looked to be a dead fox draped over her shoulder was obviously a mistress of the hunt when the little man returned, a huge, fake grin split across his face. 

“Friends of Judith, I presume?” he said with a sickly smile, looking between them with narrowed eyes. He was an odd kind of man - on the surface he seemed pleasant, but there was something behind his eyes that made Caroline think of a snake waiting to strike. He reminded her, oddly, of Michael bloody Dobson, who had tried to make things difficult back at Sulgrave Heath. She had put him in his place, and she didn’t intend to take any shit from this man if he were to start to dole it out. 

“Sort of,” Gillian nodded back, grimacing a little as she looked sideways at Caroline. “We’ve known her for quite a while, yes.”

“Brilliant, that’s what I like to hear,” he continued, taking another step closer. “You see… we need someone to come and give a bit of a speech about her. She’s hardly capable of giving one herself at the moment, and having someone of your… calibre…” He ignored Gillian and looked Caroline up and down in the kind of way that one might eye a heifer, ready for the slaughter. “It might just turn the tide.”

“Oh…” Caroline blanched, her eyes widening as she cottoned on to what he was asking. “I hardly know her, I’m hardly best placed to be the one who… who stands up in front of all these people, and-”

“Nonsense,” he snapped, his hand flying out and gripping her arm hard as an angry glint appeared in his eyes. “I am afraid you have no choice. If you don't do this and make a good impression, then I will ensure that the bill for that limo you arrived in courtesy of Lady Muck will be winging its way in your direction. And you won't be leaving here until it's paid. And what’s more, you won’t be getting that money for the library. Oh, I know all about that… Get it?” With one last sickly smile he was gone, and the pair of them exchanged a slightly panicked glance. 

“What the hell am I meant to say about Judith?” Caroline hissed out of the side of her mouth. “All I know about her is that she writes, she’s drunk and vulnerable, and she wrecked my marriage!”

“John did a pretty good job of that by himself, didn’t he?” Gillian frowned, and Caroline slapped her lightly on the arm,

“That’s not the point!” Caroline snapped, looking around them frantically. They really were in a bit of a bind - the house was a long way off the beaten track, and whilst she could probably have afforded the limo without too many issues it didn’t seem fair that they had been landed in this position. The library, too… that was another story. “Quick, we need to find somewhere to hide!”

“Hide?” Gillian snorted, looking at her incredulously. “What are you, twelve? We’ll just tell him to fuck off and leave us alone, and then we’ll be on our way!” She shrugged, looking entirely unbothered. “Or, you know… just do the speech. What harm will it do?”

“Gillian, I am well on my way to being more tipsy than I have been in a very long time, the press are here, and if I get up there and give a speech then there will be photos!” Caroline hissed back, waving her empty flute of champagne for some kind of emphasis. “And then I probably won’t just lose the donation, I’ll lose my job!”

Gillian fixed her with a long, searching look before her eyes finally narrowed in determination. “Right… follow me. I’ll sort it.” She snatched Caroline’s hand and dragged her around the edge of the room, avoiding the middle when Judith was once again being berated by the tiny man. “Honestly, it’s no wonder she drinks if she has to put up with him all the time,” she murmured, and Caroline nodded in agreement. Whilst she knew that Judith’s behaviour was far from ideal, she was still very talented and had made a lot of children very happy with her writing. It seemed unfair that she was being treated in such a way. 

“What are we doing?” Caroline hissed, surprised when they rounded a corner into a deserted passageway. “Gillian!”

“Look…” The farmer held up her finger, smiling at her a little drunkenly as she swayed slightly on the spot. “You… you’ve got a reputation to uphold. I’ve got nothing… nobody knows me. You… you just need to wait here, alright?” She reached behind her and fumbled to open a door. “I accidently went in here earlier when I was looking for the loo. No one will suspect - it’s the wine cellar, and they have enough booze up there to sink a ship so I doubt they’re going to be needing any more. Just… hide in here. For a minute.”

“Whilst you do what?” Caroline murmured cautiously, widening her eyes at her. 

“Me?” Gillian grinned at her as she reached through the doorway and snapped on the light. “I’m gonna give the speech, aren’t I? Best if you stay in here… if the press are here taking photos, you aren’t going to want to be photographed with me. And I’ll come back for you after and we can hide in here for a bit, and then we can go home.”

Caroline stared at her for a moment, slightly incredulous at the plan. It seemed ridiculous that they had ended up even thinking of doing something like this, but she supposed that it might just work and get them out of a sticky situation. “Right, well, you better be quick then,” she whispered, a shocked gasp leaving her lips as Gillian lunged forward and kissed her, her mouth tasting like the champagne that they had consumed earlier. She walked her backwards until she was just inside the door, finally pulling away and tapping her on the nose.

“Don’t drink all the wine without me, gorgeous,” she hummed, and then promptly shut the door on her. Caroline stared at the closed door for a few moments, a little disbelieving about what had just occurred. She knew that they should never have come to this party - she could have sent Judith a thank you note, or allowed her to come to the school and give her a giant cheque or some such nonsense. She didn’t need this drama…

Letting out a frustrated sigh, she turned around and started to pick her way down the stairs. It was well lit which was an incredibly good thing, given that she felt a little dizzy because of all the champagne. She hadn’t even really drunk that much, but she found that the bubbles always went to her head and she couldn’t stop it from spinning.

The wine cellar itself was impressive… It reminded her of the rest of the building, fairly old fashioned but well appointed with a sumptuously soft carpet and a couple of oversized, well stuffed wingback chairs set around a small table. The wall of wine was immense, and she spent a few moments perusing the different vintages. There were wines here that she could only dream of sampling, some of them being worth hundreds of pounds, and given her current state of inebriation it felt best to back away and sit on one of the chairs. She didn’t want to be responsible for breaking anything…

As she settled down onto one of the chairs, her mind turned to her girlfriend upstairs. The low hum of voices that she had heard died down, and she knew that Gillian would be attempting to give some kind of speech. She didn’t even want to hesitate a guess as to what it might be like - Gillian was tipsy, prone to swearing and thought Judith was a vacuous idiot who didn’t know her arse from her elbow. How she was going to give a celebratory speech for her, she didn’t know… but oh, how she loved her for relieving her of that particular duty. 

After settling in the chair, crossing her legs neatly and folding her hands in her lap, she felt herself relaxing into the plush softness of the cushions, her eyes starting to fall shut. It had been a long, tiring week at the school, not helped with the many calls that she had to make to the contractors for the library and the huge array of problems that they had highlighted that just had to be solved before construction would start. That, and she had not wanted to come tonight. It was part of the reason that she imagined Gillian had dressed up so nicely - she wanted it to be easier for her. 

A short while later there came the sound of the door opening upstairs, and Caroline jolted back into full wakefulness as the brunette bounded down the stairs. “Gillian? How did it go?”

“They f-f-f-bloody loved me,” Gillian crowed, clapping her hands together and darting across the room to throw herself in her lap. “Made up a load of shit about the books and how much kiddies love them, and how she’s so original, blah blah blah…” She wiggled her head from side to side, rolling her eyes back in mockery of what she had just said. “But we’re safe, I reckon. Old purple knickers up there looked pleased - I think. Still, reckon we’d best give it a few minutes, anyway.”

“Alright, then,” Caroline nodded, resting her head back on the seat once again as she offered her a thankful smile. “I do love you, you know. Even if your elbow is digging into my ribs…” She winced exaggeratedly in pain, earning herself a giggle from the smaller woman.

“Yeah, well, lucky I love you too,” Gillian hummed, and gently cupped her hand over her cheek and kissed her deeply, her tongue flicking against her bottom lip. Suddenly Caroline became aware once again of how she had been feeling before Judith and the awful man crashed into their evening, and the lust that was still simmering just below the surface as she got another tantalising glimpse of Gillian’s legs. 

They spent the next few minutes kissing, long and languid in the still of the cellar as their hands roamed over the top of their clothes. It was long overdue, their touches more chaste than usual due to their location, but thrilling nonetheless.

“What do you say we try and go home now?” Gillian panted when she finally pulled away, a beautiful flush creeping up her cheeks as she started into Caroline’s eyes. Her own desire was more than cleer in that moment, and Caroline knew that they would both struggle to keep their hands to themselves in the long limo ride home. They really shouldn’t have come… they could have been enjoying themselves all evening, rather than stuck in the back of a moving car trying not to be too indecent. 

“I think that sounds like an excellent plan,” Caroline hummed, and allowed the other woman to slide off her lap and tug her to a standing position. They both worked on straightening their clothes - she had rather thoroughly explored the brunette’s bra in particular, leaving nothing to the imagination at all. “You have no idea what I’m going to do to you when we get home, do you?” She turned her voice into a purr, remembering again just what an impact it could have on her girlfriend, and Gillian didn’t disappoint - she blushed furiously and pulled her a little more quickly to the stairs, both of them giggling as they started to ascend. Music had started to come from above them now - it seemed like Judith had probably gotten her way. Still, as the author who they were ostensibly all there to celebrate, it seemed logical that she should get things at least a little bit her own way. 

“You are one hell of a tease, Doctor,” Gillian hummed as they reached the top. “And you have no idea what-” She paused, her hand on the handle of the door as she pushed it down once, and then again and again.

“What’s the matter?” Caroline asked, worry immediately flooding through her when Gillian still failed to be able to open the door. She barged her shoulder against it with a grunt as she looked on, trying again and again to get it free, but it wasn’t forthcoming. “Shit, are we trapped?!”

“Looks that way,” Gillian muttered, throwing herself at it again. “It’s not just stuck - I think it’s locked…” She turned to glance at Caroline, and in silent agreement they both started to hammer at the door, yelling for help. Caroline didn’t care what excuse they would need to come up with to justify why they had been in the cellar, she just wanted to get out… The music pounded from above them, drowning them out, and after a minute or so of desperate pounding they gave up, Gillian slumping against the door as Caroline buried her face in her hands.

“What are we going to do now?” she mumbled, pressing the heels of her hands against her eyes .”I haven’t even got my phone on me, it’s in my coat…”

“Yeah, that dress hasn’t exactly got pockets, has it…” Gillian was obviously trying to lighten the situation, and Caroline rolled her eyes at her playfully. It was true - the formal work style dress that she had worn left no room for such things, fitted closely to her form courtesy of the cut and the zip that ran all the way from the nape of her neck down to the hem. “I haven’t got mine, either… I don’t think I even brought it.”

“Mmm, you were too busy trying to pull down the zip of my dress when we left to remember,” Caroline reminded her with a raise of her eyebrow. She huffed out a sigh, glancing at the door once again. “What are we going to do now, though? It’s still early, you know what Judith is like - it will be hours before it all dies down.”

“Guess we’ll have to wait it out a little,” Gillian suggested, shrugging her shoulders wryly. “I suppose we could be in worse places… at least we have plenty of supplies to keep us going.” She smirked at her and then trotted back down the stairs, Caroline following her warily. 

“Do you mean… drinking some of this wine?” Caroline hissed, feeling a little scandalised. As much as she would like a glass of some of the lovely bottles that were lined up along the wall she couldn’t help thinking that they could not be so bold as to steal some. “Gillian, we can’t! It’s not ours!”

“I know,” Gillian shrugged, flashing her a grin over her shoulder as she began to peruse the bottles. “You know whose it is, though?” She pointed up at a picture on the wall that depicted that man in the horrible purple suit shaking hands with someone who appeared to be a purveyor of wine, his expression of smugness almost painful. 

Caroline blinked at the photo, feeling a stir of annoyance inside her. If it hadn’t been for him and his stupid demands then they wouldn’t be in this situation right now, and the pair of them would be well on the way home - and well on the way to getting their rocks off, too. A childfree night was something to be treasured, and she had been dreaming of having the farmer every which way nearly all day. It was incredibly disappointing to be stuck in here instead. 

With that thought, her decision was made. Setting her shoulders, she walked purposefully over to the rack and picked up one particular bottle that had attracted her attention earlier. “Right, then, better make it count,” she hummed, and started to look around for some way to open it. “Although how we’re going to get it out of here is another issue…”

“Ah ha!” Gillian crowed, and darted across the room to a large ceremonial sword that was hanging on the wall. She reached up and gently lifted it down, turning to her girlfriend with a grin. “Problem solved!”

Caroline was staring at her open mouthed. “You must be joking!” she shot back incredulously, eying the gleaming blade with trepidation. “You can’t use that to open wine!”

“You can!” Gillian retorted, letting it drip to her side and drag behind her as she made her way back to her. “I saw it in a movie one time, and-”

“You saw it in a movie one time?!” Caroline echoed, shaking her head at her in disbelief. “Gillian, I-”

“Just let me try it, Caz, please?” Gillian’s eyes went wide and she stuck out her bottom lip in what she clearly thought was a pleading gesture. “Look, how about I try it with one of the cheaper ones, just in case it goes wrong?”

“I’m more worried about you getting hurt, or me, for that matter!” Caroline insisted, her eyes going once again to the keenness of the blade. “It doesn’t look very safe…”

“Trust me, I’m a farmer,” Gillian hummed, winking at her before moving over to the rack once again. “Come on, then… choose me a cheap wine.”

With a long suffering sigh Caroline went to her side, slowly scanning all of the different options. She would allow her to try… it probably wasn’t the wisest decision, but the confidence with which Gillian was suffused with was infectious. And at least, then, she might be able to try some nice wine… 

“Here,” she said after a few moments, plucking a relatively inexpensive red wine and handing it to her girlfriend. “You go over where you aren’t going to cover me with it, though - this dress was expensive.”

“Wouldn’t want to ruin it,” Gillian agreed, raking her eyes down her body once more as she pulled the bottle from her hands. “It would be verging on a crime, that, never wearing it again.”

“Best you be careful, then,” Caroline warned, watching apprehensively as the other woman made her way into a bare corner of the cellar. “I mean it, Gillian - we can’t exactly call for help if we need it.”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head, Doc,” Gillian smirked, setting her feet shoulder width apart. “This… I think it’s called sabbrage, or something… Saw it on Horrible Histories when I was watching with our Calamity.” She held the bottle out in front of her with a grin, excitement flashing in her eyes as she raised the sword. 

“You watch Horrible Histories without Calamity,” Caroline reminded her with a chuckle, always amused at Gillian’s love of history - as well as having an encyclopaedic knowledge of film and TV that would rival most people. 

“Quality program, that,” Gillian murmured, and in a blink of an eye she had raised the sword, bringing it down sharply on the neck of the bottle. There was a clink of glass and a thunk, followed by a gush of liquid that hit the floor as Gillian let out a cry of triumph. “I did it! Shit, I didn’t think that would actually work…”

“You didn’t?!” Caroline gaped at her as the smaller woman grinned back, her eyes dancing with delight. “Bloody hell, Gillian, I-”

“Oh, shush,” Gillian giggled, passing her the open bottle and then taking the more expensive bottle from her hand. “Now, let’s see…”

It wasn’t long until she had opened that one, too, and Caroline had managed to find them two large glasses to pour it into - clearly their host liked to do tasting down here at least, although why there wasn’t a corkscrew was anyone’s guess. She couldn’t imagine him wielding the sword in the same way that Gillian had been able to… Now she had seen how capable she was at handling it, she couldn’t deny the flicker of attraction that came as a result of seeing her muscles flexing under the tight fabric of her dress as she wielded it. 

The first bottle went down far too easily, both of them giggling light naughty school girls as they gulped it from their glasses. Occasionally one or the other of them staggered up the stairs and tried the door again, banging on it half heartedly as music continued to pound from above. It sounded like there was some kind of club in residence above them, and Caroline hated to think what it was like up there. Judith had probably passed out somewhere or was making a fool of herself, and she couldn’t help wondering how wise it was to have these parties at all, if her publishers were so worried about the image that she would portray. 

They had sunk almost all of the second bottle, both of them swaying drunkenly on their chairs, when Caroline huffed out a sigh. “As nice as this wine has been… I did have other ideas for tonight,” she mumbled, brushing a nonexistent wisp of hair out of her eyes. “Might have known that the first night Flora wouldn’t be at home this week is the night we get trapped in a cellar.”

“Mmm, I was quite looking forward to making you scream,” Gillian said thoughtfully, offering her a little smirk. “Although getting you off with my hand clapped over your mouth has its charms, I have to say.”

“That reminds me, we’ll have to replace that pillow,” Caroline giggled, thinking back to a couple of nights ago when she had been doing her best to drive the farmer to distraction, resulting in a rather savage bite of one of their pillows which had left a hole. “Still don’t know what you were doing to actually puncture it… Impressive.”

“That’s not what you said at the time,” Gillian reminded her, and Caroline flushed, remembering how she had sworn. It wasn’t her fault - the pillow had been rather expensive, although knowing that she had driven her girlfriend to that level of reaction was rather thrilling. “And it wasn’t me, it was you - you weren’t stopping!”

“You weren’t complaining,” Caroline laughed, her eyes dropping down to Gillian’s lips as she recalled exactly what she had been up to. “I do hope we get out of here soon…”

“Well, if we don’t…” Gillian stood up, swaying a little drunkenly as she plucked Caroline’s wine glass out of her hand. “We can always make our own fun here…” She dropped onto Caroline’s lap, wrapping her arms around her neck and draping her legs over the side of the chair. Instinctively Caroline snaked an arm around her waist, her other hand resting on her thigh.

“We can’t shag in a cellar, Gillian,” Caroline said sternly, but the weight behind her words lessened a little when she hiccoughed. “I don’t want anyone to come down here and find us naked and… at it…”

“Who said anything about naked?” Gillian hummed, wiggling her eyebrows at her teasingly. “I bet I could have you moaning fully clothed… Would be a challenge.”

“Gillian…” Caroline groaned, feeling her resolve weakening. Her girlfriend really was too tempting… It was the pattern of their relationship that she would always seek to put in a boundary, and Gillian would sneak under or over it, or even side step it completely to get what she wanted. Whilst she usually pretended to be exasperated she secretly loved it, and knew that she was becoming a more relaxed and laid back person as a result - something that she sorely needed. 

“You started all this,” Gillian reminded her in a low, seductive voice, leaning closer and starting to press hot little kisses over her cheek, and Caroline tilted her head to give her better access to her neck. When the brunette found the little spot just under her ear that she knew drove her crazy she knew that she was done for, and all resolve went out of the window completely. “Is that a yes…?”

“Yes…” Caroline breathed, and with that Gillian captured her mouth with hers once again, her tongue immediately diving into her mouth. She tasted this time of the deep red wine that they had shared, almost spicy in its intensity, and she couldn’t help the long moan that left her in response. Gillian’s clever fingers found their way into her bra, and Caroline couldn’t help her own hands wandering too.

It wasn’t long until Gillian had slipped off her lap, kneeling in front of her as she crept her hands up her skirt. “You won’t be needing these…” she whispered, sliding her underwear down her thighs before flicking them off her ankle. “Although probably shouldn’t leave them lying around… hold these, dear.” She pushed them down Caroline’s cleavage, earning herself an indignant huff from the blonde before she got to work between her legs. 

She had meant what she said about getting her to scream.

“You’re such a fucking tease…” she panted, sweat beading on her forehead as she slumped weakly against the chair. Gillian crawled up her body until she was straddling her, looking incredibly pleased with herself after driving her girlfriend over the edge of not one but two spectacular orgasms, the potential for getting caught only adding to the thrill.

“Yeah?” Gillian murmured, capturing her hand and gently guiding it between her thighs. “I might say the same about you…” Caroline smirked up at her as she carefully pushed aside the damp cotton of her underwear, relishing the look of desire in her girlfriend’s eyes as she set her fingers to work.

It wasn’t until much later, Gillian curled up in her lap and snuffling into her neck as she slept that Caroline startled awake to the sound of a key in the lock. “Gillian!” she hissed, still slurring her words as she gave the other woman a little shake. “Gillian, someone is here!”

“Wha?” Gillian pulled her head up, dragging her arm over her mouth as she shuffled in her lap, accidentally elbowing her in the stomach as she did so. “Someone? Here?”

“CHRIST!” A huge overhead light flickered on as both of them jumped, the sudden intrusion into their eyes being incredibly painful. When Caroline eventually focused, the first thing she saw was the bright red angry face of the man in the purple suit. “What the hell do you two think you’re doing down here?!”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing trapping the two of us down here?” Caroline gave back straight away, shooing Gillian off her lap and hoping that he wouldn’t notice the large damp patch on the front of her skirt. She held the smaller woman steady as she pushed her feet back into her heels, fixing him with an angry glare. “You’ll be lucky if we don’t sue!”

“Yeah, for… for… emotional distress,” Gillian nodded, although the smirk that was threatening her lips gave another message entirely. “We’ll be on our way now, thank you kindly.” She tipped an imaginary hat to him, and Caroline flushed as she saw him look to the empty bottles of wine, the discarded sword and the two glasses smudged with lipstick. She was sure that she looked a state too - her hair was surely all over the place and her lipstick smudged across her mouth as a result of the brunette’s enthusiastic attention. Gillian was just as bad - there was a large love bite on her neck, and her lips were swollen too. 

“My… my… my wine!” he said incredulously, eyes widening as he took in which bottle they had consumed. 

“A small price to pay for our imprisonment,” Caroline said haughtily, taking Gillian’s hand and tugging her to her side. Music was still thumping from above, so it was clear that the party was still in full swing and they would be able to go and find their way home. “Good night. And try to be more careful, next time.”

“Oh, hang on,” Gillian mumbled, suddenly dropping to her knees and snatching something off the floor. She held out a silky scrap of fabric towards the blonde, the man’s eyes widening even further as he realised what it was. “Don’t forget these, darling.” 

Caroline glared at her, embarrassment flooding her cheeks despite her inebriated state. “Yes, thank you,” she said tightly, whipping them away and clenching them in her fist. “Come along, now.”

They walked past the man, Caroline holding her head as high as they could as he stared at them. It wasn’t until they were mostly out of the house, avoiding a load of people who were clearly a lot more worse for wear now, that they burst into laughter.

“Did you see his face?” Gillian wheezed, holding her side as she laughed. “I… I thought he was going to implode!”

“He still might,” Caroline giggled, finally finding their limo and opening the door. “Now, get in. I haven’t forgotten about these…” She waved her underwear at her and Gilian gulped, clearly knowing that there would be some kind of consequence for her action.

“What… what are you going to do?” she breathed as they settled themselves into the limo, the driver giving them a wave of greeting before starting the engine. Caroline looked at her, a slow, naughty smile sliding onto her face as she reached to raise the privacy screen.

“Oh, I believe I can think of something,” she purred, leaning over to kiss her as she worked her hand up her thigh. “You better be quiet, though. Or these knickers will be in your mouth.” 

“Shit…” Gillain mumbled as Caroline started to tug off her underwear. “Oh shit…”

“Oh shit, indeed,” Caroline said in a low voice, grinning against her lips as she pressed her body into hers. “Now, shush, darling…”

“Shit…”

<3

Chapter Text

“So, here's to Celia!” Alan raised a glass of champagne aloft and smiled at the assembled party, having just given a short and sweet speech on the occasion of the anniversary.

“To Celia!” the assembled guests intoned, a moment of silence as they all took a sip of their drinks. Caroline shot a little smile at Gillian as they did, the farmer's hand having just found its way onto her knee to give her a little squeeze. It was not long until their anniversary, and only reminded her that she needed to decide how best to celebrate the occasion. It certainly wouldn't be like this… Whilst she understood her mother's penchant for large celebrations where she could be the centre of attention, it was the very furthest thing away from what she and Gillian would enjoy. If she could have gotten away with not coming today then she would have, only the threat of her mother's screeching and guilt tripping giving her the resolve she needed to attend. 

The pub that they had chosen to celebrate their anniversary had a function room attached, and it was here that all the guests were congregating to enjoy the buffet and drinks that Celia had spent a fortune on procuring, insisting that things must be ‘done right’ or not at all. It was some consolation that the pub had a large garden and a huge play area, meaning that Caroline wasn’t having to entertain Flora as much as usual as she was off playing with Calamity. She had a birds eye view from where she was sitting, the doors of the room thrown open and letting in a nice breeze, so she told herself that it could be worse.

“Which one is it that we’re meant to be hiding from?” Gillian leant closer and spoke in a whisper, looking around the assembled guests. “Just so I know…”

“We’re not hiding from anyone,” Caroline gave back firmly, shooting her girlfriend a pointed look. “I don’t care what my mother says, I’m done hiding, and if Muriel says anything then I honestly don’t give a shit - she will just have to deal with it.” She meant it, too. It was one of the reasons that she hadn’t wanted to come to the party - her mother had called her several times begging her not to make it obvious to Muriel - Celia’s sister - that not only was she a lesbian now but also ‘shacked up’ with the woman who had been introduced to her before as her stepsister. Caroline had been utterly furious - Muriel had seen her with Kate, after all, and it wasn’t as if she had spent more than five minutes with Gillian either. Indeed, the old woman seemed to be starting to lose her marbles, so she probably wouldn’t remember anyway. 

“Muriel is the one who we had that meal with before the wedding, isn’t she?” Gillian continued, still searching the room with an anxious little look on her face. Caroline looked at her again, reaching to take her hand before bringing it to her lips. After brushing her mouth tenderly over her knuckles she smiled reassuringly at her.

“Yes, that’s her.” Gillian found her in the crowd and quickly tried to tug her hand away, but Caroline held her firm. After getting off the phone with her mother when she had originally asked she had thought it was all ridiculous, and told the brunette just what she thought of her ridiculous request. Gillian, however, had seemed to take it to heart. Celia’s barbed comments were so often directed at her, and whilst Caroline always did her best to mediate between them and stop her girlfriend feeling such shame and guilt over her varied and baseless accusations, she knew that they had an impact on her. “Gillian, I mean it… I’m proud to be with you, and I’m not going to hide it. My mother can suck it if she thinks that I’ve got to this age and I’m going to sneak around with my girlfriend like some kind of teenager.”

“I just don’t want to make things awkward for anyone… or uncomfortable,” Gillian muttered, dropping her eyes as she started to fiddle with the hem of the tablecloth. “She’s been going on about it for weeks, you know how bothered she is about it. And if Muriel kicks off or makes some kind of comment you know that we won’t hear the end of it, and it’s me that will get the blame.”

“Muriel won’t kick off, and if Mum says anything at all then she’ll have me to deal with,” Caroline said darkly, her eyes going to the elderly woman who was currently glaring at Harry. She had grown no less tolerant of Alan’s friendship with the old man, and had actively tried to dissuade him from coming today. She had, however, tried to invite a range of people such as the local MP, a journalist from the Courier and a representative of the local radio station - all of whom had declined, much to her chagrin. She had wailed at her down the phone about that, too.

“Don’t look now, but she’s coming over,” Gillian muttered out of the corner of her mouth, and Caroline looked up to see her aunt making her way across to her with a sickly smile pasted across her features. It wasn’t that she didn’t like her - she didn’t really know her, and her view of her had been coloured for many years but her mother’s opinions. She hadn’t really been able to have much of a relationship with her as Celia had avoided her wherever she could. 

“It will be fine,” Caroline whispered, giving her hand a little shake, but as she drew closer the brunette seemed to lose her nerve.

“What’s that, Flora?” she called, looking out of the doors and towards the playpark as she stood up, Caroline gaping at her as she tugged her hand free and started walking outside. “I’m coming, don’t worry!”

“Gillian Greenwood, get back here right now!” Caroline growled, but if anything her girlfriend just sped up, almost running towards the climbing frame where Flora and Calamity were doing monkey impersonations complete with associated noises. She glared in her direction, annoyed that she had abandoned her to face her Aunt alone. 

“Caroline!” Muriel carolled, coming to sit next to her in Flora’s empty seat and drawing her in for a hug, planting a powdery kiss on each cheek. Caroline quickly pasted a smile on her face, hoping that she hadn’t just seen the murderous glances that she was throwing her way. “It’s so lovely to see you, my dear, and on such a lovely occasion, too.” She gestured across at Celia and Alan, the former of which was watching them with her beady eyes, her mouth puckered into a frown.

“Yes, it is that,” Caroline hummed, narrowing her eyes at her mother before returning her gaze to her aunt. “How have you been doing, Muriel?”

“Oh, you know, so so,” Muriel nodded with a little smile, turning her attention back to look at Celia and Alan. “It’s obvious the training worked out, then? They look very happy.” They both watched as Alan carefully poured the elderly woman another glass of champagne, although she batted him away when foam started to bubble out of the top.

“I wouldn’t say training is quite the right word,” Caroline chuckled wryly, watching the way that Alan rolled his eyes and returned to talking to Harry, Celia immediately looking affronted at no longer being the centre of his attention. “I think they’re pretty evenly matched. He gives as good as he gets, you know. Most of the time.”

“Ooh, I bet Celia doesn’t like that,” Muriel whispered conspiratorially, and although it was obvious that she was trying to dig the dirt Caroline couldn’t help laughing. It was true - her mother’s games did not always work any more and she knew that it was a source of frustration for her. 

“They’re happy, and that’s what matters,” Caroline deflected, and snuck a glance over at the girls and Gillian, who were chasing each other around the park with loud whoops. Gillian was acting just as much of a child as they were, and despite her annoyance at being left to have an awkward conversation on her own she couldn’t help the surge of love she felt for her in that moment. 

“So… how about you then?” Muriel asked, turning her wide, watery eyes on her, and Caroline pressed her lips together in anticipation of an interrogation. “How have you been getting on, you know, with the…” She looked around, as if to check that no one could overhear. “With the grief …”

Caroline froze for a moment. It wasn’t a question that anyone really asked her any more… It had been years since Kate died, and it had seemed that once the obligatory firsts were over - first birthday, first christmas, first anniversary, and the rest - people seemed to stop asking. It hadn’t meant that anything had gotten any easier - far from it, at times, and it was often only Gillian who had managed to help her through. The farmer had consistently checked in on her on each and every occasion, just in case, and it hadn’t been something that had stopped one their relationship had changed. Gillian was incredibly unselfish when it came to such things, wanting her to remember her wife and celebrate her in whatever way she chose. They had talked about it once, and Gillian had simply said that Kate was a part of Caroline, and part of her story, and she couldn’t bring herself to be jealous. Caroline had thought it rather remarkable.  

“Well… it… it never goes away,” she said honestly, touched when Muriel gently took her hand and squeezed it in her own. “I think it’s more that you learn to live with it, after a while. I still have my moments, but they are fewer and further between. And I’m so lucky to have Flora, to remember her.” 

Both women turned to look outside this time, watching Flora scrambling up the cargo net that was attached to the climbing frame and jumping up and down with joy when she reached the top. “She is a corker, your Flora,” Muriel agreed, shooting her another little smile. “I should have liked a little distraction, when it was Frank,” she carried on, her eyes going a little vacant as she thought back. “Of course, I had the children, and the grandchildren… they were a great support. But it is hard to put into words that profound sense of loss you feel, isn’t it? The loss of that one person who made you feel… whole.” Her eyes gleamed, and for the first time Caroline really felt like she understood her. Her mother had painted her as attention seeking and desperate, but this was not what she was seeing right now. Instead, she was seeing a lonely elderly lady who had suffered a great loss, and should have been granted a little more sympathy - at least from their side of the family.

“You’re right…” Caroline nodded, remembering how wonderful those months with Kate had been. She had wished desperately that it was more, of course, but that was the feeling that she had given her. The feeling that part of her that had been missing was suddenly found, and she understood herself in a whole new way. When she had been taken from her, it was like that piece had been snatched away again, along with another huge chunk that she had thought would never be replaced. Again, it was Gillian who proved her wrong. Gillian, who had worked to slowly build her back up from the lost, devastated woman who lost her brand new wife and suddenly had to raise a tiny baby. And Gillian who had proved to her once again that she was both capable of love, infinite, deep, passionate love, and deserving of it in return.

“I didn’t really get a chance to know Kate, but it seemed like she was that person for you,” Muriel observed carefully, watching her expression. “And I get the sense that she… please don’t take this the wrong way, Caroline, but she was more able to do that for you than John ever was.”

“You’re right there,” Caroline chuckled, rolling her eyes at the memory of her hapless ex-husband. “But I think he was what I needed at the time, at least for a spell. We did have some happy years, and I have my boys.”

“You do,” Muriel nodded, looking briefly across to where William was in deep conversation with Raff whilst Lawrence mucked about with Angus. “And very lovely boys too, I must say. They are a credit to you, Caroline.”

“Thank you,” Caroline said quietly, smiling at the two of them. They both had their moments but she was proud of them. “Have you been coping alright, anyway? No…. later in life love hidden up somewhere?” She gestured towards her mother, who was currently insistently poking Alan in the back as he tried to explain something to Harry. 

“Oh, I should be so lucky,” Muriel laughed, shaking her head, although she flushed pink at the same time. “I do have a gentleman friend who takes me to the bingo every now and then. And sometimes we go to that new fangled place… you know. Spoons, I think the youngsters call it?”

“Oh, yes,” Caroline grimaced. Gillian hadn’t stopped laughing for a full five minutes when she had eventually confessed that she had never even stepped into one of the discount pubs, and had been trying to get her to go ever since. “Still, that’s nice, isn’t it? A bit of companionship?”

“It is,” Muriel agreed, and looked both ways before leaning in again. “I did have to tell him though, no… funny business… if you know what I mean.” She flushed a little deeper, and Caroline’s smile froze once again, hoping that they weren’t going to have that conversation. Grief she could discuss, but her elderly aunt’s sex life was firmly off the table. 

“Yes, I know what you mean,” Caroline nodded awkwardly, raising her glass to her lips to take a sip of wine. “Anyway…”

“How about you, then?” Muriel carried on, raising her eyebrows at her with a question in her eyes. “You’re still young, and very attractive, Caroline… you must be fighting them off.”

Caroline almost choked on her drink at the idea. “Well, not exactly,” she replied, racking her brain for another topic of conversation. “So-”

“Oh, don’t be coy,” Muriel giggled girlishly, a rather odd sound given her age. “Come on Caroline, you can tell me… You’re glowing! You must have someone…” She raised her eyebrows at her, and Caroline felt herself slowly starting to go red. “Male or female, it doesn’t matter…”

It was the reassurance that she needed to carry on - whilst she had told her mother and Gillian that she didn’t want to hide their relationship, she hadn’t wanted Muriel to have some kind of stroke if she were to realise that she was with yet another woman. She was beginning to feel that she had misjudged her. “Well… there might be someone,” Caroline ventured with a little smile, and without really meaning to her gaze turned to outside once again. Gillian was laying on the grass, propped up on her elbows as the girls took flying leaps over her in what looked to be some approximation of long jump. 

“And that someone is very special, are they not?” Muriel questioned, and Caroline nodded, her smile growing wider. The truth of the matter was that Gillian had not just put her back together the same as she was before… She still had the scars that were born of her past, but now they were a strength rather than a weakness, and Caroline had never felt so sure in herself, so happy and content as she had over the course of her relationship. Apart they were two separate people, but together, they were far greater than the sum of their parts. As a scientist it was something that she couldn’t explain, but it was true. Gillian had made her better, and shown her that life was for living once again. And oh, how she loved her for it, as well as every other part of her. 

“Very, very special,” she hummed, still watching her girlfriend with an affectionate smile that she knew was bordering on soppy. As she continued to stare, there came a yell from outside as Calamity tripped and landed on the farmer, who quickly wrapped her arms around her and started to tickle her. Shrieks and yells echoed in from the garden as they all rolled around in a tangle of limbs and laughter, so loud that party guests started to turn and look. 

“What on earth is going on out there?” Muriel asked incredulously, her eyes widening as she took in the scene. “Who is that out there with Flora?”

“Well, unfortunately, that is the love of my life,” Caroline murmured, shooting the other woman a happy smile. “It’s been nice talking to you, Muriel, will you excuse me?”  The older woman nodded in stunned agreement as she pushed back from the table, standing and making her way outside. 

“Having fun, are we?” she asked, chuckling as three pairs of eyes met hers, clearly wondering if they were able to get in trouble. “We could hear you from all the way inside.”

“Sorry Mummy!” Flora grinned, and grabbed Calamity’s hand before tugging her back to the climbing frame, both of them immediately throwing themselves back on the cargo net.

“Sorry, Caz,” Gillian grimaced as her girlfriend reached down towards her, taking her hand and allowing herself to be pulled up to a standing position. “We were just having fun, and-”

“I know,” Caroline hummed, and reached up to cradle her face gently between her hands before kissing her, her lips moving in slow, sensual strokes as she tried to communicate the depth of feeling that she held for her. “I love you, Gillian Greenwood.”

Gillian blinked at her, looking more than a little stunned. “Where’s that come from?” she asked as Caroline gently stroked her thumbs down her cheeks. “I… I thought you’d come out here to tell me off, or-”

“I’m not going to tell you off, or anything like that,” Caroline reiterated softly, offering her a loving smile. “I just wanted to tell you that.”

“Oh, alright then,” Gillian said slowly, still looking incredibly confused. Caroline drew her into a hug, treasuring the fact that she got to call this woman hers. As she did so she caught sight of Muriel standing in the doorway, but whilst she might have expected to see a shocked or scandalised look on her face, all she did was give her a thumbs up and an exaggerated wink before turning back to go inside. 

“I think we’ve got Muriel’s stamp of approval,” Caroline chuckled, brushing her lips across Gillian’s crown before pulling back a little. 

“That will put that cat amongst the pigeons,” Gillian hummed, looking up at her with a little smile. “Your Mum is going to have a fit.”

“I really couldn’t care less,” Caroline replied, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. “Now… what do you say we have some fun?” She kicked off her heels, her stockinged feet meeting the grass as she grinned at her. “You’re it,” she said challengingly, and gently tapped her on the shoulder before turning to dart away.

“WHAT?!” Gillian called after her incredulously, and at that moment the girls came down the slide and started to follow her, giggling wildly as they ran. They had clearly cottoned on to her game and wanted her to join in, and Caroline found herself giggling like a schoolgirl as her girlfriend gave chase. She really was done caring what anyone else thought… The one person whose opinion she truly cared about was Gillian, and she knew that she had her back. She was wonderful, complicated and brilliant, all rolled into one, and she couldn’t be happier. 

<3

Chapter Text

Caroline had needed to stifle the snort of laughter that threatened to escape her when Gillian had unwrapped her Christmas present from Raff and Ellie… The farmer had stared down at the little box with a look of utter confusion, squinting down at it for a few moments before looking up at her son and shrugging. It turned out that he had purchased her an Alexa, which he had dutifully set up in the kitchen for her whilst the farmer muttered various complaints about it being a waste of a plug socket, cluttering up the kitchen and not knowing what it was for anyway…

The next few weeks had been full of hilarity as she had tried to get to grips with it, the farmer all too often forgetting the name or Alexa misunderstanding her requests. Caroline had even caught her attempting to go at it with a screwdriver, convinced that it had been malfunctioning in some way, and had spent a little while convincing her that it was most definitely user error rather than anything else. She had demonstrated that point when she had asked the assistant to play a radio channel, and it dutifully granted her wish straight away. Gillian had pouted for the whole afternoon after that, and it had taken a lot of wheedling and lots of well timed kisses to bring her back out of it.

Still, since William had been over and hooked it up to his Spotify account - underused now he spent the majority of his time working - Gillian had been obsessed with the fact that she could ask for literally any song and it would play it immediately. So far, Caroline had been serenaded with a bizarre mix of Abba, U2, Annie Lennox and La Roux, and never quite knew what she would walk into next. She couldn’t deny that she had enjoyed the time that she had come back inside from handing Flora over to Greg and been given a playful, impromptu striptease by the brunette for her benefit to the tune of Kiss by Prince… She hadn’t been able to listen to that song since without it triggering an array of filthy memories as well as a sudden desire to scrub the kitchen table…

As she slid out of the Jag, gathering her handbag and shopping together before slamming the door shut, she could already hear music blasting out from the lounge window, and she couldn’t help grinning at the thought of what she might find inside the door today. She usually acted a little exasperated at her antics, but the sight of the farmer shimmying her hips and singing at the top of her lungs was a rather wonderful one. Gillian had a lovely voice, and she envied the way that she was so confident to sing even in front of other people. Caroline liked to sing too, but she didn’t dare, even mouthing the words to the nursery rhymes that she played for Flora. Her mother had been so scathing when she had tried when she was younger that she had soon learned not to bother. 

“Hello!” she called when she walked through the door, dropping her bags next to the pile of shoes that she was forever scooping up and trying to put back into some kind of order - it never lasted for long. Whatever song she was listening to drew to a close, the next one starting immediately, and Caroline smiled as there was a clatter from the kitchen. “Gillian?”

There was no answer, and she rounded the doorway into the kitchen and leant against the wall as she smiled at her girlfriend. Gillian was holding a wooden spoon and singing into it as she strutted around the kitchen, the strains of Boogie Shoes echoing through the little speaker. As she danced Caroline couldn’t help running an appraising eye over her body, appreciating the way the other woman could move her lithe body… 

“ I want to put on my, my, my, my, my boogie shoes,” Gillian sang, and as she spun around again she caught sight of Caroline, still lounging in the doorway. “You’re home! I didn’t hear you!” she exclaimed happily, her hips still wiggling as she danced along to the music. “You gonna come and dance with me?”

“I’m fine,” Caroline chuckled, shaking her head at her. All in all she much preferred to watch, but Gillian didn’t seem to want to take no for an answer. She shimmied over to her, beaming as she reached for her hand. “Come on, don’t leave a girl hanging,” she encouraged her, and Caroline sighed as she rolled her eyes.

“Fine, but I’m starving,” she grumbled good naturedly as Gillian pulled her into her arms, kissing her quickly before lifting her arm and spinning her around. “You’re going to make me dizzy!”

“That’s the point!” Gillian laughed, towing her into the middle of the kitchen as if it were a dance floor. “ I want to put on my, my, my, my, my boogie shoes, just to boogie with you, yeah,” she sung into Caroline’s face, and she couldn’t help giggling when the farmer’s hands went to her hips and encouraged her to wiggle them in time to the music. “Come on, sing!”

“I said I’d dance, not that I’d sing!” Caroline protested, but when Gillian spun her around again she couldn't help losing herself a little in the music. The other woman’s joy was infectious, and she found herself grinning as she sang along to the last few lines. The song gradually faded, and she pressed a quick kiss to the other woman’s forehead before she stepped away. “Very good,” she laughed, smoothing down her blouse and skirt which had become a little ruffled with their exuberance. 

As she made to go and retrieve her bag the music changed, the familiar strains of something or other by Roxette blasting out of the tiny speaker. She smiled as she looked back at the brunette, remembering when they had danced to the very same song back at Hebden Women’s Disco. It had been a wonderful night, and she hadn’t had eyes for anyone but Gillian as they had danced drunkenly around each other on the dance floor. It hadn’t been long after that night that they had eventually confessed their feelings for each other, and she hadn’t looked back since.

“Oh, come on, you can’t go now!” Gillian complained, pulling her back towards her and wrapping her arms around her waist. “ Walking like a man, hitting like a hammer, she’s a juvenile scam, never was a quitter,” she sang, her eyes sparkling, and Caroline couldn’t help but join in.

“ Tasty like a raindrop, she’s got the look!” she finished, and squealed as Gillian spun them in a quick circle, letting her head drop backwards as she laughed. 

“That’s it, you’re getting it,” Gillian encouraged her over the blasting music. “Take it in turns, come on… Heavenly bound, ‘cause heaven’s got a number when she’s spinning me around…”

“ Kissin’ is a colour, her lovin’ is a wild dog, she’s got the look…” Caroline picked up the tune, surprised at just how well she was able to sing. She had made it her mission never to do so before, and certainly had never done so in front of Gillian. 

“ She’s got the look,” Gillian carried on, nodding happily as she gestured at her to carry on.

“ She’s got the look,” Caroline obliged, both of them giggling as they wrapped their arms around each other and swayed their hips against each other in time with the song. 

“ She’s got the look, what in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue?” Caroline sang, and Gillian caught her hand as she looked up into her eyes for the next lyrics.

“ When everything I’ll ever do, I’ll do for you,” she carried on, her expression utterly sincere, and then she stood on her tiptoes to kiss her. It was far from the chaste peck that she had received when she had gotten home - this was deeper and more passionate, and Caroline knew that she had really meant the words that she had just sung to her. It was wonderful, and exactly how she felt too. She would give Gillian the world if she could, never wanting her to be unhappy or lonely again. 

Even as she continued to kiss her, her tongue flicking against her lip in a lovely tease, her hips were still swaying and Caroline couldn’t help edging her fingers up to rest on the waistband of her jeans, lightly stroking her soft skin. With one final nip of her lip, the farmer pulled away, spinning in her arms and pulling them around her waist as she shimmied against her. 

“ Fire in the ices, naked to the T-bone is a lover’s disguise, bangin’ on the head drum, shakin’ like a mad bull, she’s got the look,” they sang together, Caroline resting her chin on the smaller woman’s shoulder as they harmonised beautifully. As they carried on she couldn’t help thinking that it represented how things had gone between them since they got together - despite their differences and the fact that, on paper, they really shouldn’t have worked, they complimented each other perfectly. She had never been happier, and Gillian brought out a happy, playful side of her that she had almost forgotten existed. It had been beaten down by so many things - her mother, John and his affair, and even Kate - they had had so little time to spend together before tragedy struck that she had hardly been able to settle before it was all cruelly whipped away. Gillian, however… even when she had first known her and they had been little more than casual acquaintances she had brought out a fun side of her. Now, so many years on, it was wonderful to be living that every day, and she knew that she was a better woman, a better mother, and a better lover for it. She wouldn’t change it for the world.

When the familiar pause in the song came, both of them turning to look at each other and clasping their hands, Caroline found that she was grinning stupidly, so utterly in love and in the moment that her heart was singing in her chest.

“ Na-na-na-na na, na-na-na-na na,” they sang together, Gillian beaming right back at her as they wiggled their hips. “Na-na-na-na-na-na na-na, she’s got the look!” 

It wasn’t much longer before the song ended, each of them falling into the other’s arms with breathless giggles. “I do love you,” Caroline hummed, and Gillian giggled as she peppered kisses all over her face. “You’re bonkers, but I love you.”

“You like me this way,” Gillian gave back, and Caroline swept her into her arms and spun her around quickly - not something that she was prone to do, but she was so happy that she couldn’t help herself.

“I love you that way,” Caroline agreed, and leaned down to kiss her once again. 

“EWWWWW!” An amused voice broke into their reverie, and the two women turned to see Flora, her hands on her hips and looking so like her mother in her mannerisms that both of them burst out laughing. “What are you doing?!”

“We’re dancing, chicken,” Caroline explained with a grin, extending her hand to her daughter. “Want to join in?”

The little girl looked between them suspiciously, clearly wary that she had interrupted something else. Whilst they had managed not to be caught in any truly depraved situations by her, she had walked in on them very almost removing clothes more than once, and was understandably cautious.

“You can choose the song?” Gillian offered, holding out her hand too, and that was all it took for Flora to nod and run over to them, a grin spreading over her little face. Gillian scooped her into her arms - she was a little old for that kind of treatment now but loved it all the same.

“Alexa, play sticky stick!” Flora screeched, and both women groaned in time with each other.

“Anything but this,” Caroline groaned, and Gillian and Flora laughed as they started spinning her around.

“Oh, I dunno, it’s quite techno,” Gillian exclaimed, trying to avoid Flora’s flailing arms as she bounced along with it. “Come on, Caz, live a little! Reclaim your youth!”

With one final sigh and a roll of her eyes, Caroline joined them. The truth was, she was living a little… she was living a lot, actually. A wonderful, magical life, one that she had hardly ever dreamed could be hers.

<3

Chapter Text

Gillian sighed as the digital clock next to her bed ticked over to 1am, and reached for her pillow to flip it over to the cool side before punching it savagely. Sleep had been illusive tonight, and knowing that every minute that went by was another closer to when she would have to get up only made it worse. As she turned over again her fingers brushed the pillow on the other side of the bed, a familiar lightly floral scent wafting up from the crisp cotton.

Caroline.

It was the first night that they had spent apart since the blonde had moved in a few months previously, and Gillian had been counting down to it in her head with a mounting feeling of trepidation. She hadn't voiced anything to her girlfriend - she knew that Caroline was anxious enough about the three days in question, and had no desire to put any more stress on her than she needed to. It was understandable why she was apprehensive too - she had been asked to be the keynote speaker at a conference down in London. It wasn’t something that Gillian would want to do, but she would have gone with her for moral support if she hadn’t had the farm and Flora to look after. Still, she missed the blonde dreadfully, and realised now just how much she had grown to rely on her presence to ensure that she got a good night of sleep.

Just as she was about to give up and go and get a drink the screen on her phone lit up with a text message, and she pulled it towards her with a little frown. Who would be texting her at this time she didn’t know - she had said goodnight to Caroline hours ago. Still, it seemed that it was not just her who had been struggling to sleep, as it was her name that appeared when she opened it up.

C: Are you still awake?

Gillian smiled softly, and quickly tapped out a reply. It was definitely a punt on Caroline’s behalf - she was usually well into the land of nod by this time, unless it was one of the nights that she didn’t have to get up so early to do her chores and she and Caroline were otherwise engaged. Caroline usually would too, although she was a little more of a night owl than she was and liked to stay up reading sometimes. 

G: Very. Can’t sleep?

C: Not in the slightest. Can I call?

Gillian answered in the form of ringing her herself, dragging the duvet more tightly around herself as the call connected. “Thought you had an early morning?” she greeted her, and was met by a low groan from the other end of the phone. 

“I do… I have to be at the conference centre by eight, which means up at six, and… bloody hell,” the blonde moaned, and Gillian grimaced in sympathy. 

“What are you still doing awake, then?” she asked teasingly, not being able to fathom what might be keeping her awake. Caroline usually slept like the dead, and it was all she could do sometimes to wake her. 

There was a short silence on the other end of the phone, followed by a muffled sigh. “The bed feels too big,” Caroline eventually explained, sounding a little embarrassed. “And there’s no one for me to stick my cold feet on.”

“I packed you those socks so it wouldn’t matter,” Gillian reminded her with a little chuckle. It was something that Caroline always did, and whilst she pretended to be annoyed by it she secretly loved it, and had missed her being there to do just that when she had gotten into bed later. 

“I know, but it’s not the same,” Caroline murmured, and then sighed again down the phone. “I miss you. That’s what I’m trying to say.”

“Yeah?” Gillian felt a smile spreading across her face as she turned over, reaching for her girlfriend’s pillow. The familiar scent wafted up once again, and she knew that if she shut her eyes then it would almost be like she was there. “Well, I miss you too. It doesn’t feel the same without you here.”

There was another beat of quiet before Caroline sighed again. “What if I’m terrible at this, Gillian? What if I get up there and… I don’t know… I freeze? Or everyone thinks, oh, who is this ridiculous woman from Yorkshire who thinks she knows everything?”

The idea was so ludicrous that Gillian almost laughed, but she held herself back because she knew that, to Caroline, these were real worries. It made her feel incredibly sad that after all this time Caroline still didn't know how amazing she was, and took very little credit for the amazing job that she had done in turning around a school that was earmarked for closure by the local authority if it didn’t improve. “They aren’t going to think that, not at all,” she soothed, wishing that she was there to give her a hug. “And you’re the most capable woman I know, Caroline, they wouldn’t dare.”

“There are going to be some quite important people there, though,” Caroline replied, her voice wobbling a little. “Some of the people who I used to know from Sulgrave, actually.”

“Is that part of the issue?” Gillian replied shrewdly, knowing that Caroline had left her previous school under a bit of a cloud. It had been nothing to do with her capability - she had instead been a victim of bigotry and prejudice which had been massively unfair. If she had been her partner at the time then she didn’t think that she would have been able to stop herself from storming in and giving them what for, although Caroline would probably have killed her for doing so. She couldn’t fail to recognise the difference having someone like Caroline around when she was struggling with her own education would have had on her, and couldn’t understand why anyone would want to push her aside. Caroline was a different woman from the one that had run Sulgrave, and whilst she would always say that she had changed for the better, it was clear that she had lost a lot of confidence. 

“No…” Caroline said unconvincingly, but a long sigh followed her words. “Maybe, yes. I’m not ashamed of moving to Crow Wood, it was the right thing for me and I’ve never been happier in my job, that’s the truth, but…”

“You worry that they are going to make snotty, snidey comments and generally be arseholes?” Gillian supplied, and wished that she had somehow managed to sort out cover for the farm so that she could be there to help her deal with it.

“Yeah… that sounds about right,” Caroline hummed, her voice smaller than usual. “I know I can stand up for myself, it’s not that, I just…” Her words faded away, and if Gillian was not mistaken her girlfriend was tearing up at the other end of the line. “I just…”

“Caroline, let me stop you right there,” Gillian interjected, having a suspicion about what was really going on. “If you’re worried that they’re just going to remember you as that lesbian headteacher who had it off with one of her teachers, then you’re stupider than that sheep I caught with its head stuck in the fence last week,” she insisted, knowing that Caroline would know the exact sheep in question. It had been even more ridiculous because it was upside down with its legs in the air, as if it had been sunbathing just as it got its head stuck in barbed wire. “If they can’t deal with you being gay, then they can shit off. And if they want to complain, give them my bloody phone number and I’ll tear them a new one.”

A weak giggle sounded down the phone. “I’d like to see you try…”

“I would try, and it would be worth it,” Gillian retorted hotly, feeling a surge of anger that anyone could ever make Caroline feel anything less than the amazing woman that she was. “But I won’t need to, cause you know what?”

“What?”

“You’re going to smash it. And if anyone looks at them the wrong way, you just give them that snotty bitch stare that you’ve got hidden away in there, and they’ll bugger off with their tails between their legs,” Gillian carried on, her voice growing in force. “Always works on me.”

“Gillian, that look usually has you trying to tear my clothes off, not running away,” the blonde giggled, and Gillian smirked in response.

“Well, can’t help it if I’m swayed by a powerful woman,” Gillian sighed exaggeratedly, earning herself another chuckle. “I’m serious though, Caz. Don’t let them intimidate you. You’re worth a hundred of them. A million.”

There was a sniff at the other end of the phone. “What did I ever do to deserve you?” Caroline asked wonderingly, her voice a little thick. 

“You gave it your best snotty bitch, and I came running,” Gillian said solemnly, gratified to hear a quiet giggle. “And I’m only telling you what you already know. You may not be able to muck out a sheep pen properly to save your life, but you can sort out a school. You know that.”

“I made a bloody good job of Baa-la’s stall, I’ll have you know!” Caroline retorted hotly, and Gillian rolled her eyes. It had been a source of playful contention between them for the last few weeks, and the truth was she hadn’t made too bad a job of it, but it definitely wasn’t her forte. 

“Keep telling yourself that, princess,” Gillian teased, and Caroline growled back at her. “And if you keep growling at me then I’m going to have to come down to London and sort you out, aren’t I? So keep that in mind.”

“Maybe I’d want you to,” Caroline retorted playfully, and Gillian sensed a slight shift in the conversation. “There are quite a few reasons I miss having you in my bed, after all.”

“Oh yeah? And some of those might be…” Gillian teased, already feeling a little coil of desire making its way around her body. 

“Just general entertainment, really. Veiled insults, witty retorts,” Caroline replied airily, and Gillian hissed playfully down the phone.

“Is that all?” she hummed, raising her eyebrows as she smirked. “Well, there’s quite a few reasons that I miss having you in my bed… Want me to elaborate?”

“Yes…” Caroline’s voice was full of something else now - something that sounded a lot more like desire. “I am alone, after all… in this big bed in this big room, it would be a shame to waste it.”

“Yes, I do believe it would,” Gillian chuckled darkly, and then turned over, determined to make it worthwhile. “And I do hope that in that big bed in that big room, you aren’t wearing anything under that big duvet?”

There was a slight rustling from the other end of the phone. “So what if I’m not?” Caroline murmured, and Gillian shut her eyes, just being able to picture her. It was a rather distracting idea… 

And so proceeded several glorious minutes, where Gillian described in vivid, graphic detail all the ways that she would show Caroline that she was wonderful if she was with her in that particular hotel room, and how she would make sure that she was entirely satisfied. Of course, hearing just how much Caroline enjoyed her suggestions led to a little role reversal, and it wasn’t long until Gillian was panting, the duvet thrown to one side as sweat beaded on her brow, her limbs feeling like lead as a result of their exploits.

“Do you feel a little better now?” she asked Caroline lazily, and got a sleepy moan in return down the phone. “Just remember… you’re gonna smash it. And if anyone gives you any trouble, you just tell them that your girlfriend has a shotgun, and she knows how to use it.”

“Is that wise?” Caroline mumbled, and Gillian growled warningly in return. 

“Whatever. And if you need me, any time, just ring me. Alright?” she implored her, and Caroline gave another sleepy mumble of assent. “Now, go to sleep. Ring me in the morning, if you’re not too shagged out.”

“I’ll give you shagged out, Greenwood,” Caroline muttered, and Gillian chuckled again in response. “Thanks, Gillian… I love you. Speak tomorrow.”

“Love you too, LC.”

“LC?” Caroline sounded incredibly confused, and Gillian couldn’t help grinning.

“Lynda Carter. First wonder woman,” she explained with a little giggle. “That’s you.”

“Oh, you silly pillock,” Caroline chuckled affectionately. “Go to sleep.”

“You go to sleep,” Gillian retorted playfully, but then softened. “I mean it. You’ll be incredible, and I’m so proud of you.” She meant it, too. She still couldn’t quite fathom what she had done to have deserved Caroline, but whatever it was she was incredibly grateful.

“I’m better with you,” Caroline hummed, followed by a sleepy sight. “Night night.”

“Night night,” Gillian whispered, and there was a low click as the other woman hung up the phone. A little smile crept across the farmer’s face, and she hugged her phone to her for a second in place of her girlfriend. Caroline was right - they really were better together, and she intended to stay at her side for as long as she was allowed. Forever, if she’d have her. It was a long time, but it was all she would ever want. Her very own snotty bitch - for life.

<3

Chapter Text

“Auntie Gillian, where's Mummy?” Flora chirped, tilting her head curiously at the brunette as she stuck her fork into another fish finger. Gillian smiled at her fondly, and then looked down at her phone as a little flicker of anxiety burst to life in her chest. 

“I'm sure she won't be long, lady,” she murmured, shooting her a little smile as she watched the little girl taking her time over her dinner. “I'd hurry up with that as well, you know she doesn't approve of fish fingers. Our little secret, eh?”

“Our little secret,” Flora intoned with a solemn nod, for a moment looking so like her mother that it was almost comical. Gillian took an exaggerated look over her shoulder with a gasp, pretending that she saw her girlfriend coming through the door, and Flora giggled before starting to eat faster. Gillian had grown to love these times with her, especially because they had formed a kind of secret snacks club that Caroline knew nothing about. The advantage of her having lived at the farm for so long was that she knew all the little hidey holes that Caroline didn't, and as such had stashed away a whole manner of sweets, chocolate and strangely shaped crisps that the blonde didn't hold with. 

As she smiled at Flora once again, the anxiety about Caroline's whereabouts slowly tightened into a painful knot in her stomach. She hadn't heard from her since just after lunch when she had text to say that one of her meetings had been cancelled, and she was hoping to get home early. Instead she was now over an hour late, something that she never did without letting her know. As a sick feeling rose up inside her she resolved that if she was not back in another half an hour she would go and look for her - several calls had already gone to voicemail along with a slew of unanswered texts. It wasn't like her, not at all. 

With Flora still polishing off the remains of her dinner, she pressed a quick kiss to her curls and then went to stand in front of the fire, quickly dialling a number as she started to pace back and forwards.

“Hello? Gillian?” Her father’s surprised voice echoed down the phone, Gillian already starting to chew on her fingernails. “You alright, love?”

“Yeah… yeah fine, Dad, thanks,” she said quickly, hoping that she had just forgotten something that Caroline had said that she was going to visit them after work. She did that occasionally, but usually when she had been picking Flora up or because she needed to take something to her mother. She had never gone without telling her. “Listen… I don’t suppose you’ve seen Caz, have you?”

“Is that Gillian?” she heard Celia yell, and she winced, squeezing her eyes shut. She had hoped to have a quiet, discreet conversation with her father rather than involve the elderly woman, knowing that it would only lead to drama if she did. 

“Aye, it’s Gillian,” her father told his wife, and the sound of rustling at the other end of the phone let her know that she was in the process of snatching it away from him. 

“Gillian! Have you got my cast iron casserole dish?” Celia demanded, sounding so irate at Gillian almost put the phone down right there and then. She didn’t have the time or energy for Celia’s nonsense today, not with Caroline so notable by her absence. 

“No, we don’t have your casserole dish,” Gillian sighed, raking her hand through her hair. “Hello, Celia, how are you?”

“Are you sure? It's not where I left it, and I know that you only have that tatty one of Caroline’s….” The words were full of reproach, and Gillian could only thank her lucky stars that Caroline hadn’t heard her calling her Le Creuset tatty - she probably would have decked her one next time she saw her. 

“Definitely sure, Caroline’s one does us perfectly well,” Gillian replied, trying to inject some brightness into her voice. She needed to try and figure out if her girlfriend was there, or if she had been, at least, without her knowing. It was the only way they would avoid her wailing her way over from their bungalow and getting under their feet for the whole evening - Caroline definitely wouldn’t thank her for that. “So… had a good day?”

“What have you done?” Celia shot back straight away, her voice full of suspicion. “You never usually call to ask if we had a good day, what’s the matter? Do you want to borrow more money?” 

Gillian almost launched the phone across the room. She had only borrowed money once from her father since he had known Celia, and it seemed that the old woman would never forget it or fail to stop making her regret it until the day she died. “No, I was just asking,” she retorted through gritted teeth. “Look, is Dad there, please?”

“Don’t want to speak to your own stepmother, or even wait for my answer,” Celia said waspishly, a dramatic sigh echoing down the phone. “Fine. Alan? ALAN! Get your head out of the fridge, you’ll kill yourself if you keep picking in there, with your heart!”

“I was getting a bottle of water!” her father protested, and more rustling indicated that he was taking the phone back. “Sorry, love, what was that?” 

“Is she still listening?” Gillian said quietly, still not wanting her to get involved. She would only make some acerbic comment or other, or blame her, and she just couldn’t cope with it. There came the sounds of a door being shut, her father breathing a little more heavily as he walked.

“There, I’m in the bathroom now,” Alan said quietly, and here was a bang as she imagined he sat down on the toilet. “What was that you were saying about Caroline?”

“Is she with you?” Gillian asked desperately, her shoulders tensing as she waited for his reply. “It’s just… she isn’t home. And she hasn’t said anything about going anywhere, and I haven’t heard anything, so…”

“We haven’t seen her since we were over last weekend, love,” he replied, worry evident in his tone. “When was the last time you heard anything?”

“Just after lunch.” Gillian squeezed her eyes shut, trying hard not to cry. There would be some silly explanation for this, of course there would, but it didn’t stop her worrying. Caroline had told her many times before how it had been when she was waiting for Kate to come back from the shop, and how the bottom had fallen out of her world when the police had turned up. Surely lightning couldn’t strike twice?

“Sure there’s a logical explanation,” Alan reasoned, although his voice was full of concern. “Which way does she usually go home? Did she tell you she was going to stop off anywhere?”

“No, no… she usually tells me if she’s even going to be a few minutes late,” Gillian said in a small voice, dropping down on the sofa and burying her face in her hand as she anxiously tapped her feet. “After… after Kate…”

“Aye…” The way her father said the word let her know that he knew exactly what was going through her mind. “Did you want us to come over?”

“No, no…” she said quickly, still trying to choke back tears. “And keep it to yourself, will you Dad? If Celia knows then there will be hell to pay, you know there will… especially if she turns up in the next half an hour.”

“No fear,” Alan chuckled. “But if you’ve not heard anything in a couple of hours, you’ll tell us, won’t you? You know what she’s like, if it turns out we knew, we’ll both be in for the high jump.”

“Celia is the least of my concerns right now, Dad,” Gillian sighed, now wanting to get him off the phone as quickly as possible. “She usually takes the Halifax road, the one through Elland. I’ll get our Raff to take Flora and go for a look.”

“Remember you can go over t’ tops, too,” he reminded her. “Even if she wouldn’t go that way, if you don’t get on with the main road… you know where I mean? Through Barkisland?”

“I know,” Gillian nodded, standing up again and resuming pacing. “Thanks, Dad - I’ll let you know if there’s any news.”

“Alright love… ta ta,” he replied, and then there was a click as he hung up. Once he was gone Gillian took a moment to take a breath, and then pasted a bright smile on her face as she stuck her head back into the kitchen to check on Flora.

“You alright there, little miss?” she hummed with a smile, and the little girl beamed back at her as she held her plate out for inspection. 

“Finish, Auntie Gillian!” she said in a sing song voice, looking incredibly pleased with herself as she pushed it back onto the table.

“Oh, and ate it all yourself, did you?” Gillian said suspiciously, noticing a very happy looking Ruth sitting next to her, also looking far too innocent to be believable. “Ruth didn’t get a little taste?”

“She was sad!” Flora protested, folding her little arms as she pouted. “She’s missing Mummy, just like me.”

“Yes, well…” Gillian continued smiling even though her words sent another wave of fear washing over her. “Seems we’re all missing Mummy. What do you say if I get Uncle Raffy to come and see you whilst I go find where she’s got to, eh?”

“And Calamity?” Flora squealed, bouncing up and down as she clapped her hands together. “I haven’t seen her for AGES!”

“You came home from school with her, she’s barely been gone two hours,” Gillian laughed, ruffling her hair again as made her way over to the top cupboard to fetch her a treat for pudding. “I’ll ask him. In the meantime, eat this - and don’t make a mess!” She pulled out a four finger kit-kat, giving her the whole thing to herself for a change - they usually shared it amongst much giggling, but she had absolutely no appetite. 

“WOW!” Flora exclaimed, bouncing up and down in her seat as she tugged the chocolate towards her. “You’re the best!”

“And don’t feed any of it to the dog!” Gillian called as she made her way back to the living room, going to lean against the mantlepiece as she tapped Raff’s number into the phone. As the dialling tone sounded in her ear she looked up, coming face to face with the framed photo of them both that one of the movers had taken on the day that Caroline had moved into the farm. It wasn’t the best quality, and was even a little blurry, but they both looked so deliriously happy that she hadn’t been able to resist popping it in a frame. She had to be alright… there was no way that she wasn’t.

“Mum?” Raff answered, sounding a little surprised to hear from her at this time. “You alright?”

“I need you to come and watch Flora,” she said in a rush, already desperate to get going. She knew her route, she had driven it often enough with her, and she was already starting to feel twitchy to leave. “It’s Caz… she hasn’t made it home from work, and I don’t know where she is. She isn’t at Grandad’s, she isn’t answering her phone… Goes straight to voicemail.” She couldn’t keep the fear from her voice, and Raff seemed to register that she wasn’t mucking around.

“I’ll be there in ten,” he said quickly, and she heard the rattle of his keys through the line as he obviously snatched them up.

“Bring our Calamity, if she’s still up,” Gillian almost begged him, not wanting Flora to be preoccupied with worry whilst she was gone. Flora was just like her mother in the way she worried, and she was incredibly perceptive - it wouldn’t take her long to cotton on to the fact that Caroline wasn’t where she was meant to be. “Distract Flora, eh?”

“Sure. Calamity? Wanna go see Flora?!” Raff pulled his head away from the phone and shouted, and a resounding cry of assent echoed back down the line. “That’s a yes. Right, Mum… I’ll be there soon. She’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

“I hope so,” she said in a small voice, and then rang off. She really, really hoped so. She didn’t know what she would do otherwise. 

Thankfully it wasn’t long at all until her son’s headlights swung into the courtyard, and she dragged her coat off her hook as she stuffed her feet into her converse, snatching her keys as she bolted out of the door. “Raff’s here, Flora!” she called back, leaving the little girl doing the puzzle that she had set her up with in front of the fire. “Back in a bit!”

“You alright, Mum?” Raff said, grabbing her arm for a moment as she tried to hurry past him. Calamity dashed past and into the house, muffled shrieks telling her that she had found Flora. The two were the best of friends, and always incredibly happy to see each other. 

“I will be when I find her,” Gillian said anxiously, her shoulders hunched as she dragged her coat on. “She’s never done this, Raff… I’m worried.”

“I know…” he soothed, pulling her in for a quick hug and pressing a kiss on her cheek. “She’ll be fine. Nothin’ would dare get our Caz, she’d give ‘em what for, wouldn’t she?”

“Yeah…” Gillian laughed weakly, nodding her head as she gave him a quick squeeze before backing away towards the Land Rover. “I’ll ring you if I have any news, okay?”

“Okay, don’t drive like a lunatic,” he said sternly, raising his eyebrows at her. “You won’t do Caz any favours if she comes back and you’ve gone and chucked yourself in a ditch, eh?”

“Honestly, thought I was meant to be the parent,” Gillian laughed humourlessly, unlocking the Landy and throwing herself inside. Her son lifted his hand in farewell as he made his way into the farmhouse, and she quickly fired up the engine before executing a fast three point turn. Whatever was going on, something wasn’t right - she could feel it in her bones.

The road to Huddersfield, following the normal route, was uneventful. There weren’t even any roadworks that would have caused the blonde to divert off anywhere - it was clearer than it had been for a long time. As she went she tried to ring her phone over and over again, it going straight to voicemail every single time. Her texts from her remained just the same, no more being delivered even though she refreshed the chat over and over. She fought the rising surge of panic that threatened to overwhelm her, trying not to let her head run away with her over what could have happened.

As she drove, though, the voices that said that something terrible had happened grew louder and louder. The loudest of all, of course, was Eddie… His voice had been notable only by its absence in the last few months, the presence of Caroline gradually starting to push away the anxious, nervous thought that had dominated her thinking patterns for so long. The other woman had been good for her, making her feel more loved and cared for than she probably ever had before, and she had finally started believing that she meant it when she said that she loved her, and she wouldn’t just be packing up to leave at the first sight of trouble. She knew Caroline loved her - she saw it in every look, in every little gesture, in every teasing bit of banter and every gentle caress that she offered her so freely. 

But… there was always a but. Something inside her had told her that it was too good to be true, that something would happen… Something always happened. Maybe she didn’t deserve to be happy? Maybe it was too much to hope for that she might actually be able to live some kind of normal life rather than the tortured existence that she had endured for so many years, both before and after Eddie’s death?

It didn’t take long until she was pulling into the gates of the school, hoping against hope that she would see the Jag parked up in its usual spot by the front door. She had teased her girlfriend plenty of times about the fact that she had an allocated car parking space, but her heart sank to her shoes when she realised that it was empty. She pulled the Landy up to it instead, staring at the little sign - “Dr McKenzie-Dawson, Headmistress”... As she read the words she pressed her hand over her mouth as a little sob left her, ripping it’s way out of her chest. She had just buried her face in her hands when there was a knock on the window, and she flinched so badly that she managed to stall.

“Gillian?” It was Joyce, Caroline’s secretary who was peering at her anxiously through the window. “Gillian, are you alright?”

“Joyce…” Gillian gasped, quickly winding down the window and meeting the other woman’s eyes. She knew that she must look a state - tears coated her face and her hair was all over the place from where she had been running her hands through it, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. “Joyce, have you seen her? Caroline?”

“Caroline?” Joyce turned to look at her parking spot, furrowing her brow. “She left here nearly three hours ago, now, Gillian. She said that she was going to leave early so she could spend a bit more time with you and Flora.” Her face creased with worry as Gillian dropped her head on the steering wheel. “Has she not come home?”

“No,” Gillian replied dully, panic gripping her chest. “And she hasn’t text, she hasn’t called… phone goes straight to voicemail.” 

“Ah, well… I can solve that mystery,” Joyce gave back, offering her a lopsided smile, although she still looked just as worried. “She left it here. She was faffing around in that handbag of hers when she was leaving and she was rummaging about it in for something - you know what she’s like - and it must have fallen out. I found it under the desk just now when I was leaving. It’s dead. Left it in her office for the morning.”

“Right… so wherever she is, she can’t get in touch,” Gillian replied, her worry growing even further. It was a little bit of a relief to know why she hadn’t been answering, but that made her whereabouts even more worrying - wherever she was she couldn’t call for help, and that was terrifying. “I… I think I’m going to drive back over the tops, see if she’s gone that way…”

“Good idea,” Joyce nodded, reaching through the window and squeezing her arm. “She’ll be alright, Gillian, honestly… I’ve never met anyone so bloody resilient as that woman, and that’s saying something.” She smiled at her gently, and Gillian tried to allow her words to sink in. She was right - Caroline really was extraordinarily strong and capable, more so that she gave herself credit for, and she knew that she would be trying to make the best of any situation she found herself in. “And she loves you, you know… I’ve never seen her as happy as she’s been this last year.”

“I love her too,” Gillian choked out, offering her a wobbly smile. “I… I can’t think of being without her, I-”

“Then don’t,” Joyce insisted, pulling her hand away again and tugging her coat around her a little more snuggly. The temperature was dropping fast, and a cold wind was starting to gust around the car park. “Go on, get on with you. Go and look on the tops… You’ve got my number, haven’t you? Call me if I can do anything?”

“Yeah… yeah, thanks Joyce,” Gillian nodded, giving herself a little shake and starting the engine again. “I’ll let you know, one way or the other.” After giving her another little smile Joyce stepped backwards, raising her hand in farewell. 

The drive back out of Huddersfield was a little busier, but she was grateful of the slower traffic as she peered down all the side streets, hoping to catch a glint of the familiar number plate parked up somewhere. There was nothing, though, and after she left the town it wasn’t long until she was climbing the narrow track that cut over the moor. It was a quicker way to get home, but she knew that Caroline usually avoided it when she could because she didn’t want to risk coming face to face with another car. Gillian had teased her about it, in fact - she would rather drive for longer than risk her paintwork getting scratched. If she found her here now then she would never tease her again…

Night had truly fallen now, and the roads up on the tops were pitch black and difficult to navigate even to her - she had been bombing all over this bit of the world for so long that she knew it like the back of her hand, but even so there were little twists and turns and dips that took her by surprise. Everything looked different in the dark… 

When she had got almost half way home, she had just rounded a corner, peering over the steering wheel as she concentrated, when a familiar sight caught her eyes… There, parked up in a small, desolate layby, was the Jag. There had been nothing for several miles behind her, and she knew that there was nothing in front, either… so why was she here? Still, that question faded to the back of her mind as she felt a surge of hope. “There you are…” she whispered, a smile sliding onto her face as she pulled in behind her and almost threw herself out of the Landy. “Caroline?” she called, slamming the door and rushing towards the other car. “Caz?”

She ran to the window, pressing her face and hands to the glass. Only to find that it was… empty. She peered inside, frantically looking for some kind of clue. She definitely wasn’t there… She tried the door, finding it locked, before walking round to the front of the car and pressing her palms flat on the bonnet. There was a little residual warmth, but not much… It hadn’t been on for a while. 

“Caz, come on…” she muttered, taking a few steps back and clasping her hands to her face as she fought against to keep control. The lights of the Landy lit up the inside of the car, and she went to peer again at the inside… There was something on the passenger seat. Moving around to the other side, she turned on the light on her phone and shone it inside. It was the manual - it usually lived in the glove box, but it was neatly closed, and the booklet lay on the front seat. Perhaps she had broken down?

“Right… okay…” Gillian hummed, taking a deep breath. If this happened, and she had broken down… what would she do? No phone… “She’s walking,” she decided, running back to the Landy and throwing herself inside once again. “She’s trying to find help…”

After firing up the engine once again she pulled out of the layby, driving a little more slowly this time and pulling the lights on full beam in the hopes of spotting her. It was exceptionally hilly in this part of the countryside, and she knew that Caroline had left that morning in a towering pair of stilettos - completely impractical, but her preferred footwear for work when she needed to feel confident and powerful - and sexy, although Gillian was the only one who knew that little nugget of information. She had kissed her way down to that particular pair more times that she cared to count, so she knew them well. She wouldn’t get that far in those, surely?

The further she drove the more anxious she became… The road was utterly deserted. There were no houses, no other cars, no landmarks, even, that would give someone walking a clue as to how far they had to go. It was desolate, and the temperature was continuing to drop - a freeze was on the way, if she wasn’t mistaken, and that was not a good sign. She passed a couple of turnings but carried on going, knowing that the most direct road to the farm was straight ahead. She fought back the idea that someone may have come and picked her up, and done her some kind of harm…Surely that wasn’t likely?

Still… a little while later she reached the end of the road, a good four miles if it was an inch, and she ground to a halt. There had been no sign of her at all… 

“Where are you, Caroline…” she whispered, dropping her head to the steering wheel as she tried to think. It was unlikely that she had gotten this far… It was a long way from the car, and there was a phone box on the side of the road - she was sure that she would have called someone if she had made it here. Taking a deep breath, trying to give herself confidence that the worst hadn’t happened and she just had to carry on searching, she turned around and headed back the other way. There had been the turnings… although they both led pretty much nowhere, there was the possibility that she had taken a wrong turn.

After fully exploring the first one which ended up with a dead end after a couple of miles, she turned again and went to the next one. When she was on her third she was starting to lose hope, fighting the panic attack that was threatening to take her over as the blonde’s whereabouts remained a mystery. 

She had just about given up hope when she crested a dip in the road, the landy roaring in protest, and her lights picked out a familiar sight. There was a woman walking along the side of the road, a huge handbag tucked into her side, barefoot with her shoes dangling from her other hand… Caroline. 

As she drew closer her girlfriend turned round, holding her hand up to shelter her eyes as she squinted at her, and Gillian slammed on the brakes and pulled on the handbrake before scrambling to get out. 

“Gillian?” came a voice through the darkness, and Gillian couldn’t help a pained sob leaving her as she ran towards her and swept her into her arms. “Gillian…”

“Where have you been?” the farmer asked, pressing her face into her neck and inhaling her familiar scent, needing to assure herself that she was real and she wasn't just dreaming. “I’ve been looking for you… have you any idea how worried I was?”

“I knew you’d come,” Caroline murmured back, her shoes falling to the ground with a thunk as she pulled her closer, her voice full of emotion. “I knew when I didn’t come home that you’d come and find me…”

“I’ll always come and find you,” Gillian promised, pulling back a little and looking her up and down. Caroline looked rather dishevelled, her clothes rumpled and her stockings torn and ripped. Her feet looked rather worse for wear - unsurprising if she had been walking barefoot. “What happened?” 

“The Jag… I don’t know, it just lost power, and then it wouldn’t go,” Caroline explained feebly, wobbling a little where she stood. “And I couldn’t find my phone, I-”

“Joyce found it, it’s in your office,” Gillian supplied, starting to gently lead her back to the car. “I went to the school… drove the normal way. I’ve been all over…”

“I’m sorry,” Caroline gave back as Gillian helped her into the landy, wincing as her feet hit the step. “I… I didn’t know what else to do. I thought that there might be a house, or that I might be able to find help… And I think I took a wrong turn?”

“You did,” Gillian replied, settling her into the seat before running around to her side and shutting the door. She turned the heating on full, concerned at the way that Caroline was starting to shiver. “Walked about two miles out of your way, I reckon. You must be exhausted…”

“Just a bit,” Caroline hummed, shooting her a little smile. “Sorry to have put you to so much trouble… I hated knowing how worried you would be and that I could do nothing about it.”

“It’s fine, I’m just glad you’re safe…” Gillian replied, leaning over to press a tender kiss to her lips. There would be time to talk about things in more detail, to hash over what had happened, but now wasn’t the time. Now, she just needed to get her home and into a bath, and take a look at her feet. “Although if you wanted me to come and rescue you then we could have just done a bit of roleplay again, you didn’t need to be this dramatic.”

“Twat,” Caroline giggled affectionately, tangling their hands together and squeezing her tightly. “It definitely wasn’t deliberate. Although I wouldn’t say no to a bit of role play again… that was fun…”

“It was,” Gillian chuckled, her heart singing at the realisation she was safe. “Two secs, though..” She pulled out her phone and fired off three quick texts to her father, Raff and Joyce, letting them know that the blonde was safe. It wouldn’t do to keep them worrying. 

“You didn’t tell my mother, did you?” Caroline asked worriedly, and Gillian shook her head.

“No fear. She’d have mountain rescue or some such bollocks if I had,” she retorted, earning herself another chuckle from her girlfriend. “I just spoke to Dad, asked if he’d seen you, and Raff is at ours looking after Flora.”

“Flora… was she worried?” Caroline grimaced, and Gillian could quite understand her anxiety. 

“She asked after you a couple of times but I think she was more into her dinner,” Gillian said wryly, raising her eyebrows at her. “That, and Raff brought Calamity with him. You know how they are.”

“You gave her fish fingers again, didn’t you?” Caroline said suspiciously, and Gillian widened her eyes, slowly shaking her head as a grin crept onto her face.

“Would I do that?” she asked, trying to be sincere, but breaking down into giggles when Caroline poked her playfully in the side. “Oi! Honestly, come to rescue you and all you do is abuse me!”

“You did come to rescue me, didn’t you?” Caroline said softly, finally starting to relax into her seat. “I do love you, you know.”

“Yeah? Well, I love you too,” Gillian hummed, tugging her seatbelt over her lap and putting the Landy into first gear. “Even if you’ve got a shit sense of direction and you’re getting forgetful in your old age.”

“Oi!” Caroline shot back, and both of them burst into laughter, the relief in finding each other giving way to hilarity. 

“Come on, Doc,” Gillian murmured once they had stopped laughing, reaching to gently stroke her beautiful face. “Let’s go home.”

“Let’s,” Caroline nodded, smiling at her tiredly. Gillian smiled at her one more time before starting to drive, turning around and heading back the way they came. As Caroline let her eyes slide closed, humming in contentment, Gillian couldn’t help reflecting on just how much things had changed. Maybe she did deserve happiness… and maybe that happiness had always been meant to be with Caroline. Against all odds, time and again, they had found each other… and that had to mean something. Right?

<3

Chapter Text

Caroline hummed happily as she looked down at the wedding ring glinting on her finger, right next to the understated engagement ring that fitted with it so well. It had been a long time since she had worn a ring on her finger, although she had kept on her one from when she had married Kate for far longer than strictly necessary. She had found that it kept people away, allowed her to be anonymous in the way that so many married women became anonymous when a ring perched on their finger. This time… this time was different.

She probably shouldn't have been wearing them when she was doing the washing up, especially without rubber gloves… but she couldn't stop gazing at the way they were winking at her through the bubbles, flashing and dancing in the suds. She had done it… she had married Gillian, she had dared to do what her heart had dreamt of for so long. And now they could look forward to a long and happy life together.

As she washed the last cup, rinsing it off before depositing it on the draining board, there was a sharp knock at the door… which was curious. No one ever knocked at the farm, not even Amazon - they usually just Frisbeed whatever package they had ordered into the porch, they knew them well enough by now. Snatching up a tea towel as she dried her hands, she made her way to the door, pulling it open… and feeling the bottom go out of her word.

“Mrs Greenwood Dawson?” The fluorescent coated police officer removed his hat, his face dropping into a sad frown. Behind him the Landy was noticeable by its absence, and she slumped against the doorframe as he continued. “I'm afraid there has been an accident.”

“No…” Caroline gasped, falling to her knees on the step. “Not again… no… no… please… no…” She started to cry, great gut wrenching sobs that felt like they were tearing her apart.

“Caz?” She heard Gillian's voice in her mind, and she shook her head desperately as the police officer knelt down in front of her, her mouth moving with words that she couldn't take in. 

“She can't be… she can't be….” she wept, the world seeming to tilt sideways. “She can't be gone…”

“Caz! Come on, wake up!” she felt a pressure on her arm, her body being shaken insistently, and with a sudden jolt she was launched out of her dream into wakefulness. She sat bolt upright in bed with a frenzied gasp, clawing at her chest which felt restricted and tight. 

“Caroline… Caroline, it's okay, I'm here…” A gentle hand was running soothing circles on her back, and a warm forehead was pressed against her cheek as comforting words were whispered into her ear. 

“G-g-g-gillian?” Caroline managed to stutter eventually, turning a little to see the brunette framed in the moonlight beaming in through the window - they had forgotten to shut the curtains again. 

“That's right, I'm here,” Gillian hummed, pressing a little kiss to her cheek. “You were having a nightmare…”

“A nightmare?” Caroline mumbled incredulously, still not quite believing that could be true. Whatever it was, it had felt so real… and who was to say that this wasn't the hallucination? It had happened so many times with Kate that she had grown used to it, and had lived in a fug of grief and loss for so long that she had struggled to tell the desperate fantasies of her mind from reality. “Are you real?”

“Yes, I'm real,” Gillian chuckled, shifting a little closer to her and nuzzling against her cheek. “Here, feel…” She gently took her hand and raised it to her chest, splaying Caroline's hand over her heart which was beating solidly. This had never happened with Kate…

“You… you're okay?” she whispered, and felt Gillian nod against her. Fear was still making her feel shaky and sick, and although the dream was now fading the memory of it was all too clear. “I.. I dreamt…”

“About Kate?” Gillian hummed sympathetically, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. “I know… but it's over now, Caz… why don't you lay back down?”

“It wasn't Kate, it was you!” Caroline burst out, choking up with tears once again. “It was you, Gillian…” There was a beat of silence as the farmer processed her words, and then gently eased her back down onto the mattress, pulling her close and tucking her head onto her chest.

“Did you want to tell me about it?” she asked as Caroline sobbed, clutching onto her top for dear life to try and anchor herself. “You don't have to… but it might help?”

As Caroline slowly came back to herself, taking deep shuddering breaths, she nodded. “S-sorry… you've got to be up so early, you don't need this…”

“Nothing to apologise for,” Gillian replied softly, pressing a kiss into her hair before pulling back to peer into her face. “Besides, how many times has this been the other way around, and you've looked after me? I reckon it's my turn.”

She wasn't wrong. Although Gillian's nightmares had gradually lessened over the course of their relationship there had still been times when she had woken up absolutely terrified, sobbing or fighting the bedsheets to try and get away. She had learnt the best thing to do - she now reached out for her, waiting until Gillian tentatively made physical contact with her, and then took her in her arms as she murmured gentle words of love and reassurance into her hair. It was almost a fine art, now, and she usually managed to settle her back to sleep within a few minutes. That, or she found another way to distract her…

“I… I dreamt that we'd just got married, and I was washing up in the kitchen,” she started to say, choking up a little again as she remembered the feeling of happiness that had suffused her at the idea of being married to Gillian. It wasn't something that they had talked about, and part of her had wondered if Gillian would ever want to get married again after her previous attempts. She had thought about it more than once, but had put them firmly in a box marked ‘later’ in her head. She knew that she had moved too fast with Kate, and she didn't want to back the brunette into a corner. Even though they had been together just over a year - and loved each other for far longer than that - she didn't want to spoil things when they had been going so well.

“Domesticated even in your dreams, eh?” Gillian chuckled, and Caroline laughed weakly before carrying on.

“Seems so. Anyway… we'd just got married, and you were out somewhere… I don't remember where. And then there was a knock on the door…” Her chest tightened a little as the horrible, all too familiar feeling of fear washed over her, her nightmare blending with events that had actually happened. 

“No one ever knocks, do they?” Gillian hummed, and Caroline shook her head, remembering the feeling of confusion she had felt in her dream. 

“No… and I went over and opened it… and there were police. And… and they…” She started shaking again, and Gillian tightened her arms around her and shushed her softly as she fought to regain control of herself. “The landy… it wasn't there… and they said there had been an accident…” Sobs ripped their way out of her chest again, and Gillian continued to hold her tightly as she rode out the overwhelming, horrible memories. “I… I couldn't bear it, Gillian… I… just…”

“I know, love, I know,” Gillian soothed her. “I couldn't bear it either.” The slight wobble in the brunette’s voice told her all she needed to know about how true that was. It hadn't been long at all since her broken down Jag had caused an evening of drama, and it had been evident just how much it had affected her girlfriend. Gillian had, after all, had a front row seat to what had happened with Kate, and they had been a little clingy to each other ever since.

Gillian held her as she continued to cry, gently mopping her face with the corner of the duvet. Sooner she replaced the fabric with her mouth, gently kissing away each and every tear that was trickling down her cheeks. It was when she pressed a little butterfly kiss on her nose that she giggled weakly, inclined her head so that she could capture her lips in a tender kiss. Gillian cupped her hand around her cheek, gently stroking her skin as she kissed her back.

“Sorry,” Caroline mumbled again when they parted. She didn't really know what she was apologising for, but she couldn't think of anything else to say. 

“Nothing to apologise for,” Gillian replied softly, shifting a little to tangle their legs together. “And you cried all over your side of the duvet anyway, so you're the one who has to live with it.”

“Twat,” Caroline chuckled, shifting a little closer as she rested her forehead again last hers. “I do love you, you know.”

“I love you too, even if you do insult me in my own bed,” Gillian huffed playfully, earning herself a little poke in the side in response. She fell silent for a moment, seemingly considering something. “So… married, eh?” she murmured, clearly feigning casualness although her voice had gone a little tight. “That's a new one.”

“Yeah…” Caroline felt her heart starting to beat a little faster, suddenly nervous about where this conversation could lead. They hadn't talked about it… she'd thought about it, of course, but hadn't quite known how to start a conversation that wouldn't come across as her trying to trap Gillian somewhere that she didn't want to be. “That is definitely a new one.”

Gillian cleared her throat, her fingers nervously tapping out a beat on Caroline's side. “Is… is that something you would… w-w-want?”

Caroline paused for a moment, desperately racking her brain for the right words. “Well… it's… it's not something that I don't want,” she offered lamely, knowing that it was a rubbish answer to the question. “That is… I like the idea of being married again.  But… it's not a deal breaker. What would you want?”

A short silence followed, and Caroline felt herself tense in anticipation of her response. The truth was that she would have loved to marry her - would have loved to show the world that she had chosen her and bound them together for the rest of their lives. For that was what Caroline wanted - she truly understood what forever meant now that she had Gillian, able to imagine a future where they grew old together, still bickering and just as in love as the first time that they had kissed. She knew that they could still do those things without a ring, so if that was what Gillian desired then she would do her best to be happy about it. 

“I… I reckon…” Gillian swallowed nervously, her fingers suddenly pressing against her hip. “Third time lucky wouldn’t be too bad, would it, Caz?” A little note of hope in her voice had Caroline quickly scrambling to turn on the bedside light, turning back to her in amazement.

“Third time lucky?” Caroline breathed, sitting up and looking down at her girlfriend, who was currently looking adorably nervous. “Does… does that mean that you might want to…?”

“Get married?” Gillian sat up too, offering her a hopeful little smile. “If it was anyone but you, Caz, I… I’d say no. I said never again, not after… Robbie… and all that… business.” She bit her lip, flushing a little in the low light. “But…”

“Oh, I do love a but…” Caroline smiled, reaching over to take her hand. “Does that but mean what I think it means?”

“I… I’d like to marry you, Caz,” Gillian nodded shyly, a little smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “If… when… you want to, of course.”

“I want to,” Caroline said with a grin. “I really, really want to… but I’m not going to propose to you in the middle of the night when I’m not even wearing any knickers.” She gestured down at herself and the long sleep shirt that she had worn to bed, the farmer having stripped her of her underwear before she had so much as made herself comfortable. 

“Ah, yes… whatever would your mother say?” Gillian hummed, and both of them giggled at the thought. As their laughter died away the smaller woman became more serious, searching her expression. “Are you sure though, Caroline? Being married to me, I mean? Like… ask Robbie. He would tell you it’s no picnic.” She laughed again wryly, although there was no humour in it this time.

“Robbie was a twat,” Caroline reminded her, nestling a little closer as she gently grasped her chin. “And we’re practically married anyway, aren’t we? Things wouldn’t change all that much.”

“You say that…” Gillian carried on, her brow furrowing with anxiety. “But you might get fed up with me. You might… change your mind about living here, or… or…”

“That will never happen,” Caroline promised, and as if to prove her point she gently pushed her back down into the pillows, covering her body with her own as she nuzzled her cheeks. “And how could I get fed up with the best arse in all of West Yorkshire? There’s no competition.”

“Yeah, but…” Gillian exhaled sharply, as Caroline tugged one of her earlobes between her teeth, her fingers already going to the hem of the blonde’s shirt and easing it up over her hips. It seemed that they were of a single mind - after a horrible nightmare and an intense conversation, a little distraction that would send them off to sleep again was definitely in order. “What if it gets old… and saggy. And I get old… and saggy…”

“Then it will be the best saggy arse in West Yorkshire, won’t it?” Caroline hummed, already starting to tug down her sleep shorts. “I won’t stop loving you, whatever happens… stop being a twat.”

“I’m your twat, though,” Gillian mumbled as her fingers found her breasts, groaning a little as she kneaded them gently.

“Yes… yes, you are,” Caroline agreed, and leant down to kiss her again as she grinned against her lips. She couldn’t deny the fear that filled her at the idea of putting herself out there to be married again, to give the universe yet another chance to fuck with her happiness… But the fact was, quite simply, that Gillian was worth it. She didn’t know what she would do without her, not now, and for that… Well, she could withstand a few nightmares if it meant that she would always wake by her side. She could live with that.

<3

Chapter Text

Caroline let out a huffed sigh, blowing out a breath as she tried to make herself comfortable once again amongst the pile of pillows and blankets that she had gathered around her. Somehow whatever she did on that particular evening wasn’t having the desired effect, and now, at nearly two in the morning, she was still wide awake.

She knew why, of course. Her mind was with her girlfriend, a couple of miles away sequestered in the shepherd's hut that she used on the nights that she was waiting for her sheep to lamb, probably a lot colder and less comfortable than she was right now. She hated the thought of her out there in the cold all by herself, and had even offered to sit with her on a few occasions. Gillian had refused - she knew that Caroline would have to work the next day, and needed to be rested for yet another busy day at the school, but that didn’t make it any easier for her to leave her to it.

Just as she turned over with another sigh, her phone which was resting on the bedside table lit up, vibrating against the wood. Caroline snatched it into her hand, listening for a moment. She wouldn’t normally be so worried - her daughter was a deep sleeper, and wasn’t usually woken up by noises in the night - good job, given what she and Gillian got up to half the time - but her mother and Alan were staying over too. Given that she would be starting early in the morning she had asked them to take Flora to school, and although it had taken a couple of pleas, a bribe of dinner and a couple of tickets to a local play to convince Celia, but it would be worth it given that it would lessen the stress come the morning.

Thankfully, there was no sound from their bedroom in response. Her mother had exceptional hearing, and she knew that she wouldn’t restrain herself from either telling her off in the morning or walking in to tell her to pipe down - she would rather avoid both things. Reassured that she was safe, she peeked down at the screen.

A little smile spread across Caroline’s face, pleased to hear from her. The toughest thing about it being lambing season was that she couldn’t rely on hearing from the farmer on any regular schedule given that she was so busy. She kept odd hours, occasionally staggering home to fall into bed full clothed or to quickly scoff whatever meal Caroline had prepared, although usually hours after the fact and when it was cold. Caroline was living on snatched bits of affection, and whilst she knew it wasn’t about her she couldn’t help missing her and feeling a little sad that their time together was so limited. She had grown used to having her by her side, and although she knew it was only temporary she was counting the days until it might be over.

Her reply was quick, hoping that she might be able to get her to respond. Any communication at this point was to be treasured, and she quickly muted her phone before settling down to wait for her reply.

Caroline didn’t mean to guilt her, and was doing her best to be understanding. She knew what she had signed up to, and, of course, had been on the sidelines watching this time of year before. It just didn’t make it any easier…

A mood was an understatement. The mug was only an ancient thing, but Celia had brought it from the bungalow when she had deemed all of Gillian’s mugs too distasteful for her to drink out of. It was yet another of her snobbish ways that she would only drink out of fine china, much to her frustration, especially when they were out and about and couldn’t control what they were given. Gillian had chipped it when she had accidentally dropped something in the washing up bowl, and she had been terrified of the old woman discovering it ever since.

Caroline giggled, shifting a little as a coil of attraction made itself known in her stomach. It had been over a week since they had had any time together like that, and if she was honest it was another thing that she sorely missed. Gillian was usually so attentive in that regard - especially to her chest, it must be said - that she knew that she had been short tempered and irritable given that she had not been able to get her usual fix. It seemed a little ridiculous for a woman of her age to be affected in such a way, but she couldn’t help it. Gillian - and her attention - was addictive.

Caroline knew that she was playing with fire, and that winding her up like this would only lead to one thing. The truth was that she definitely had something on her mind too, and she could see where it was leading. Maybe, though, if she managed to relieve a little tension then she could get some sleep…

A breath caught in Caroline's throat. She hadn't been able to resist asking her girlfriend for the pictures, and had stared dreamily at each and every one of them when they had arrived. Knowing that Gillian was holed up not so far away dressed like that made the flicker of lust turn into a flame, and she wished that she could take her up on her suggestion of going to join her. She couldn't even ring her - they had had a lot of fun over the phone before when she had been away at a conference, but she knew that her mother would be on her instantly if she heard her talking. It was incredibly frustrating.

C: Are you indeed…

C: Gillian, are you seriously trying to start this? It’s 2 in the morning!

She was only teasing, wanting to be sure how interested she was before committing fully to wherever this went. A few moments passed as she stared at the screen, her heart sinking when she eventually received a reply.

G: Fine. Worth a try… Love you, night night xx

C: I’m wearing your Leeds FC top.

She wasn't lying - she had no idea why Gillian even owned it given that she wasn't much of a football fan, but she wore it in lieu of pyjamas sometimes and Caroline had always found it adorable. It had been a bit of a squeeze to get into it but she didn't care - it made her feel closer to her in a strange sort of way.

G: NO WAY

Gillian’s message was followed by a string of hearts and melting emojis that made Caroline chuckle.

C: It’s a little snug… but it smells like you.

G: Oh, Caz… you soppy twat

C: Says you - don’t think I haven’t noticed that my black jumper is missing.

G: I shall neither confirm or deny that I’m currently using it as a pillow

Caroline smirked at the phone. She had told Gillian off so many times for stealing her jumpers, but in truth she didn't mind. It was somewhat reassuring that she clearly missed her just as much, and it wasn't as one sided as her traitorous brain would sometimes have her believe.

G: So… football shirt and no knickers?

C: Do you want me to be wearing no knickers?

G: Maybe

Flushing slightly, Caroline did as she asked, slipping off the already damp cotton and pushing it under her pillow. The silky sheets felt amazing against her naked skin, and she wriggled deliciously to get comfortable again.

C: I think I’d rather you kept on what you’ve got… remember that time in the Landy?

G: You mean when we drove up to the fields to get away from your mother?

G: And I fucked you over the back seat?

C: Yeah… you were wearing the overall then

It had been thrilling. Her mother had been absolutely horrific all day, following Caroline all round the house and berating her for one thing or another, and she had text Gillian asking her to rescue her. She had - she’d snuck out in pretence of taking her girlfriend a packed lunch and Gillian had picked her up, driven her to the top of the furthest field and given her a seeing to to rival all seeings to in order to work out her frustration. It had been incredibly successful, and she had returned a lot more able to deal with the old woman - much to her suspicion.

G: You could just drive up here, old girl - give you a repeat performance

The suggestion almost had her getting out of bed, but she really didn’t dare.

C: Don’t tempt me. You know what Mum’s like, hearing of a bat.

G: Don’t mention your mother at a time like this…

C: Sorry…

Caroline grimaced, knowing that she had made a faux pas when it came to phone sex by doing such a thing. She racked her brain trying to think about how to bring the conversation back on track, the insistent pulse between her legs enough to keep her motivated.

C: Should I mention my knickerless state instead?

G: That’ll do it

G: Shirt wouldn’t be on much longer either, I’d want your tots in my hands

Caroline smirked at her misspelling, shaking her head a little. Gillian wasn’t always as careful with her spelling as she was, and she knew that it probably meant that she was getting into what they were talking about.

C: Hands? I was thinking mouth

C: Although maybe I can put that mouth to better use… and your tongue

G: I’d be between your logs so fast

That one elicited a little wince. She had trailed her hand down her body, starting to tease her breasts before going lower, and she knew that she shouldn’t be snobby about spelling but… It was distracting. Giving herself a little shake, she carried on.

C: Not if I was between yours first. Remember that time before I moved, and we were packing boxes? I’d want you like that…

G: Fuck yes

That had been a rather marvellous occasion… They had shagged like rabbits since they got together but even so, there were some occasions which stuck in her mind. They had been at hers, Flora safety ensconced with Raff whilst they focused on trying to finish packing the last things before the move, and Gillian had opened a drawer in her bedside cabinet with a delighted gasp. Whilst Caroline had been pretty open with her belongings, there were some items that she hadn’t had a chance to play with when it came to the beautiful farmer, and included in that was a silly pair of fluffy handcuffs that she had once been given as a joke. That day they had gotten their first use…

C: And I’d tell you everything I was doing, but I wouldn’t touch you properly until you begged for it… and there would be no way of you getting away.

G: I’d bog

Caroline took a deep breath, ignoring the mistake. She was starting to realise that this was going to be a little one sided, but that was fine… she had plenty of memories to think back on after they were done. That, hopefully, would have her falling asleep.

G: What would you do?

C: I’d spread you out in front of me and tease you, giving you just a little until you tremble underneath me

G: Mean

C: It’s what you asked for, and I can alway stop

G: Don’t step, I want your gingers in me

Caroline let her head drop back against the bed with a groan. Gingers… christ. She withdrew her own hand from her body, resolving again just to make sure that Gillian got everything she might need to a restful sleep - or a nap, at least.

C: I’d kiss you all the way down your body until I got where you wanted me, and then I might consider it.

G: I’d beg, I promise, so hard

C: Care to demonstrate?

G: Please, Cax, lll do anything, please rouch me, do anything, please…

Idly, Caroline wondered if “rouching” was anything to do with a sexual act, smirking as she carried on.

C: Good girl… As soon as I was satisfied I’d come at you with my mouth, and my fingers, and I’d have you seeing stars

G: I want to see tars

C: I’d so enjoy tasting you, and driving you mad with every little flick of my tongue as I fuck you, slow and deep in that way you love, until you’re screaming my name…

G: I wood steam

Yep, she was definitely close now. Her texts were getting more unintelligible, but Caroline wasn’t going to let up.

C: I’d whisper in your ear the whole time and tell you exactly what I was doing so you knew how much it was turning me on, and how ready I would be for you in return

C: And then I’d make sure I curled my fingers, just so, to hit you in that place that makes you tremble, and beg for me even more

C: And I’d keep going, and going, and every noise out of that mouth of yours would have me working harder, pushing your further

C: I’d want to feel you tightening around my fingers, squeezing me as you arch your back and cry my name

There were a few moments of silence in which Caroline contemplated whether she had gone far enough, if she had given her enough material to get where she wanted to go. Her silent question was answered a minute or so later by another string of melting emojis, followed by a text.

G: Bloody hell, Caz…

The blonde couldn’t help smirking, rather proud that she’d managed to accomplish making her girlfriend come with words alone from a couple of miles away. Hopefully that would give her something to think on for when she made it back to her side. The next text, however, gave her pause.

G: Did you…?

Caroline knew what she was asking, and she swallowed a little nervously. How could she explain that she had been totally into it up until the moment that she started making so many spelling mistakes, and autocorrect got involved to change some of the words? She’d never live it down… Gillian already teased her mercilessly for being a snob with some of her choices, and although she took it in good humour she didn’t want her to have any more material.

C: Not quite. But you go to sleep, I’ll talk to you in the morning. Love you xx

G: Fuck that…

She might have guessed that that wouldn’t have been enough for Gillian - she was incredibly fair and really quite tenacious when it came to making her happy, especially in that regard. As she bit her lip the phone lit up in her hand, and before she knew what she was doing she swiped to answer.

“I know that you can’t say anything, but just hear me out,” Gillian said breathily down the phone, the slight catch in her voice telling her that she was still coming out of the other side of her own release. “I’m not going to let you off that easily. You got me off, time for me to repay the favour…” A little chuckle followed, and Gillian then proceeded to tell her exactly what she was going to do with her next time she made it home and they were the only two people in residence. It was utterly filthy, and it wasn’t long until she couldn't resist the temptation to touch herself in response to her words.

When she finally came, it was with a pillow clamped between her teeth to muffle her moans, and Gillian chuckling again at the other end of the phone. She sounded exceptionally pleased with herself, and Caroline couldn’t be mad at her for it.

“Now, go to sleep, Doc. Then I’ll see you when you get home from work,” the brunette promised gently, and all Caroline could do was grin. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Caroline whispered back, and with a murmured goodnight her girlfriend was gone. She couldn’t help grinning lazily once again, depositing her phone back on the bedside table as she snuggled into the covers. She felt so much better… and she hoped that Gillian would never find out just how much she hated spelling mistakes - she’d never hear the end of it.

<3

Chapter Text

“Flora?” Gillian stood at the bottom of the stairs with her hands on her hips, her brow furrowed as she listened for any kind of response from the little girl. “Flora, what are you doing up there?” She couldn’t help feeling suspicious. She had been up there on her own for nearly an hour now, and whilst she was happy to play in her room by herself from time to time it was never as silent as this, and Gillian couldn’t help wondering what she could be up to. “Flora!”

There was another pause. “Ye-e-e-es?” eventually came Flora’s reply, so bright and unassuming that Gillian knew that she must be up to no good. Not to mention that she sounded exactly like her mother when she was up to the very same… Caroline had used that exact tone a few days previous when she had been trying to sneak some very old and ripped flannel shirts that she had been hoarding in the bottom of her wardrobe into a charity bag, and Gillian had caught her red handed. They had still ended up winging their way to Oxfam, of course, but she had least managed to get a couple of decent orgasms out of it. 

“What are you doing?” she called suspiciously, wracking her mind for what she could be up to. There wasn’t really too much up there of interest, although she hoped that she wouldn’t be mixing up a cocktail of their bath products again - Caroline had been raging when she had used something that had apparently cost more than £25 a tube, and all that had been left was a scraping in the lid. Again, a few placatory orgasms had been in order, this time directed the other way, and she had soon forgotten about it.

There was another short silence. “No-o-o-o-othing,” came the little girl's voice, and it was with that unconvincing word that Gillian sighed and started to climb the stairs. Whatever it was, she could only hope that she would be able to get it sorted out and cleaned up before Caroline got home - she would be there in less than an hour, and she knew that she had had a stressful day and would be disinclined to be dealing with any drama.

“Flora?” Gillian peeked into the bathroom and the little girl’s bedroom, and finding nothing amiss carried on down the hallway. “Flora, what are you… oh, shit…” Oh shit, indeed. Flora had let herself into their bedroom and was currently sitting on the stool at Caroline’s dressing table, her face plastered with just about every bit of makeup she could get her hands on. All sorts of products lay scattered across the surface, some leaking, whilst powder, eyeshadow and other substances were dusted all around her. Even from Gillian’s position by the door she could see that some of the items would be beyond saving. 

“Do I look like Mummy?” Flora asked with a nervous smile, although it looked rather terrifying given that she had drawn a large bow of lipstick across most of her mouth and up her cheeks. Gillian had to stifle a laugh. She looked about as far away from Caroline as possible, and she could just imagine her girlfriend’s face if she knew that Flora thought that this was what she looked like.

“You’ve tried, lady, but what are you doing in Mummy’s makeup?” she asked tentatively, moving to her side and crouching down in front of her. She felt a little flicker of panic in her stomach, knowing that Caroline was liable to go absolutely apeshit when she came home and found out what had happened, but there was something about the way that Flora was looking at her that let her know that she was just as worried.

“I just wanted to look like Mummy,” Flora said quietly, looking down at her makeup smeared hands. “Do you think that she will be very cross?”

“I think that she will be a little unhappy if she comes home and finds all this mess,” Gillian suggested, gently tucking the little girl’s hair behind her ear as she offered her a smile. “How abouts we clear it up and then get it off your face, and hopefully she won’t notice what happened?”

“Can we say Ruth did it?” Flora hummed, and gestured to her side. Gillian almost snorted. Why Caroline had a collection of fake lashes she didn’t know, as she never ever wore them, but it appeared that Ruth had been the unwitting benefactor of them anyhow. The poor dog had them stuck all over her face and was looking rather bemused. She also had a pink streak in the fur on her back that looked rather like lipstick, and some silvery powder on her head that could have been eyeshadow. 

“Do you think Mummy will believe that Ruth stuck eyelashes all over her own face?” she said in mock seriousness, raising her eyebrows at her. “Or do you think that she might work that one out?”

Flora sniggered, and Gillian gently tickled her sides before turning her attention to the table. She tried not to notice the fact that Caroline’s moisturiser - the one that she special ordered from London - was smeared all over the place too, the empty tub upside down over a decimated palette of eyeshadow. After pulling the bedroom bin over, both of them worked to clean up what they could of the mess and put the salvageable products to one side. In the end, there were only a few things that could not be saved, and Gillian hid them in one of the drawers to talk to Caroline about later. 

“Is Mummy going to be really angry?” Flora asked in a small voice as both of them scrubbed at the glass top of the vanity, and Gillian looked over at her with her eyebrows raised.

“How do you think Mummy might feel when she comes home?” she asked her gently, not wanting to upset her or scare here - Caroline was reasonable, of course, and a lot less strict than Gillian had imagined that she could be - but knowing that Flora needed to understand why she could not do this again. “How would you feel if Mummy went into your bedroom and used lots of your things, and broke some of them?”

“Sad…” Flora whispered, her little shoulders slumping as she sat back at the stool. “Mummy will be very sad.”

“What do you think you might need to do to try and make it a bit better?” Gillian questioned, stopping what she was doing and looking at her. Flora’s lip was trembling, and she could tell that she was on the verge of tears. 

“Say sorry,” Flora mumbled, and with that she burst into tears. 

“Oh, Flora…” Gillian hummed, drawing her into her arms and paying no mind to the fact that makeup was probably smearing itself all over her new flannel - courtesy of Caroline, of course. She rocked her gently back and forth, shushing her gently before leading her over to the bed. “Come on, chicken, what’s all this about? Because it’s more than just being worried about Mummy finding out what you’ve been up to, isn’t it?”

“I just wanted to look more like Mummy,” Flora wept, and it was with that that Gillian suddenly understood. She knew it was something that Caroline had felt keenly in the past too, and although Flora was not like her in looks she more than made up for it in mannerisms. She knew that it must be difficult for the little girl, but Caroline tried incredibly hard to give her as many opportunities as she could to engage with and be comfortable with her cultural heritage in a way that Kate would have wanted. It was something that Caroline worried about, that had been clear to her for a very long time, but she did her absolute best. Gillian drew her closer and hugged her to her chest, pressing kiss after kiss into her curls until she gradually started to quieten down. 

“You do look like your Mama, you know that,” Gillian said gently, searching for the right words. She knew that Caroline was probably better placed to be having this conversation but in her absence she would have to make do - she was hardly going to leave her crying until the blonde returned home. “And remember, I knew Mama Kate, and she was beautiful, just like you.” Gillian shifted a little, hoping that she was finding the right thing to say. “And you know that you are like Mummy in so many ways, too. Some of the things you say and do - you’re just like her.”

“Amber Davies said my Mama must not have wanted me, otherwise she'd still be here,” Flora choked out, and Gillian made a mental note of the name, resolving to mention it to the school. If she was not mistaken, the Amber in question was the daughter of one of the women that she has used to work with, and if that was the case she was sure to be a stroppy little madam.

“Amber Davies talks bollocks,” Gillian said hotly, only belatedly realising that she probably shouldn't say such things in front of a child. “I mean… rubbish. She talks rubbish. And you know Mama Kate would have wanted to be here if she could, she would have been thrilled with you. She loved you before you were even born.”

“She didn't believe me when I showed her Mummy… she said I was lying,” she continued tearfully, and Gillian gently stroked the tears away from her cheeks. “And she told my whole class that I was a big fat liar, and then-” She broke off, shooting Gillian a nervous look.

“And then what?” Gillian asked, sensing that there was more to the story. 

“And then… Calamity punched her round the back of the bike sheds at playtime, then pretended she didn't.” Flora bit her lip, and Gillian found herself cheering internally for her spunky granddaughter, although she tried not to let it show in her expression.

“And then what happened to Calamity?” she asked, although she already knew - Raff had called earlier and told her all about the exasperated phone call that he had received from the headmistress, although she hadn't realised that the incident in question had anything to do with Flora.

“She got in trouble… had to go and see Mrs Price,” Flora mumbled, sniffing hard. “Amber said that because I only have one Mummy, she'll never love me as much if I had two,” she carried on, looking so dejected that Gillian wanted to go and punch Amber herself. 

“Now, Flora, that is probably the biggest load of rubbish I've ever heard,” Gillian started, gently pressing her fingers underneath her chin and lifting her face until she met her gaze. “For one, your Mummy has so much love inside her that she can love you just as much, more even, than if you had two. And even though Mama Kate isn't here any more it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you any more. She'll love you so much, Flora.”

“Really?” Flora said in a small voice, and Gillian nodded, offering her a reassuring smile.

“Lots and lots of people love you. You've got Daddy and Bridget…” She just about restrained herself from saying her name in the same mocking tone as usual, but only just. “And Grandma Celia and Grandad Alan, Uncle Raffy and Auntie Ellie, Calamity, Uncle Harry…” She gently smoothed her hair away from her face once again, smiling at her softly. “And I love you, Flora. Just as much as I love Calamity, and Uncle Raffy. He was my little boy once, you know, before he got all big. And annoying.” She wiggled her eyebrows at the little girl, herself a weak giggle.

A beat of silence passed between them as Gillian continued to comfort her. “You love me, Auntie Gillian?” Flora eventually asked, and it seemed that there was more than a little surprise in her tone. 

“I do,” Gillian confirmed softly, nodding at her with a smile. It was true - she did. Whilst she would never want to take Kate's place - she couldn’t, and would never dream of such a thing - the truth was that she had played such a role in the little girl's life from the moment that she was born that she had always cared for her, although that had grown into love after her relationship with Caroline changed. She and Caroline hadn't really talked about what kind of role she would play in Flora's life if they continued with their relationship or if they got married, but she was willing to be led by Caroline - and, of course, by Flora. She was happy to play an equal role in raising her if that was what they both wanted. 

“If… if you and Mummy get married, like Mummy and Mama Kate… does that mean you will be my mummy, too?” Flora asked, mirroring her thoughts, and Gillian smiled at her.

“That, Lady, is entirely up to you,” she hummed, offering her another reassuring squeeze. “If that is something you would like, and Mummy is happy with, then I would be honoured. But if you don't want that then that's fine too, and I'll still be your Auntie Gillian.”

Flora regarded her curiously for a long moment, her brow furrowed in thought. “I think… I think I'd like you to be my mummy, too… I'd still have mummy, and Mama Kate… you could be Mum? Like Uncle Raffy calls you?” She fixed her with a serious expression that was so like Caroline that Gillian almost burst into tears. As it was, she settled on drawing her closer and pressing a kiss into her curls.

“That sounds wonderful,” she whispered, and Flora snaked her little arms around her and clung to her like a little koala bear. Tears gathered in her eyes, and she squeezed them together for a moment, willing herself to stay in control. “If that's what you want, Flora, then that's what I want too.”

“As long as you don't give me a weird nickname,” Flora mumbled into her chest, and Gillian couldn't help laughing. .

“Well, I can’t promise anything,” she teased, tickling her a little again as Flora laughed uproariously. “Everyone gets a nickname in this house. It’s just the way it goes…”

“Uncle Harry doesn’t have a nickname,” the little girl returned promptly, fixing her with one of her Caroline stares.

“He does, it’s just not a very polite one,” Gillian retorted, sticking out her tongue at her to make her laugh. She had reasoned that it was not a particularly good idea to call Harry ‘Uncle Knobhead’ in front of the children, and was amazed that she hadn’t yet slipped up. “Anyway, enough of that. Shall we try and get that makeup off?”

“Yeah!” Flora said eagerly, and Gillian grinned at her before grabbing the makeup wipes - hilariously the only thing that had escaped the Flora treatment - and gently starting to cleanse her face. It wasn’t long at all until her fresh little face emerged from the swaths of makeup, and she kissed her gently on the nose when it was all gone.

“There we go, chicken, all gone,” she smiled, tossing the used wipes away and hiding the bin on her side of the bed where Caroline wouldn’t see it straight away. “Now, remember - not a word to Mummy. I’ll talk to her, it will all be fine.” She tapped the side of her nose, and Flora nodded at her with a little smile. “Now, go play in your room for a bit if you want and I’ll sort dinner out. It’s pasta surprise, your favourite.”

“You know I know what the surprise is, I saw you opening the jar,” Flora said imperiously, and Gillian growled at her playfully before nudging her towards the door. 

“Off with you, madam and your cheek,” she insisted, and Flora shrieked as she pretended to swipe at her as she darted away. 

As the little girl got to the door she turned around, offering her a heartfelt smile. “Thanks… Mum,” she whispered, and then turned around and dashed into her room. Gillian felt herself freeze, tears pricking behind her eyes at the sentiment that had been so easily given to her. It was more than she could ever have hoped for, and she knew that Caroline had worried what effect it would have on her to suddenly change her whole life so that she could start a new relationship. It only reaffirmed Gillian’s commitment to both of them, and it made her heart fill with joy and hope for the future. She smiled and turned her attention back to the dressing table, tidying up the last few bits and hoping that Caroline wouldn’t be too devastated that her favourite Chanel lipstick was now nothing more than a stump.

“Gillian…?” The farmer whipped around quickly, guilt flooding her face as she held the lipstick behind her back. She pasted a grin on her face, but it quickly froze when she took in Caroline’s expression. Tear tracks coated her cheeks, and her eyes were red and swollen. 

“Caz? Caroline, what’s the matter?” she asked quickly, jumping up and going over to the door to grasp her by the shoulders. “What’s happened?”

“N-nothing,” Caroline gave back, offering her a watery smile. Gillian searched her face for any sign of what was the matter, but found that she couldn’t even guess. “Look… will you come and sit with me for a moment?” Caroline carried on, and Gillian nodded, anxiety flooding her at the thought of what she might be about to say.

“You’re scaring me,” she admitted in a small voice as they sat down on the side of the bed, Caroline grasping her hands and raising them to her lips to brush a kiss across her knuckles. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” Caroline murmured, a slow smile spreading across her face. “I… I’ve been home for quite a while, and when you weren’t downstairs, I came looking… just in time to hear Flora crying.”

Gillian swallowed nervously, wondering where this was going. She must have been really focused on the little girl if Caroline had managed to overhear everything, and she felt her heart squeeze painfully with something rather like guilt. “I… I’m sorry, Caroline, she was so upset… I tried my best, and-”

“You love her.” The words were a statement, not a question, and Gillian nodded, a little confused.

“Well… y-y-yeah. Course I love her,” she replied, her voice wobbling a little with nerves. “She’s an amazing kid, what’s not to love? And she’s part of you, too, so of course…”

“And she wants to call you Mum,” Caroline continued, and once again Gillian gave her a little nod, terrified that she had somehow got it wrong.

“I… Look, Caz, I don’t want to step on any toes, and if it makes you uncomfortable then I’m sure we can speak to her and get her not to,” she said in a rush, a hot flush of shame rushing up her cheeks. Maybe she should have said no? Maybe she should have shown a little more respect to Kate, or deferred to Caroline rather than just saying she could? “I’d never want to replace Kate, or-”

“Kate has been gone a very long time,” Caroline replied a little tearfully, although she smiled at her anyway. “And Flora will always know who she is. But… you have no idea how wonderful it was to hear her call you that. To know that… that you’d treat her like one of your own…” Her face crumpled, and Gillian quickly pulled her into her arms, shushing her much like she had so recently been doing with her daughter. 

“Of course,” she whispered, pressing a kiss into her crown. “Of course… I’ll always be here, and I’ll always do my best for her, whatever happens. You know that.”

“I do,” Caroline nodded, pulling back a little and wiping her eyes on her sleeve. “And I don’t think that it was until I was stood in that corridor, tears running down my face as I listened to the pair of you that I realised that that had never been in any doubt. It… it’s been a long road, raising her on my own - you know that better than most - and I always thought it was a responsibility that I would have to shoulder on my own, that I would never fully trust her with anyone else. Even Greg, you know how bloody feckless he can be sometimes.”

“ Bridget,” they both intoned, and then giggled weakly. 

“But that was until you, Gillian,” Caroline carried on, raising her hand and trailing it down her cheek. “And… and I know I’m doing this all wrong, but…” She slid off the bed, landing on the floor with a little thump as she knelt before her, clutching her hands. “Would… would you marry me? Please?” she whispered, looking up at her beseechingly. 

Gillian stared down at her, utterly stunned by the question. They had had the conversation a few weeks ago after one of Caroline’s nightmares, but she hadn’t expected that a proposal would come about this soon. As she looked at her, a little smile starting to spread across her face, Flora took a few steps into the room and shot her a nervous smile.

“Will you, Auntie Gillian?” she murmured, and came to stand beside her mother, who wrapped her arm around her and planted a kiss on her cheek. “I mean… Mum. Will you marry Mummy?”

“Yes,” Gillian replied straight away, looking between mother and daughter with tears in her eyes. “Yes… yes please.”

“YES!” Flora immediately spun in a circle, whooping and cheering as she celebrated. “YES, YES, YES! You wait until I tell Calamity!” With that she dashed out of the room again, her footsteps thundering on the stairs, and Gillian knew that she would be going to phone her friend. Nothing stayed secret in this family for very long, that was for sure.

“Do you mean it?” Caroline whispered, tears gathering in her eyes once again. “Really?”

“Really…” Gillian replied emotionally, and slipped off the bed to sit in her lap. “Are you sure, though?”

“So, so sure,” Caroline mumbled, and surged forwards to kiss her. As Gillian kissed her back, grinning against her lips, she didn’t think that she had ever felt so happy. Caroline - and by extension Flora - was everything that she could ever, and would ever want, and she knew that she would do her best to live up to the faith and trust that she had placed in her by choosing to be hers for the rest of her life.

“Gillian?” Caroline eventually asked, pulling back a little and peering over her shoulder incredulously. “Why is Ruth wearing fake eyelashes?”

“Shush, I’ll tell you later,” Gillian giggled, and kissed her once again. She still had to tell her about the lipstick…

<3

Chapter Text

“Are you coming inside?” Caroline muttered as both of them slid out of the Jag, the blonde’s heels ringing sharply on the cobbles of the courtyard as she moved to pluck her bag out of the backseat. “Or are you just going to go and hide in the fields again?” Her voice was sharp, and Gillian couldn’t help wincing at her tone. She knew that she was upset, but then again so was she… And Gillian was so frightened of any confrontation with her that could spell disaster and she tried to avoid it. Placating her hadn’t worked, and nor had her suggestion of going out for a drink - the two of them had just sat in stony silence whilst they sipped their drinks, and if anything things were worse than they had been before. 

“Are you even going to speak to me if I do come in?” Gillian mumbled, sticking her hands into her pockets and lowering the eyes to the ground as she avoided her gaze. It was the silence that she hated the most - she usually tried to fill it, but Caroline had just held up a warning hand when she had tried to do so back at the pub and her words had died in her throat. “Or are you going to give me the silent treatment like you have all day?”

“I am not giving you the silent treatment,” Caroline snapped in return, her eyes flashing as she put her hands on her hips. “There simply isn’t anything to say if you won’t even discuss it with me! I’ve tried, Gillian - I hate arguing with you but if you won’t even talk to me…”

“Well, what is there to talk about?!” Gillian almost yelled, already wound up once again. Her fiancé's words made her feel like she was some kind of child, like she had done something wrong, and it was something that she absolutely hated. “I told you what I thought, and that wasn’t good enough for you, so…”

“Oh, for…” Caroline swore and stalked towards the door of the farmhouse, her back ramrod straight with tension as Gillian trailed after her, flushed with annoyance at being brushed off once again. 

“I don’t like arguing with you either, Caz, but-” she carried on, but was interrupted when Raff stuck his head out of the door of the farmhouse.

“Why hello, you two, still full of the joys of spring I see,” Raff trilled, looking between them both with a sardonic smile, earning himself a growl from the headmistress in return.  “Caz, are those your keys?” He gestured at the dangling set that hung from Caroline’s fingers, and she looked down at them in confusion.

“Yes? Certainly looks like it, doesn’t it?” she gave back waspishly, and Gillian couldn’t help rolling her eyes. Caroline really was in a mood if she was going after Raff, and she would have told her off if her son hadn’t looked faintly amused by her retort.

“Well, alright then,” he hummed and darted out of the door to snatch them from her hand. “I’ll be taking these. And I’ll be locking the door. Don’t come back until you’ve sorted it out - we’ve already got a pair of kids in here, we don’t need another two.” With one final smirk he dashed inside and slammed the door, the click of the lock telling them both that he had done the unthinkable.

“Raff!” she burst out in annoyance, hurrying the last couple of steps towards the door and starting to hammer on it. “OI! What the hell do you think you’re playing at?! You know that I don’t lock up!”

“You can’t leave us out here, it’s bloody freezing!” Caroline added, her frown now so severe that she looked like some sort of vengeful angel. “RAFF!”

“Sort it out, and then you can come back in!” Raff called, and there was giggling too - Flora and Calamity by the sounds of it. “You won’t be allowed admittance until you’ve kissed and made up.”

“Gran and Caroline, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Calamity sang through the door, and Gillian fought the urge to kick it. She would rather have liked to kiss Caroline, actually, but such things had been few and far between since they had fallen out a couple of days previously. She had felt on edge and insecure ever since, and whilst she longed to do just as he said and sort it out, she hadn’t the faintest idea how. 

“Raff, come on! Don’t be ridiculous!” Gillian yelled, and after a brief pause the living room window opened and her son stuck his head out, looking incredibly pleased with himself. 

“I’m not being ridiculous, you two are,” he said sternly, looking between them with what she imagined was his attempt at a teacher look, although it wasn’t a patch on Caroline’s. “You two need to sort it out, kiss and make up, and then you can come in and we can all have a nice cup of tea.”

“This isn’t a f-f-f-bloody Enid Blyton novel, everyone doesn’t sort it out in time for tea and cake,” Gillian growled, moving towards him like she was going to try and climb inside, but he caught on and quickly slammed it again, waving sarcastically before whipping the curtains across so they could no longer see inside. 

“Have you not got a spare key somewhere, or something?” Caroline snarled, and Gillian wheeled round on her with a glare.

“What, so desperate not to talk to me that you’d want one,” Gillian retorted crossly, and Caroline threw up her hands, huffing out a sigh.

“No, I do want to sort this out, but I’d rather do it inside in the warm rather than locked out of my bloody house!” she gave back, gritting her teeth together and shutting her eyes for a moment. “Look, maybe he has a point. Maybe we should just go and talk properly - we can’t keep on at each other like this, can we? I mean, we’re adults…”

“Allegedly,” Gillian muttered, raking her hand through her hair before her shoulders slumped with defeat. “Fine. I don’t want to keep on at you. I hate this.” She dropped her eyes, her mouth turning down at the corners as hot tears sprang to her eyes, a mix of anger, frustration and sadness that they had found themselves in this situation. It was probably one of the worst fights that they had had, certainly since they had been together, and whilst she didn’t doubt Caroline’s commitment to her she couldn’t really see where it was going to end. 

“Why don’t we go sit in the barn, or something?” Caroline suggested, a little more gently as she took in Gillian’s emotional state. “Although…” She looked down at her outfit - a pristine shirt, blazer and skirt combo that wasn’t really suited to sitting in a filthy barn. She looked like she was going out for some kind of high class afternoon tea, or a formal event rather than just popping out to the pub. As much as Gillian appreciated her efforts - the blouse was straining a little over her chest, after all - she had no desire to make her more cross.

“I’ve got a few blankets we can sit on,” she mumbled, sticking her hands in her pockets once again and making her way back towards the barn. She would have suggested that they go and sit on the little bench that she had installed on the top field, but that would require a trek over some rather muddy paths and her fiancé's Louboutins were definitely not up to the task. Other than sitting on the wall in the cold, there weren’t many other options - especially as a cold wind was starting to blow and more and more grey clouds were scudding across the sky, threatening rain. 

Once they had made their way into the barn, Gillian went and found the promised blankets and shook them out as best she could to get the worst of the straw and hay dust off, lessening the likelihood of Caroline’s annoyance. She spread them out over some hay bales that she had stacked in the corner, and then dropped down on them, her mouth still pulled down in a frown. Caroline took a deep breath and came to join her, settling her cavernous handbag onto her lap as she fiddled with the strap. Even that was a departure from tradition - when they talked Caroline would usually take her hands, and the absence of her trying to do so stung. 

“I’ve said I’m sorry,” Gillian started in a mutter, starting to pick anxiously at her sleeve. “I don’t know what else to say.”

“I never wanted you to apologise, Gillian,” Caroline sighed, sounding more sad than angry now. “I just wanted to understand where you were coming from, and have you understand where I was coming from too. I don’t want to run roughshod over you - I mean, this is our wedding, and it's both of ours, not just mine. I’m not blaming you, but neither of us have communicated as well as we probably could have.”

“Yeah,” Gillian nodded, dragging her sleeve under her nose and hunching in on herself. She had tried so hard to get better at speaking her mind and being open about what she wanted, but there were still times that she snapped back into being defensive, running rather than talking, and struggling not to perceive reasoned arguments as an attack. “I’m sorry for that…”

“Stop apologising,” Caroline chuckled drily, and dumped her bag behind her before turning to take her hand. The feel of her skin against hers instantly made Gillian relax, and she felt like she was able to breathe out for the first time since they had started arguing. It gave her some hope that even though this wasn’t alright now, it would be in a bit of time, and it was that that allowed her to open up.

“I… I just didn’t want any fuss,” she started, her voice wobbling as Caroline brushed her thumb over her knuckles. “I mean… this is the third time for both of us, and my last one… that was such a farce, I hated every minute. Everyone looking at me… laughing… I never wanted a big do, I told everyone that and somehow no one listened!”

It had been the truth. She had already been having doubts about marrying Robbie anyway, and probably wouldn't have gone through with it if there hadn’t been such tension between her father and her half brother, Gary, who had insisted on paying for the whole thing. She had thought that giving in to what the wanted would have allowed them to make up, to dispel the lingering resentment that had fallen between them after a tell-all article in the newspaper where he had outed Alan for cheating on her mother. It hadn’t worked - although Gary had continued to be part of their lives on and off he had faded into the background, and she now hardly saw him. It suited her just fine. 

“I wasn’t suggesting a big do,” Caroline said quietly, sounding sad herself. “But I think it would be nice to have a bit of a celebration. I’m proud to be marrying you, Gillian - I want people to know that we’re together and we have chosen each other, and I’ll mean every single word of my vows when I say them. I’m proud of you, and proud that you’re mine, and I’m yours, I just-”

“What’s there to be proud of if you’re marrying me,” Gillian interrupted, a flush of shame creeping up her cheeks. In fairness to Caroline what she had suggested wasn’t going to be all that big - she had proposed a brief ceremony at the registry office in Halifax followed by a meal in the function room of a local pub, followed by a little dancing if they could manage it. She had suggested about fifty guests, and whilst that wasn’t that many in the grand scheme of things Gillian had still baulked. After that discussion had come talk of flowers, cars, outfits, and then bridesmaids and speeches and first dances, and whilst not all of that had come from Caroline it had still been overwhelming. Gillian had been wound up more and more about it all and had eventually snapped when Caroline had been talking about table decorations, leading to a row which saw the blonde accusing her of not wanting to marry her at all. 

Caroline blinked at her in surprise. “Is this what this is all over?” she murmured, shifting a little closer and snaking her arm around her waist, still gripping her hand tightly in her own. “You think that marrying you is nothing to be proud of?” Gillian nodded, a tear sliding down her cheek as Caroline sighed once again. “Oh, Gillian…”

“You’re so amazing, Caz… you’ve got so much going for you, everything you’ve accomplished… I mean, you’re a doctor, for Christ's sake,” Gillian laughed humourlessly, shaking her head. “And what are you doing with me? I’m just a… fucking broke farmer who didn’t even finish her education, who did in her husband and has shagged her way round half of West Yorkshire.” Her words ended on a choke, a sob tearing its way out of her chest.

 Caroline pulled her tight against her, pressing a kiss into her crown as she rocked her gently back and forwards. “You know that it is only you who says these horrible things about yourself, don’t you?” she tried, and Gillian just cried harder. That wasn't the case - people had said so many things in a similar vein over the years - even her own father - so shaking that mentality wasn’t simply as easy as deciding to think differently. Even though Caroline had been clear that she wanted to marry her, it hadn’t stopped her feeling a sense of impending doom, like this level of happiness couldn’t be for her. She had already felt that she had been pushing her luck when Caroline had moved in, so marrying her was just another opportunity for things to fall apart, or to be found wanting. Their argument had only underlined that further. 

“But in f-f-front of all your friends, Caz… all those posh t-t-twats from Oxford and your friends from school….” Gillian carried on brokenly, her tears soaking into the blonde’s soft scarf that was tickling her nose. “I wouldn’t want to embarrass you…”

“You would never embarrass me,” Caroline soothed, brushing her lips over her crown once again. She pushed her back a little and looked down into her face, raising her eyebrows at her. “Look… I’ll ask you a question. Why do you think I want to marry you?”

In that moment Gillian couldn’t think of one reason, her mind going blank as she stared into her eyes. “I… I… because I’m good with Flora?” It was the first thing that came to mind, and it was true, but she still phrased it like a question. As a potential step parent she knew that she was the softer, sillier one of the two of them, and she knew that she had the potential to lead the little girl astray - the two of them often got up to some mischief or other, much to Caroline’s despair. 

“You twat,” Caroline laughed softly, swiping her tears away from her eyes with her thumbs. “You’re brilliant with Flora, but that isn’t the only reason - far from it. You honestly don’t know how bloody amazing you are, do you?” Her eyes were imploring, and all Gillian could do was let out a hiccoughed sob.

“I don’t know about that,” she said thickly, her mouth turning down further as her chest felt crushed with the weight of shame. “Nothing compared to you.”

“Gillian, you have been through more things in your life and come out the other side, kept going at even the worst times, than I have in all my years,” Caroline said gently, not allowing her to look away. “I’ve been through my fair share of shit, but you… You’re amazing. I know things haven’t always been easy, but you’ve still come through it. I don’t know how anyone could ever have endured what you have and still be able to get up, shove a smile on their face and go about things in such good humour. You’re strong, brave, clever - don’t look at me like that, you are - and… and…” Tears were drawing to her eyes now too, and Gillian reached out to gently squeeze her knee. “You’ve been there for me when no one else has, Gillian, supported me when I haven’t known what to do with myself. You make me better, I don’t know how to describe it… All my worst bits, you don’t seem to care, and just tease me until things don’t seem so bad any more. I don’t know what I’d do without you, and I can’t imagine my life without you. Marrying you… it’s purely selfish on my part, really, because I want you to be mine, to have this life… our life… for the rest of my days. But I only want that if you do.” She trailed off, sniffing as she quickly brushed a tear away.

“I do want that…” Gillian said quietly, overwhelmed by the depth of Caroline’s words. There was nothing there that she hadn’t told her before, not really, but somehow it seemed all the more poignant in the face of her self hatred. “I just don’t want you to regret it.”

“I won’t…” Caroline gave back with a wobbly smile. “As long as you don’t regret it, either. It… Right, okay, seen as we’re being honest…” She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment as she seemed to gather herself. “I’ve been worried about you regretting it… I mean, I had a front row seat to everything that happened with that twat, with Robbie, and I… I couldn’t bear that happening to us.”

“You… you think I’d cheat on you?” Gillian gasped, the thought like a knife through her heart. “Caz, really, I-”

“I don’t think you’d do it purposefully, but I worry you’d feel trapped, suffocated, like you did with him… that I’d make you feel pushed into a corner,” Caroline mumbled, dropping her eyes as she clutched tighter to her hand. “And… and…”

“And that I’d cheat on you.” The words were matter of fact, and Gillian could see where she was coming from, although it hurt horribly that she could even think that of her. She knew that she deserved it - before she and Robbie had got married she had cheated several times, although she hadn’t after they’d actually exchanged rings. She might have been tempted to have it off with Caroline if she’d offered - she was in love with her even then, after all - but she’d remained faithful. “Do you know why I cheated on Robbie? Before the wedding?”

“Well… yes, I…” Caroline blinked, pulling back a little as she searched her expression. “Because you didn’t really want to marry him, and he kept… saying and doing things, didn’t he? Things that upset you.”

“Things that reminded me what a pillock I was being, just by entertaining the idea that we might be a good idea,” Gillian reminded her, her heart racing as she tried to put into words the compulsions that she’d had over the years to escape her current situation, to find some way to numb the voices in her head that told her that she was no better than a slapper, a waste of space, mental, mad, a disappointment, and all the other things that being thrown her way. It had become a kind of self fulfilling prophecy - she had become what she was accused of. At least that was safe. “He did make me feel t-t-t-trapped, Caz. He was suffocating… I think one of the reasons that he wanted to be with me was because he had been so jealous that I’d g-g-gone off with Eddie - that was why he used to hate me so much, I think. And I was doing it for all the wrong r-r-r-reasons - I didn’t feel like myself, I couldn’t go anywhere, do anything, without him b-b-b-being there and asking me questions. I felt like I was going to s-s-scream.”

“And… and now?” Caroline whispered, seeming to steel herself as if she was waiting to be hurt. Gillian smiled at her softly, reaching up to trail her fingers down her cheek.

“Now I don’t feel any of those things. I don’t feel trapped, I don’t feel suffocated - apart from when I’m between your legs, of course-” That earned her a playful slap, and she grinned in response. “What you said, about making you better… You make me better, too, Caz. I want to be good for you, and I have absolutely no desire to look anywhere else. I’d never r-r-risk it, I couldn’t…” Her smile grew a little more wobbly, the very thought of shagging anyone but Caz causing a wave of revulsion to sweep over her. “I only want you.”

“And I only want you,” Caroline whispered, and it was that which seemed to break the tension that had settled between them over the last couple of days. Gillian leant forwards and kissed her sweetly, humming in satisfaction as their lips met. It had been horrible not to have the goodnight and good morning kisses that she had grown accustomed to, and it was only another snippet of evidence that she couldn’t be without her. Caroline had grown as fundamental to her as breathing. 

“So… what does that mean for the wedding, though?” Caroline eventually ventured, looking nervous once she had pulled away. “I mean… I know that’s why we fell out. Do you not want to do any of the things we were discussing? Because if you don’t, that's fine - you just need to tell me.”

Gillian bit her lip, wanting her to be happy but also unable to bear the idea of anything too big - it just wasn’t her. “I’d be happy with a registry office, and then a meal at the pub - but something quiet, no speeches or giant cake that no one will eat… I don’t want to have to make awkward small talk with everyone we’ve ever met or anything like that. I…” She looked down at their hands, squeezing Caroline’s fingers once again. “I just don’t want a massive fuss.”

“Well, nor do I…” Caroline reassured her, giving her hands a little shake. “I was happy with exactly what you were describing - it was Raff, Ellie and the rest that were talking about something bigger. I thought you might like to have a bit of a dance or something - you know it’s not my favourite thing to do, but if you wanted that…?”

“What, and have everyone staring at us and getting smashed off the free bar?” Gillian snorted, shaking her head. “Not likely. For a night out, yeah, that’s fine… but for getting married?” She shook her head slowly. “I’d like to marry you, have a nice meal, and then maybe go for a few days away - in this country, though. Not flamin’ Majorca.”

“Not flaming Majorca,” Caroline reiterated with a little giggle. “Well, we could go up to Scotland if you wanted? We were talking about that, weren’t we? Go and see some of the Lochs, some of the highland sheep, go for a couple of walks…”

“You mean you’d willingly go on a walk and see a bunch of sheep?” Gillian teased, and Caroline bared her teeth at her with a little growl.

“I’d go if there was somewhere lovely that we could come back to afterwards,” she murmured, her voice dropping an octave as she nestled closely to her. “A cottage or something… with a nice big fire, a nice big bath, a nice big bed…” She winked at her, a tiny movement that Gillian might have missed if she hadn’t been watching her so closely. “Maybe even somewhere with a hot tub…”

“Oooh, naked hot tub,” Gillian said with a grin, earning herself a roll of Caroline’s eyes. “Don’t look at me like that! I bet your tits would look fucking fantastic in a hot tub.” She couldn’t help her gaze dropping to the straining button that was struggling to stay done up over Caroline’s generous chest, and gasped as her fiancé quickly grasped her chin and made her look up once again.

“Don’t you go getting distracted,” she admonished playfully, and Gilian pouted - she loved any opportunity to get lost looking at Caroline’s breasts, although she knew that now was hardly the time. “So… you’d be happy with that, then? A quiet do, a few close friends, and then a honeymoon in Scotland? Just us?”

“Just us,” Gillian nodded, smiling at her shyly. “And… yeah. That sounds perfect.” She took another breath, somehow needing to say a little more. “Honestly though, Caz… please don’t ever think that I don’t want to marry you, or I’d cheat on you, or I’d do anything that would risk us. I… I couldn’t. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you, I’d be a right pillock if I fucked that up.”

“And I’d be a right pillock if I ever fucked things up with you, too,” Caroline gave back, pulling her a little closer before pecking her on the lips. “Fight over, then?”

“Fight over,” Gillian agreed, resting her forehead against the blonde’s for a moment as they took the time to reconnect. “Do you reckon we might be able to convince Raff to take the girls so that we might make up properly?”

“Mmm, we might need to think up a good excuse for chucking them out,” Caroline hummed, pulling back as a naughty look appeared in her eyes. “I reckon he might be convinced if we tell him that it’s either that or coming up with a dance routine for the wedding. What do you think?”

“I don’t think we’ll ever see him again,” Gillian sniggered, standing up and holding out her hand to the woman that would soon become her wife. “Come on, soon to be Doctor Greenwood-Dawson - time to go make up properly.”

“Alright, soon to be Mrs Greenwood-Dawson,” Caroline beamed, tangling their fingers together as she allowed herself to be led back out of the barn. “That’s got quite a ring to it, hasn’t it?”

“It has indeed,” Gillian replied, squeezing her hand tightly. “And I can’t wait.”

<3

Chapter Text

“Happy sex-aversary!” Gillian trilled with a massive grin, throwing herself down onto the bed next to her fiance and chucking a gift wrapped box in her lap. She looked incredibly pleased with herself, and Caroline couldn’t help but smirk in response.

“Sex-aversary? Is that a thing we’re doing now?” she giggled, a little flush colouring her cheeks as she caught the glint in Gillian’s eye. “I don’t remember us talking about exchanging gifts… and is this even the right date?” She scrunched up her nose, trying to think back. It hadn’t taken them long at all after confessing their feelings to fall into bed, even if their official status of girlfriends hadn’t followed until a while later. If she remembered rightly it had been a different month to this, although she didn’t know if Gillian was counting their first quick shags when they were having to keep things under the radar or the first time they got an extended time together. Still, she hadn’t thought either of them were around now…

“Well, it might not be,” Gillian hummed with a cheeky smirk, pushing the box closer to her as she wiggled her eyebrows. “Maybe I saw something… maybe I just felt like treating you.” Her eyes darkened a little as she smirked, and Caroline couldn’t help mirroring her expression right back at her. She loved it when Gillian got into one of these moods, especially when, like today, they had a child free house. Flora was once again off with Greg - a fresh flea in the ear of the latter after his tardiness on the last few visits - and he had offered to have her for an entire week. That was almost unheard of, and Caroline had been looking forward to it for what felt like forever.

“Alright, then,” Caroline gave back, tugging off her glasses and shutting her book before placing both to the side, her hands then going to the present. “Am I to assume that this is a naughty present, given that you’re calling this our sex-aversary?”

“Might be,” Gillian chuckled, watching impatiently as she started to unwrap it. “Honestly, do you ever unwrap things messily? You’re like my Mum, she always used to have us open things carefully so she could save the paper and use it again - she even used to iron it!”

“Now, that’s an idea,” Caroline said thoughtfully, deliberately going slower and peeling the sellotape off with painstaking slowness. “I could clear out another drawer of your ratty old flannel and have a paper collection in there.”

“Don’t you bloody dare,” Gillian growled, baring her teeth at her before tapping the box once again. “Come on, or I’ll unwrap it for you - and then you definitely won’t be able to iron it.”

“Patience is a virtue,” Caroline sang, but decided not to make her wait any longer and quickly ripped away the paper, revealing a brightly coloured box containing a large pink vibrator. She blinked at it, her mouth dropping open. “It… it’s a… it’s a…”

“New toy,” Gillian said happily, and quickly jumped into her lap, straddling her thighs as she took it from her. She made short work of the box, tearing it open and tugging it out before dangling it in front of the blonde. The look in her eyes could only be described as utterly filthy, and Caroline felt her breath catch in her chest as a little whimper escaped her. “Like the look of this, eh?”

“Maybe…” Caroline mumbled, looking between her and the toy as she ground her hips down in a slow circle onto her thighs. Although she was still wearing her pyjamas - a tight tank top and some bottoms that were patterned in rainbow sheep, a joke present from Raff - she could feel the heat of her, and it meant that when she kissed her she responded eagerly, definitely up for wherever the night was going to take them.

Gillian made short work of her sleep shirt, almost tearing it away from her and humming greedily when she revealed her chest. The farmer’s obsession with her breasts had never waned, and now was no exception - she had thrown the toy to the side for now and was kneading them gently as she moaned into her mouth.

“You have no idea what it’s been doing to me, waiting for Flora to leave so I can give you this,” she mumbled against her lips, leaning back a little while Caroline tugged her top off with one fluid, competent movement. “Or how many ways I’ve imagined having you with it… its borderline perverse.”

“I like you perverse,” Caroline muttered, tugging her lower lip into her mouth as she looped her arms around her waist, fingers dancing across the hemline of her bottoms. “You know that.”

“Ooh, Doctor, do you say that to all the girls?” Gillian replied cheekily, but let out a startled cry when Caroline descended on her neck, quickly finding the sensitive little spot beneath her ear that always managed to wind her up. She bit down sharply, knowing that she was going to leave a mark but not caring at all, gently soothing her skin with her tongue afterwards.

“Just giving you something to remember me by,” Caroline growled, unwilling to admit just how much she liked it when she caught sight of any mark that she left on her fiance after the fact.

“Well, I’ll be giving you something to remember me by, too,” Gillian panted, smirking cheekily at her once again as she tugged her flat onto the bed. “Now, lie still, Doctor…”

It wasn’t long until they had managed to strip each other bare, the duvet flung away as they focused on kissing each other. It wasn’t often that they were able to take such time over the intimate side of their relationship - at least, not when Flora was asleep in the next room - so any time like this was precious and to be savoured. As much as Caroline wanted her - and wanted her to put her money where her mouth was in terms of using the toys - she couldn’t help enjoying the way that she was working her up with every stroke of her tongue against hers, her thigh pushing between her legs as she rocked against her.

“Gillian…” Caroline moaned, arching her back off her bed and trying to get a little more friction in the process. The heat in her stomach and the tension that was radiating off her entire body was enough to make her want to beg for more, and Gillian seemed to know. She let out a low giggle, her fingers dipping between her legs to swipe through her folds.

“Just about ready for me, eh?” she teased, nuzzling into her neck as Caroline whimpered and gasped below her. “See, I knew you’d like my present.”

“I’d like it a hell of a lot more if you actually did something with it,” Caroline almost snapped, growing impatient now. The thought of Gillian hovering above her as she applied it where she most wanted it was incredibly distracting, and she was close to just snatching it up herself to try and get her to do something.

“What was that you said to me earlier?” Gillian asked thoughtfully, pausing as her finger pressed against her clit, frustrating her with her lack of movement. “Patience is a virtue?”

“Oh, fuck off,” Caroline grumbled, pouting up at her as she pressed her chest against hers. Their nipples rubbed against each other deliciously, and both of them let out a low hiss of need. It seemed to be enough to galvanise the farmer into action, and she leant forwards to kiss her as she reached to the side, snatching it off the bed and then dragging it over her thigh. The smooth silicone shaft felt unfamiliar and cool against her when Gillian pressed it between her legs, and she whimpered once again as it pressed against the little bundle of nerves that ached for attention.

“Are you ready?” Gillian’s voice was silky smooth in her ear, and she gently nipped her earlobe into her mouth to wind her up even further. “I think it’s going to be pretty intense, you know…”

“Please…” Caroline pleaded, her eyes glazing over as she tried to press down against it. “Gillian, fucking hell…”

“Alright then, brace yourself, old girl,” Gillian hummed, earning herself a playful slap from the blonde as she clicked the button.

Where Caroline had expected to feel ecsquite vibrations against her most intimate of areas, there was… nothing. The toy remained unmoving in Gillian’s hand, and they both looked down at it in confusion. “Did you click the right bit?” Caroline mumbled the anticipation only making her ache more. “Is there another button?”

“I’m trying…” Gillian said in frustration, and after a few failed attempts she sat up, straddling her once again and holding it in front of her as she stabbed at the buttons. “Fucking thing, why won’t it work?!”

“This is so sexy,” Caroline deadpanned, resting her hands on her thighs as she smirked up at her. The look on Gillian’s face was worth a delayed orgasm, though - she looked so adorably annoyed that Caroline just wanted to tackle her to the bed and worry about the toy another day. “Look… leave it. I’m sure we can think of something else to do.” As she spoke she gently trailed her fingers up Gillian’s torso, skimming them over the curves of her breasts.

“No, I want…” Gillian growled, and then her movements stilled. She flipped the toy over and twisted the base, pulling it open and peering inside. “No batteries! Why the hell would they send something out without any batteries in it?!”

“I think that’s pretty common,” Caroline reasoned, gasping in pain as Gillian managed to elbow her in the stomach as she launched herself over the bed towards the bedside table. She propped herself up on her elbows and watched in amusement as Gillian rummaged around in the drawer, growling when she wasn’t successful. “Gillian, honestly… it’s alright. I’ll grab some from Waitrose tomorrow.”

“Fucking posh batteries,” Gilian grunted, slamming the top drawer closed before looking in the next one down. “I know I’ve got some somewhere…” Caroline sighed, and after some more rummaging Gillian banged the drawer shut, sitting up on the bed and looking around the room. “Ah ha!” she eventually exclaimed, jumping up and grabbing the clock off the wall. She managed to scavenge one battery from there, and then another from the clock on the bedside table.

“You better make sure you put that back in there, otherwise the alarm won’t go off tomorrow,” Caroline reminded her with a smirk, endeared by the farmer’s dogged determination to get her off. Gillian gripped the end of the toy between her teeth, her brow furrowed as she fought to stuff the batteries in the right way, giving it a swift bang for luck.

“There…” she muttered, twisting the cap back on and then holding it aloft with a grin. “Now… where were we?” She turned and grinned at her fiance before pouncing on her with a growl, earning herself a little shriek of laughter in the process.

After spending a little while working her up once again, making sure that Caroline was gasping with need underneath her, Gillian tried again. The self satisfied smirk that she wore faded a little when she clicked it on, and whilst it was working, it was so weak that it did next to nothing.

Caroline groaned and dropped her head back against the pillow. “Can’t you just leave it? I just want you, Gillian, we can worry about the toy tomorrow,” she whined, her lips falling into a little pout. She meant it, too - she was so close to either touching herself or throwing the toy out of the window that it was almost unreal.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” Gillian grumbled, standing up and grabbing one of Caroline’s jumpers from where it had been neatly folded on the chair by the bed. “Don’t go anywhere. And don’t get impatient!” She leant over to slap away Caroline’s hand which had gradually been creeping down her body, pulling the duvet over her with a little frown. “Your orgasms are mine, McKenzie-Dawson.”

“Yeah, well, if you’re not back soon then my gift to you might run out,” Caroline teased, flicking her tongue out at her teasingly. Gillian’s eyes went wide, and she turned and scampered out of the room.

After a couple of minutes of attempting to wait patiently Caroline reached for her book again, popping her glasses onto her nose as she jumped back into reading. She wouldn’t ruin Gillian’s fun - not really - but if she didn’t distract herself right then she knew that she would be tempted.

She had gotten through almost ten pages by the time Gillian returned, inexplicably dressed in her overall and soaking wet as she shivered at the foot of the bed.

“What on earth…?” Caroline gasped, pulling back the covers and dashing over to Gillian, cupping her face in her hands as she peered into her eyes. The smaller woman’s teeth were chattering, and the tip of her nose was blue. “Gillian, what have you been doing?!”

“S-raining,” she mumbled, attempting to smile at her. “I knew there were some batteries in the landy… but they weren’t there. And then I remembered that I had them in the tractor when I was sorting out that torch…” Caroline gently peeled the overall away from her body, tugging the dripping fabric down her thighs and helping her kick it off. Underneath she was still only wearing her jumper, not even any underwear to protect her from the cold. Even the wool was soaked, and after removing that from her too Caroline tugged her into bed, wrapping her arms around her as well as the duvet to try and get her warm.

“You are a twat, it could have waited until tomorrow,” Caroline murmured, pressing an adoring kiss into her wet hair. “I hope you’re not going to get a cold now - you’re freezing.”

“I think it might be trying to snow,” Gillian offered with a weak giggle, snuggling closer into Caroline’s chest as she shivered. Even in her bedraggled state she was clearly still of a one track mind, her fingers moving up to tease Caroline’s nipple once again. “And I wanted to… Like I said, I’ve been thinking about it…”

“Those must have been some very distracting thoughts,” Caroline hummed, a breathy gasp leaving her as Gillian’s clever fingers carried on their task. “Distracting enough to send you out in the cold and the rain whilst I waited for you in here, dreaming about you coming back…”

“Have you?” Gillian sounded thrilled, and Caroline chuckled lightly in response. “Good job I got them then.” She smirked, bringing up her hand and unfurling her palm to unveil two Duracell batteries.

“Oh, aren’t you resourceful,” Caroline praised, kissing the tip of her nose before sitting up and retrieving the vibrator from where it had fallen at the side of the bed. “Let’s see, then…” She took the batteries and carefully slotted them inside, twisting the cap on before pressing the button. It immediately sprang to life, vibrating in a rather over the top way, and her eyes went wide.

“Yes! You did it!” Gillian beamed, propping herself up on her elbows. “Give it here, then…”

“Oh, no…” Caroline purred, turning to her with a little gleam in her eye. “I believe it's you that needs to be warmed up now… You can play later. “ With that promise she leapt on her, kissing her passionately as she trailed the toy down her body. Her muffled protests quickly turned to moans, and Caroline smirked as she drew it back and forwards between her folds.

Later, when both of them had experienced the really quite staggering power of the vibrator and were lying flat on their backs, panting and overwhelmed, Gillian looked across at her with a lazy smile.

“Told you it was going to be good,” she said smugly, and all Caroline could do was let out a satiated groan.

“Next time, remember the batteries,” she reminded her, earning herself a giggle in response. She definitely couldn’t wait for the next time…

<3

Chapter Text

“Christ, this takes me back,” Gillian mumbled as she took a deep inhale from the joint in her hand, holding the smoke inside for a few moments before letting it out in a thin, steady stream. She hadn’t smoked anything apart from the occasional cigarette, giggling with Caroline as they hid from the family, for such a long time now that she hardly remembered what it felt like, but it didn’t take much for her to remember. “It’s been years since I had any of this…”

“Yeah, well don’t get used to it,” Caroline cautioned, plucking it out of her hand and taking a deep drag. Gillian couldn’t take her eyes off her - there was something about Caroline smoking that was so sexy that it always set a deep ache going in her abdomen, especially because the blonde didn’t seem to know what impact it had on her. “This is strictly a one off… I didn’t even realise that I’d brought it home. I was going to flush it.”

“Something subconsciously obviously stopped you,” Gillian giggled, her mouth almost hanging open as Caroline took another drag. “Thought your kids are meant to be reformed, anyway - what are they doing bringing drugs to school?”

“The question that we would all like answers to,” Caroline hummed, offering the joint back to her fiance. “I’ve already made a call to the police, they’re going to come in Monday and do a talk. Think it’s going to be that one you’re afraid of, that Cawood.”

“I’m not afraid of her!” Gillian retorted, pouting back at her. “You can’t deny that she’s got presence, though. Last time I was down in the coop in Hebden she walked in and was chatting to that twat behind the counter with the glasses, and he looked like he wanted to sink through the floor. Bloody terrified of her, he is.”

“Yeah, well I hope the kids will find her just as terrifying…” Caroline rolled her eyes, and tilted her head back so that the last light of the day kissed her face. They hadn’t dared to smoke the joint inside, and had had to wait for Raff to come and take Flora for a sleepover before eventually taking it outside and lighting it up. To Gillian’s surprise she hadn’t even taken that much convincing, and she rather liked this somewhat freer version of Caroline who was happy to sit on the wall outside without any shoes, her blouse half unbuttoned and hair hanging down from her clip. She was usually so perfect that it was utterly endearing.

“I remember having a police officer coming into my school when I was a teenager,” Gillian confided, letting out a low hum of contentment as yet another lungful hit her. She was starting to feel a little spacey, and she gave Caroline a slightly glazed smile as she handed it back to her. “He had this… this…” She gestured towards her lip, trying to mine a moustache as the word had currently escaped her. “On his face. It looked like a giant black caterpillar… I couldn’t take my eyes off it.”

“Assume you didn’t listen, then,” Caroline chuckled, a moan leaving her as she exhaled that almost had Gillian throwing herself at her. “I can just imagine you, Gillian Greenwood… smoking around the back of the bike sheds…”

“Shagging in the cricket pavilion,” Gillian reminded her with a giggle, wiggling her eyebrows at her. “Hey, Caz! We should do that, you know… might still be able to get into the school grounds, reclaim my m-m-m-misspent youth.”

“Gillian, I am not going to break into a school to shag you in a cricket pavilion,” Caroline retorted, holding the joint out of her again. “And if you keep saying shit like that then I’ll have to cut you off. Don’t want you getting any ridiculous ideas.”

“Not ridiculous,” Gillian grumbled, trying to lean back on the wall but missing it entirely and nearly tumbling to the ground. Whatever it was, it was clearly strong - it had affected her quite quickly, although Caroline was still looking a little more composed than she was. “I bet you were really good at school… didn’t do anything like this. No shagging.”

“I already told you about what we did in home economics,” Caroline replied a little reproachfully, although she offered her a soft smile in return. Gillian’s initial assessment had been wrong - her pupils had widened and a pretty flush had risen on her cheeks, and she could only presume that she was taking to it rather well. “But I had my moments. When I was at Oxford I used to go punting on the river with this lovely girl… she was an exchange student, French, I think. We didn’t talk much, just smoked and snogged. Snogged and smoked.” She giggled, and Gillian widened her eyes at her.

“Caroline McKenzie-Dawson, rebel without a cause,” she said admiringly, earning herself another laugh. “Did you really shag each other on a punt, though? Didn’t anyone notice?”

“We weren’t on the punt at the time, you twit,” Caroline chuckled, nudging her affectionately with her shoulder. Gillian had to steady herself… it was almost enough to have her falling off again. She didn’t remember her balance being so bad when she had smoked weed before, but it had been a long time - perhaps it was affecting her differently now? Caroline sighed, letting her eyes slide closed again. “We nearly got caught by a park keeper one time though… I had my hand up her skirt and I had to pretend I was rescuing her from a wasp.”

“A wasp?!” Gillian spluttered, starting to laugh at the vision that Caroline was painting. “Although, lucky girl, having your hand up her skirt…” She trailed off, raking her eyes down Caroline’s body with a smirk. “What would you do if I said I was being attacked by a wasp? Would you put your hand up my skirt?”

“You’re wearing jeans,” Caroline mumbled, but offered her a cheeky smile in return. “And I don’t need a wasp to give me an excuse to fuck you, Gillian, I do that whenever I want anyway.” At her words a desperate pulse settled between Gillian’s legs - like smoking, Caroline swearing was an occasion that never failed to have her lusting after her - there was something about the course words coming out of her usually so eloquent mouth that made her want to rip her clothes off - unless the swearing was directed at her.

Gillian took another long, thoughtful drag, her gaze settling on Caroline’s chest as she did so, as it so often did. There was a flash of pale pink lace showing, one of her favourite bits of Caroline’s lingerie, and a slightly sloppy grin slid onto her face as she gestured towards it. “I wouldn’t mind you fucking me, especially when you’re wearing that..” She tried to wink at her but almost slipped off the wall, even the slight change in her vision was enough to almost unbalance her.

“You noticed,” Caroline hummed, smirking right back at her. She leant forwards, plucking the smoke from her hand and giving her a birds eye view right down her cleavage. “Just think, after we’re married we’ll get to go away for a week, just us… and then we can wasp hunt as much as we want.”

“I’d rather you shagged my brains out,” Gillian retorted, and then giggled when she realised what Caroline had been getting at. It seemed that the drug was definitely having an effect. “Christ… what are you going to tell Cawood when she asks what you did with this? Cause you know she’s going to ask, she… she knows everything…” She swept her hand theatrically, the gesture enough to finally have her fall off the wall. She landed on the cobbles below with a grunt, blinking in surprise.

“You twat,” Caroline laughed, almost falling off herself as she staggered up and tried to help her off the floor. “And I’m sure she doesn’t know everything… I’ll have to make sure that I wash all this, and don’t go in smelling like it. I’ll tell her I flushed it, like I was going to.”

“Lying to a police officer, good God,” Gillian hummed, accepting the hand that was offered her way to pull her up. “What am I doing to you, Doc? Corrupting your sensibilities… lying to police officers…” Finally upright, she grinned up at her, curling a lock around her finger in what she hoped was an attractive, coquettish manner as she fluttered her eyelashes. “I think we might need to c-c-clean you up… get that outfit off, maybe…” She dropped her hand clumsily on Caroline’s chest, pushing it underneath the silk of her blouse and over the lace of her bra cup.

“You’re very pretty…” Caroline mumbled, looking down at her before taking the last drag. She dropped the butt to the floor and then cupped her face in her hands, leaning forwards to breathe the smoke into Gillian’s waiting mouth. It was a ridiculously intimate thing to do, and Gillian almost melted against her as it passed between them. She held it in for a moment, holding her gaze, before exhaling it to the side where it drifted off into the gathering twilight.

“Inside?” she asked with a quirk of her eyebrow, and Caroline nodded with a little smirk, taking her hand once again and leading her back to the farmhouse. As soon as they were through the door Gillian pushed her up against the cabinet in the living room, the picture frames on top wobbling dangerously as she nudged her backwards. Caroline captured her lips greedily, moaning into the kiss as their hands started to wander. Hair was tugged, clothes brushed aside, and Caroline’s skirt was soon up around her waist as Gillian worked on trying to get into her underwear.

“S’like Fort fucking Knox trying to get into these,” she complained, trying to worm her hand underneath the pale pink silk of her knickers to get what she wanted. She didn’t understand what the issue was - she usually had absolutely no issue, but her hand didn’t seem to want to cooperate.”

“Your jeans won’t come off, either,” Caroline complained, plucking again at the button as an adorable little crease appeared on her forehead, her lips falling into a pout. “Did you glue the button shut or something?”

“No! Look, I’ll do it,” Gillian gave back, taking a step back and looking down at it. Again, her fingers didn’t seem to want to cooperate, but it wasn’t long until she managed to get in undone and then drag down the zip for good measure. “See, told you I could-” She started, starting to tug them down her thighs, but the motion had her staggering backwards. The next thing she knew, her thighs hit the back of the sofa and she fell over it with yelp, ending up on the seat in a crumpled heap.

“You nutter,” Caroline laughed uproariously, leaning over and poking her in the side. “What did you do that for?”

“It wasn’t deliberate,” Gillian groaned, looking up and getting transfixed again by her breasts. Now that her shirt was open - missing a few buttons, but they could worry about that later - they were positively brimming over the cups of her bra, and she wanted nothing more than to bury her face in them. Even as the thought crossed her mind, though, a more pressing need came across her. “I’m f-f-f-bloody starving…”

“Are you threatening to eat me again, Greenwood?” Caroline hummed, using her arms to squeeze her breasts together so that her cleavage became even more impressive. “Cause you can… just don’t bite so far up my neck, this time. I’m sure the chair of the governors noticed last time.”

“Toss pot,” Gillian grumbled, scrambling up and kicking her jeans off that were still caught around her ankles. “Nah… I’m gonna cook something.”

“But…” Caroline blinked at her, looking lustfully at her legs. “I… I thought we…”

“Yeah… yeah, in a bit,” Gillian mumbled, already wobbling her way through to the kitchen. She suddenly couldn’t think of anything else but the need for food, and wrenched open the fridge to try and find something. “Aren’t you hungry?”

“For something…” Caroline hummed, moving behind her and trailing her fingers down her sides as she pressed her body against her back, her breath hot against her neck as she kissed her collarbone. “Not food, though.”

“Won’t be long…” Gillian carried on, snatching a box of eggs out of the fridge along with the milk and some cheese. “Gonna made cheesy eggs.”

“Cheesy eggs?” Caroline echoed faintly, and stepped back, folding her arms over her chest as Gillian busied herself grabbing a pan and a whisk. “You’d rather have cheesy eggs than me?”

“I’d like both, actually,” Gillian replied, shooting her a little wink. “But I’m so, so hungry… I don’t know what it is…”

“You had three portions of dinner!” Caroline reminded her, gesturing to the casserole dish that was scraped clean and waiting in the sink to be washed. “And you ate so much garlic bread that I thought you were going to explode!”

“Not my fault you’re such an excellent cook,” Gillian hummed, and gently tapped her on the arse before starting to crack eggs into a bowl. It was a little harder than normal, and more than a bit of shell fell into the mix. Still, it was just a bit of extra crunch, surely? “If I had anyone cooking for me then I’d want it to be you… Nigella hasn’t got a patch on you, Caz.”

“Gillian….” Caroline whined, and the farmer looked back at her momentarily as she started to messily whisk the eggs. She looked quite a state - her skirt was still pushed above her hips, her blouse hanging off one shoulder and her clip now holding up none of her hair at all. Her blonde tresses now fell about her face in soft waves, her lipstick smeared across her face, and Gillian thought that she had never looked so beautiful.

“I won’t be long, your arse is mine,” she said cheekily, winking at her again before turning back to her task. There was a groan of annoyance from behind her, and Gillian whisked faster, knowing that Caroline wouldn’t have much patience with her.

“It better be,” the blonde grumbled, and Gillian set the pan on the stove, turning on the heat before adding a little butter. “Honestly, what do I need to do… recite you poetry, or something?”

“Poetry?” Gillian giggled, moving the pan to try and melt the butter. She was a little clumsy and she swore as some flicked out and landed on her hand, suddenly very aware that she was only wearing a tank top and her knickers. “What do you mean, poetry?”

“I used to be very good at reading poetry,” Caroline said thoughtfully, and there was a scrape of one of the kitchen chairs as she sat down. Gillian threw the eggs in the pan, slopping it messily over the top of the aga, and then set about seeing if she could find anything else to munch in the meantime. “Your arse is like… a football,” she started contemplatively, and that had Gillian wheeling around to look at her incredulously, a packet of biscuits in her hand.

“A football?” she laughed, looking down behind her at said arse. “What does that mean?”

“My love for you is like a cashmere jumper,” Caroline carried on, leaning back in the chair with unfocused eyes as she held up her hands towards her, a soft smile playing about her lips. “My love is like a hot air balloon…”

“You’re stoned,” Gillian observed, and the statement was suddenly so funny that she bent double, cackling with laughter as Caroline carried on.

“Shall I compare thee to the mighty land rover, or to my… my jag,” she slurred, closing her eyes and pressing her hands to her chest. “Thou art more… more…”

“More what?” Gillian giggled, completely transfixed by her performance.

“More beautiful and fair,” she eventually finished, her eyes blinking open again. “More beautiful and fair than anything made by mortal hands…”

“Shit, you really are smashed,” Gillian shook her head with a grin and then whipped around when the smell of burning eggs reached her nose. “Shit…”
There was a scrape of the chair again behind her and some rustling, followed by the fridge opening and closing with a rattle. “Gillian…” Caroline’s voice was sing song, and Gillian turned around to see what she was up to.

As she did, her mouth dropped open. Somehow in the short space of time that her back had been turned, Caroline had stripped off completely and was now perched on the edge of the kitchen table, smirking at her as she held a can of squirty cream. It was so far removed from her usual behaviour that Gilian lost all power of speech, her hands dropping away from the eggs as she raked her eyes down her body.

“My love is like a can of spray cream,” Caroline carried on, and aimed it at herself before pressing the trigger. Cream sprayed out of the top in an inelegant spatter, dripping over her breasts and down her stomach as she grinned at her. “Dessert?”

“Fuck…” Gillian whipped around and turned off the heat on the stove, grabbing the eggs and throwing the pan into the sink before she almost ran at her fiance, mashing her body against hers and getting just as covered in cream as she greedily captured her lips with a groan. The little moans that started to escape the blonde immediately were enough to have her forget any thought of food, especially when she grabbed her hand and pressed it between her legs.

A while later, both of them lying in front of the fire wrapped in a blanket having migrated there after Caroline had complained rather loudly about her knees on the flagstones of the kitchen, Gillian was still gently kissing away the remains of the cream as the blonde giggled beneath her. “I think we’ll have to get you stoned more often, this Caroline is fun,” she hummed, tracing her tongue around her pulse point before nipping the skin gently.

“I’m always fun,” Caroline mumbled, her fingers threading through her hair as she arched her back with a little gasp. “Don’t need illegal substances to be fun…”

“Course not,” Gillian agreed, rolling on top of her again and slipping her thigh between her legs. “Makes it fun though, doesn’t it?”

“Mmph,” Caroline offered, craning up to kiss her once again. Her lips were sticky and sweet, and Gillian could taste both herself and the cream that was now lying empty next to them. It was an oddly intoxicating mix, and she felt herself getting worked up once again. “Don’t you go getting ideas. I don’t want to wake up one day and find you’ve got a secret patch of plants hidden up somewhere.”

“Oh, you’ve spoiled your wedding present,” Gillian teased, nipping her lip gently. “I wouldn’t dare, you know that.”

“I can just see the headlines now… ‘Lesbian Headmistress in Secret Skunk Shame…’ I’d never live it down,” Caroline winced, and Gillian couldn’t help giggling again.

“Lesbian Headmistress in Secret Skunk Shame at Sex Farm,” Gillian elaborated, knowing that she wasn’t being particularly eloquent but finding it incredibly funny anyway.

“Lesbian Headmistress and Sex Obsessed Farmer’s Secret Skunk Shame,” Caroline sniggered, meaning herself a little poke in the side.

“Oi! I was making eggs, it was you that took your clothes off!” Gillian reminded her, and Caroline just giggled more. “You weren’t taking no for an answer!”

“Well, did you want to say no?” Caroline’s hand crept down her body to squeeze the cheek of her arse, rocking her momentarily against her heat. “How about now? Want to get up and watch University Challenge? I think I’ve got one on the box…”

“Oh, fuck off,” Gillian grumbled, and leant down to kiss her again. Stoned or not, she would never get tired of Caroline, even if she did make her watch University Challenge. Whatever Caroline wanted, she only desired to make her happy, and knew that the sentiment was returned in spades. “Love you, you twat.”

“Love you too, you knob,” Caroline purred, earning herself a giggle. As she embraced her again, Gillian found that she couldn’t wait until the day that she put a ring on her finger and could officially say that she was hers. It would be the best day of her life.

<3

Chapter Text

“We must be mad,” Caroline whispered to Gillian, both of them standing side by side with their arms tucked into each other as they waved at the car that had just driven up to the farmhouse. Her anxiety over the night to come only peaked further when the back door of the taxi popped open and Judith almost fell out, clutching a bottle of wine that looked open already. “Whatever possessed us to think that this was a good idea?”

“All those f-f-f-bloody texts where she was trying to get into your knickers,” Gillian said out of the corner of her mouth, pasting a fake smile on her face and waving that the author who was now swaying up the path. “Don’t you remember how pissed off you were that she kept texting you at three in the morning? And how you almost went blind when she sent you a picture of her tits?”

“Oh, god…” Caroline groaned, wincing at the memory. She could only hope that Judith wouldn’t bring it up tonight - it would be exceptionally awkward. She did, of course, remember the incident in question. Despite the fact that she and Gillian were now very happily engaged, and the fact that they would be getting married in less than three months, Judith hadn’t seen that as enough to dissuade her from trying to come on to her. She was remarkably persistent, even when Gillian had gotten involved and threatened to get her shotgun out if she even came close to her ever again. The farmer was remarkably possessive when she had need of her to be, and quite a large part of her loved it. 

“Caroline, hi!” Judith drawled, throwing herself into the blonde’s arms and enveloping her in an almost overwhelming fug of perfume and alcohol fumes. It was clear that she was struggling just as much as she had been at the party a few months before, and Caroline struggled to extricate herself from her clutches. 

“Hi, Judith,” she parroted, trying to make herself look hospitable. It really felt like inviting something to go wrong, having her up at their home, but Gillian had assured her that it would all be fine and would solve more than one problem. She had taken a lot of convincing, of course, and Gillian had been rather dedicated to persuading her in a multitude of ways that couldn’t be discussed in polite company. “How are you?”

“Devastated, darling, simply devastated,” she moaned, pulling back and raking her eyes down her body. Caroline had gone for modesty that evening, forgoing her usual shirt and skirt or dress in favour of high waisted black trousers and a cream polo neck jumper. Her aim was to cover up as much flesh as possible, much to Gillian’s sadness. The farmer was looking rather dashing, too - she was wearing a similar pair of dark jeans and a bottle green top that brought out the green hints in her eyes. “You look simply divine, though.”

“Hi, Judith,” Gillian interjected a little awkwardly, pushing between them and almost waving in her face. “Welcome to our home…” she continued very obviously, wrapping her arm around Caroline’s waist and resting her head on her shoulder. It was clear that she wanted to give the other woman a reminder of just who it was that got to call Caroline theirs, and she didn’t appreciate her looking at her like she was a rather delicious snack on whatever cheeseboard she inevitably consumed along with all the alcohol she sunk on the daily. 

“Yeah, hi, Gillian,” Judith said dismissively, and then made to drape herself over Caroline again. “Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m devastated, Caroline?”

As she spoke there was a roar of an engine, and a white van pulled sharply into the courtyard, barely avoiding the taxi who had been about to depart. It came to a halt with a screech of brakes, and Caroline winced at the familiar logo on the side.

“You alright, ladies?” Olga called across to them as she bounded out of the door, her curls flying around her face as she slammed it shut and started sauntering towards them.

“Look, why don’t you take Judith in,” Caroline said quietly to Gillian, her nerves ramping up another notch as her ex… - lover? Girlfriend would be pushing it, they hadn’t had much more than a few shags - ran up the path with a huge beam on her face. 

“Fine. As long as she doesn’t try anything,” Gillian frowned, tucking her arm into the crook of Judith’s elbow and starting to steer her towards the house. As she did so Judith looked back at her longingly, and Caroline winced again. Yes, this really had been a ridiculous idea. Why did she ever think that inviting two people who clearly had rather inappropriate feelings towards her into her home was a good idea? It didn’t matter that Gillian thought that they might be a good mix and get them off her case - at this rate she would have problems getting them to tear their eyes off her for enough time to even acknowledge that the other existed. 

As Gillian made her way into the house Caroline pasted another smile onto her face, wondering how to greet the woman who had previously shared her bed. It had been an absolute nightmare to get rid of her in the first place, several months of dodging texts and phone calls as well as pretending to be out on more than one occasion. After she had got together with Gillian the farmer had insisted on snogging her very publicly outside her shop in the hope that she got the message, and it was only that which seemed to do the trick. 

“Evening, Olga,” she said pleasantly, belatedly realising that Olga was going in for one of her usual bone crushing hugs as her arms snaked around her waist, planting a huge lipsticked kiss on her cheek. “You found us alright, then?”

“Yeah, yeah, no bother,” Olga gave back, taking a step back and stuffing her hands in her pockets as she raised her eyebrows at her. “Quite a change, this, then? Living on a farm…”

“Yeah, well…” Caroline hummed, looking back at the farmhouse with a little smile. “It seemed like the natural thing to do when Gillian and I got together… she couldn’t exactly move her sheep into mine, so…”

“Sheep…” Olga bared her teeth, rocking back and forth on her toes as she looked at her curiously. “And mud… never thought I’d see the day someone as… flawless… as you came to live on a farm. Is it some kind of mid-life crisis, or something?”

“You know that you were my midlife crisis, Olga,” Caroline hummed, raising her eyebrows at her. To anyone else it would have been cutting, but Olga seemed to find it hilarious and burst out laughing. “Glad you find it funny.”

“Oh, I do, I really do,” Olga chuckled, smirking at her once again. “That reminds me - brought you a case of wine. Belated housewarming present.” She winked at her and then darted back to the van, Caroline letting out a long sigh as she did so. She had the feeling that this would be a very long night…

xOxOxOx

“So, who are you again?” Judith slurred, propping her head on her hand as she leant on the table, narrowing her eyes at Olga. Caroline winced as she walked towards the table with her best casserole dish - if this was how Judith attempted to pick up people normally then it was no surprise that she was single. 

Olga darted an amused look at Caroline, shooting her a quick wink before turning back to the inebriated author. “I’m Olga… I run a wine shop. I think I’ve seen you before, haven’t I?” She furrowed her brow, and looked back to both Caroline and Gillian. “Haven’t I?”

“Judith was at Celia’s play,” Gillian supplied helpfully, getting up and clearing a spot in the middle of the table for the dish. She flashed a little smile at her fiancé, and Caroline immediately felt reassured. At least, whatever happened, Gillian would be at her side for the night. Their two guests would be much easier to deal with if she had her support. 

“Oh yeah, the play!” Olga gave back, her face breaking into a massive, sunny smile. “How is the old girl? Won any BAFTAs yet?”

“Hardly,” Gillian snorted, rolling her eyes and earning herself a reproachful nudge in the process. “I mean… no. She’s done a couple more plays but she’s fallen out with them now, hasn’t she?”

“Yes… I think they offended her delicate sensibilities, shall we say,” Caroline hummed, returning to the kitchen to get the dishes of roast potatoes and vegetables that she had prepared to go alongside the chicken and red wine stew. It was a meal that she could make in her sleep she had done it so often, but it never failed to impress Gillian, who looked more than a little thrilled when she pulled off the lid to reveal what was inside. 

“I have missed your cooking,” Olga sighed, looking wistfully down at the meal. Caroline had to admit that she had done a good job, and she didn’t comment as she started to dish it up. Her silence seemed to have the desired effect, and she turned back to Judith with a little smile. “So, Judith… what do you do?”

“Darling, I’m an author,” Judith drawled, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly as she took another deep swig of wine. “Children’s books… Caroline stocks most of them in her school library, don’t you?” She simpered towards Caroline, and the blonde smiled back uncomfortably. It was true that she did stock them - they were very good, and had encouraged so many children that she knew to read that their popularity and reach could not be denied. Whilst she was comfortable with that, however, she wasn’t comfortable with the familiarity that Judith was showing her. 

“Yes, they're very good,” Caroline gave back, pushing a plate of food in front of the author in the hope that it would go some way to soaking up whatever alcohol she had consumed that evening. She was already wondering what she had been thinking - surely it wasn't a good idea to set Judith up with a woman who ran her own wine shop? It seemed rather counter productive…

“Are you going to tell Judith what you do, then, Olga?” Gillian prompted helpfully, offering her fiancé a little smile as she provided her with her own plate of food. After serving some for herself, Caroline sat down and was treated to a breathtaking smile and a peck on the cheek from the farmer, clearly intent on marking her territory in front of the two other women.

“Oh, yeah…” Olga turned back to Judith, grabbing a napkin off the table and dragging it across her lips - she had been rather enthusiastically shovelling her food into her mouth since Caroline had put it in front of her. Judith looked back at her, her lip curled a little distastefully as Olga licked her lips before continuing. “I own a wine shop in Harrogate with my brother. That wine over there…” She gestured to the full crate of Malbec that was ready and waiting on the side, yet unopened. “That’s some of ours.”

“Wine!” Judith suddenly seemed much more interested, and dragged her chair a little closer as she started to twirl a lock of her hair around her finger. “Now… that is an interesting subject. Are you one of those connoisseurs that can tell people what wine goes with what food, and all that?”

“Well, I suppose so…” Olga nodded thoughtfully, grabbing a slice of the bread that Caroline had sliced and left in a neat pile, causing the other pieces to scatter over the table. “Although Caroline always manages to choose well - the wine you’ve put in this meal, for example, is perfect.” She winked at Caroline again, and the blonde wanted to drop her head to the table. It seemed like however they tried to distract them they always came back to her, like she was some kind of walking aphrodisiac. With that horrifying thought she turned a glare on Gillian, who looked like she was having the time of her life.

“What Caz doesn’t tell you is that she likes a nice bit of Lambrini on the quiet,” Gillian said with a grin, and Caroline’s mouth dropped open in surprise. She bloody hated Lambrini - it tasted like paint stripper, in her mind, and she knew that Gillian knew that. “We like to take it up to bed, in fact.”

“Lambrini?!” Both Olga and Judith spoke at the same time, looking horrified, and Gillian just nodded with a little giggle.

“Classy broad, my Caz,” Gillian hummed, dropping her arm around her shoulders and offering her a cheeky grin. “Find she’s less bothered about what she’s drinking when she’s getting what she wants.” She followed the statement up with a wiggle of her eyebrows, and Caroline kicked her sharply underneath the table.

“Will you stop it!” she hissed murderously, her eyes flashing with anger, but it only served to amuse Gillian more. Trying to compose herself she turned back to her guests, gesturing towards the leftover food on the table. “Do tuck in… there’s plenty more where that came from so if you want seconds just help yourselves.”

The meal progressed fairly smoothly after that, although Caroline soon started to tire of trying to dodge the conversational trapdoors that seemed to be laid in front of her by both Judith and Olga, both of them seeming to be in competition for who could hold most of her attention. Both of them seemed to be drinking too much - a definite concern when it came to Olga, given that she had driven over and the last time she had done such a thing she had ended up inviting herself to stay for the night. 

“You know, when you get to my age, you come to a realisation,” Judith said a little drunkenly, waving a green bean around like it was some kind of point. “You come to realise that men… FUCKING men… are twats. Big, huge twats, and I… I am FED UP of all their twattery.”

“Hear, hear!” said Gillian, raising her glass up in agreement before taking a deep pull of the wine it contained. 

“Could’a told you that, it only took one snog behind the bike sheds for me and I was off them for life,” Olga chuckled, dragging her finger through the leftover sauce on her face and popping the digit in her mouth, her eyes darkening as she turned her attention back to Caroline. The blonde looked away sharply, not wanting to be drawn into her little display, and started to gather the plates together. 

“Anyone for dessert?” she asked with forced brightness, hoping that the flush on her cheeks would be put down to the red wine that she had imbibed rather than the other woman’s actions.

“Oh, but Caroline, can we not have you for dessert?” Judith pointed, squeezing her breasts together as she fluttered her eyelashes. “That would be so fun…”

“Yeah…” Olga nodded, starting to smirk as she looked her up and down. “What do you say, Gillian? Do you mind sharing? Just for a night?”

“Oi!” Caroline interjected angrily, knowing by the twinkle in Olga’s eye that she was only joking, although she wasn’t quite sure how Judith felt about the issue. “Will you-”

“No, I’m not sharing,” Gillian said in a low, warning voice, dropping her arm possessively around her shoulders. “I know we’ve all been having a joke, but that's as far as it goes. Both of you need to realise that Caroline is off limits - we brought both of you here for each other, not so you could get your knickers in a twist about my fiancé!” Her words were vehement, and Caroline shot her a grateful smile.

“Each other?” Judith blinked at them both stupidly, before turning to look at the curly haired woman at her side. “You were trying to match make us? Me and her?”

“You needn’t sound so horrified,” Olga returned, folding her arms and shooting her a little glare. “I’m quite a catch, you know! Just cause Caz here prefers someone her own age - and, apparently, sheep, although I’m still not convinced about that one - doesn’t mean that I’m not… eligible.”

“I’m not horrified…” Judith turned and looked her up and down, as if seeing her for the first time. “You’re very… attractive. But I am a one woman… woman…” she carried on, shooting Caroline a little smirk. “Are you sure that you went to bed with her, Caroline? She doesn’t really seem like the sort you’d allow into your bed… you need someone with more… more…” She flapped her hands at herself. “Character.”

“Oi! I’ve got plenty of bloody character, you cheeky bitch!” Olga shot back, wheeling around on her with her eyes flashing. “And I can tell you now, Caroline did allow me into her bed, and into some other very interesting places as well!”

“ENOUGH!” Caroline banged her hands down onto the table, finally having reached her limit. “We invited you both here because we thought that you may have something in common - besides me, although Judith has never had that dubious honour - and if you can’t respect that I have moved on, I am engaged to be married, and respect the fact that my fiancé is sitting right next to me, then you might as well leave!”

A tense silence filled the room, Caroline eyeballing each of the women with a ferocious, headteacherly stare that usually stopped anyone that it was aimed at and had them quaking in their boots. She didn’t like bringing it out in polite company but really felt that she had no choice, especially given how unruly the evening was becoming.

“Sorry, Caroline,” Judith eventually offered, looking rather shame faced as she ran her finger around the rim of her wine glass. 

“Yeah, sorry, Caroline,” Olga added, grimacing a little before looking at Gillian. “And sorry, Gillian. You’re bloody lucky, you know that?”

“Oh, I know,” Gillian replied, looking at Caroline with a soft smile. “Very lucky indeed.”

There was a beat of tense silence before Caroline stood up, gathering together the plates before moving to deposit them by the sink. “I will be back in a moment,” she murmured, shoving another bottle of wine on the table before starting to move towards the stairs. She needed just a moment to gather herself, and intended to go and reapply her lipstick as an excuse. “Behave, whilst I’m gone.”

“I will,” Olga shot back promptly, earning an affronted gasp from the author, and Caroline sighed in frustration before making her way upstairs. This really had been a stupid idea… 

As she moved to close the bathroom door, she found that she was unable to do so as a foot stopped it from closing. In a flash Gillian had pushed her way inside, offering her a worried smile as she crossed the threshold. “Are you alright? Sorry… I shouldn’t have persuaded you to do this. They’re like chalk and bloody cheese, aren’t they?”

“Yes, they are rather,” Caroline sighed, raking her hand through her hair and biting her lip in frustration. “Honestly, though… I at least thought that they would respect that I’ve made my choice - I mean, you, my fiancé, are sitting right there, and don’t think that I haven’t noticed you marking your territory all night - but the two of them seem determined not to respect it!”

“Bit of a compliment though, eh?” Gillian suggested as she snaked her arms around her waist with a cheeky grin. “All of us wanting you, however awkward it is… And yet I’m the only one who gets to have you.” She winked suggestively, and Caroline rolled her eyes, although a hint of a smile was starting to tug at her lips. 

“Yes, you are,” she agreed, giving in and allowing Gillian to give her a lingering kiss. “It’s not really flattering though when it’s discussed over dinner. It feels… sordid, somehow.”

“Yeah, well, those two could make anything sordid,” Gillian snorted, shaking her head. “God, when Olga started licking her fingers - what did she think she was playing at? Like you’d just jump over the table and snog her, or something?”

“What would you have done if she’d tried? To snog me, I mean,” Caroline hummed, raising her eyebrows at the brunette. “Would you have defended my honour?”

“You bet I would, she would have been hightailing it down the farm track with her tail between her legs if I’d had anything to say about it,” Gillian said hotly, her arms tightening around her waist as if to make her point. “Plus, there’s always the shotgun…”

“Gillian, you really need to stop saying that you’re going to threaten people with your shotgun, we really don’t need the police up here,” Caroline chuckled, drawing the farmer into her chest and pressing a kiss against her crown.  “Although I don’t doubt that you would have seen them off. I like that you’re protective of me.”

“You’re just as protective of me,” Gillian reminded her, looking up at her with a smirk. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten how you were with that woman who came to sell me that sheep dip - she was terrified of you by the end of it, and I haven’t seen her since!”

“She was all over you!” Caroline retorted, her face dropping into a frown at even the memory. “She was ogling your arse so blatantly, you didn’t see it!”

“Jealous, eh?” Gillian teased. “Don’t worry, Doc, you’re the only one who gets to ogle my arse.” She stood on her tiptoes and captured Caroline’s lips, flicking her tongue against her in what Caroline hoped was a promise of what was to come a little later. “Now, what do you say we give them dessert then show them the door?” she suggested, and Caroline nodded with a little smile.

“I’m starting to regret making that whipped cream, though… who knows what they’ll get up to with that,” she groaned, just being able to imagine what it would be like as she tried to get through the apple and strawberry pie that she had made. 

“Leave it in the fridge, we can make use of it later,” Gillian offered, winking at her naughtily. “They don’t need to know that you made it, do they?”

“Suppose not,” Caroline answered, a little flush rising on her cheeks at the thought of what they might get up to if she didn’t serve it with dinner. Gillian was always very creative, after all… “Alright, well-” Her words were interrupted by a crash from downstairs, and both women looked at each other in shock.

“Come on,” Caroline muttered, and gently moved Gillian aside before hurrying out of the bathroom and then down the stairs. She only hoped that they hadn’t dropped the bottle of wine… As she rounded the corner of the kitchen, she couldn’t help gasping in surprise at the scene that greeted them. 

Judith was straddling Olga’s lap, the wine merchant’s hands clasped around her back as they kissed furiously, both of them moaning as gasping and entirely unaware of the fact that both Caroline and Gillian had reappeared back in the kitchen. The crash seemed to have been Judith’s chair falling over - it lay on the kitchen floor with it’s legs in the air as the previous occupant found a seat somewhere entirely different.

“Shall I turn the hose on them?”  Gillian whispered, giving Caroline a playful nudge as the blonde’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “They haven’t even noticed we’re here…”

Caroline cleared her throat loudly, folding her arms over her chest as she looked between them. With a muffed gasp they pulled apart, both of them looking shocked to see her. “Having fun, ladies?” she asked with a little smile, not knowing whether to be relieved that they finally had some interest in each other or horrified that if they had left them for much longer they might have started to go at it on the kitchen table. She knew that Olga, for one, wasn’t above such things…

“Oh, sorry, Caroline, we were just…” Olga gestured weakly at the woman in her lap who was fluttering her eyelashes at her as she giggled. “She’s right nice, isn’t she?”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Judith replied, giggling girlishly. “God, if I’d known how much nicer it was to kiss a woman I’d have done it YEARS ago.” She rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, almost falling off Olga’s lap with the effort.

“I’m glad you’ve come to that epiphany, Judith, but I might ask that you two go home before you get your rocks off in our kitchen, eh?” Gillian interjected, raising her eyebrows at them both. “I assume you won’t want dessert, seen as you’ve already had it.”

The two women just blinked at them, Olga having the decency to look a little embarrassed whilst Judith twined one of her curls around her finger. “What do you say, Olga, did you want to come back to my place?” Judith asked in a breathy whisper, brushing her lips over the other woman’s cheeks. Olga’s eyes were growing unfocused, her face covered with lipstick marks, although Judith’s cheeks were just as bad.

“Y-y-yeah, that’ll work,” Olga nodded, and shepherded the other woman off her lap as she looked between them. “Thanks for dinner, Caroline… Gillian… and, thanks for…” She gestured at Judith who was simpering at her side, already fingering the lapel of her denim jacket. “I owe you one.”

“Let’s just call it even,” Caroline said quickly, not wanting her ex to owe her anything at all, even if it did come with a crate of wine attached. She would rather buy her own wine than be any more beholden to her than she needed to be. “Thanks to both of you for coming, I-” She broke off as Judith leant forward and tugged Olga’s earlobe between her teeth, letting out a playful growl as she did so. This was getting out of hand…

“Right, excellent, nice to see you both too,” Gillian interrupted, retrieving Judith’s coat and then shoving it in her arms. She held her arm out towards the door and thankfully both women started making their way towards it. “Have fun, or whatever - don’t feel you have to tell us about it afterwards, we don’t want to know.” 

Caroline barely stifled a giggle as Gillian all but pushed the pair of them out of the house, grateful that her fiancé seemed to be on the same page. It would be rather grim to have tried to eat pudding whilst watching the pair of them eye fucking each other across the table, especially with Judith’s painfully awkward flirting and Olga’s rather indecent gestures that left very little to the imagination about what she was capable of with her tongue. 

“Thanks, Caroline, you’re amazing,” Judith slurred, slapping Olga on the arse as they were ushered out of the door. “I still think you’re bloody gorgeous, though… OH!!” She paused, turning to look at both of them. “You know what we could do! What if, instead of us going home, maybe we all just-” She moved towards Gillian with a predatory look in her eye.

“NO!” Caroline snapped firmly, tugging Gillian back and out of her reach. “Not going to happen, Judith, there is no way that we will be having some kind of… of…”

“Foursome?” Olga flashed her a hopeful smile. “Oh, come on, Caroline! It would be bloody fun, wouldn’t it?!”

“For you,” Caroline almost growled, shooting Gillian a pleading look. The smaller woman’s eyes had been sparkling with amusement, but she seemed to get how uncomfortable Caroline was and began to show them the door once again.

“Come on, you two - enough,” Gillian insisted, almost pushing them outside. “Nice to see you, now go and get your rocks off together somewhere that isn’t here, alright?”

“Fiiiiine,” Judith groaned, rolling her eyes dramatically. “God, anyone would think I’d just suggested something truly heinous…”

“You did,” Caroline growled, but offered both women a little wave as they started to make their way down the path. “Take care, anyway. Thanks for coming!” 

“Yeah, see ya!” Gillian added, watching as both of them got into Olga’s van. “Christ, should she be driving? She had about three glasses…”

“Probably not, but knowing her they won’t make it that far - Judith’s house isn’t far, is it?” Caroline ventured, and Gillian shook her head.

“Still, I hope I won’t have to drag them out of a ditch in the morning,” she hummed, taking Caroline’s hand and leading her back inside. “Well done for keeping it together, though. And it was a delicious dinner…”

“Thank you,” Caroline hummed, moving into the kitchen to start clearing away the rest of the dinner things. “Glad you enjoyed it. Did you want some dessert?”

There was no answer from the other side of the kitchen, and Caroline looked up to try and work out why her fiancé had gone silent. Gillian was leaning against the arch with her arms folded, looking her up and down appraisingly. “I was kinda thinking that I’d have you for dessert, actually,” she hummed, her eyes darkening as she stood up and started to saunter towards her. “Just to remind you who, out of all our dining companions, gets to take you up to bed at night.”

“Oh really?” Caroline dropped the plates she was carrying into the sink, no longer interested in cleaning up, and dried her hands on a tea towel. “Which one of the three do I get, then?”

“Oh, I think you know,” Gillian hummed, and wrapped her arms around her before kissing her so soundly that Caroline felt her toes curling. “What do you say, then? Cream? Bed?” Gillian asked breathlessly once she pulled away, beaming up at her with a glint in her eye.

“Cream. Bed,” Caroline agreed with a smirk, and allowed herself to be led upstairs via the fridge. When they got to their bedroom, Gillian went over to shut the curtains and let out a gasp.

“Caz!” she hissed, pointing outside and turning to her with a scandalised expression. “Look!” 

Caroline moved to her side, her eyes widening as she caught on to what Gillian was looking at. “Oh, my…” she mumbled, resting her hands on the windowsill. There in the courtyard below was Olga’s van, illuminated by the floodlights on the barn, with steamed up windows. It was even rocking slightly, and as they watched a hand pushed itself against one of the windows before swiping away, leaving what she was sure was a rather sweaty trail. 

“They could have at least fucked off down the track first,” Gillian grumbled, folding her arms. “Perhaps I should-”

“You are NOT getting the shotgun,” Caroline growled, pulling her away from the window and briskly snapping the curtains shut. “Now, come here… I think you promised me dessert…”

<3

Chapter Text

“Hang on, be careful…” Gillian hummed, her hands pressed over Caroline’s eyes as she pushed her forwards out of the door of the farmhouse. Caroline’s heart was beating hard in her chest - although she trusted her fiance she couldn’t help feeling terrified that she might fall, a very real possibility given how uneven the cobbles were just outside the house.

“Gillian, I don’t like this,” she moaned, staggering a little as Gillian tried to keep her steady. It felt like she was being steered around the side of the house - for what reason, she couldn’t tell. Gillian had simply announced that she had a pre-wedding present for her and needed to take her outside, although Caroline hadn’t remembered them agreeing to do such a thing for each other. It hadn’t meant that she hadn’t got something lined up - the pocket watch that had been her fathers had just been restored, and she intended to give it to her on the day before their wedding as a kind of symbol of their families becoming even more intertwined. Gillian’s gift to her, however… well, that was a mystery. “What is it?” she tried, and the farmer just chuckled as she continued to urge her forwards.

“Honestly, can’t even wait a minute to find out,” Gillian laughed, pressing a hot kiss into the crook of her neck before finally drawing to a halt. “Right… are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Caroline muttered suspiciously, feeling a gentle breeze wafting around her legs as the last of the sun kissed her cheeks. It was a lovely evening, and she was glad that the weather was fine so that she wouldn’t have to venture out in the rain for whatever it was that Gillian had got for her.

“Right then… open!” Gililan trilled, whipping her hands away from her eyes. “Ta daaaa!”

Caroline blinked, refocusing her eyes as she looked down at the side of the house. “What… what is it?” she ventured cautiously, tilting her head as she looked at the large tin bath that seemed to have been shoved up against the side of the house. It looked rather innocuous, but she was confused as to why this constituted a present.

“Well, you kept going on about how nice it would be to have a hot tub, so…” Gillian waved her arms theatrically towards it once again. “There you go!”

“Gillian…” Caroline bit her lip, taking a few steps closer as she peered inside. She didn’t want to be rude or seem ungrateful, but this seemed about as far removed from a hot tub as one could get. “I… I don’t see how this is a hot tub? I mean… there aren’t any bubble jets, or a heater, or… anything.”

“You need to have vision,” Gillian stated firmly, moving to stand next to her and flapping her hands over the tub. “You see, I did listen, you know, when you said that you wanted a hot tub. But then, I looked them up… do you know how bloody expensive they are? How many flamin’ chemicals go into them so that it doesn’t start growing… penicillin, or whatever that mould is, and-”

“You can’t grow penicillin in a hot tub,” Caroline said patiently, shooting her a little smirk. “I don’t know how you think they developed it, but it wasn’t in a hot tub. Or on cheese, or that mouldy sandwich you found in the tractor, or on Flora’s socks…”

“They were rancid,” Gillian shot back, scrunching up her nose in distaste. “They nearly walked out of that bloody bedroom without me having to go and get them, they were so disgusting!”

“Well, if you will let her play with the sheep without shoes on…” Caroline hummed, having had this conversation so many times now that it was getting a little old. She didn’t mind, though - it was part of the cosy domesticity that they shared that she absolutely adored, and didn’t know what she would be able to do without.

Gillian huffed out a sigh and turned back to the bath. “ANYWAY. I didn’t have a spare few thousand to drop on a hot tub, so I made you one instead. Hooked it up to the hot water and everything, so you can have a nice warm bath out here and look at the view.” She crouched down and waved her hand in front of her, clearly intent on demonstrating said view. “Come on… have a look.”

Caroline tried not to roll her eyes too hard as she crouched down next to her, their shoulders nudging together gently as she looked out across the farm. She wasn’t wrong - if she had been in the bath then there was a beautiful view, all the way over the fields with a few fluffy looking sheep to break up the endless green. Caroline knew that they weren’t as cute as they looked - she still mistrusted them after the vandalism of her Burberry scarf, not to mention the fact that one of them had managed to shit all over the side of the Jag on more than one occasion, much to Gillian’s amusement.

“Yes… it’s lovely,” she agreed, nodding as she continued to enjoy the view. “But… anyone could come, Gillian. People are always turning up here, what are we going to say if they come and I’m stark naked in the bath outside?! My mother would have a fit!”

“You’re the one who said naked, I didn’t say naked!” Gillian retorted, nudging her playfully. “I mean… you can if you want, I certainly wouldn’t be complaining.” She glanced down at her chest with a little smirk, and Caroline sighed at her exaggeratedly.

“Any excuse to get my clothes off, eh?” she hummed, raising her eyebrows at her. “Fine. I could wear my swimming costume… But still, wouldn’t it be freezing cold?”

“Oi, listen,” Gillian huffed, gesturing at the tap that was sticking out of the wall. “I rigged it up to the hot water, and I even brought you this…” She reached down to a little box that was concealed between the bath and the wall of the house, bringing out a huge bottle of Caroline’s favourite lavender bubble bath and a thick fluffy towel. “And this…” She reached down again and retrieved a bottle of champagne - not the most expensive brand, but it was clear that she had made a real effort. It was shortly followed by a box of truffles and a book by one of the authors that Caroline had expressed an interest in lately, and it was the thought that finally had a smile breaking over her face.

“You really have thought of everything, haven’t you?” she said wonderingly, reaching out to gently smooth a lock of hair away from her face. “I knew I was marrying you for a reason.” She leant forwards and gently brushed her lips against hers, humming contentedly as Gillian’s tongue darted over the seam of her mouth.

“Hopefully this isn’t the only reason,” Gillian chuckled, standing up again and pulling her to her feet. She turned her gently so that she was looking out over the view again, wrapping her arms around her waist and gently pressing a kiss into her neck. “Now… It's a nice evening. How about we go and get our costumes on and enjoy the facilities? I can set it to run whilst we get sorted.”

“You mean you want to come in too?” Caroline giggled, rather liking the thought of a semi naked Gillian wriggling around on her lap in the bath. “I thought that this was a present for me?”

“Oh, it is….” Gillian gave back lightly, tightening her arms around her waist as she started to press hot kisses against her neck. “That’s part of the present. You get to see my glorious arse in lycra.”

“Sold,” Caroline murmured, and twisted her head around the capture her lips once again. “Come on then, Greenwood - we better get sorted if we want to get in here before it gets dark.”

“We could even stay in then and watch the stars,” Gillian whispered, nuzzling her nose against her cheek. “And be all romantical, and everything.”

“That word again,” Caroline groaned, earning herself a little giggle. She tugged herself out of her arms, grinning at her as she moved around her. “Right, you run the bath, and I’ll see you inside.”

It didn’t take long once they had returned to the house for Caroline to find her swimming costume, a black tankini with a halterneck that she had had since their trip to Barcelona a couple of years below. She knew that Gillian liked it - it gave her a rather spectacular cleavage, and she had had to retrieve the farmer from going headfirst into it more than once. After donning it in the bathroom she pulled her dressing gown around her and stuffed her feet into a pair of flip flops - also reminiscent of the holiday, and not allowed away from home, usually - before making her way back downstairs. When she got back to the tub it was close to being full, bubbles overflowing onto the cobbles as Gillian dipped her hand in to test the water, wrapped in her own robe.

“I didn’t notice these before,” Caroline hummed, gesturing down to the brightly coloured pots of bedding plants that Gillian had dotted around the bath, making it look pretty and breaking up the metal that it was made of. “This really is very sweet of you…”

“Anything for you, wife to be,” Gillian hummed, and leant forwards to kiss her again. “Right, robe off, in you get!” Her hands eagerly went to the tie of her gown, tugging it apart and helping her out of it. She groaned appreciatively as usual when she caught sight of her chest, and Caroline couldn’t help a little shimmy in her direction as the farmer held out her hand. “Tease,” she muttered, and Caroline winked at her playfully. It wasn’t often that she was able to let loose like this, but there was something about Gillian that allowed her the freedom to try.

“You love it,” she teased, taking her hand and allowing her to help her into the tub. It was the perfect temperature, and she couldn’t help the groan of satisfaction that freed itself from her lips as she settled under the water. “Shit, this is gorgeous…”

“Told you,” Gillian said smugly, and moved to stand where she could see her. Holding her eyes, she smirked as she stripped off the robe, revealing that she was wearing…. Nothing.

“GILLIAN!” Caroline gasped, sitting up quickly and darting her eyes around the surrounding area, as if she expected to see a member of their family suddenly rocking up despite no one being expected.

“Happy… pre-wedding!” Gillian grinned, and shivered a little as the breeze gusted gently against her exposed body.

“Get in, you twit,” Caroline insisted, holding out her hand and almost dragging the farmer into the bath. “You’ll catch your bloody death standing there for much longer!”

“With pleasure,” Gillian purred, although her voice shook a little from the cold as she clambered into the bath, quickly settling between Caroline’s legs and resting against her chest. She pulled the blonde’s arms around her, resting one of her hands against her breast. Caroline growled playfully in her ear, pinching her nipple before sliding her hand down to her stomach and tugging her more firmly into her. It was a good sized bath - both of them could fit comfortably, and it was deep enough that they were up to their shoulders in the warm, fragrant water.

“I think I like this better than a hot tub,” Caroline murmured after a little while, Gillian unwrapping a truffle and popping it into her mouth. “Much more cosy.” The chocolate was sweet and creamy on her tongue, melting in her mouth, and she let out a groan of pleasure.

“Told you there was a method in my madness,” Gillian replied triumphantly, starting to gently trail her fingers up and down her thigh under the water. “Much more fun.”

Champagne soon followed as they chatted quietly to each other, catching up on their days as the sky slowly turned to a beautiful pinky purple, the sun beginning to drift below the horizon and the moon making an appearance high above them. Talk soon turned to what they were looking forward to about their upcoming wedding, now only a few weeks away, and it was clear that neither of them could wait.

“Did you manage to talk your Mum out of that hat?” Gillian asked with a giggle, still nestled closely into Caroline’s chest with their fingers intertwined. “Or is she actually of the idea that it's a good idea for it to look like some kind of carrion bird landed on it?”

“She’s still determined,” Caroline groaned, shaking her head in exasperation. She had spent a good while trying to hint to her mother that it would not be a good look, and even might offend a couple of her Oxford friends who were avid bird watchers, but it seemed that she didn’t care. She had instead threatened that she would not come at all, and whilst Caroline privately thought that it might be a good idea for her not to be there, another part of her still ached for her mother to share in their happy occasion. She hadn’t done so with Kate, and it had hurt so much that she didn’t think that she would ever want to have a relationship with her again - if Kate hadn’t died then who knew what would have happened. She knew that it went beyond her and her feelings - whilst she would defend Gillian against her mother forever, the farmer was rather sensitive about Celia’s comments and quite understandably did not want to risk a rift with her father.

“And you’re still happy about Flora wearing that fairy costume?” Gillian carried on with a little grin. “I know it wasn’t quite what you had in mind when I took her shopping…”

“She was so happy to go shopping with her Mum and share her favourite things, I didn’t mind,” Caroline said softly, pressing a kiss against her temple. It had been truly wonderful that Flora had decided of her own volition to give Gillian that name, and the pair of them had grown even closer than they had been before since she had. It had been something that she hadn’t even dared to hope for, and she knew that the little girl had been so much happier since moving to the farm and having her mother in a loving relationship. Caroline knew that she had been better because of it, happier and more even tempered as well as having more time for fun things, being the mother than she had always wanted to be.

“She’s a great kid, Flora,” Gillian hummed, and twisted in the bath to offer her a shy smile. “She’s a credit to you, you know. So bloody smart… and I caught her fluffing the cushions the other day. Just like you.” Her smile turned into a little smirk, and Caroline let out a low groan.

“Is that a good thing, though? You always mess those cushions up when I’ve straightened them… they barely stay like that for five minutes.” It was true - Gillian seemed to take it upon herself to mess them up whenever she could, even Flora tutting as she went after her to put it right. “Poor girl, I hope she doesn’t turn out like me.”

“Why would that be a bad thing?” Gillian frowned, spinning fully in the bath and tugging her forwards so that she could straddle her thighs. Her bare chest brushed against Caroline’s lycra clad one, and the blonde slid her arms around her waist, trying not to stare.

“Oh, I dunno,” Caroline shrugged, biting her lip and trying to ignore the familiar weight of her fiance on her lap that made her stomach coil with desire. She had been adamant that they weren’t going to get up to no good in the bath, although her mind was wavering. “I just hope that she’s a little… freer? More able to… talk about things, be open about who she is. Less… snotty.”

“You’re not snotty, not any more,” Gillian pointed out, gently stroking a damp lock of hair out of her eyes. “And I think you’re perfect just how you are, anyway.” As if to demonstrate her point she leant forward, capturing her lips with hers and ravishing her mouth, her fingers gripping the nape of her neck.

“Gillian… We’re outside,” Caroline moaned, but let her head fall back on the side of the bath anyway when Gillian started pressing hot kisses along her jawline and down her neck. The brunette always knew how to touch her to make her putty in her hand, and it seemed that now was no exception. Her clever fingers started to tease the knot of her halter neck as she latched onto her pulse point, flicking her tongue against the sensitive skin in a way that made her toes curl.

“Just showing you how much I appreciate you,” Gillian hummed, gently tugging the knot apart and dropping the straps into the water, slowly peeling the top down Caroline’s body as she palmed her breasts. The second she made contact with her Caroline gasped, arching into her touch and unable to stop herself from wanting more. “You’re so beautiful…”

“You’re wicked, you know that?” Caroline mumbled as she let her own hands creep around Gillian’s body, grabbing her arse and pulling her into her as the farmer kissed her again. The kiss seemed to go on forever, getting sloppier and more needy as their touches grew bolder. Gillian’s skin was so soft, the water and the fresh air combining to make her somehow even more sensitive, her fingertips trailing over her skin.

Caroline had just snuck her hand between the brunette’s thighs, cupping her gently in the gathering twilight, when there was a roar of an engine and a crunching of tyres in the courtyard that let them know that someone had arrived. They sprang apart, both of their eyes widening in the low light.

“Come on, Alan! We haven’t got all day, get the hat out of the back!” Celia’s shrill voice echoed across to them, along with the swift clip of her shoes on the concrete. “Be careful! That cost me a bloody fortune!”

“Shit…” Gillian mumbled, looking down at Caroline’s exposed chest, her nipples pebbled in the cool night air. “Shit, shit, shit!” She snatched up the straps of her top and tied them roughly around the blonde’s neck, her face full of panic as Caroline froze. Her mother was scathing enough about them when they had their clothes on, she could just imagine how she would be if they were caught practically naked and bathing outside - the screeching would go on for weeks.

“Gillian…” she squeaked as the farmer nudged her, encouraging her to stand up, and then grabbed her robe for her.

“Wear it, go and head them off,” Gillian hissed, obviously knowing that it would look bad if both of them appeared wearing their dressing gowns. “I’ll hide!”

“You’re naked!” Caroline shot back in a whisper, dragging the robe around her dripping body. “You can’t hide out here forever, you’ll bloody freeze!”

“Just… get them in! I’ll work something out, I promise!” She pushed her towards the front door just as Celia rounded the corner, catching sight of her daughter’s shocked face. There was a slosh of water behind her as Gillian sunk down into the bath, clearly holding her breath under the water.

“What are you doing out here?” Celia asked suspiciously, trying to peer around her. “You’re in your dressing gown! Outside!”

“I’d noticed, mother,” Caroline retorted, rolling her eyes as she moved forwards to take her arm and steer her towards the house. “I was just… checking how much wood we had left for the fire. Gillian wanted to know if she should cut some more.” It was a poor excuse, especially because the wood was stacked in neat piles in the wood shed as normal and the log box inside the house was brimming courtesy of the farmer herself.

“What are you up to?” the old woman carried on, craning her head over her shoulder as Caroline manoeuvred her forwards, needing her to be out of earshot of the bath. Poor Gillian was surely starting to struggle for breath - she didn’t want her to drown…. “We’ve been ringing you for half an hour, why haven’t you been picking up?!”

“Sorry, Mum, my phone was on silent,” Caroline hummed, finally managing to push her into the house. Alan was already sitting on the sofa and reading the paper, and looked up at her with a little smile. “What did you want, anyway?”

“I took back my hat, and I wanted to make sure that you were happy with the new one before I take the tags off,” Celia grumbled, looking her daughter up and down as she moved into the kitchen to make tea. “Why are you all wet?”

“I just had a bath,” Caroline explained, glad that that wasn’t a lie. There was no sound from outside, and she couldn’t imagine what Gillian was up to. “It’s rather late, after all - and what hat did you buy?”

Thankfully, the change of conversation was enough to occupy the elderly woman and she bustled over to the sofa to grab a hideous lime green hat box that was perched on one of the cushions.

“Where’s our Gillian, love?” Alan called with a rustle of the paper, and Caroline was glad that she was occupied throwing tea bags in cups so that she didn’t have to look at him and reveal the crimson flush that had crept up her cheeks.

“Busy somewhere or other,” Caroline replied vaguely, wishing that she knew where her fiance had got herself to - she surely couldn’t have got far in just a robe, and it was unlikely that she had stayed in the bath - it had already been cooling off. “Are you two alright? Have you had a good day?”

“Fine,” Celia grumbled, dumping the box on the side. “Honestly, you’d think that she’d at least come and greet us! Her own father, ignored!”

“We didn’t know you were coming,” Caroline replied through gritted teeth, always hating it when her mother went after Gillian for some imagined transgression or other. “What’s this hat, then?”

Celia grunted, frowning at her before turning her attention to the box. She flipped off the top and pulled out a hat that bore a striking resemblance to a trifle - red, yellow and white and speckled with stitching on the top that looked rather like sprinkles. Caroline felt her lip twitch, just being able to imagine what Gillian would say when she saw it.

“This is the new one, seen as you were so rude about my other one,” Celia said waspishly, but then looked down at the new monstrosity with a smug smile. “The shop assistant said she’d never seen anyone look so good in anything as I did in this. Gave it to me for half price, she did - she said it was made for me.”

Caroline silently congratulated the obviously quite manipulative shop assistant who had managed to sell such a ridiculous hat to her mother. She made a mental note in her head to take her mother to the optician soon - she wouldn’t have believed that purely gentle flattery would have been enough to make her purchase something this awful, after all.

“It’s very…” Caroline gestured towards it, unsure what to say that wouldn’t come across as cutting. “Flamboyant?”

“FLAMBOYANT!” Celia screeched, looking affronted as her eyebrows disappeared under her fringe. “What do you mean-”

“Wotcha, Celia,” Gillian called with a huge grin as she sidled into the kitchen, having appeared as if from nowhere. Caroline turned to her in surprise, her mouth dropping open in shock as she realised that the smaller woman was now fully dressed in jeans and a jumper, her hair tied in a tight ponytail. “Nice hat. That for the wedding?”

“It might be,” Celia sniffed, turning back to the box and depositing the hat inside. “I wouldn’t expect you to like it, it’s designer.”

“Ooh, designer,” Gillian nodded, reaching Caroline’s side and slipping her arm around her waist, pressing a quick kiss on her cheek. “Looks good. Nice to see you, anyway.”

“Where did you come from?” Celia asked suspiciously, curling her lip and running her eyes down her body. “Caroline said you were out.”

“No I didn’t, I said she was off somewhere,” Caroline clarified, still a little confused by Gillian’s presence. How had she managed to get back into the house with barely a sound?!

“I was just tidying Flora’s room, that’s all,” Gillian explained, shooting her fiance a little smirk. “Now, who’s for tea?”

Celia just snorted again and wandered off into the living room, sitting down next to Alan with an exaggerated huff. “Make sure you get the biscuits out, too. And not those cheap ones you give the girls, they’re horrible.”

“Heaven forbid you eat a pink wafer,” Gillian muttered, and then turned around to carry on making the tea. She shot a little smirk again at Caroline, her eyes dancing with merriment. “Alright, gorgeous?”

“Where the fuck did you come from?” Caroline hissed, darting a look at her mother to check that she wasn’t listening. “Last thing I knew, you were naked and almost drowning yourself in that bloody bath!”

“Climbed in the bathroom window,” Gillian giggled, nudging her playfully. “I left the ladder out the other day when I was fixing the roof… couldn’t make it in the robe though, it kept tangling around my legs.”

“You climbed the side of the house naked, and just hopped in the bathroom window?” Caroline shrieked in a whisper, earning herself another giggle as Gillian flushed. It was clear that she was incredibly pleased with herself, and Caroline didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Yep…” Gillian confirmed with a happy nod, pouring the water over the teabags as she continued to grin. “Told you that life with me would be an adventure, Doc…”

“Too bloody right,” Caroline grumbled quietly, but was soon placated when Gillian turned to press a warm kiss on her lips as she gently cupped her chin.

“Shush, you,” she murmured, nuzzling her nose against hers. “Now, come on. Help me get these two out of here ASAP so we can finish what we started in the bath…” She winked at her and went to get the milk, and Caroline couldn’t help staring at her as she deliberately sashayed towards the fridge, her hips swinging temptingly. She was right… life with her would be a complete adventure. And she couldn’t wait to experience every minute of it.

<3

Chapter Text

“I'm back!” Gillian called from the porch, rustling fabric and the sound of rubber against stone letting Caroline know that she was divesting herself of her outdoor clothing. “How are you now?”

Caroline sighed, tugging the blanket a little further up her body. It felt incredibly alien to be at home during the day, especially when she knew that the school was open as usual and her staff and students were having to cope without her. She had never been one for taking time off, always finding it easier to lose herself in work to distract her from whatever issues had been going on in her life, even if it had been illness. A doctor's note and Gillian's insistence had foiled that plan, and she had found it rather difficult to accept given that she was used to being the one who looked after everyone else rather than the other way around.

It had, unfortunately, become necessary when she had fallen down the stairs a few days previously, Ruth getting under her feet as well as tripping on some of Flora's discarded toys sending her tumbling downwards. She had landed badly, hurting her back so badly that she had been unable to get up until Gillian had come home an hour or so later. The farmer had been pale faced and on the verge of panic when she had, although she had tried to cover it up with her usual cheerful banter, helping her up before managing to get her to A&E to be checked out. Whilst she luckily hadn't broken anything, she had caused enough damage to be signed off for a couple of weeks despite the fact that she had protested otherwise.

Whilst she trusted her team and knew that they would be able to manage without her, her inner control freak hated being out of the loop and she had spend a few days trying to convince her secretary to send papers and other matters to be reviewed home, but she had been adamant that she needed to rest and refused. She even suspected that she may be in secret cahoots with Gillian, both determined to give her a break.

“I'm fine,” she called back, listlessly plucking at her blanket as her mouth turned down at the edges. She hadn't moved since Gillian had left earlier in the morning, fussing around her with tea and toast and banking up the fire before she went to go and tend to throw sheep. She could do very little for herself at the moment, and was dosed up to the eyeballs with painkillers to boot, so it wasn't like she had much of a choice. “How were the sheep?”

“Twats, as usual,” Gillian gave back cheerily, although her face fell a little when she walked back into the living room and saw the dejected look on Caroline's face. “You're really not used to taking it easy, are you?”

“No…” Caroline muttered, her eyes downcast as she pressed her lips together. She was frustrated, her brain used to being occupied and challenged, not sitting and watching endless TV and trying to read the assortment of books that she had been meaning to look at for longer than she remembered. “I’m bored, Gillian. Can’t you just contact Joyce and ask her if I can have a few bits to look at?”

“No, I can’t,” Gillian said firmly, coming to sit next to her on the sofa and dropping her hand on her knee. “The doctors said that you need to take it easy and not stress - remember that it wasn’t only your back that they said that you needed to pay attention to.” She raised her eyebrows at the blonde, and Caroline found herself flushing. It was true… what with everything that had been going on lately she had been getting rather stressed, and her blood pressure was a little more raised than it should be. The combination of planning the wedding, an impromptu Ofsted visit, her mother’s wailing about the wedding as well as all of the minutiae of life had meant that she had gotten rather stressed.

“I know,” she replied, trying not to be too defensive. It was hard when she knew, really, that Gillian was right, but didn’t want to admit it. “I’m fine, though, nothing wrong with me.”

“That’s not really true though, is it?” Gillian reminded her softly, gently pulling her hands away from plucking at the blanket and intertwining them with her own. “Even before your back you weren’t right… I thought there was more to it, and it’s why I came back early that day to try and speak to you, but it all got a bit forgotten about what with anything.” Gillian grimaced, her eyes still holding an echo of the fear that had flooded her expression when she had arrived to find Caroline on the floor.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” Caroline offered, squeezing her fingers gently. “It was not my intent… and I’m sorry I’ve been grumpy since I’ve been home, I’m just not used to being off like this. I’ve never been signed off work for an injury or anything like that, I hate it…” She didn’t mention that the last time she had been signed off for any period of time had been after Kate’s death, and the reminder was not one that she needed especially so close to her wedding to Gillian.

“I know, but it won’t be much longer and then you’ll be fit as a fiddle again, raring to go,” Gillian said confidently, smiling at her little nervously. It was clear that she didn’t quite know how to deal with this version of the blonde - she couldn’t easily distract her, and whilst she wanted to take care of her she still had her own work to get done. She had asked Raff and Harry to cover the first couple of days, but then Raff had had to return to work and Harry was hardly capable of doing it alone these days, so she had given in and gone herself. Caroline didn’t mind, of course she didn’t, but she knew that Gillian felt guilty all the same. “Besides, you have to be - we’re getting married in three weeks, I need you well enough to walk down the aisle, at least. I can always wheel you, but…”

“You are not wheeling me down the aisle at my own wedding,” Caroline growled, furrowing her brow into a tight frown. It was her worst nightmare, and one that had been playing on her mind since her fall. “I’ll be walking down that aisle myself, just you see.”

“I’m sure you will,” Gillian nodded, and then bit her lip with a cheeky smirk. “Anyway, surely there’s another incentive to get better? We can’t very well… enjoy each other… with your back the way it is, can we?”

“I know, and I’m sorry…” This time Caroline almost cried - it wasn’t that she was so sex oriented that the thought of going without for a few days was impossible to bear, but more that she felt the need to be close to the farmer, and to connect with her. Whilst she was sure that the wedding would go off without a hitch - although there was no accounting for her mother - she couldn’t help being anxious about it anyway. “I’ll try, as soon as I’m ready.”

“Don’t be silly, you know I was only joking,” Gillian murmured, edging a little closer as she spotted Caroline’s expression. “There’s more to it, isn’t there? Something you’re not telling me?”
Caroline allowed her eyes to slide shut as she took a slow inhale of breath, knowing that she should talk about what it was that had been going through her head. “I… I’m fine, really, I…”

“Have you changed your mind?” Gillian interrupted in a small voice, immediately hunching in on herself a little as the words left her mouth. “Because… if you have, if you’d rather… not… then that’s fine, I-”

“No, no, I’d never change my mind, not about you,” Caroline interjected quickly, grasping the lapel of her shirt and pulling her in for a gentle kiss, all she could really manage without pulling her back painfully, much to her frustration. “Never about you… that’s not what it’s about.”

“What, then?” Gillian asked once she had released her, relief sweeping over her features. “There’s obviously something, Caz… You’ve been quieter, you’ve spent longer at work and you’ve been snappy as hell on and off… I know you’ve had a lot on, and that’s fine, but…” She shrugged, still looking a little nervous, and Caroline knew that she had to explain.

“I haven’t meant to be, and for that I really am sorry,” she hummed, pressing her lips together for a moment as she tried to think of what best to say. “I think everything has probably been affecting me more than I think. Do… do you remember when I had that dream?”

“About the police coming to the door?” Gillian asked gently, and Caroline nodded. They had discussed it on and off ever since, and the brunette had never failed to reassure her that she wouldn’t be going anywhere, not if she could help it.

“Yes…” she continued, taking another deep, steadying breath. “I… I haven’t forgotten it, it hasn’t gone away. And I guess, it’s just…” She gulped, fighting tears. “I’m scared of being this happy. I’m scared of loving you this much, and of our lives being as settled as they are… I’m scared, Gillian…” She burst into tears, great racking sobs that almost tore their way out of her chest as Gillian wrapped a careful arm around her, shushing her gently as she brushed her tears away from her cheeks.

“I know you’re scared,” Gillian started soothingly once her sobs had died down a little. “I’m scared, too… mostly because I’ve managed to systematically fuck up most good things in my life in the past, and I couldn’t bear if it you were one of them.” Her eyes were wide and honest, and Caroline felt like she was drowning in them - her own emotions were clear to see, and it was somewhat reassuring to know that she wasn’t alone. “But… the thing is, Caroline, ever since I met you… you’ve made me feel like I can do anything. Anything I want, really, and you’ll always be there however s-s-s-stupid I’ve been, however much of a twat. And you… you make me feel like I don’t need to be scared any more.”

“I just can’t help but think that something will go wrong…” Caroline mumbled brokenly, sniffing as she tried to dispel her tears. “And that… that I’ll lose you.”

“I’ll level with you, Caroline - one day, when we’re old and wrinkly and I’ve got that saggy old arse that you’re so looking forward to, you might. Or I might lose you, and it will be horrible - I can’t even think of it without feeling sick,” Gillian admitted, offering her a wobbly smile. “But whatever happens, there is no way that I’d be leaving you willingly. And how about
I promise not to do anything stupid in the meantime, just to lessen the worry?”

“No climbing on the roof?” Caroline asked thickly, trying to smile through her tears. “No propping the landy up on bricks instead of a jack? And no deciding that you’re perfectly capable of rewiring the barn lights and almost giving yourself an electric shock in the process?”

“I am perfectly capable of that!” Gillian retorted, pouting at her playfully. “It got done, didn’t it? And I’m still in one piece!”

“That time,” Caroline retorted, fear sweeping through her once again. “You… you must know, Gillian, that it’s my worst fear that one day you just don’t come home, and you’ll have got yourself in a mess somewhere on the farm, and… and…” Her face crumpled, and Gillian carefully wrapped her arms around her shoulders and tugged her a little closer, soothing her with murmured words of love.

“I’ll be careful, I promise,” she said sincerely, pulling back and looking into her eyes as she cradled her face in her hands. “I’ll even stick it in my vows, if you want.”

“I promise not to act like a twat and get myself hurt?” Caroline chuckled weakly at the idea, shaking her head. “I can just imagine how well that would go down with my mother. But… you can. If you want to.”

“Would it make you happy?” Gillian questioned, and Caroline gave her a little nod in response. “Then yes, course I will. And I promise to stick to it, too. Although…”

“Although what?” Caroline asked, curious about the slightly calculating look that had appeared in Gillian’s eyes.

“If I promise that, then you have to promise that you’ll talk to me when you get all this stuff in your head rather than bottling it up,” the brunette suggested, pressing her lips together for a moment. “I’ve known something is up, Caz - I’m not stupid. I can handle it, you can talk to me, you know that.”

“I do know that,” Caroline gave back softly, leaning into her for comfort. “I just… I don’t want to worry you.”

“I worry more if I don’t know,” Gillian pointed out in return, and Caroline shot her an apologetic smile. “Now… come on, Doc. Enough doom and gloom… I don’t have anything on for the rest of the day. What shall we do, seen as the pleasures of the flesh are off the table?”

“The pleasures of the flesh?” Caroline replied with a grimace. “Where did you get that from? It sounds like you’re some kind of cannibal!”

“Well, you are a very tasty snack,” Gillian growled playfully, wiggling her eyebrows at her. “And I don’t remember… might have been one of John’s books. He left it out last time he popped over and I shoved it in the loo.”

“Best place for it,” Caroline quipped, rolling her eyes. Gillian must have been very bored indeed if she had resorted to reading that. “And… I don’t know. It’s not like I can do much, is it? I’m stuck here…” She gestured down at her prone body with a little sigh, wishing that she could at least take Gillian up to bed for a cuddle. She wanted her close, wanting to feel her pulse fluttering under her skin as she kissed her, the steady beat of her heart against her hand, and the strength of her embrace as she pulled her closer. She had missed that desperately over the last few days - the farmer had been scared to touch her in case she hurt her more, and that morning she had woken to find Gillian sleeping on the floor in case her movements in the night aggravated her back even further. It was considerate, but she missed her being with her, and she knew that it had made the niggle of fear that she already felt even worse.

“Well, there’s plenty we can do here,” Gillian reminded her with a hopeful smile. “I know you’re only half way through that book I bought you when I put the bath in, or I could make you a nice lunch and feed you grapes like a goddess, or we could watch movies…” She couldn’t conceal just how much her eyes lit up when she mentioned her vast collection of DVDs, something that she had been suggesting to Caroline for a while.

“How about you make me a nice lunch, and then we can watch something?” Caroline offered in return, already wondering what her fiance would have her watching. The last time she allowed her to choose then ended up watching something about cars that hadn’t really held her interest, although there had been a rather pretty young woman who had at least kept her engaged.

“Perfect,” Gillian hummed, leaning forwards and kissing her sweetly before standing up. She sauntered over to her collection, tapping her finger against her lips as she made her selection. “I’ll give you a choice… My Fair Lady or Avatar. Although Avatar has that woman in it you like…”

“I have no idea what you mean,” Caroline replied primly, and Gillian laughed before tossing both DVDs on her lap. “Besides, we might have time to watch both, it’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

“You bet you aren’t, Doctor McKenzie Dawson,” Gillian hummed, and leant forward to kiss her once again. “I’m never letting you go.”

“Good, because you’re stuck with me, I’m afraid,” Caroline mumbled against her lips, humming contentedly as Gillian flicked her tongue against her lower lip. “I love you.”

“Love you too. Now, hurry up and get better so I can shag your brains out on our wedding night,” Gillian replied, tapping her gently on the nose before standing up. “You don’t want to miss that, old girl.”

“I really don’t,” Caroline replied honestly, offering her a winning smile as she fought the urge to tease her. “Now, hurry back. I’ve got feet that need rubbing.”

“Yes, boss.” Gillian gave a stiff salute, and then marched her way into the kitchen to the sound of Caroline’s giggles. If this was how things were going to be, if her life was going to be this happy… It was worth the risk. Gillian… Gillian was worth the risk, and it was all the reassurance that she needed that they were doing the right thing. Whatever time they had, she would cherish it.

<3

Chapter Text

“Oh, shit,” Gillian giggled as she stumbled over one of the cobblestones on Hebden High Street. She clearly wasn't used to spending too much time in heels - the only time that she had ever worn them was during special occasions or the odd date night when she had been trying to impress her, and Caroline couldn't help chuckling as she gripped her arm, trying to help her stay upright. 

“You could have worn something else, I wouldn't have minded,” she laughed, brushing her hair back behind her ear as she grinned at her fiancé. “You didn't have to be that strict with it.”

“I did!” Gillian retorted, shooting her a playful pout. “Besides, if I hadn't it would have given you the opportunity to get out of wearing those converse, and I had to bribe you well enough to wear those in the first place!” 

It was true. The suggestion for their hen night had been to dress as each other, with the rest of their guests having to do the same thing and dress as their partners. It had led to some rather interesting conversations, and whilst yet another night out at Hebden Women's Disco wasn't really Caroline's thing she couldn't deny that she had been looking forwards to it. She was only glad that her back had finally recovered enough to allow her out at all, and that she would be able to drink. 

Another added bonus was the fact that Gillian had to dress as her, and was wearing a rather miniscule black skirt, white blouse and black blazer combo, her hair pulled up in a clip, stockings and towering stilettos completing the look. She looked gorgeous, but so unlike herself that it was slightly jarring. She had had to convince the brunette that it wasn't a good idea to stuff her bra with socks to emulate her chest, reasoning that it was dress like your partner, not become them totally. Gillian had given in, but had been putting on her voice nonetheless since they had left the house. The bottle of wine that they had consumed whilst getting ready was coming back to haunt her…

“I still don't know what you see in these,” she murmured, looking down at the pristine burgundy shoes adorning her feet that she had bought especially for the occasion. She had joked to Gillian that they needed to be a lot more weathered to fully look like hers, to which the farmer had grumbled good naturedly until she had swallowed her complaints with kisses. “Although I suppose that they might be a little better for my back than the alternative.” 

“You bet they are, more comfortable all round,” Gillian carried on, staggering again on the cobblestones as they neared their destinations. “Better than these bloody things anyway, they're lethal!”

“At least you look good in them,” Caroline gave back with a little smirk, unable to stop herself raking her eyes down the other woman's body. “Better than I look in this bloody plaid, anyway.”

“Oi, there isn't anything wrong with plaid!” Gillian protested hotly as they joined the queue outside the disco. “You look just as gorgeous as usual.” She ran her fingers down the front of the shirt, red flannel which strained over her breasts, and smiled up at her. “Good job you wore a tank top underneath, though, or you'll be running the risk of flashing everyone before the night is out.”

“You said I looked fine!” Caroline retorted, looking down at her chest. She had had to bat the brunette's fingers away from ‘helping’ when she had been getting dressed earlier in the evening, knowing that if she had they would never have gotten anywhere if she’d allowed her interference. However long they were together Gillian never seemed to get enough of her chest, and it had caused them to be late on so many occasions now that it was almost comical. 

“You do, mighty fine,” Gillian drawled in return, looping her arms around her neck and planting a warm kiss on her lips. Caroline tugged her lip warningly between her teeth, nipping gently as they continued to kiss. 

“Eh, you two! Save that for the end of the night, not the beginning!” Ellie's amused voice broke into their reverie, and they pulled apart to see her standing looking at them with an amused smirk. “Anyone would think you two were a pair of randy teenagers going to snog behind the bike sheds!”

Caroline flushed, pressing her lips together at being called a randy teenager - not exactly the image that she wanted to cultivate, but before she could protest Gillian got there first.

“You're one to talk, lady,” Gillian shot back, putting her hands on her hips and glaring at her. “The amount of shit you and Raff used to get up to when you were living under my roof, I'm lucky I didn't go blind!”

Ellie rolled her eyes exaggeratedly in return. “Just cos you've got the outfit it doesn't mean that you've got the authority,” she teased, grinning at her. “And besides, if you will walk in yelling about collecting washing without knocking then what do you expect?”

As Gillian bristled once again Caroline laid her hand on her shoulder, a silent plea not to make a scene. The truth was, Ellie had an awful lot of dirt on them both given their activities over the course of their relationship, and Caroline still bribed her with an extra slice of pudding every time they had a meal together to keep her quiet. “You look nice, Ellie,” she tried, offering her a little smile. It was true, she did - she was wearing a pair of stonewashed jeans and a checked shirt, her hair tied back in a tight ponytail. Her outfit was so like Raff that it could have been stolen from him, and she wouldn't have been surprised if that was the case. 

“Thanks, Caroline,” Ellie hummed, joining them in the queue before they moved forwards a little. “Who’s coming to this shindig, then? Do you think I’m gonna get hit on?”

“I’d count on getting hit on,” Gillian replied dryly, looking her up and down. “Especially in that outfit.”

“Oh, leave her alone,” Caroline sighed, slapping the brunette lightly on the arm. “Not too many people - my secretary and some people from work, a few friends, not too many people. We didn’t want that many, really.”

“Your Auntie Muriel is coming though, isn’t she?” Gillian asked with a giggle, and Caroline groaned as she reminded her. Muriel had persistently asked about what they were going to do for the occasion so often that she had finally given in and told her, and the elderly woman had been quite insistent that she come. Not even hearing that it was a disco for lesbians was enough to put her off, and Caroline had no idea how she would be once she turned up. 

“Girls! Girls, I’m here! Yoo hoo!” Caroline turned, pasting a smile on her face which froze when she realised who had come along with her Aunt.

“Mum?!” she gasped, her eyes widening as she saw her mother being dragged along at Muriel’s side, a pinched look on her face that told her that she didn’t really want to be there. She hadn’t dressed as Alan, although someone - probably Muriel - had perched a flat cap jauntily on her curls. Both she and it looked incredibly out of place, Gillian’s mouth dropping open too as she spotted their surprise guest.

“What do you look like?” Celia said in greeting, looking Caroline up and down with a curl of her lip. “If it’s not enough that you’re marrying her, you’ve started dressing like her too? Honestly…”

Caroline opened her mouth to protest, not wanting her there if she was going to snipe and cause problems, but Muriel got there first.

“Now, now, Celia, we’ve talked about this, haven’t we?” Muriel said reproachfully, widening her eyes at her sister. “You’re not going to cause any problems or say anything nasty, are you? This is Caroline’s night, and we said that you could only come if you were going to be nice.”

“I don’t know why you keep talking to me like I’m some kind of child that’s going to misbehave,” Celia grumbled, pouting at Muriel like a toddler. “I told you that I wanted to come, and I’ve come. So…” She shrugged, and Caroline took a few steps forwards, pecking her mother on the cheek before giving her a quick hug.

“It’s nice to see you, Mum, but are you sure you want to go in there?” She gestured behind her to the disco, the pulsing music so loud that it was making the windows rattle. “You don’t like it when things are like that, do you?”

“I’ll come in for one drink, and then I’ll go,” Celia said imperiously, patting the hat on her head. “I’m here now, after all.”

“Okay…” Caroline murmured doubtfully, shooting a look back at Gillian who was tugging nervously on the bottom of her skirt. “Just… you know that we’ll be drinking, and dancing, and all that, don’t you?” 

“I had gathered, given it’s a hen do.” Celia curled her lip a little again. “Although why you need one… we could have just gone out for a nice meal, couldn’t we? Just us girls together? We didn’t have to go…” She gestured at the disco, and as she did her eyes widened comically.

“Ladies!” A very tall, beautiful pink haired drag queen wearing a cerise corset and a sparkly tutu appeared in front of them, dwarfing Celia by at least a couple of feet. “How WONDERFUL to see you here tonight! My, aren’t you GORGEOUS…” She took the old woman’s hand, raising it above her head and twirling her around on the spot. “If I look half as good when I’m your age I’ll count myself a lucky broad!”

“Oh, I say,” Celia simpered, flushing bright red and grinning up at her. “I do like your outfit, you’ve made an effort!” The comment came with a pointed glance towards Caroline, who rolled her eyes back at her mother in exasperation. 

“You all look simply FABULOUS, darlings,” she carried on, looking at each of them in turn. “My, my, you’ve come to the right place,” she commented once she got to Caroline, looking at the plaid shirt. “What brings you here tonight?”

“It’s their hen do,” Ellie interjected, getting between them and wrapping her arm around both of their shoulders. “Which reminds me…” She reached into her bag and pulled out two sashes, looping them over both of their heads.

“What the f-f-f-bloody hell is this?” Gillian demanded, looking down at the rainbow striped sash with a frown. “Lesbihen? What’s that meant to mean?”

“Oh, come on, Gillian,” Ellie giggled, gesturing between them. “It’s simple… you’re on your hen do, and you’re lesbians, so…. Lesbihen.”

Caroline glared down at the sash, trying not to let her horror show on her face. She had hoped that nothing like this would be produced for their evening, although she supposed that it was better than trying to suck cocktails out of a boob straw. “How long do I have to wear this?” she asked faintly, plucking the cheap polyester away from her body. “Can I take it off? What if I wore it but in my pocket?”

“Nope,” Ellie grinned, nudging her playfully. “Besides, thought you’d both like it if you knew that you’ll be off limits to everyone if you’re marked out as getting married. Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“I think you look gorgeous,” the drag queen added, leaning forwards and giving them both a huge kiss on the cheek and leaving traces of what smelled like cherry scented lip gloss behind. “Now, come on in!”

“Fine…” Caroline groaned, her mother giggling as the queen took her by the hand and started to lead her inside. This was going to be one hell of a night…

xOxOxOx

“Your mum seems to be having a good time,” Gillian yelled in her ear, her eyes a little unfocused as a result of the cocktails that she had downed over the course of the evening. Eighties music was pounding through the speakers, and Caroline blinked, trying to focus on the dance floor. Gillian was right - her mother was currently being spun around the floor by yet another drag queen, and was flushed and more relaxed looking than Caroline had seen her in a long time. She had lost Alan’s cap but had gained in its place a feather boa and and an oversized pair of rainbow glasses, and was giggling like a school girl as she danced. Muriel was waltzing along beside her with a young woman who seemed to be salivating over her, although she seemed utterly oblivious.

“I’m glad, she could have mucked everything up,” Caroline shouted back, the music so loud that it was the only way to communicate. “This is meant to be our hen do, after all. Are you having a good time?”

After they had made their way inside they had met up with the group from school, and spent a while chatting to people before the music was ramped up and they lost all ability to talk to each other. Everyone had gone their separate ways and looked to be enjoying themselves, and she and Gillian had danced for a while themselves before sitting down with yet another cocktail. Gillian hadn’t stopped complaining about the heels, although Caroline found that the converse were much more comfortable than she was used to, but treasured the opportunity to reconnect. Being at the disco had taken her back to the first time that they had been there, when she had wanted Gillian so much but had not been quite ready to reach out and cross the gap between them. That feeling of pained yearning was still an echo, and part of her still couldn’t quite compute that she would be marrying her in a week. It was wonderful, magical and terrifying all at the same time, the overwhelming feeling that something might go wrong still at the back of her mind.

“The best time,” Gillian slurred, grinning at her cheekily. Half of her hair had fallen out of the clip as a result of exuberant dancing to a song that Caroline only really remembered from Mrs Doubtfire, and she had found herself wrapped in the brunette’s arms as they bounced along. Gillian’s energy was infectious, and whilst she wasn’t usually prone to such public displays she had loved every moment. “Are you? Do you want to dance again?”

“In a minute,” Caroline replied, reaching over to take her hand and pull it up to her mouth, brushing her lips over her knuckles. “Thanks for making me do this… I know I wasn’t sure, but it's been great fun.” It was the story of most of their relationship - Gillian pushing her out of her comfort zone, her protesting but then loving it once she was experiencing whatever it was - it was now par for the course. She was freer, happier and more in touch with herself than she had ever been, and the farmer had been such an intrinsic part of the change that it could not be denied. 

“Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves as well,” Gillian nodded, gesturing out onto the dance floor to where their friends were enjoying themselves. Ellie was propping up the bar and seemed to be flirting with a woman with a Mohican whilst her secretary, Joyce, was doing shots with a smaller group in the corner, seemingly unaware of the fact that they were all drooling over her. “So, what do you say we finish this and go dance again?”

“Sure,” Caroline agreed, pulling her cocktail towards her and taking a long sip. Cocktails were usually a safe bet when it came to drinking, but it seemed that the disco was somewhat of an anomaly in that regard - rather than being fairly weak they were strong enough to stand a spoon up in, and she could already feel the alcohol joining the rest that was already swilling around in her bloodstream. “I’m going to need to powder my nose first, though.”

“Want me to powder it for you?” Gillian swayed towards her, leering down at her chest. Some of the buttons had indeed popped open, and the tank top underneath was cut low enough to give a tantalising view of her cleavage. She suspected that Gillian might have been responsible for the buttons giving way, but couldn’t find it in her heart to mind.

“Not in those bathrooms,” Caroline gave back, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. They were rather grim, and she wouldn’t be using them at all if she wasn’t desperate. Being three sheets to the wind helped too, of course, and she knew that she would have to dodge a multitude of couples in varying states of undress as she tried to go about her business. “Save that for when we get home…” She winked at her fiancé, and Gillian flushed in response - it was always so easy to wind her up, and the lure of an empty house and lowered inhibitions as a result of their alcohol intake was surely tempting. The last time they had been out - a few months ago now - she had popped to the loo, only to come back and find that Gillian had set all of their sex toys out on the bed in a line. What her purpose was hadn’t really been clear, but she remembered being chased around the house with a buzzing vibrator before finally being pinned down on the sofa. Everything after that was lost in a haze of orgasmic bliss.

After pressing a lingering kiss to Gillian’s lips - hopefully serving as a promise of what was to come - she made her way to the bathroom. As expected she had to manoeuvre around a few couples, one pair going at it rather enthusiastically over the sinks, and she hoped that her mother would not suddenly decide that she needed to go. If she saw that - or how high up one woman’s skirt her partner's hand was - she would probably never recover.  

After washing her hands - the couple having moved into a stall - she made her way back out into the main room, looking over at their table. There were fresh cocktails waiting for them but no sign of Gillian, and she scanned the area for her. It didn’t take long for her to find her… Gillian was purposely moving across the dance floor with a huge grin on her face, and when Caroline followed her gaze she couldn’t help her eyes widening. There, across the floor, was a woman who looked incredibly similar to Caroline. Her flannel shirt was almost the same, she was around the same height, although her blonde hair was a little more unruly. Had Gillian really gotten confused?

Worried about what she was going to do, Caroline started pushing her way through the sea of writhing bodies too, needing to get to her before she ended up in an argument or with a slap. Gillian had a habit of sneaking up behind her and grabbing her inappropriately, or kissing her neck, and she could just imagine where it might end up if she didn’t stop her. 

Unfortunately, despite Gillian’s drunkenness she was also determined, and Caroline was still a couple of metres away when the brunette lunged at the woman, grabbing two handfuls of her arse.

“OI!” The woman spun around, her mouth dropping open as she took in Gillian, swaying on the spot and looking mortified as she realised that the woman that she had groped was not the one she had intended. Caroline finally made it to her side, pulling her behind her… and then startled. The woman looked scarily familiar…

“Oh, shit…” Gillian exclaimed from behind her, and Caroline paled as well.

“Well, well, well, Greenwood, what are you doing here, gropin’ an officer of the law?” Catherine Cawood raised an eyebrow at them both, a smirk appearing on her face. “Not content with one woman, eh? Lookin’ for another?”

“I think she just got confused,” Caroline suggested, grimacing a little at the knowing look in her eyes. “Sorry, sergeant…” She had come across the police officer a few times now, most notably when she had come into school to talk to the children about drugs after she had confiscated a joint from one of the year elevens. She had been struck at the time by how firm but fair and kind she was, and she hoped that she would have a similar attitude now given that Gillian had rather thoroughly groped her arse. 

“Must say, Doctor, didn’t expect to see you in plaid,” Catherine continued, raking her eyes down her body with a little smirk. “Thought you were all about the tiny skirts and blazers… heels… how has she got you in converse?”

“It’s our hen do,” Gillian slurred drunkenly, tugging at her sash with a silly grin. “We had to dress as each other. So…” She gestured down at herself and Catherine chuckled. She knew that Catherine and Gillian had come across each other a few times too, and whilst they weren’t friends they were at least acquaintances. 

“Quite a change from wax jackets and overalls, eh?” Catherine chuckled, grinning at them both. “Don’t worry, love, I’ll let you off this time… Next time, though…” She quirked her eyebrow, standing a little taller, and Caroline tugged Gillian to her side. An air of authority seemed to settle over her, and although she was only kidding it was easy to see how quickly her mood could switch if she was so inclined.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep her in line,” she promised, Gillian burying her face into her sleeve as she giggled. “It was just a mistake… please accept our apologies”

“Clearly,” Catherine shot back dryly, her face suddenly breaking into a soft smile as someone appeared behind Gillian. “Although you might want to apologise to the missus, instead - that arse she groped is technically her property, after all…”

Caroline turned to see a small brunette at Gillian’s side, oddly bearing a bit of a resemblance to her fiancé, who was looking between them with an amused smile. Caroline recognised her too - she was the vicar up at Heptonstall, although she hadn’t known that Catherine was in a relationship with her. 

“Sorry,” Gillian exclaimed, throwing her arms around the other woman in a rather dramatic fashion. “I thought her arse was my arse. Your arse? I thought it was Caroline’s. Arse. Not Catherine’s. It’s yours?” 

“Right…” The woman blinked, patting Gillian's back in a kind of shock as she looked at Catherine. “What happened?”

“Just a little sexual assault, nothing to be concerned with,” Catherine replied, gently tugging Gillian out of her partner’s arms and pushing her into Caroline’s. The farmer giggled and looped her arms around her neck, pressing a kiss into her neck, and Caroline shot an apologetic look towards them both. 

“I am sorry… I think it might be about time to get her home,” Caroline hummed, staggering a bit as Gillian almost fell off her heels. “Few too many…”

“Good idea, try not to disturb the peace on the way home,” Catherine said sternly, but there was a twinkle in her eye. “Or get carried away and be had up for public indecency, eh?”

“We’ll try,” Caroline said valiantly, and with one last tight smile started to guide her fiancé back across the dance floor towards their table. A chuckle followed them, and Caroline felt her neck grow hot. She hoped that she wouldn’t have the need to come across either of them any time soon.

“Sorry, Caz,” Gillian mumbled once she had taken her back to their seats. She slumped across a chair, gripping on to the table as she tried to focus on her, her mouth tugging down at the edges. “I honestly thought she was you… are you mad?”

“No, I’m not mad,” Caroline laughed, gently stroking her finger down the brunette’s forehead and along her nose. “You are a twat, though. What am I going to do with you?”

“Marry me?” Gillian asked hopefully, looking so earnest that Caroline couldn’t help falling a little bit more in love with her all over again. Her capacity for loving this beautiful, complicated woman knew no bounds, and she suspected that she would continue to fall deeper and deeper for the rest of their life together.

“Oh, I think I can manage that,” she replied, gathering her into her arms and kissing her sweetly. “Although I reckon you’ll have to promise not to grope any other women, can’t be having that.”

“I promise…” Gillian nodded, offering her an adoring smile as she gently patted her cheek. “You’re more than enough for me, Doc.”

“Glad to hear it.” Caroline pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her crown as she looked back over the dancefloor. Women were everywhere - all shapes, sizes, ages, appearances… But she knew that she would never want anyone other than the woman that she was currently holding in her arms. Gillian was it for her - she was everything, and she intended to show her that every day for the rest of their lives. 

<3

Chapter Text

“F-f-f-f-bloody hell,” Gillian grumbled, her necklace dropping out of her hands once again as she tried to do up the fiddly catch. It had been her mothers, and she had wanted to wear it on her wedding day so that she could feel close to her. It made her incredibly sad that she would never get to introduce her to Caroline, the only person that she had ever truly loved, but reasoned that if she had still been alive they would probably never have met in the first place. The wedding was now only a couple of hours away, and Gillian had been painstakingly getting ready ever since she had gotten up at the crack of dawn, although she had made sure to see to the sheep first. It would be the last time that she did so for two whole weeks - their honeymoon to Scotland had all been booked and the farm would be taken care of in her absence. The thought of two uninterrupted weeks with her new wife was an intoxicating one, and she couldn’t wait.

As she tried to put the necklace on again, she couldn't’ help her mind turning to the woman that she was about to marry, and glanced over at her side of the bed. It was still perfect given that Caroline had stayed with her mother the night before, something that she hadn’t been expecting to do but Celia had been seemingly determined to offer. Since the hen do she had been a lot nicer to them both, and it seemed that - at the moment, at least - the thought of them getting married was one that she could accept. There had been several rather pointed comments about no longer living in sin that both of them had ignored, but other than that she had been rather pleasant. In exchange, her father had stayed with her, and would be driving her over to the registry office in Halifax when the time came. He had been busy for much of the morning attaching bows to the bonnet, mirrors and door handles of the Lexus, and Gillian had been inclined to leave him to it.

Still… even one night away from Caroline now was hard, and she had tossed and turned until the early hours, punching her pillow into submission over and over until it was a lumpy mess. She was sure that the blonde would have something to say when she came home and saw it - it looked so misshapen next to the pristine elegance of hers that it stuck out like a sore thumb. She had only settled in the end by giving in and allowing Ruth into the bed, snaking her arms around the dog’s middle before finally falling asleep. The very same dog was currently looking up at her from the floor, her tongue hanging out goofily as she watched her.

“I’m going to marry your Mum today, aren’t I?” Gillian hummed with a smile, gently ruffling her soft ears. Ruth seemed to grin, as if she knew what was going on, although that was debatable. She was going to be staying with Raff and Ellie along with Hoff, her sheepdog, whilst they were gone, and she was sure that she would come back with glitter matted into her fur as well as her toenails painted. Flora was going to have two weeks with Greg and go on holiday herself, so it had all worked out rather well.

“No! NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!” Calamity’s voice suddenly shrieked, echoing through from Flora’s bedroom as she heard Raff growl in frustration. “NO! WANT GRANNY!”

“What’s going on here?” Gillian asked with a grin, taking the few steps out of her bedroom to peer into the room. Calamity was sitting in the middle of the floor, her hair sticking up at all angles and her little bridesmaid dress crumpled behind her. Raff was glaring down at her in exasperation. “Come on, lady, we’re meant to be getting ready!”

“Wanted to get ready with Flora,” Calamity grumbled, shooting her father a dark look. “I thought she was going to be here! And I’m NOT getting ready without her!”

“Then you won’t be able to come to the wedding and wear your lovely dress, will you?” Gillian laughed, looking at Raff and gesturing towards the door, indicating for him to leave. If he stayed then his temper would likely get the better of him - he and Calamity were far too similar to be able to work things out sometimes, which was why she knew it would be much quicker if she just dealt with it. “Come on, how about I help you? I’ll even let you wear a bit of Auntie Caz’s lipstick, if you’re good.” She wouldn’t tell Caroline, but it was worth the bribe if it got them moving. They were due to be leaving in less than an hour, after all, and she was still wearing her dressing gown herself.

“Fine, as long as it’s pink,” Calamity huffed, and Gillian grinned in victory, offering her hand down to her errant granddaughter. She allowed herself to be pulled up and over to Flora’s bed, Gillian scooting backwards and sitting her between her legs so that she could brush her hair. It was a riot of snarls that she would need to gently tease out - Calamity had hated having her hair brushed since she was a little girl, and would only tolerate the most careful of touches.

“So, are you looking forward to being a bridesmaid today, then?” Gillian asked as she started to work, rather enjoying having a moment of quiet with the little girl. They rarely got moments where it was just them anymore, and she found that she missed it. Calamity had been exactly her namesake when she arrived - unexpected and unlooked for, but so welcome that she could scarcely believe how well they had adapted in those first couple of years. There was the added bonus - in her mind, at least - that Calamity was rather like her, and she knew that she would have to try and guide her a little as she got older to steer her down the right path. It would be a salve to her old wounds if someone else could benefit - and even learn from - all of the mistakes that she had made over the years.

“Yes…” Calamity said thoughtfully, pulling one of Flora’s cuddly toys into her arms and hugging it to her chest. “I’m confused, though, Granny.”

“Confused about what?” Gillian questioned, gently combing out a huge knot that looked like it had been forming for days. “Come on, spit it out.”

“So… you’re the bride, right?” Calamity carried on, running her fingers in small circles across the nose of the toy she was holding. It was a ridiculous rainbow unicorn with glittery wings that Gillian had won for Flora at the last fair that she had gone to, and Flora absolutely adored it. Just like her mother, though, she was innately sensible and had decided not to take it on holiday with her in case it got ruined, and left it tucked up in her bed. Gillian had been rather touched that it meant so much to her.

“I am indeed,” Gillian nodded, still teasing out the knot. “Why do you ask?”

“Well.. if you’re the bride, then what is Auntie Caz? The groom?” The little girl’s face furrowed in confusion, and Gillian couldn’t help sighing. It was a normal question, but she had hoped that living in such close proximity to them both in the last few years would have given her a little more insight.

“She’s a bride too,” Gillian explained gently. “When two ladies marry each other, they both get to be brides.”

“Oh, cool!” Calamity turned to her for a minute and shot her a huge grin. “So, if I married Flora one day, or another girl, then we could both be brides too?”

“Yes… Did you want to marry Flora?” Gillian asked, knowing that they had had this conversation before but curious where her mind was now. She could hardly chide her for being related - she and Caroline were still technically stepsisters, after all. “Or another girl?”

“I don’t know yet,” Calamity mused, wincing a little as Gillian pulled through a particularly stubborn knot. “I think I like boys and girls… apart from Brendan Foster, he’s a pillock.”

“Is that the one you punched in the playground?” Gillian pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh. Raff had despaired with his daughter on the day that she had come home with bruised knuckles and a triumphant expression, one step away from being suspended but utterly unrepentant. When she had asked her what had happened, it had seemed that he had been teasing Flora for something or other and she had decided that she wasn’t going to stand for it.

“Yeah, he’s a right git,” Calamity carried on, and again Gillian stifled a laugh. Caroline always told her that Calamity was a mini Gillian, and it seemed that she was being proved right, even just through her language. It was hilarious, although Gillian knew that Celia especially did not find it funny. Calamity shifted a little, and Gillian moved her head back into position before carrying on. “So… are you going to live happily ever after with Auntie Caz, then?”

“I hope so,” Gillian answered, smiling a secretive little smile as she did so. She had never felt as comfortable or as hopeful for the future as she did right now, and had never, ever felt love like this either. It was what reassured her that they were doing the right thing by getting married. Before, when it had been on the table, it had been something that she had felt trapped and suffocated by, but not with Caroline. Every time she thought of the blonde becoming her wife she just felt excited. “I love her very much.”

“Is she your one true love?” Calamity asked in a sing-song voice, hugging the unicorn to her chest and swaying back and forward.

“She is indeed,” Gillian hummed, grinning at how true that was. “Although I don’t know if you only get one. Life is funny like that sometimes.” She wanted to be realistic with her granddaughter - even though Caroline had been it for her, and she had realised that she had never, ever loved anyone the way she loved her - definitely not Robbie, and with Eddie it had been more of an infatuation - she knew that she hadn’t been the only one for Caroline. The blonde had been hopelessly in love with Kate, and she knew that they would have lived out their lives happily if tragedy hadn’t struck. Gillian had, at times, felt horribly guilty for being the one who ended up with her after the very worst had happened, but there was no changing it. Caroline had even said that she had loved John once, although she had grown to realise that it was familiarity more than anything else.
“What do you mean, you don’t get just one?” Calamity asked as Gillian started to braid her hair into two neat pigtails. “Am I allowed to marry more than one person?”

“Not at a time,” Gillian chuckled, shaking her head at the little girl. “But I do think that sometimes, if you’re really lucky, if it doesn’t work out with one person you’ll find another one. Life is just like that. You’ll understand when you’re older.”

“I hate it when grown ups say that,” Calamity huffed, folding her arms across her chest. “You only say it because you’re lying.”

“I’m not lying, it’s just complicated, madam!” GIllian shot back, giving one of her braids a gentle tug. “I mean, you know that I’ve been married before, and so has Auntie Caz. This is both of our third time… and that proves something, doesn’t it?” She liked to think it did, at least.

“Third time lucky, that's what Dad says,” Calamity gave back, nodding sagely as she shot her a curious look. “Does that mean that you might marry someone else, then? After Auntie Caz?”

“No… no, I think this is the last time for me,” Gillian carried on, smiling softly as she finished up her second braid. She reached to the side for the little packet of flower clips that she and Caroline had chosen for both girls and started to clip them in. “Auntie Caz… she’s the one that I love most of all.”

“I get it,” Calamity nodded again. “She’s your lobster!”

“Lobster?” Gillian chuckled, gently turning Calamity around to grin at her. “What do you mean, her lobster?”

“I saw it on TV! Lobsters, when they get together, they’re together for life. And if you want to be with Auntie Caz forever… then she’s your lobster!” she finished triumphantly, and Gillian laughed again before pulling her in for an impulsive hug.

“Yes, she must be my lobster,” she hummed, pulling back again and offering her a huge smile. “Now, come on, you - we need to get your dress on. And then I need to get mine on! We’ve got to go in half an hour!”

“SHIT!” Calamity exclaimed, leaping off the bed and snatching up her dress at the same time that she tried to pull off her usual jeans and t-shirt. “SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!”

“Oi, language!” Gillian retorted, again trying not to laugh. Raff always looked at her despairingly whenever his daughter came out with a new swear word, mostly because she was copying something Gillian had said in front of her, and she couldn’t wait to see how he would react to this one. She helped Calamity on with her dress, zipping it up the back before turning her to face her. “There we go, gorgeous!”

“You’re not gorgeous yet, you need your clothes!” Calamity said bossily, pushing her out of the bedroom door. “Get out, Granny!”

“Yes, yes, I’m going,” Gillian chuckled, making a playful swipe towards her which earnt her some giggles in return. “Behave yourself today, lady. I’ll be watching you.” She pointed two of her fingers at her eyes and then towards Calamity, and the little girl mirrored her gesture.

“Not if I watch you first, marrying your one true love!” Calamity shot back, pretending to faint dramatically in the doorway. Gillian just shook her head at her as she grinned, already apprehensive about what a firecracker she was going to be when she turned into a teenager. If how she was now was anything to go by, they were going to have a rebel on their hands.

“Mum, are you seriously not ready yet?” Raff said in exasperation, sticking his head out of the bathroom. He was in the process of doing up his tie, and Gillian rolled her eyes at him in response. “Come on, Grandad wants to leave in twenty minutes! Anyone would think you didn’t want to go!”

“Alright, alright, keep your bloody hair on!” she retorted, throwing her hands in the air before making her way back to her bedroom. “And of course I want to go, I’m getting married today!” She shot him a cheeky grin before slamming the door, pausing for a moment to rest against the wood. She was getting married today, to the woman that she loved more than anything else in the universe. She had found her one, and she fully intended to keep her.

<3

Chapter Text

“Mummy! WAKE UP!” Caroline was woken abruptly from sleep by a small, warm body throwing itself directly on top of her, all the breath in her lungs knocked out as her daughter collided with her stomach. Her eyes shot open as Flora wriggled on top of her, trying to tug down the duvet that the blonde had wrapped around her, giggling as she held onto it tightly.

“Morning, chicken,” she managed to croak, squinting at the little girl who resembled some kind of eel as she attempted to worm her way under the duvet with her. “Everything alright?”

“You’re meant to be getting up!” Flora insisted, wrapping her little arms around her mother’s neck. “Grandma says that if you don’t get up soon then she’s going to come in and make you!” Caroline groaned, dropping her head back onto the pillow. She remembered all too well how her mother had woken her up every day of the weekend and school holidays, frustrated at her ability to sleep in for so long. It was why lay ins as an adult felt even more precious as she had been denied them so thoroughly when she had been growing up.

“What time is it?” she mumbled, squinting across at the clock on the bedside table. This was the first time that she had stayed with her mother since they had moved into the bungalow, and she had been pleasantly surprised by how well appointed her room was. The very invitation was unexpected - she had planned initially to stay in a hotel with Flora the night before, but when her mother had heard her plans she had insisted that she come to stay with her. Since the hen do she had seemed more relaxed about their impending nuptials, and although she still made the odd pointed remark she had been significantly better than she had been before.

“Time you got up!” Her mother appeared in the doorway wearing her thick towelling robe and clutching a cup of tea, raising her eyebrows at her daughter. “Honestly, anyone would have thought that you had nothing on today, the way you’ve been lying in!”

“It’s 7am, Mum,” Caroline groaned, but sat up in bed anyway, grabbing Flora who had decided to start jumping up and down on the bed. She pulled her onto her lap, tickling her stomach for a moment before looking up at her. “Are you alright, anyway?” Part of her feared that this would be like her last wedding, that Celia would find some excuse not to attend and she would spend the day fielding inquiries as to where she was.

“Yes, fine.” Celia raised her eyebrows at her again, passing her the cup of tea. “Come on now, Flora - William has got breakfast ready for you in the kitchen. Off you go, there's a love. I want to talk to Mummy.” She smiled at the little girl who beamed at her, skipping merrily out of the room and singing tunelessly as she went to find her brother.”

“Nice of William to help out,” Caroline hummed, pulling back the duvet and moving to sit on the edge of the mattress. She felt exhausted - she had slept terribly the night before, a mix of nerves, anticipation and excitement keeping her mind occupied until the early hours, as well as the fact that she had missed Gillian horribly. “What did you want to talk to me about?” Anxiety flooded her once again, the serious look on her mother’s face letting her know that she was in for some kind of talking to. She really could have done without it at this time of the morning - she would have been a lot better if she had been able to have some coffee first before having to face whatever it was that the elderly woman was about to throw at her.

“It’s delicate,” Celia hummed, shutting the door and then coming to sit next to her. She even took her hand, and Caroline looked at her in surprise.

“Mum, before you start I’m just going to say, if you’re going to ask me if I’m sure about getting married today then I don’t want to hear it,” she said pre-emptively, wanting to be able to enjoy her day in a way that she hadn’t fully been able to when she had married Kate.

“No, no, you’ve already made your decision, you’ve made that more than obvious,” Celia replied, rolling her eyes at her. Her tone was a little sharp, just as Caroline had suspected it would be, but she seemed to soften as she carried on. “It was a bit of a shock when you told me that you were together - I mean, you’re stepsisters! There’s no one more broad minded than me, but that was a bit much, you have to admit…”

“We knew it was going to be a shock, but we did try to tell you in the best way we could,” Caroline hummed, dropping her eyes. It had been a horrible day when they had eventually told both Celia and Alan, and Gillian had been so upset that she had run out of the farmhouse in tears. It hadn’t even occurred to Caroline not to follow her, even though she had completely ruined a pair of slippers in the process. “And it’s not like we planned it… these things just happen sometimes, you can’t help who you fall in love with.”

“I know that, of course, better than most,” her mother nodded seriously. “When I met Alan again… I mean, you know, you were there - it was like no time had passed, and I loved him just as much as when I knew him when I was a girl. I know we have our moments, but I do love him.”

“I know you do,” Caroline agreed, gently patting her mother’s hand. It was powdery soft, and so familiar that it was comforting. “And I’m so glad that you got together again, and you were able to get married. It was inspirational, really. You deserve to be happy, after being so miserable for so long.”

“Yes, well…” Her mother brushed at some imaginary fluff on her knee, furrowing her brow into a frown. “Your father wasn’t exactly the man that I thought he would be when we married, but you know that. I think, though… I know I upset you, with… with Kate, and what happened there. Is it all forgotten?”

Caroline fixed her with a long look. The old wounds that her mother had caused when she had gotten together with Kate - as well as everything that had followed after - were still there, and she knew that she got defensive whenever she made any sort of comment that took her back to that time. “It is, mostly, although you know that I cannot bear it when you say such horrible things to Gillian - it really upsets her, you know. And me…”

“I only speak my mind, most people like that in a person,” Celia said airily, again not taking responsibility for the hurt that she had caused. Caroline sighed and started to pull away, but the old woman squeezed her hand more firmly as she looked at her. “But… I am sorry, Caroline. I do love you, and I want you to be happy… And I know that there is nothing that I can do or say to stop you doing what you’re going to do today, so I’m going to have to live with it.”

“Are you not happy for us?” Caroline asked sadly, her shoulders slumping. “Not even a little bit?”

Celia searched her expression, narrowing her eyes a little at her daughter. “I am happy that you’re so happy… You’re a different person to all those years ago, when you were married to John,” she said slowly, blinking as she continued to think about what she was saying. “I mean, you know I think he was a waste of space, and he wouldn’t bugger off for so long afterwards…”

“I know,” Caroline laughed, shaking her head. Both she and Gillian had agreed that he wouldn’t be invited today - it seemed a logical thing to do. He was living in a little flat somewhere in York, and the last thing she had heard he was attempting to have it off with the teaching assistant that had been assigned to his lectures. He could do what he liked, but it proved that he hadn’t changed. As long as he was leaving her be, that was the main thing. “We seem to be free of him now, though.”

“We do,” Celia nodded, shooting her a little smile. “Even when you married Kate… It just all happened so quickly, Caroline, and it takes a while to get your head around things like this, doesn’t it? I liked Kate, I liked her a lot… she was good for you.”

“She was…” Caroline’s heart gave a painful squeeze. She still missed Kate and thought of her often - of course she did, especially when Flora was growing up to be almost her mirror image. Her wife would always be a part of her, and she felt incredibly lucky that Gillian completely understood that. She was always so accommodating around it all, and never seemed to get jealous or uncomfortable when she came up in conversation. Gillian knew very well what she had meant to her, and had never been any less than respectful.

“And Olga… I mean, I liked Olga, didn’t I?” Celia reminded her, and Caroline did her best not to roll her eyes. She suspected that her mother only liked her because she had come to her play, and had seemed just as exasperated with Caroline as she was at times - a kindred spirit, of sorts. Not to mention the wine.

“Olga wasn’t exactly my finest hour,” Caroline murmured, wincing as she recalled just how long it had taken to get her out of her life. The last she had heard from her was the day after the meal that she and Gillian had hosted to matchmake her with Judith, and had been a selfie of the pair of them lost in the sheets of the author’s gigantic bed. If they were still together or not, she didn’t know, but she hadn’t heard from Judith either so she was hoping for the best.

“She liked my play though, didn’t she?” Celia carried on, and Caroline nodded with a pained smile. Her mother had continued with the amateur dramatics on and off over the last few years, and although she was good she dreaded the announcement of a new one, mostly because it meant that she would become almost insufferable until it was over. “Anyway… It’s not that I don’t like Gillian, I mean, she’s Alan’s daughter, but…” She grimaced a little and Caroline sighed.

“I know that she hasn’t always done what you think is appropriate,” Caroline offered, her tone becoming firm. She really was in no mood to hear any shit about the woman that she loved, not today. “You have to understand though, Mum - look at what she went through. She had no one - not even Alan, or her Mum, when she was put through all that stuff with Eddie. And who are we to judge anyone for how they cope after something like that?”

Celia nodded, a sad expression appearing in her eyes. “For all John’s faults, at least he never knocked you about, eh?” she said quietly, and Caroline nodded.

“Probably because he knew I would have given back just as much,” Caroline retorted, and her mother chuckled.

“Happen you’re right,” Celia agreed, and Caroline blinked a little, surprised that she seemed to be giving in that easily. “Desperate people do desperate things… And it was clear as day what she was trying to do when she married Robbie. She was trying to make her Dad happy, trying to fix things like she always does…”

“And only hurting herself in the process,” Caroline nodded, taken aback by her mother’s insight. “She had feelings for me even then, you know? We spent a lot of time together when we were planning your wedding, and then after Kate died. She was there for me throughout everything…” She didn’t say that Gillian had been there for her like no one else had - although it was true, she didn’t want to upset her mother. Whilst Celia had tried to be there, there was always an undercurrent of something, like she felt vaguely embarrassed by the level of drama that her daughter had created in her decision to live life as her authentic self.

“I didn’t know that,” Celia gave back, widening her eyes at her. “Were you two… at it, then, even then?” Her lip curled slightly, and Caroline quickly shook her head.

“No… no we weren’t. I had feelings for her as well, although I don’t think I really realised just how much until after she was married to Robbie,” Caroline explained, slightly uncomfortable being this candid with her mother. She usually turned it back on her and made her regret it. “I hope you understand, Mum… she lets me be me in a way that I’ve never really been able to before… I don’t have to pretend to be anything else with her. I don’t have to be in charge, I don’t have to have everything together, or hide things. I can just… be me.”

Celia fixed her with a long look. “I think I can see that,” she said slowly, reaching out to brush a lock of Caroline’s hair behind her ear. “I don’t know if I’ll ever understand why her over everyone else, and I do wish you wouldn’t talk like her so much, but… I’m not going to stop you.”

“And you’ll try and be nice? And supportive?” Caroline asked sternly, raising her eyebrows at the older woman. “And not say things that might upset people?”

“How people take what I say is up to them,” Celia retorted, back to regular form. “But… yes. You’ll do as you like anyway, you always have.” Caroline pressed her lips together. It was clear that her mother still didn’t fully understand her - not doing as she wanted had been so fundamental to her for so many years that she had repressed who she truly was, and it had taken her a long time to fully leave the box that she had contained herself in. Now, though… now she was finally comfortable and confident in her identity, and Gillian had been a major part of that.

“On that note, then, I think I’ll go for a shower,” Caroline hummed, ready for the conversation to be over so that she could start getting ready. She still had a few hours, but she wanted to make sure that she was perfect when she arrived. She couldn’t wait to see Gillian, and was incredibly curious about what she would be wearing - she had kept it a secret from her despite her pleas for her to tell her. “Thanks for the tea…” She downed it in one, her mother rolling her eyes at her as she did so.

“I am happy for you, you know,” Celia said as she stood up, catching hold of her hand and giving it a little shake. “Me and Alan…we won’t be around forever. And it’s a relief to know that both of you will have someone.”

“Well, I hope you’ll be around for a while yet,” Caroline gave back with a soft smile, leaning forward to kiss her mother on the cheek. As she stood up again, she furrowed her brow at her. “Was this what you wanted to talk to me about? You not being around? You’re not… ill, are you?”

“Oh no, no, nothing like that,” Celia said quickly, offering her a reassuring smile. “No. Don’t worry. I think… I just wanted to know that you were sure, and you’re happy… You’re my daughter, Caroline. I know we don’t always agree… but I want you to be happy.”

“And I am,” Caroline replied gently. “So happy… probably happier than I’ve ever been. You don’t need to doubt that… I wouldn’t have wanted to get married again if I wasn’t. I… I’ve been so scared about it all, what with what happened to Kate…” she admitted, knowing that she was opening herself up to be vulnerable but deciding to try and trust that the older woman would be sensitive. “But Gillian… I guess you can’t dwell on what could happen, or that you might lose something, or have it end prematurely, or painfully… You just have to go with it, and trust that somehow there’s a plan. That things happen for a reason…”

“You do,” Celia agreed with a little smile. “Just look at me and Alan. Sometimes you just have to be impulsive, and go for it, and see where the universe takes you.” She stood up, placing her hands on Caroline’s cheeks. “Be happy, love.”

“I will,” Caroline replied, a lump rising in her throat. She hadn’t expected this discussion with her mother, but she recognised that it had been good nonetheless, and had already made her feel better. Subconsciously she knew that she still looked for her approval, and that was why what had happened with Kate had been so jarring for her.

“Now, come on. Get your bum in gear, or we’ll be late,” Celia carried on, immediately back to her usual brusque attitude. “And at least run a brush through that hair, it looks like birds have been nesting in it!”

“Yes, Mum,” Caroline intoned, rolling her eyes, but smiled as she watched her mother exiting the room. “And… Mum?”

“Yes?” Celia turned around, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Thank you,” she offered softly, and Celia just smiled at her again before turning and making her way back into the kitchen. Caroline hugged herself, wishing that she could pick up the phone and tell Gillian what had happened, but not wanting to jinx anything. There would be plenty of time for that later. Now… now, she needed to go and get ready. They were getting married today!

<3

Chapter Text

“Don't be mad,” William said anxiously as he flung open the door of the car in the small car park at the back of the registry office, biting his lip at his mother who was sitting in the driving seat. “The important thing to remember is that everything is going to be fine, okay?”

“What's the matter? What's happened?” Caroline said straight away, searching her son's face for a hint of what might have gone wrong. “Is it Gillian? Is she…?” Her mind eventually jumped to a whole manner of conclusions, ranging from the brunette being poorly or injured, or even not having turned up at all.

“Gillian is fine, but she's not here yet - they've had some problems with the Lexus on the way but she's sorting it out,” William replied bracingly, reaching to gently squeeze her shoulder. “Most people are here already.”

“Is Alan alright, love?” Celia called from the passenger seat, peering anxious at her grandson. “He's not trying to fix it himself, is he? He's got a heart condition!”

“No, no, he's fine. Gillian had sat him on a wall at the side of the road when I spoke to him,” William reassured her, his eyes flicking to his mother's once again. “Raff and Ellie are here, they're looking after the girls, and your friends from Oxford and York. And…”

“And?” Caroline questioned, getting out of the car and smoothing down her dress as she looked at him nervously. Her outfit had survived the journey without too many wrinkles - she had gone for a soft lavender dress that reached her knees, tightly fitting across her chest - although not indecently, even though she suspected Gillian would have liked that - and then flared from her hips, topped with a white blazer. Her hair hung in soft golden waves about her face, and she had finished the look with stockings and a pair of heels. She felt good in her outfit, and couldn't wait for Gillian to see her… if she turned up on time.

“And… there might be a couple of people that you weren't expecting,” William said hesitantly, glancing towards the door. “Like-”

As he spoke the door of the registry office flew open, and Caroline groaned as she saw the person who had emerged.

“Oh, hello, Caroline, you look nice!” John sloped towards her, grinning inanely as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “You don't mind if I…” He gestured weakly towards the office, and Caroline folded her arms across her chest and fixed him with the most ferocious glare that she could manage.

“I do mind, actually,” she said coldly, looking him up and down. She recognised the suit - it was the one that he dragged out for all occasions such as this, and was crumpled and even a little faded. His collar was tucked into his jacket, and she fought the urge to correct it. “You weren't invited, John! What are you doing here?”

“Oh, you know, just thought I’d be supportive,” he carried on, his smile looking so incredibly fake that it was painful. “Besides, you are my wife, and-”

“John, I have not been your wife for nearly a decade!” Caroline exclaimed hotly, William looking between them both awkwardly. “I am about to get married for the second time since you, and I don’t need you here getting in the way!”

“Oh, hello.” Celia appeared at her slide, clutching her handbag to her chest and shooting John a venomous glare. “What do you think you’re playing at, turning up here today? You weren’t even invited, were you?”

“No he wasn’t!” Caroline interjected before he could reply. “He wasn’t invited for lots of very good reasons - reasons which I do not want to go into right now given that I am about to get married - so kindly leave.”

“I only came because-” John tried to defend himself but was swiftly interrupted again by some more new arrivals.

“Hello, Caroline, my, don’t you look gorgeous!” Judith appeared from behind William and looked her up and down appreciatively, almost inappropriate in the level of her attention. Caroline almost growled in frustration - again, the author had not been invited for a very good reason.

“Hiya, Caz!” Olga appeared next to her, looking rather dashing in a black tuxedo and a red bow tie, and tucked her arm into Judith’s. “Wow, you still scrub up well!”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Caroline muttered, looking between them all and shaking her head. “Why on earth have you all turned up? This was meant to be for close friends and family only!”

“We are close friends and family!” Judith protested, pouting at her. She draped a gauzy pashmina more snuggly around her shoulders, almost falling out of the strappy purple gown that trailed in wisps of silk all the way down to her ankles. “Come on, Caroline, we care about you… we wanted to come and show our support!”

“Yeah, come on, Caz, we’re not goin’ to embarrass you, or anythin’ like that,” Olga added, pulling Judith a little closer to her side. “I reckon I owe you a debt of gratitude anyway, bringin’ this one into my life.”

“Judith is a lesbian too?!” John interrupted, gaping at the two women with barely disguised incredulity. “When did that happen?”

“Well, John, you appear to have the rather dubious skill of turning whatever woman sleeps with you gay,” Caroline snapped, pushing past them all and going to retrieve her clutch bag from the back seat. “Now, will you excuse me!”

Celia trailed after her as they approached the door, the threesome standing watching them go. They had almost got to the door, Caroline taking deep breaths to try and calm herself down, when there was a call from behind her.

“Can we come in then? If we promise to behave?” John called in a wheedling voice.

“And I don’t say anything about how much I miss your tits?” Olga added, earning a muttered ‘well I never’ from her mother.

“And I promise I won’t try and snog you… or Gillian… or trip over in the aisle?” Judith pleaded, and Caroline stopped at the door, her hand forming into a fist at her side as she took a deep breath.

“You can come in,” she started, slowly turning around and glaring at them each in turn. “As long as I don’t hear a PEEP out of you. A PEEP!” she insisted, wagging her finger. “And if I do, so help me God, you will be out there so bloody fast…”

“We will, we'll be quiet,” Judith said happily, and giggled as she tugged Olga towards the door. John followed after them, sloping past her with an awkward smile as if he expected to be kicked out at any minute. Caroline was sorely tempted to do just that.

William, meanwhile, trailed along behind them, still looking incredibly awkward. “There’s something else,” he muttered, his pale cheeks flushing as he looked down towards the floor. “The flowers that you ordered… they haven’t arrived.”

“No flowers?” Caroline echoed, letting her head drop back as she exhaled another groan. “Why? What’s their excuse?” At Gillian’s insistence she had put her oldest son in charge of several things during the day, mostly to try and relieve some of the stress on her after being told that she needed to take it a little easier. Her fiancé had reasoned that Caroline already had a stressful enough life anyway, not to mention all the anxiety that had come along with getting married again, and she could afford to let a few things go. Flowers were one such responsibility, and after choosing what they had wanted - just a simple spray of peonies for them both and the bridesmaids, and some buttonholes for the men - she had left it in his capable hands.

“They said that they put the date in wrong, they thought that we meant next year,” William said, looking increasingly upset. “I tried to get them to send something else, but they said it was too late, and… shit, I’m so sorry, Mum.”

“It’s alright, they’re only flowers,” Caroline replied, feeling a little sad and frustrated that things were not going as smoothly as she had hoped, but knowing that the important thing was that she got to marry the woman that she loved. The woman that - by all accounts - was stuck somewhere with her head in the engine of the Lexus trying to make it go again.

“I told Dad and he said that he’d go and get some, but I told him not to - he was going to go to the petrol station,” William ventured in a small voice. “I didn’t think you’d want that.”

“No, they’d only be chrysanthemums, anyway,” Caroline signed, looking between her son and her mother and pursing her lips. “Right, well, I guess we’d better go in and get ready. They said to wait in a side room until we get told it's time, so…”

After going to let the receptionist know that they had arrived, they were directed to a little room to the side of the ceremony room. It was a little sparse and impersonal, but Caroline didn’t care - her mind was only on Gillian, hoping that she would get there in time. Just as she was about to urge William to call them for an update yet again, there was a knock on the door and a middle aged man walked inside clutching a leather folder. Caroline looked at him in surprise - he bore a striking resemblance to one of the Chuckle brothers, although she couldn’t remember which one.

“Caroline McKenzie-Dawson? For the Greenwood-Dawson wedding?” he hummed, rocking back and forwards on his heels as he grinned at them. Caroline nodded, and couldn’t help noticing that he had what appeared to be dried egg crusted onto the lapel of his jacket. “I’ll be your registrar for today, pet. Tell me, do you like Cilla Black?”

“Cilla Black?” Caroline asked faintly, shooting her mother an incredulous look. Celia shrugged, seemingly lost for words. “What happened to the other lady? Jeanette? She was meant to be performing the ceremony, wasn’t she?”

“Oh, terrible, terrible news, poor Jeanette,” he carried on shaking his head and painting a morose expression across his features. “Her parakeet ran away. Or flew away? I don’t know the technical term, but it's gone. Probably couldn’t stand her singing, poor bastard.” He sucked his teeth, and Caroline gaped at him, not quite believing that this man was going to be the one to perform their wedding. “Oh, don’t worry, pet! We’re gonna have a lorra lorra laughs!”

“Right…” Caroline said faintly, swallowing as she looked him up and down once again. He was grinning inanely, and one of his trouser legs was tucked into his sock. “Have… have you done this before?”

“Of course I have, pet, don’t you fret,” he gave back, and then laughed uproariously, presumably at his rhyme, dropping his folder in the process. “Now, let’s see…” he hummed after he’d calmed down, reaching down to pick it up. He held up hand theatrically. “Now, here’s our Graham with a quick reminder!”

“Oh, fuck off,” Caroline breathed, dropping her head into her hands and hoping that he hadn’t heard her slip of the tongue. Things really were going from bad to worse - not only were two of her exes here along with a woman that had once sent her fifty metaphors for her breasts, one after the other whilst she was in a governors meeting, there were no flowers and they were going to be married by someone who was so obsessed with Cilla Black phrases from Blind Date that she half expected him to push aside one of the walls and reveal a line of contestants for her to pick from in place of her absent fiance.

“Language, Caroline,” her mother hissed, turning a wide fake smile on the man who was still flicking through his paperwork. “What is it you want to know, Graham?”

“Graham?” he frowned, looking up at her in confusion. “My name is Derek, actually.”

“Derek, then,” Celia replied through gritted teeth, and Caroline stood up, moving to stand at the window with her arms folded. There wasn’t much of a view, just the bins and a discarded shopping trolley, and part of her wished that they had chosen a nicer registry office. Still, all they were there for was to get married… Afterwards they were going out for a meal just with their closest friends and family at a lovely restaurant that Gillian had taken her to on their anniversary - a night that had gone much more smoothly than this. There was a sigh from behind her before her mother continued. “What is it you want to know?”

After confirming the relevant information and showing some ID, the man finally took his leave, and Caroline settled in to wait. Her thoughts turned to her fiancé, longing to see her. She knew that as soon as she did this whole farce would cease to matter, and she would remember what they were doing and why. Her fears about getting married had eased hugely, Gillian proving to be gentle and understanding every time that she wobbled. It just gave her more confidence that what they had would stand the test of anything that was thrown their way - including the craziness which was turning out to be their wedding.

A noisy clock on the wall ticked and ticked away the minutes, Caroline getting more fidgety and worried and William trying and failing to get through to both Alan and Gillian, although Caroline was sure that the farmer had misplaced her phone somewhere - she usually did. They had found it in a whole manner of places since they had been together, including rather notably in the bottom of the outdoor bathtub that Gillian had installed a few weeks ago. They had made good use of it ever since, with Caroline finally getting her first al fresco shag in recent years just a few days previously. Luckily, there had been no encroaching family members that time, and Caroline had been able to come down from the dizzying heights of pleasure that the farmer had stirred in her whilst taking in the beautiful view.

After half an hour had passed - meaning that they were fifteen minutes late getting started - the registrar popped his head around the door with another inane smile. “Surprise, surprise!” he trilled, doing a silly mock bow, and Caroline fought the urge to punch him in the face. “I do have to tell you, Mrs Macauly-Caulkin, that if your fiancé isn’t here in the next ten minutes then you will not be able to get married today,” he continued more seriously, and Caroline dropped her head into her hands once again.

“It’s McKenzie-Dawson,” she snapped back through her hands, shaking her head. “Can you not do the next couple first, and then come back to us?”

“It doesn’t work like that, I’m afraid,” he replied, turning his mouth down exaggeratedly at the corners. “Let’s just hope she shows, pet. Otherwise I reckon there’s a couple of likely lasses out here who wouldn’t mind doing the honours!” He pulled the door open a little wider to reveal Olga and Judith, both of them offering her a little wave, and Olga even winked for good measure.

“No, thanks,” Caroline said coldly, and then glared at him until he shut the door again. Once he did, Caroline turned to her mother, trying not to cry. “What are we going to do, Mum? Everyone is here! Everyone is expecting us to get married, and… and…” She dropped her eyes, letting them slide shut as she took a deep breath. She didn’t want to cry - she had spent long enough applying her makeup that morning anyway, and didn’t want to have to do it again if they were already going to be short on time.

“Don’t worry, love, she’ll show up,” Celia said bracingly, looking at the door. “You wait till I see Alan, I’ll give him what for! He knew that we were using the Lexus, he should have checked it over!”

“I’m sure it’s not his fault,” Caroline sighed, still fighting the hot tears that were pricking against the back of her eyes. “I don’t think-”

As she spoke the door flew open, Alan standing in the doorway panting. He looked a little worse for wear - he was without his jacket, and his hair was standing on end as if he had been running his hands through it. “We’re here, love, we’re here,” he said quickly, shooting Caroline an anxious glance. “I’m so sorry, love, the engine just died… It came out of nowhere, weren’t no way that we could have predicted it!”

“That’s alright, at least you’re here now,” Caroline said quickly, standing up and moving to the door. “We better tell them that we’re ready. Where’s Gillian, is she okay?”

“Just fine, just fine,” he hummed, gesturing to his wife. “She wants to see you, though - before you go in. Is that okay?”

“Yes, yes… Mum, will you speak to Derek?” she requested, and Celia rolled her eyes but nodded anyway as she went to the door. “Thanks… send her in.”

After Alan had shepherded his wife away, Celia muttering crossly to him about car maintenance, there was another tentative knock on the door. Caroline pulled it open quickly, hoping to see her fiance, but was instead met by Sergeant Cawood in her full police regalia.

“How do,” she said affably, raising her eyebrow at her with a little smirk. “I think I found somethin’ of yours, broken down at the side of the road.” She stepped aside, only to reveal Gillian who was hopping from side to side with nerves. She looked mortified, her Dad’s jacket draped over her shoulders and concealing her outfit, although she appeared to be wearing a dress and heels. “Now, can I leave you two to it? You’re not gonna have a domestic?”

“We’re not going to have a domestic, sergeant, don’t worry.” Caroline flashed her a quick smile before stepping forwards and taking Gillian’s hand, tugging her into the room. “Thank you for finding her and bringing her down… I owe you one.”

“Nah, you’re alright,” the sergeant hummed, flapping her hand and then tucking her thumbs into her fluorescent vest. “Reckon it’s part of my duty, makin’ sure two lovebirds such as yourselves get to the church on time to be wed.” She grinned at them both before taking a few steps back, turning to leave. “Or registry office, anyway.”

“Thanks again, Catherine,” Gillian said in a shaky voice, offering her a wobbly smile. “I don’t know what we would have done without you.”

With one final wave the officer was gone, and Caroline pushed the door shut again before turning to Gillian, cupping her face in her hands and peering into her eyes. “What happened? Are you alright? I was so worried,” she said in a rush, smoothing her thumbs over her cheekbones as she searched her expression.

“The engine completely conked out, I did everything I could to get it going, but…” Gillian trailed off, tears appearing in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Caz, I’m so, so sorry… I’ve spoiled everything, I-”

“You’ve spoiled nothing, you twat, come on…” Caroline interrupted, quickly pulling her in for her hug. Her familiar scent as well as the feel of her lithe body in her arms was enough to settle her, and she pressed a kiss to her crown, just grateful that she was able to hold her. “It’s okay. We still have time. Although… no flowers. And we’re being married by some bloke that looks like a Chuckle brother, who is obsessed with Cilla Black.”

“You what?” Gillian mumbled, pulling back, and when their eyes met they both started giggling. “Christ, Caz, this just goes from bad to worse, doesn’t it?”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Caroline sighed, taking a deep breath and trying to smile. “Do you still want to get married today? We could postpone it if you like, or-”

“Just try and bloody stop me,” Gillian interjected hotly, taking her hands. “There is nothing that will stop me marrying you today, Caz, even if we have to run away to bloody Gretna Green to do it!” As Caroline smiled at her she took a step back, running her eyes down her body. “And besides… look at you. You look so beautiful… who wouldn’t want to marry you?” she asked softly, and Caroline felt herself melt.

“You think I look alright?” she asked nervously, plucking at the skirt of her dress.

“You look stunning,” Gillian confirmed, kissing her sweetly before her brow knitted into a frown. “Me, however…” She looked down at herself, wincing.

“What happened?” Caroline asked softly, running her fingers down the lapel of Alan’s jacket. “Why are you wearing this?”

“Ripped my blazer, didn’t I…” Gillian muttered, her fingers going to the jacket and shrugging it off. “I was doing my best to stay clean and I was managing just fine, and then the bonnet came down on me and ripped the back.” She stood in front of the blonde, her arms wrapped around her stomach as she looked at the floor. “I’m sorry…”

“Gillian…” Caroline said quietly, her eyes brimming with tears too as she took in the other woman’s appearance. “You look incredible…” It was true… Gillian had chosen to wear a neat wrap dress in navy blue that clung to every curve, her brown hair hanging in waves around her face, and a pair of low black heels on her feet. The colour of her dress made her eyes seem even more intense, and Caroline couldn’t take her eyes off her. “If anyone is lucky today, it’s me…”

“Are you sure this is okay?” Gillian murmured, pulling anxiously at one of the sleeves. “It looked a lot fancier with the blazer, but…”

“You look perfect just as you are,” Caroline confirmed, pulling her in for another lingering kiss. “Which reminds me, actually…” After pecking her on the lips once again she went to her bag, retrieving the little parcel that she had been keeping for the first moment that they had alone. “I have something for you…. It’s not much, but it was my father’s.”

Gillian looked up at her curiously before starting to unwrap it, revealing the little box that held her father’s pocket watch. She popped open the box, her mouth dropped open as she took in the gleaming timepiece contained within. “Caroline… what… are you sure?”

“It has been passed down through marriage for three generations now, and I want you to have it,” Caroline said softly, plucking it out of the box and pressing it into her hands. “We were family, anyway… but I want you to know that you’re my family properly now, Gillian… You’re all I will ever want or need.” She covered her hands with her own, closing her fingers around the metal case, and Gillian smiled up at her emotionally.

“I don’t even have…” she started, and then trailed off, her face lighting up with an idea. “Hang on, let me just…” She pressed the watch into her hands again and then reached up to unclasp her necklace, a gleaming teardrop diamond on a gold chain, and then offered it to Caroline with a hopeful smile. “May I?” she asked, gesturing to her neck. “This was my mother’s… I’d like you to have it.”

“Are you sure?” Caroline asked, feeling a little overcome by the gesture. She had known about the necklace - Gillian had talked about it a few times, telling her about how her mother had worn it nearly every day as it had been a present from her father, and had left it to her when she died. To be given such a gift truly spoke of Gillian’s affection for her, and it was a little overwhelming.

“So sure,” Gillian insisted, and Caroline shot her another wobbly smile before brushing her hair out of the way and turning so that the farmer could loop it around her neck. “There…” she whispered, pressing a kiss on the catch before turning her around and smiling happily up at her. She took the watch carefully from her hand and put it into her pocket, and then wrapped her arms around her, burning her face into her neck. “I love you, Caroline Dawson.”

“And I love you, Gillian Greenwood,” Caroline whispered, pressing a loving kiss to her temple. “Now… what do you say that we go and get married?”

“I think I’d like that very much,” Gillian murmured, and kissed her one last time before taking her hand and leading her out of the door. “Just you try and stop me.”

“I won’t… but they might,” Caroline chuckled, gesturing at the combined forces of Olga, Judith and John who were waving at them from inside the ceremony room.

“What are they doing here?!” Gillian asked incredulously, looking up at her, and Caroline just shook her head.

“I don’t want to know,” she replied, rolling her eyes. “But they aren’t what matters, are they?”

“Nope, not today,” Gillian agreed, and linked her arm with hers before shooting her breathtaking smile. “Now, come on Doc. Onto the next adventure.”

“Onto the next adventure,” Caroline echoed, and took the first step up the aisle… The first step into the next chapter of their lives.

<3

Chapter Text

“Mmmmm,” Caroline grumbled quietly, burying her face further into her pillow and scrunching her eyes shut as she felt whisper soft touches start ghosting over her naked shoulders. They were followed by the brush of a pair of lips, kisses being peppered over her back before travelling up to her neck, another warm body curled into her side. “What time is it?” she mumbled, the room still in semi darkness.

“Does it matter?” Gillian whispered back, threading her fingers through her hair as she nestled closer to her. “Sorry for waking you… I missed you.”

“Soppy twat,” Caroline muttered, but turned so that she could envelop the brunette in her arms. As Gillian rested against her, her head tucked underneath her shoulder and her breath warm against her neck, she couldn’t help the happy smile that crept across her lips. It was the first day of their honeymoon, and Gillian was right - it didn’t matter what time it was. They had two long, glorious weeks stretching ahead of them with only each other for company. If they wanted they could spend whole days in bed - in fact, Caroline was counting on it.

The wedding the day before had not started off as smoothly as she would have liked, but the second that they made their way up the aisle and stood facing each other as they recited their vows had swept all of that away. The look of shy, adoring love on Gillian’s face as she had pushed the wedding ring onto her finger was something that she would never forget as long as she lived, and she had felt so safe and loved in that moment that it was almost overwhelming. She knew to some people that their match didn’t make sense - they were so very different in a lot of ways, after all - but, to her, nothing would even make sense in the same way as holding Gillian in her arms, or allowing herself to be held in return. She was truly, madly, irrevocably in love with her, and there was no going back now.

After the ceremony - in which they had had to brush aside more references to Cilla Black than either of them would ever have wanted to include in their wedding - most of the assembled guests had gone their separate ways before they had made their way for a meal. They had stayed a few hours before getting changed and getting on the road to Scotland in Caroline’s Jag, the wedding ribbons still fluttering on the bonnet. It was strange to be away from home, but Caroline knew that both of them both needed and deserved the break. They had never had a holiday together like this, and she was more than a little excited.

They had arrived so late at night and been so exhausted that they hadn’t had the energy to do much more than fall into bed, although they had both woken in the early hours and made sleepy love to each other before falling back to sleep. Now, who knew what time it was…

“I just wanted to see my wife,” Gillian whispered, pressing a warm kiss to her neck, and Caroline smiled. “You have no idea how wonderful it feels to be able to say that, Mrs Greenwood-Dawson.”

“It’s pretty special, isn’t it, Mrs Greenwood-Dawson,” Caroline hummed in return, and was delighted by the happy giggle that escaped Gillian’s mouth. Yes, they were being soppy… but she didn’t care in the slightest. “It's so nice knowing that we aren't going to be interrupted by anyone…”

“No dogs scratching to get in at the door,” Gillian offered, starting to run her foot up and down Caroline's calf.

“No children throwing themselves on the bed,” Caroline carried on, tracing little circles on the brunette’s naked hip.

“No parents turning up when I've got your top off and trying to give you a good seeing to,” Gillian chuckled, earning herself a pained groan from her wife. “That was particularly memorable.”

“Yes, please try not to get up to anything that involves you running around outside naked,” Caroline teased, remembering the incident in question. She would have paid good money to have seen it, but it really wasn't worth the risk.

“It's not like anyone would see,” Gillian giggled, her hand starting to trail up her body and run teasingly over the curve of her breast. “There probably isn't anyone for miles…” It was true. Rather than staying in a hotel they had opted for a cottage well and truly in the wilds of Scotland, right on the banks of one of the Lochs. It had every luxury that they could have wanted, and came fully stocked with food and other provisions that would make their stay a comfortable one. They would likely not have to venture out for some time.

“On that note, we really need to see the view,” Caroline hummed, pressing another kiss to Gillian’s forehead before turning to reach for the remote at the side of the bed. After squinting at it for a few moments she stabbed at a button, and was rewarded by the quiet glide of the blinds on all the windows slowly sliding up, the light of the day falling into the room. She propped herself up on her elbows, blinking a little as she tried to get her eyes to adjust.

“Wow…” Gillian breathed, gathering the sheets to her chest and sitting up to stare out of the window. Wow was an understatement… their bedroom was at the top of the cottage, the entire wall that faced the Loch made of glass. The sun was rising over the water, hazy sunshine beaming through the mist that hung over the land. It looked like something from a postcard, and Caroline shot a little grin at Gillian, adoring the look of awe which was written all over her face.

“I knew we booked this place for a reason,” she murmured, sitting up next to her and pressing a soft kiss to her shoulder. “I'd say this rivals the farm, wouldn't you?”

“Most definitely,” Gillian replied, looking down at her with an affectionate smile. “I'm glad we didn't go abroad.”

“Same,” Caroline nodded - although the sun would have been lovely, dealing with airports and taxis and the rest of it was not what she needed. “Although I think I'd have been happy anywhere as long as you were with me.”

“Now who's being a soppy twat?” Gillian giggled, leaning her forwards and kissing her. What started as a light brush of her lips quickly turned into more, her tongue dancing across the seam of Caroline's lips as she demanded entry. As Caroline gave in, she hummed in contentment as Gillian started to explore her mouth, relishing every flick and stroke of her tongue.

“God, I could kiss you forever,” she moaned when Gillian eventually pulled away, smirking in triumph at the glazed look that Caroline was sure was in her eyes. She meant it - Gillian kissed like she was starving, and she needed her more than anything to keep her alive.

“You have to, we’re married now,” the brunette giggled, a slow smile starting to creep across her face. “This view really is spectacular, isn’t it?” she continued, but rather than looking outside she ran her eyes down Caroline’s body, her eyes darkening. Caroline knew that look… it was dangerous, and let her know that she was liable to find herself flat on her back in the very near future with Gillian’s fingers buried in her up to the knuckle as she moaned her way to her release.

“Depends which view you’re talking about,” Caroline murmured, grinning at her as she gestured to the window. “What’s out there is pretty special, after all…”

“Right, well, if you say so,” Gillian gave back, and before she could protest she had pushed her forwards, slipping behind her as she wrapped her arms around her middle.

“What are you doing?” Caroline gasped as Gillian bracketed her legs with her own, pressing a kiss onto her shoulder. Her wife’s warm body pressed against her back was lovely, but she would much sooner have had her hovering over her with that cheeky grin that she always wore, the one that told her that she had plans for her. “I… I thought we…?”

“Oh, we are…” Gillian chuckled, pressing a kiss into the soft skin when her neck met her shoulder. Her warm breath ghosting across her pale skin was enough to make her shiver, and she twisted her head around to capture Gillian’s lips just as she crept her hand up to brush her nipple. After a few moments the brunette broke away, nuzzling her cheek as her other hand joined her first, palming her breasts before teasing their rosy peaks.

“You’re such a tease,” Caroline muttered, reaching to her sides to grip the farmer’s strong thighs. “Why did I marry you…”

“Because you know I’ll give you exactly what you want, old girl, as long as you’re patient,” Gillian whispered into her ear, kissing her way down her neck as one of her hands crept lower, pushing under the duvet and spreading her thighs. “Not to mention that my sparkling wit has a kind of… je ne sais quoi?”

“If you say so,” Caroline hummed, but then whimpered when Gillian pressed her fingers between her legs, parting her gently before making contact with her clit. Even though she had been teasing her for just a few minutes she was already aching for her, craving her fingers inside her as she writhed beneath her touch. Gillian had proved herself a conscientious and diligent student when it came to mastering the art of giving her pleasure, and could now play her like an instrument as she worked on giving her what she needed. She knew her almost better than she knew herself, taking her to the very edge of what she could handle before letting her crash into her release, and she loved every second of it. “Fuck, Gillian…”

“I thought you wanted to look at the view,” Gillian murmured teasingly as she started to trace slow, insistent circles against her, Caroline’s breath hitching in her chest as her heart started to race. “Look… then every time you see it from now on you’ll remember me doing this…”

“Evil,” Caroline muttered, but inhaled sharply when Gillian dipped her fingers lower, dragging through her wetness before teasingly circling her core. “This isn’t fair…

“What would be fair, then?” Gillian gave back, sharply tweaking her nipple before grazing her fingernails over it, drawing another gasp from her wife’s mouth. “Tell me, I’ll give it to you…” She stilled her fingers, earning herself a pained groan of frustration, and started to press little kisses along her shoulder.

“The view is beautiful,” Caroline started, sitting up a little and twisting to look at her, her face red as she smirked at her. “But not as beautiful as you..”

“Charmer,” Gillian chuckled, and opened her arms up to her with a grin. “Come on, then, turn around…”

Caroline didn’t waste any time, changing position until she was straddling the brunette’s thighs, her arms looped around her neck. “Hi,” she whispered, leaning forwards and pressing a brief kiss to her lips. “I missed you…”

“I’ve been here the whole time,” Gillian chuckled, wrapping one arm firmly around her waist and pulling her closer as her other hand went to her breasts. “Going soft in your old age, Doc?”

“Only for you,” Caroline breathed, unable to stop her hips rocking in search of more as Gillian grazed her fingers over her nipple. “And you’re just as bad…”

“What can I say?” Gillian replied, smiling at her with such a look of adoration in her eyes that it made Caroline ache. “How can I not, when it’s you?” With that she leant forwards and kissed her hungrily, nipping her lip before pushing her tongue into her mouth in a way that left Caroline under no illusion as to how much she wanted her.

As they kissed Gillian’s hand gradually crept lower, dipping between her legs before swirling her fingers around her clit once again. Caroline broke their kiss with a moan, grateful that she didn’t have to worry about being quiet when Gillian was working her up so well. “Please, Gillian…” she almost begged, rocking her hips against her hand once again. “Please…”

“Of course, wife of mine,” Gillian mumbled, immediately moving her hand lower and sinking her fingers inside her. It was just what Caroline had wanted, and she let out a sharp hiss of pleasure as she felt herself filled up just as she had desired. “God, Caroline, you’re so ready…”

“You did that,” Caroline moaned in return, grinding down against her fingers to try and get even more. As she did, Gillian did something very clever which had stars starting to explode behind her eyes, her palm still bumping against her clit as she rocked her hips. “It’s all for you…”

“I can’t wait to fuck you like this with the strap,” Gillian groaned, roughly palming one of her breasts before dipping her head to wrap her lips around her nipple. The combination of all those sensations at once soon had the familiar heat gathering in Caroline’s abdomen, every single thrust of her wife’s fingers pushing her further and further towards the cliff edge of her release. She clung on to her shoulders for dear life, feeling every flick of her tongue and graze of her teeth as she continued to work.

After that, it was not long at all before Caroline was letting out little mewls of pleasure, and just as she was about to tumble over the edge Gillian released her aching nipple and crashed their mouths together, kissing her furiously, and that was finally enough. Caroline’s vision darkened around the edges as she cried out her name over and over in a kind of chant, only conscious of her clever fingers continuing to work as she moaned and whimpered, dropping her head into Gillian’s neck.

As the tension that had built up slowly started to ebb away, Caroline slumped in her lap with a satiated sigh, Gillian finally removing her fingers and pressing little kisses over her crown.

“Though I was going to lose my fingers, then,” Gillian said cheerfully, and Caroline let out a little warning growl that earned her a chuckle in response. “So, how many stars?”

“What?” Caroline asked, still dazed from the force of the orgasm that had ripped through her body. She pulled back a little to look at her, unable to stop herself from smiling when she saw the smug expression that graced her features. “What stars?”

“Well, rating the view, weren’t you?” Gillian hummed with a smirk. “Seems only right that you give it a star rating - out of five, I reckon.” Caroline just blinked at her for a moment, slowly shaking her head.

“You only get more ridiculous,” she retorted, but couldn’t stop herself leaning in to press a warm kiss to her lips. “And I’ll give you a star rating, alright…” Moving quicker than she would have thought possible, she moved so that she could tug Gillian down onto the bed, quickly covering her body with hers and pressing her knee between her legs. She giggled at the shocked expression on the farmer’s face. “See, not just you that has the monopoly on surprises, is it?”

“Oh, surprise me whenever you want,” Gillian grinned, spreading her thighs a little further open and hissing when Caroline rocked forwards. “You can do whatever you… oh…” Her eyes went wide when Caroline pressed her fingers between her legs, cupping her chastely although she knew it would be enough to tease her. “Oh…”

Caroline kissed her way down her body, lavishing so much attention on her breasts that Gillian was writhing underneath her and begging for more by the time that she was done. When she was sure that she couldn’t stand much more Caroline finally descended her body, hooking one of her thighs over her shoulder and blowing a cool stream of air between them.

“Now who’s the bloody tease,” Gillian mumbled darkly, pouting at her, and Caroline couldn’t help chuckling.

“Well, I had to get you back somehow, didn’t I?” Caroline hummed, pressing a line of kisses up her inner thigh. “And, just so you know…” she continued, pausing as she repeated her actions on her other leg.

“Just so I know what?” Gillian asked breathlessly, her hips already attempting to buck as she sought more.

“Five stars,” Caroline told her with a smirk, and then buried her face between her legs.

A while later, both of them spent and satiated as they curled up together and watched the world go by, Gillian turned to her wife with a happy smile. “I really do love you, you know,” she murmured softly, reaching up to gently stroke her cheek.

“That’s good,” Caroline whispered in return, smiling a little goofily at her. “Because I really do love you, too.”

<3

Chapter Text

“What’s the matter?” Caroline asked in amusement, breathless from climbing the small hill at the side of the Loch. Her wife was standing at the top of the hillock, her hand shading her eyes as she looked over the field that was spread out in front of them. Gillian had an almost jealous look on her face as she let out a sigh. 

“Look at those beauties…” she hummed, turning slowly and letting out a low whistle. “Now, that… that’s a pretty picture.”

Tugging her woolly poncho a little more snugly around her, Caroline moved to stand at her side and followed her gaze. It became obvious what she was looking at - there were an array of fluffy black sheep dotted around the fields in front of them, some of whom looked across at them curiously. “Trust you to find the closest sheep,” she chuckled, tucking her arm into hers. “What's special about them, then?”

“Are you seriously asking me that question?” Gillian gaped at her, gesturing towards them. “Just look at them! Finest Hebrideans, those!”

“Right…” Caroline replied cautiously, trying to figure out what made them special. From what she could see they were just sheep, although they were black where Gillian's usual flock was white, and perhaps slightly smaller. “Are they some kind of… special sheep?”

“Can't you tell that just by looking at them?” Gillian jabbed in their direction once again, an insistent look on her face. “Bloody gorgeous. Look, they've got horns… mine don't have horns. They're brilliant… good breeders, don't mind a bit of bad weather… I always wanted some of these.”

“Why don't you get some, then?” Caroline asked, still not really seeing the appeal. Whilst she had gained some knowledge and understanding of the intricacies of keeping sheep over her time knowing Gillian, she still didn't really understand the ins and outs and why some sheep captivated her wife so thoroughly. Still, she was absolutely adorable when she was like this, and itn warmed her heart. “If you like them so much, I mean? Get some.”

Gillian snorted, shaking her head incredulously. “Not as simple as that, is it? Whole new flock would cost a bloody fortune, not to mention all the running costs.” She sighed, looking at them wistfully. “They'd be good earners, for sure - that's part of the reputation. And not many farmers down our way have them, so they would be a specialty.”

“Why not, then?” Caroline asked, gently turning her to face her. Gillian's gaze remained locked on the sheep, a kind of longing in her eyes that Caroline rarely saw. Gillian was a remarkably content person, and although she could get a little down when things went wrong she always seemed to try and make the best of things. It was one of the things that she admired about her, in fact. “You've got all those extra acres that you're not doing a lot with, wouldn't it be good to use them? Make some money?”

Gillian's face shuttered and she pulled out of her grasp, “It's fine, Caz, don't worry,” she said tightly, turning and walking back down the hill. Her shoulders had tensed and Caroline knew that she'd somehow put her foot in it.

“Gillian?” she called, starting to hurry after her. It was easier said than done - the hill was covered in thick tufty grass, swaying in the gentle breeze, and whilst Gillian was able to step over it with sure feet she was having much more trouble. “Gillian, wait…”

“It's fine, Caz, don't worry,” Gillian called over her shoulder, but everything about her posture and the way she had shoved her hands deep in the pocket of her wax jacket told her that it was anything but. “Let's keep going, we're nearly half way around the loop now.”

Caroline stumbled as she tried to catch up, gasping as her foot caught a particular thick patch of grass. She started to regret coming out - whilst it had been a nice idea to venture out for some fresh air after several days inside, the reality of walking around the Scottish wilderness left something to be desired. Still, she could hardly contain Gillian - she was usually so active and on the go that she had built up a restless energy that needed to be discharged. No amount of shagging seemed to make that go away, and whilst she had tried her best that morning to dissuade her, sweat was still cooling on their bodies when she started talking about going for a walk. 

“Gillian?” she called again, a note of desperation in her voice as her wife started to pull away from her. “Gillian, I-” Her words were cut off when she tripped on a tussock of grass, crashing down to the ground and landing in a small but densely packed patch of gorse. “SHIT!” 

“Caz?” Gillian turned around in an instant and hurried to her side, looking down at her with barely concealed amusement. “How did you end up down there, you twit?”

“Trying to catch you up!” Caroline grumbled as Gillian reached down to her, gently pulling her out of the bush. It was a viscous plant - pretty yellow flowers but surrounded by sharp thorns, several of which had gone through her clothes and had poked her painfully. She had small scratches on her hands and her poncho had several plucks, not to mention the shock of falling over in the first place. When she was finally upright again she blew her friend out of her face, looking down on her in exasperation. “Will you actually tell me what the matter is? You can't pretend that everything is okay, you shut down as soon as I mentioned the sheep!”

Gillian's expression clouded once again, and she made to pull away, but Caroline grabbed her hand to keep her where she was.

“Gillian, come on! I'm your wife, you're meant to be able to talk to me about these things,” she insisted, giving her hand a little shake. “And if I've pissed you off then you need to tell me, I'm not a mind reader!”

“No, it's fine, I don't want to argue…” Gillian replied, looking a little anguished. “Not on our honeymoon…”

“We don't have to argue, I'm just asking you to tell me what's going on in your head,” Caroline said gently, tugging her to where there was a softer patch of grass that overlooked the Loch. They sat down next to each other, Gillian’s hand gently going to her hair to tug free a couple of loose thorns that had come off the plant. “We don’t need to argue.”

Gillian sighed and dropped her eyes to the ground, her fingers worrying her sleeve in the way that she usually did when she was anxious or upset. “It was just when you talked about me not using those acres,” she muttered, shrugging her shoulders. “I know I haven’t used them yet, and…”

“I didn’t say that to try and make you feel bad,” Caroline interrupted gently, reaching over and taking her hand. She raised it to her mouth, gently brushing her lips across her knuckles before smiling at her reassuringly. “You just seemed to like those black sheep things so much that I thought you might be able to use it.”

“It’s not as simple as that,” Gillian carried on, her mouth turning down at the corners. “There’s… other things to think of.”

“Okay, will you explain?” Caroline asked, and then squeezed her hand tightly again as Gillian’s brow furrowed into a frown. “That wasn’t a challenge, that was me genuinely trying to understand what it is that goes on. I know your farm is important to you, and-”

“Our farm,” Gillian interjected quickly, looking up with a wobbly smile. “Our farm, Caz. It’s not just mine any more, it’s been yours too since the moment you moved in.”

“Our farm, then,” Caroline gave back, knowing that there was no point in arguing with her. In truth, she saw her domain primarily as the house and garden, and had gradually worked through it with the brunette to make it a home that they could both enjoy and met both of their needs. They had installed a bookcase, a desk for Caroline for when they were working from home, and Caroline had even treated her to a bigger TV for her last birthday that she could use to enjoy her endless DVD collection on. She had always felt cosy and content in the farmhouse, and even more so now that it was a space that they both shared. It was always going to be tricky to amalgamate two lives together, but she thought that they had managed it well. “Well, if it’s my farm too then I’d like to know why we can’t have a lovely herd of… of…” She desperately tried to remember the name, biting her lip as she racked her memory. She really should stop staring so avidly at Gillian’s arse when she was meant to be paying attention.

“Hebridean sheep,” Gillian supplied with a little chuckle, and Caroline nodded, offering her a little smile.

“Hebridean sheep,” she confirmed, shuffling a little closer to them. “I mean… if you want some, and they’d be good money earners, and you’ve got the land… then why not?” It didn’t make any sense to her. Gillian was always working so hard and yet hardly broke even on the sheep, not after everything was taken care of, and she knew that it was a source of embarrassment for her. Surely something like this would only be a good thing?

“Need you even ask?” Gillian huffed, sounding frustrated. “It isn’t as easy as all that, Caz, when you’re broke. I could afford, like…” She screwed up her face for a moment, clearly calculating. “Three and a half sheep. And that wouldn’t be worth it, that’s just sad…” In fact, it was Gillian who looked sad, and incredibly embarrassed.

“You’re not broke,” Caroline replied slowly, knowing that she was going to have to tread carefully here. Gillian was fiercely independent, and any attempt to give her money or anything else that she perceived as charity never went down well. It was all she could do to convince her to take the money for half of the farm - she had used it to pay off the mortgage, meaning that a considerable expense was gone every month and gave the brunette some more disposable income. “We’ve got the money, we can-”

“You’ve got the money,” Gillian muttered, roughly dragging her sleeve across her face as she sniffed. “I’ve got a little, but nowhere near enough to buy a flock.”

“Five minutes ago you said it was our farm, so by logic it is also our money,” Caroline replied gently, offering her a warm smile. “And if making our farm profitable - and your life easier, even if it involves more woolly menaces - means spending some of it on a new flock, then that’s something that we should look into. Together.”

“But…” Gillian bit her lip, still looking incredibly embarrassed. “I couldn’t let you spend all that money you’ve earned on sheep… you could use it for… for…”

“For what?” Caroline questioned, reaching to gently brush a lock of hair away from her eyes. “I want to use it to help us build a life together. You need to spend money to make money, after all - that’s what my Dad always said, anyway.”

“Mine, too,” Gillian replied with a little smile. “But… you’d really want to do that? Get a flock together?”

“Well, I won’t be taking care of it,” Caroline laughed, screwing up her face a little at the thought. She still occasionally accompanied Gillian on the farm to do her chores, but she couldn’t say that it was something that she enjoyed - apart from Gillian in her overall, of course. “I’ll leave that up to you… but if it’s something that will make the land work harder for us and bring in some extra cash, then why not?”

Still Gillian hesitated, anxiety flashing in her eyes once again as she chewed the inside of her cheek. “Because… because I should be able to sort this myself,” she mumbled, letting out another sigh. “I know you say its our money, but it’s yours, really, you’ve worked hard for it, and-”

“And I wouldn’t be able to work hard for it if I didn’t have your help with Flora, and with keeping me sane,” Caroline interrupted gently, widening her eyes at her in an attempt to show that she was sincere. “I meant it, Gillian - we’re married, what’s mine is yours, what's yours is mine…” She smirked at her, a sudden thought popping into her mind. “Perhaps this time I can even have a say in naming them.”

“What, some posh twat names like Sebastian or… or… Aurora?” Gillian snorted, shaking her head, but Caroline held up a finger, looking at her sternly.

“Se-baa-stian, Auror-baa?” she suggested, gratified to see the wide grin that spread across her wife’s face. “And we’d have to name a couple after the girls as well… Flor-baa? Baa-lamity?”

“Ca-lamb-ity,” Gillian giggled, shaking her head. “Christ, you’re getting as bad as me…”

“You must be rubbing off on me,” Caroline hummed, leaning forwards to gently cup her face and press a kiss to her lips. “You never know, one day I might be… I don’t know, training a sheepdog or something.”

“Caz, the day you train a sheepdog will be the day pigs fly,” Gillian snorted, rolling her eyes at her. “You haven’t even managed to train Ruth! You tell her to be quiet and she barks louder, and when you tell her to sit she lays on her back and puts her legs in the air!”

“That’s how she sits!” Caroline protested, pouting at her. In truth Gillian was right - it was something of an ongoing thorn in her side that her dog did absolutely nothing that she said, although she was fabulous company anyway and she wouldn’t be without her. As much as Gillian had pretended to complain about having a dog in the house she knew that she loved her too, and often came home at the end of the day to find her, Flora and Ruth all snuggled up together in front of the TV. It was a blissful image of family harmony, and she absolutely loved it. “Anyway… what I really want to say is that I chose this life, I chose you, and I want to be part of it all…”

A slow, emotional smile spread across Gillian’s face, and she leant into her touch, gazing at her adoringly. “You really mean it, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” Caroline nodded with a shy smile. “We’re married. You’re stuck with me… and part of that is sharing everything.”

“Does that mean I can have some of that nice moisturiser you keep on the top shelf where you don’t think I can reach?” Gillian said shrewdly, starting to smirk at her. “Cause you know I found that months ago…”

“I’ll even share my moisturiser,” Caroline agreed, sticking her tongue out at her. “Besides, I wasn’t hiding it from you - I was hiding it from Flora. You know what she did with my Chanel lipstick that time she decided to play with my makeup, God knows what she’d do with a full tub of lotion.”

“Doesn’t bear thinking about,” Gillian replied, making a pretend shocked face. She gazed at her for a few moments, clearly thinking, and then gave a little nod. “Okay, then… say… say that we do this, together…?”

“We can go along and have a look somewhere near us - if there is somewhere near us that sells Hell Beans?” Caroline asked, not understanding why Gillian burst out laughing at her. “Well.. we’ll go look, and-”

“I do love you, Caroline Greenwood-Dawson,” Gillian hummed, leaning forwards to kiss her. “So very much…”

“Good, because you’re stuck with me,” Caroline retorted, but she carried on stroking her cheek with infinite tenderness. “And I love you, too. Now… what do you say we go back to the cottage? Have a nice cup of tea?”

“And a nice afternoon shag?” Gillian asked hopefully, and Caroline giggled.

“And a nice afternoon shag, if that’s what you want,” she nodded, flushing a little as Gillian stood up quickly and reached down for her hand. It wasn’t just Gillian with sex on the brain - their honeymoon had turned them into a pair of randy teenagers, hardly able to keep their hands off each other for longer than a few minutes, and she loved it.

As they carried on around the loop, hand in hand, Caroline couldn’t help grinning at her affectionately. She knew that it would take Gillian some time still to let it sink in that she wasn’t on her own any more - even though they had been living together for what felt like ages, Gillian had always been rather private with the farm finances, and had been careful not to ask her for anything. She knew that it was because she didn’t want her to think that she was some kind of charity case, but that wasn’t how Caroline saw it at all. She wanted a full life with her wife, and to be responsible for her share of what went on. 

“Gillian?” she asked, shooting her a little smile as they started to walk around the shore of the lock once again. Gillian looked at her with a grin, raising her eyebrows in an invitation to say what she wanted to say. “What if we called one of them Baa-rry White?”

With a delighted laugh Gillian wrapped her arms around her and spun her around, earning herself a muffled shriek in return.

“Careful, I’m too heavy!” she gasped, but Gillian just laughed once again and pulled her close. 

“I’ll make a farmer’s wife of you yet, Caz,” she whispered, capturing her lips in a soft, tender kiss that had the blonde melting against her.

“If I’m not very much mistaken, you already have,” Caroline gave back, and tugged her into her chest. It was something that she had never thought she would enjoy, but now that it had happened… she loved it more than she could say.

<3

Chapter Text

“Are you ready?” Gillian breathed, a predatory look on her face as she stalked towards her, and Caroline pressed herself back against the window as she watched her approach. She nodded, her eyes wide as she drew closer, raking her eyes down her body. There were few things that got to her more than seeing Gillian with her overall knotted around her waist, a tightly fitting tank top clinging to her toned stomach and her muscles rippling as she advanced on her, single minded in her attention.

“What are you going to do?” Caroline murmured, resting her head back against the glass as Gillian finally stopped in front of her. She grasped her wrists, pushing them against the window as she stood on her tiptoes to whisper in her ear.

“I'm going to fuck you so hard that you see stars,” Gillian growled, her slim, lithe body pressed against her own. “So hard that you won't even remember your own name afterwards, you'll just be screaming mine.”

“Yes,” Caroline mumbled, nodding her head frantically as Gillian started to trail her fingers down the buttons of her blouse. “That… please…”

“Begging already, this bodes well,” Gillian breathed, and tugged her earlobe between her teeth as her fingers pushed underneath the cotton of her shirt, skimming the soft skin of her waist. “Bet you've been longing for this, haven't you, Doc? Someone to come along and take what they want from you, take away all that lovely control that you hold so dear to your chest, and make you submit to their every demand…”

“I have,” Caroline whimpered, barely aware of what she was saying as she pressed her thighs together, desperately trying to get some kind of stimulation where she craved it so badly. “I want that… I want you to do that, please, Gillian, I-”

“Shut that pretty mouth of yours,” Gillian snarled, and captured her lips in a harsh, bruising kiss that quickly had Caroline gasping into her mouth. As she lost herself in the feeling of her lips brushing across hers, her tongue pushing into her mouth, she was vaguely aware of her hands being lifted above her head and pinned against the window with strong, capable fingers. The loss of control was utterly intoxicating, the wetness between her thighs steadily growing as her arousal grew.

“Gillian, please…” she moaned as the farmer pushed her leg between her thighs, giving her a small taste of what she wanted but nowhere near enough.

“Caz?” Gillian's voice was different, sounding sleepy and a little confused, although how she was managing to talk at the same time she was sinking her teeth into the soft skin between her neck and her shoulder was anyone's guess. It felt utterly divine…

“Please… please…” she begged once again, her head rolling from side to side against the window, although it didn't feel like a window any more… It was softer and warmer than she might have imagined.

“Caz!” This time the voice of her wife was sharper, and she felt her arm grabbed and shaken. With a gasp her eyes flew open, and she sat up abruptly in bed, the sheets pooling around her naked body. The ache between her thighs was still there, throbbing and insistent, and she could feel how wet she had become from what had very sadly been a dream.

“Shit… sorry,” she mumbled, dragging her hand down her face to try and clear the last of the dream from her mind. It was easier said than done - Gillian’s growl still fresh in her memory, and she shivered at the recollection. “I didn't wake you, did I?”

“Only a bit,” Gillian chuckled, sitting up in bed beside her and reaching to brush a damp lock of hair away from her sweaty forehead. “You were rolling around all over the place and talking in your sleep… were you having a nightmare?” Her voice took on a concerned edge, and she draped her arm around her shoulders. Even the slightest brush of her skin against her was enough to have her barely stifling a moan, overly sensitive as a result of the desire that was still making her heart race.

“Not… exactly…” Caroline replied hesitantly, leaning into her touch. What she wanted more than anything else was for Gillian to throw herself at her, and take her in just the way she had threatened in her dream… But to say so felt embarrassing, and she shifted a little uncomfortably on the bed. “Shall we go back to sleep?”

There was obviously something in her voice that made Gillian suspicious, and she gasped in what seemed like delight. “Caz, did you have a sex dream?”

“No!” Caroline said quickly, laying back down and quickly covering herself with the duvet. “No, I-”

“Yes you did!” Gillian giggled, snuggling into her side and moving her hand to her breast, squeezing it gently. “If you weren't then how do you explain these?” she said cheekily, brushing her thumb over her stiffened nipple, earning herself a sharp inhale of breath in return.

“It… I… I was cold?” Caroline’s words ended in a question, sounding unconvincing even to her own ears, and Gillian laughed once again.

“Caroline, I’m your wife,” Gillian reminded her, still gently swirling her fingertip around her nipple in a way that had Caroline’s breath hitching in her chest. “If you think that I don’t know when you’re lying by now…” She trailed her fingers downwards, quickly pressing them between her legs. “Or when you’re turned on…”

“Fiiiine,” Caroline grumbled, batting her hand away and quickly turning over so that she could press her face into the pillow, blushing furiously. It was still incredibly dark in their bedroom courtesy of the shutters on the windows, and she was glad that Gillian couldn’t see her face. “Maybe I did…” Her voice was muffled, and she felt Gillian shift next to her, wrapping her arm around her shoulders as she pressed a kiss into her neck.

“Will you tell me about it?” she murmured, still peppering little kisses along her back. “Maybe I can make it a reality…”

Caroline let out a low groan, but turned over anyway until she was facing the brunette. Again, she was glad for the cover of darkness so that she didn’t have to watch Gillian’s reaction. “Why are you so interested, anyway?” she muttered, thumping her head back onto the pillow as Gillian snaked her arm around her waist. “Do you just want to… embarrass me, or…”

“You don’t have to tell me if it really was that embarrassing,” Gillian said gently, tugging her a little closer so that their legs tangled together, their bodies flush against each other. “I just want to make you happy… or was it not about me?”

“Of course it was about you, you twat,” Caroline grumbled, and then let out a long sigh. Whilst she enjoyed their rather thrilling and diverse sex life, being open about exactly what she wanted and fantasised about still didn’t come particularly easily. Gillian usually had to coax her, but then was very good about giving her exactly what she asked for which was both wonderful and thrilling. “Well… you were wearing your overall…”

“Knew I should have packed that bloody thing,” Gillian interrupted, tracing feather light circles on her back in a tantalising tease. “Given how much you enjoy it…”

“It's fine, it was superfluous to what happened,” Caroline hummed, still blushing furiously. “And I was up against the window in here, and you were across the room…” She still maintained that the only view that was better than the one afforded to them by the bedroom window in the cottage was Gillian herself, and the image of her prowling towards her made her breath hitch once again. “You… you pinned my wrists above my head against the window… and then… said some things.”

“What did I say?” Gillian asked curiously, and Caroline cringed once again in embarrassment. “Come on, tell me… if you do then I'll tell you about some of my ones?”

“You've had sex dreams about me?” Caroline gave back, pulling away a little in surprise. Of course, it wasn't surprising at all, but Gillian had never talked about them. “When?”

“Lots before we got together, of course, guess my subconscious had to get her rocks off somehow,” Gillian chuckled, now trailing her fingers up and down Caroline's back. “But still occasionally… they give me some of my more interesting ideas. Remember that time I surprised you when you got home?”

“You mean the time I didn't even make it inside before you had my knickers off and flat on my back on the back seat of the Jag?” Caroline asked, amusement colouring her tone. It had been rather memorable, even if her shopping had gotten a little crushed in the process. “You'd dreamt about that?”

“I'd fallen asleep on the sofa whilst you were out and certain visions may have presented themselves for my inspection,” Gillian replied with a little laugh. “Besides, you weren't complaining, were you?”

“No, although that loaf of sourdough was never the same,” Caroline reminded her, and both of them giggled. She had eaten squashed slices of toast all week, and had smiled a secretive smile every time she popped one in the toaster. “I didn't realise that you'd dreamt that though…”

“I've had lots of dreams,” Gillian purred, starting to trail her fingers further afield. It felt like she was dragging trails of heat against her skin. “And I'd rather like the opportunity to make yours come true…”

“Charmer,” Caroline snorted, trying to conceal just how much of an impact her words had on her. The ache between her thighs grew, and she pressed them together to try and make it go away. “It wasn't anything much… not really…”

“But I can't help if I don't know…” Gillian teased, walking her fingers over the curve of her breast before gently brushing her nipples. “And I really, really want to know…”

Caroline sighed, the temptation too much to resist. “You pinned my wrists above my head, like I said, and then you told me all the things you were going to do to me…” She leant forwards, whispering the words that dream Gillian had said into the real version's ear, earning herself a sharp intake of breath.

“The dream version of me really knows why she wants,” Gillian murmured, and suddenly lunged at her, grabbing her wrists and pushing them above her head as she covered her body with hers. Taken by surprise, Caroline yelped and then whimpered as Gillian pressed her thigh between her legs, rocking against her for a moment. Gillian leant down and crashed their mouths together in a furious kiss, full of teeth and tongue, and a far cry from the usual tender, loving embraces that she usually offered. They had their fair share of passion, of course, but this time there seemed to be a slightly different edge - it felt dangerous, and Caroline found that she liked it.

“Oh, fuck…” she swore once they parted, gasping into the cool air of the bedroom as Gillian pressed her wrists further into the pillow. With her other hand she started to glide her fingers down her body, gently scraping with her fingernails.

“You'll be swearing once I'm done with you,” Gillian promised in a low voice. “Is this what you want, Caroline? You want me to fuck you as hard as I want, and not give in until you're screaming?”

“Y-yes,” the normally confident blonde stuttered, taken aback in all the best ways by her change in tone. “Please, Gillian, I-”

“I don't like the thought of the dream version of me having all that fun,” her wife carried on, grinding her knee between her legs once again as she roughly palmed her breast. “I think I need to remind you who you belong to.”

Caroline was about to agree, about to beg for exactly that, but gasped instead when Gillian licked her neck, slow and tantalising, before sinking her teeth into her soft skin. A flash of pain radiated out from the bite, but the brunette quickly soothed it with her tongue. “Gillian…” she mumbled, already so worked up that she felt that she might explode from the slightest touch.

“You better be fucking good, or you won't be getting anything,” Gillian said roughly, and moved to gently tug her earlobe between her teeth. “Are you going to be good for me, Caroline?”

“Yes…” Caroline almost sobbed, bucking her hips in search of what she so desperately craved. “I will, I'll be so good, I-” It was almost embarrassing to be putty in her hands after so little, the control that she usually wielded like a weapon slipping away as her head started to spin.

“If I'd known you liked things rough we could have done this months ago…” The change that had come over Gillian was also rather startling - whilst she had her moments of being forceful and getting what she wanted, to so fully step into the persona was something completely different, and it was driving Caroline crazy. “Now… you better do exactly as I say,” she carried on, her warm breath ghosting over the whorl of her ear.

“Yes… oh, God, please…” It was mad just how much of an impact a few words were having on her, and her heart was racing in her chest as she tried to arch her back.

“Firstly, hang on to the headboard… and don't move,” Gillian murmured, gently moving her hands to the rail of the headboard so she could wrap her fingers around the cool metal. Caroline did exactly as she was asked, her arms pulling a little at the awkward position, but not caring at all in light of the way Gillian was pressing hot kisses along her jaw. “And I'm just going to put this on…” The farmer flicked the bedside light on, a low, warm light that partially illuminated the room as well as the state that Caroline had already gotten herself into. Her wife's eyes had darkened, a predatory expression on her face that only made Caroline's heart beat even faster.

“Why?” she asked, looking at the light. Given it was the middle of the night, they never usually bothered turning on the light if they had sex, so why she had been moved to do so now was a little confusing.

Gillian straddled her waist and then leant forwards, whispering into her ear once again. “Because I want to see the look on your face when I fuck you so hard that you see stars,” she breathed, palming her breasts once again. “Would you like that, Caroline? If I told you not to move, and kissed every single inch of your body before giving you what you want? If I told you that you weren't allowed to let go until I said?”

“Fuck…” Caroline sobbed, trying so hard to do as she was asking but needing more at the same time. “Fuck, yes, Gillian…”

“Eventually,” the brunette smirked, and then kissed her again, slower and more languidly than before, but interspersed with little nips as she went. “I want to hear you, remember… We aren't at home now. There’s no one asleep in the next room, no neighbours… I want you loud.”

“Y-y-yes,” Caroline stuttered again, wondering how she was going to obey that particular rule. She had spent so long having to be quieter that it was something that she naturally did now, even when Gillian pressed her to really let loose. Still, she would try… for her.

Seemingly satisfied, Gillian started to kiss her way sensually down her body, her fingers gliding all over her flushed skin at the same time. Caroline could do nothing but watch her, silently willing her closer to where she wanted her as gasp and whimpers started to leave her mouth once again. When she reached her breasts and started to kiss them, nipping and sucking as she went, she couldn’t help pushing her chest up into her, desperate for anything that would help to alleviate the desperate ache that was building inside her and threatening to tear her apart.

“Oi,” Gillian said quickly, sitting up and resting her hands on Caroline’s hips. “I thought I told you not to move?” Caroline barely heard her, fixated instead on Gillian’s chest. Her nipples had stiffened considerably, and it was evident that she was not the only one that this was affecting.

“Sorry,” Caroline choked out, letting out a needy whine as Gillian stayed where she was. “I… I just… I can’t…” She shook her head a little as she looked up at her with dazed eyes.

“Right, well, if you aren’t going to behave with me kissing you, perhaps you can kiss me instead,” Gillian hummed, her eyes flashing naughtily. Caroline parted her lips, moistening them with her tongue as her breath came in pants. To her surprise, rather than leaning down to kiss her, Gillian pushed one of her breasts into her face, and Caroline took her nipple into her mouth with a greedy moan. She sucked and lightly bit her in exactly the way she was craving, wishing that she could pay attention to the other too with her fingers which was brushing against her cheek. Gillian groaned in response to her attention, rocking her hips against hers, and it only made the blonde redouble her efforts.

Finally she pulled herself free, her eyes glazed as her chest heaved, Caroline looking up at her and biting her lip in the hope that it might, finally, be her turn. “Good girl,” Gillian whispered, trailing her finger down her cheek with infinite tenderness. “You’re so good…” Caroline just nodded, eying her hungrily. Gillian leant down and kissed her, moving so that she was lying on top of her, and slid her hand down between their bodies. Caroline felt every single brush of her fingers, fighting the urge to buck her hips as Gillian pressed her fingers between her legs, giving her only the lightest touch.

“Wow…” Gillian whispered, gently dragging her fingers through her wetness. “This really is something you like, isn’t it?”

“So much,” Caroline mumbled, trying not to kiss her once again. Gillian’s nipples were brushing against her chest, every little sensation making her more and more sensitive to her touch. Finally she traced a firm circle around her clit, and Caroline sobbed out her name once again, desperate for more.

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful,” Gillian murmured, watching her intently as she continued to touch her. It was simultaneously too much and not enough, and it wasn’t long before Caroline was letting out needy little mewls, fighting every instinct that she had to move. “You’re trying so hard,” Gillian praised, pecking her gently on the lips. “Let’s see if you can keep your head… remember, not till I say…”

“I remember,” Caroline whimpered, and then gasped as Gillian descended her body, groaning in frustration when she removed her fingers. Instead she settled between her legs, insistently pushing her thighs apart as she gazed down at her centre. She felt exposed and far too sensitive, and a shiver ripped through her as Gillian blew a cool stream of air against her. “Gillian, please, I… I… I need-”

“All in good time,” Gillian hummed, flashing her a wicked smile before starting to press wet, open mouthed kisses up her inner thighs. After one particularly tender kiss she bit down sharply at the same time she teased her clit, and the exquisite sensation of pleasure and pain all rolled into one was enough to push her even closer to the edge. Her teeth were followed by the soothing caress of her tongue, and whilst Caroline knew that she would likely have a huge bruise adorning her pale skin in the morning she couldn’t bring herself to care. Not when it was this good…

After a few more kisses Gillian hovered between her legs, catching her eyes and giving her another cheeky smile before burying her face between her legs. The flat of her tongue ran all the way up from her entrance to her clit, and she sucked the sensitive nub into her mouth before flicking her tongue against it, almost as if she was tracing her name.

The cry that Caroline let out as a result of her actions was utterly filthy, heat already building in her abdomen and threatening to rip her apart as the brunette continued to work. Just as she started to feel the familiar tingling that let her know that she was close, her mouth was gone, kissing back down her thighs.

“Gillian!” she protested, raising her head from the pillow and looking at her in distress “You… you can’t…”

“I think you’ll find I can,” Gillian chuckled, still kissing down towards her knee. “I can do whatever I want with you, and you’ll be grateful for it, too.” The change in her wife’s usual eager to please demeanour caught Caroline’s breath in her throat, and despite her frustration she knew that she wouldn’t stop her.

The pattern continued… Gillian would give her just a little of what she wanted, occasionally reaching up to roughly tweak her nipples as she used her mouth on her, and then kissing back down her thighs again. It was torture, and Caroline was shaking and almost in tears when Gillian moved away for the fourth time.

“Gillian…” she sobbed, not knowing this creature that was currently inhabiting her body. It was unfamiliar, a being driven by want and lust and desire that she couldn’t control, that would do anything, say anything to get what she wanted. “Please, please can you… please just…”

“Please just what?” Gillian asked, pausing and resting her chin on her thigh. “What do you want, Caroline?” She crawled up her body again, pressing her thigh between her legs, and leant to whisper into her ear. “Do you want me to fuck you, now? Like I promised?” Caroline nodded, yet more whimpers escaping her in place of words. “Do you want me to take you so fucking hard that you’ll forget your name? So that you’ll scream the place down?”

“Yes, p-p-please,” Caroline mumbled, her words almost arousing as the press of her leg between hers.

“You asked for it,” Gillian murmured, and moved to nip her lip before straddling her thigh. “Lift your leg… just a little,” she instructed, and Caroline did as she said, powerless to resist any instruction that she was given. “That’s it… well done.” She reached up and pulled her hands away from the headboard, tangling their fingers together and pushing them against their pillow. “Ready?” she breathed, looking down at her, and Caroline knew that she would stop in an instant if she asked. The slightly probing look in her eyes was enough to tell her that, although she hardly registered it given how worked up she was. She nodded, biting her lip.

It was all the permission Gillian needed. After swirling her fingers against her clit she pushed downwards, immediately pressing inside her with two fingers. There was little warm up, but she didn’t need it. The second that she curled her fingers inside her Caroline choked out her name… and it was then that she started to move. She was rough, rougher than she had ever been before, and at the same time she rocked her hips against her thigh. Caroline could feel her clit dragging over her skin every time she did so, and it was yet another sensation that added to her pleasure.

“Harder,” she almost wept, and Gillian obliged willingly. It was fast, it was furious, and it was exactly what she needed. In no time at all heat had spread to every part of her body, and she felt like she was being torn apart with every single thrust of Gillian’s fingers. She was tightening around her, and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to last my longer, trying hard not to let herself go without permission.

“Now,” Gillian said roughly, and with that word Caroline crashed into one of the most intense orgasms that she had ever had, her vision going black as she heard screaming in the distance. Even as waves of pleasure washed over her, threatening to drag her under, Gillian didn’t stop. Before her first orgasm had even reached it’s completion she was building to another, overly sensitive and trying not to launch the farmer away from her as everything grew too much. Her second orgasm was just as powerful, if not more so, than the first, and shortly after it carried her away Gillian let out a guttural moan and collapsed on top of her, finally pulling her fingers away.

Caroline lay in a dazed heap on the bed, every part of her aching in the most delicious way, and when Gillian released her hands she gently looped them around her back.

“Are you okay?” Gillian asked, looking up and nuzzling her nose against her cheek. “Not too much?”

“Not too much at all,” Caroline mumbled, smiling up at her lazily. “How did you know that was exactly what I dreamed about? Or… what I started dreaming about, anyway?”

“I know you, Caroline Greenwood-Dawson,” Gillian chuckled, peppering her face with kisses before gently nipping her lip. “Below that snotty bitch surface, there's a wild thing waiting to be let out…”

“Lucky you’ve got the key, then,” Caroline retorted, and captured her lips with her own, humming contentedly as she did so. She had never felt so alive as she felt with Gillian, and it was frankly amazing that she could be her entire self with her and never have to worry about being judged or laughed at. Yes, they had teasing banter, but it was never anything serious. She would count her blessings every single day that she was allowed to spend with her. “I’m yours,” she added in a breathy whisper as Gillian wrapped her arms around her, pulling her into her chest as she rolled back onto the mattress.

“Mine,” Gillian reiterated, reaching over to flick off the light. “Always…”

<3

Chapter Text

“Do you think there's such a thing as too much sex?” Caroline panted as she lay next to her wife, her head lolling on the pillow as she looked across at her. Every part of her was aching but in the very best way as she lay naked on top of the covers, sweat cooling on her body in the soft light of the afternoon.

“Nah,” Gillian hummed, and met her eyes cheekily before pushing her fingers into the mouth and sucking them clean - fingers that very recently had been driving Caroline mad as they curled inside her. Despite herself - and the fact that all her limbs felt like they'd turned to jelly - another little flicker of desire went through her at the sight. Gillian was like a walking aphrodisiac, and she didn't quite know how she would survive when they got back home and she had to act appropriately with her in front of other people again.

“I feel like my mind is all foggy,” Caroline mumbled, brushing some sweaty strands of hair out of her eyes. “And I still can't really feel my legs…”

“But I bet if I used all my best moves I could get you off again,” Gillian gave back with a smirk, shifting closer, and Caroline lazily opened her arms to her in response. As the brunette settled on her chest, idly twirling a lock of blonde hair around her finger, Caroline sighed in contentment. She obviously adored the intimate side of their relationship - and Gillian's stamina, which was truly legendary - but she also loved these moments of quiet closeness. It was a time when both of their boundaries were lower, their defences tempered by satiation. 

“I think if we went again just now I'd probably black out,” Caroline said quietly, pressing a loving kiss to her forehead. “It was close just then, in fact…” It had been… in true Gillian fashion she had pushed her right to the edge of what she could take until she came apart at the seams. As always, though, she always managed to put her back together again as well.

“I'll manage it one day,” Gillian giggled, pressing a kiss to her collarbone. “It's all your fault, though - you shouldn't be so irresistible.”

“Says you!” Caroline retorted, tightening her arms around her a little. “Christ, you were driving me mental!’ It was true - she had been. After a leisurely morning in bed they had eventually made it up and had made brunch, and Gillian had made it her business to whisper suggestive comments in her ear the whole time she had been cooking as well as brushing past her at every opportunity. By the time they had sat down to eat Caroline had an ache between her thighs that made it hard to concentrate on food, although Gillian had made her wait until after their meal to give her any attention.

“It's so fun, though, Caz,” Gillian chuckled, nuzzling into her neck. “You get this look in your eye when I do… I don't know if you're going to kiss me or kill me.”

“It's a fine line,” Caroline said dryly, and then let out a long sigh. “It's getting late already… I don't think we're going to make it out on that walk, are we?”

“Shagged the day away,” Gillian said, amusement colouring her tone. “We still could, it's not that late…” The pained groan that Caroline let out in response was enough to have her laughing again, and she looked up at her with a loving smile. “You are a lazy twat, aren't you?”

“Gillian, you almost fucked me into the mattress, I think I've earned the right to be lazy,” Caroline retorted, shooting her a pretend pout. “Just because you're like some kind of Duracell bunny…”

“That reminds me - we'll have to venture out at some point to stock up on some more batteries,” Gillian replied thoughtfully, and Caroline blushed, knowing exactly what that meant. “I can't believe I forgot to pack some…”

“Useless,” Caroline teased, but then kissed her when she looked affronted. “Kidding. But not today… can't we just… chill?”

“Netflix and chill?” Gillian's eyes sparkled, and she giggled when Caroline nodded. “I thought you were tired? That you couldn't feel your legs?”

“I can't…” Caroline gave back, a little confused. “Why do I need my legs to Netflix and chill?”

“You know, my dear wife,” Gilllian hummed, pushing herself up to look down into her face as she smirked at her. “For someone who works with children, you aren't very down with the kids. Do you really not know what Netflix and chill means?”

“No?” Gillian leant closer and whispered into her ear, and Caroline's mouth dropped open in surprise. “Mum said that a couple of weeks ago! You don't think…?” She exchanged a horrified look with her wife, before both of them burst into laughter. 

“You are a twat,” Gillian said affectionately once they had calmed down. “But you're a very loveable twat.” 

As Caroline looked up at her, smiling softly, she couldn't help trailing her fingers down her cheek. “You're very pretty,” she whispered, adoring the way her eyes were sparkling and the lovely flush that had risen on her cheeks.

“I think you’ve had too much sex now, you’re… sex drunk,” Gillian nodded, looking rather solemn before her face broke into another smile. “But you’re bloody gorgeous too, you know that. Although…” Her hand went to her hair, gently patting her golden crown. “Your hair is looking a bit like birds have been nesting in it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this ruffled… It’s cute.” She pressed a kiss to the end of her nose as Caroline’s hand went up to her head, huffing out a sigh as she realised she was right. 

“No such thing as sex drunk,” she muttered darkly, trying to tease out some of the knots by finger combing her hair. “And if it does look like a bird nested in it, then I blame you! You’re the one that keeps tangling your fingers in it!”

“Well if you will be so good with your tongue,” Gillian retorted, and then giggled again as Caroline pouted. “Cheer up, you. How about I run you a nice bath, and then you can sober up in there?”

“And where will you be?” Caroline huffed, not willing to be parted from her. They had spent barely a second away from each other since they had walked down the aisle, and whilst for some people that might have been too much, she found herself wanting to be close to her wife all the time. What’s more, it seemed that Gillian felt the same.

“Don’t worry, I won’t leave you,” Gillian promised, standing up and stretching languidly. The sun was hanging low in the sky, not far off setting, and Caroline couldn’t help raking her eyes down the perfect specimen of womanhood that was Gillian Greenwood. Even though she had obviously seen her naked hundreds of times by now - thousands, even - she never failed to appreciate her form, and felt lucky every single time that she got to say that she was hers. 

“You’ll scare the sheep, standing in the window like that,” she teased, groaning as she forced herself to sit up. She still felt rather limp, and she didn’t know how well she would be able to stand when it came to it. “Are you going to come in with me?” She offered her a hopeful little smile as Gillian smirked at her. There was definitely room - one of her stipulations when they had booked the cottage was to have a bath big enough for the both of them. Their escapades in the outdoor bathtub at the farm was enough to convince her of the merits of bathing together, after all. 

“I could be persuaded,” Gillian agreed, offering her hand to her. Caroline took it gratefully and allowed herself to be tugged out of bed, swaying slightly when her feet hit the floor. As she did Gillian wrapped one arm tightly around her waist whilst grasping one of her breasts, blinking up at her innocently. “Steady there, old girl. Don’t want you going arse over tit.”

“Is that the best way to steady me?” Caroline gave back drily, looking down at her wife’s hand. Gillian took any chance she could, it seemed, to feel up her chest - not that she was complaining. “Seems to me that you might be taking advantage…”

“As if I’d do that,” Gillian murmured, standing on tiptoes and pressing a warm kiss to her waiting lips. “I’ve just got a finer understanding of balance than you, that’s all. Trust me, I’m a farmer.” With one last peck to her cheek Gillian released her, sauntering away towards the bathroom with a tantalising sway of her hips. It was clear that she knew what she was doing - she peered over her shoulder with a knowing grin.

“How many times have you said that?” Caroline huffed, rolling her eyes but following her anyway. 

“Enough to know it’s true,” Gillian replied, turning on the taps and pouring a big slug of fancy bubble bath inside. “Now, you keep an eye on this and I’ll go get us a drink. Wine, or tea?”

“Wine,” Caroline smiled. “I don’t want you to attempt making tea like that….” She gestured towards her wife’s nakedness with a teasing look in her eye. “You might burn something important.”

“I’m remarkably capable, you should know that,” Gillian purred, raking her eyes down her body pointedly. “Anyway… you supervise, Doc. You’re good at that.” She almost skipped out of the room, snatching a silky robe off the back of the bathroom door as she did so. At least she wouldn’t have to worry 

“Bloody cheek,” Caroline muttered darkly, but she was grinning again as she turned to dip her hand into the water. As she swirled her fingers through the water she couldn’t help a contented sigh leaving her lips. Scotland really had been the perfect choice for their honeymoon, and she hadn’t felt this relaxed in years. 

It wasn’t long until Gillian was back clutching two glasses of wine and a box of chocolates which she had tucked under her arm, shooting her a happy little smile as she passed one of them over to her wife. “In you get, then,” she instructed, gesturing towards the bath, and Caroline did as she said. As Gillian climbled in behind her, cradling her in her arms, she couldn’t help letting out a blissful sigh.

“This really is perfect,” she mumbled, letting her head fall back on Gilian’s shoulder as the brunette pressed a kiss to her temple. “Just what I needed…”

“See, told you to trust me,” Gillian hummed, gently starting to stroke her fingers through her hair. “I know best sometimes.”

“You know best lots of times,” Caroline replied, letting her eyes slide closed as she enjoyed her embrace. Being held by Gillian was always wonderful - even though she had several inches on her in height, it always made her feel smaller and protected when her muscular arms crept around her and cradled her against her chest. She would never get enough of that feeling… She was so used to being so capable and in charge all the time, needing to make decisions and present herself well, that it was a huge relief to be vulnerable and lay herself completely bare at her wife’s feet, in more ways than one.

“Let’s sort this hair out, then,” Gillian whispered, edging her forwards a little so her hair was submerged under the water. After making sure that it was thoroughly wet, she urged her up again before starting to massage shampoo into her scalp. “You really do have the most lovely hair, you know.”

“Do I?” Caroline asked, pleased with the compliment. She always tried to take good care of her appearance, whatever her mother might think, and she had always thought that her hair was her crowning glory.

“Yeah. It’s one of the first things I noticed about you, along with your eyes,” Gilian confided, a smile in her voice. “As well as the fact that you were yelling in my face - that was kinda hard to ignore.”

Caroline let out a low groan. “I’ve said I’m sorry for that a million times, you know I was being a twat,” she huffed, and Gillian laughed in return.

“It feels like a million years ago,” she carried on, her strong fingers still working, and Caroline couldn’t help letting out a moan of satisfaction. “If you’d told me that day that we would have ended up here, like this, then I would have laughed in your face. Never thought a bit of posh totty like you would look at anyone like me.”

“Yes, well, perhaps I like a bit of rough,” Caroline retorted, earning herself a playful dig in the side as she giggled. “Only joking. It’s funny how things go sometimes, isn’t it? I was so jealous of you when we met, you know…”

“Jealous? Of me?” Gillian’s fingers stilled, and Caroline nodded. “Why? God, if anything, I was jealous of you! You had the job, the house, the car… I would have said the husband, but…”

“The less said about John the better, “ Caroline finished, and both of them laughed. “I did have those things, you’re right… You had different things, though. You had freedom, in a way, that I had never had. You could be yourself, do whatever you liked… and I really envied that.”

“You’re a funny thing,” Gillian said affectionately, and continued to soap her hair. “We were funny those first few years, weren’t we?” Caroline just nodded in return. They had talked over their journey to being together so many times now that it was oddly comforting, the familiar stories giving them both a sense of connection and shared experience that gave meaning to what they had been through. They had danced around each other for so many years, both of them yearning after the other, it had taken a while for them to realise the entirety of what the other had experienced, and it was wonderful to see everything from another perspective. 

“I wouldn’t change any of them, though,” Caroline replied softly, something that she had said many times before. “I think we found each other just when we were meant to.”

“We did,” Gillian agreed, dropping her hands onto her shoulders and stroking across her soft skin. “And we made it in the end, didn’t we?”

“All the way to the altar,” Caroline hummed, sighing again as Gillian pushed her down a little and started to rinse her hair. She did it so carefully, so tenderly, that it made her heart ache. Gillian showed her in a thousand tiny ways just how much she loved her, and she knew that every hurdle and cross word that they had gone through had been worth it if it meant that they had been able to get here. “Do you reckon that Mum will be on at me to train you, like she said she had to with Alan?”

“You can try,” Gillian snorted, flicking a little water at her. “I don’t think I’ll be very obedient.” There was a pause as she continued to work before she carried on. “I think it’s you that likes being the obedient one.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Caroline gave back airily, but she flushed crimson at the insinuation behind her words. 

“Oh, I think you do….” After giving her hair a final rinse Gillian pulled her tight to her body, nibbling gently on her ear as she slid her hand down her stomach. “Want me to show you?”

Any protests that Caroline had died on her lips as she moved lower, her previous exhaustion all but forgotten. Yes… it truly had been worth all of the heartache to get here, to be able to share this life together. It was perfect.

<3

Chapter Text

“Christ, that’s good,” Caroline moaned, letting her eyes slide close as the the warming sip of whiskey that she had just taken flowed down her throat, heating up everything in its path and leaving her with a warm glow in her stomach. “We have to get some of this to take home, Gillian, it’s practically sinful…”

“You’re practically sinful, moaning like that,” Gillian whispered, nudging her playfully as Caroline raised her eyebrows at her. “Don’t look at me like that, you did it! Not me!” The truth was, every little moan of pleasure that left the blonde’s lips was closely observed by the farmer, and it only served to wind her up further. They had decided to try venturing out of the honeymoon cottage for a whisky tasting tour around a local distillery, both of them reasoning that it would be nice if only for the free booze, but Gillian had been starting to wish that they hadn’t bothered. She wasn’t ready to share her wife with anyone else just yet - they had been living in a happy bubble of sex, sleep and snuggles - occasionally interspersed with food, of course - since they arrived, with only a couple of short walks outside accomplished before they had been drawn back to the cottage. She maintained that it wasn’t her fault - it was rare that she got Caroline entirely to herself and didn’t have to share her, so she fully intended to make the most of it. 

“Mind out of the gutter, Greenwood,” Caroline murmured, shooting her a little smirk as she took another sip. “If you keep looking at me like that then you’re going to get us chucked out…”

“Oi, it’s Greenwood-Dawson, now,” Gillian reminded her, and couldn’t help moving to stand behind her, encircling her waist with her arms as she rested her chin on her shoulder. “I got married… Speaking of that, do you know where the cheeky version of my wife has got to? This one seems a bit serious…”

“She’s waiting for you back at home, if you behave yourself,” Caroline chuckled, flushing prettily as Gillian kissed her cheek. Gillian growled quietly into her ear, which only made her blush deepen. She loved being able to wind her up like this, and knew that she would be in for it once they got home if they carried on. Or maybe she could push back a little… Whatever happened, she couldn’t wait. Fucking Caroline was one of her most favourite things, after all… Although she adored making love to her just as much.